Generations

My parents and my grandma visited this week. My grandma lives in Minnesota and won't fly alone, so my mom flew to Minnesota, from Texas, and picked her up, and then flew here. I'm so glad she did though, because I realized, my grandma is starting to get old, and I don't know how much I'll be able to see her now that I have a baby. It was a great visit, but much too short.

Since we had company, we could actually get a picture with all three of us in it.

The Navy Bean (trying out for an e-trade commercial) and my parents.

All four generations. We will never get to five generations because to do so, the Navy Bean would have to have a child awfully young, and then I would kill her and it would still only be four generations.

Four Months

My little Navy Bean is 4 months old.

(ok, she's a little older than that, but we had computer problems.)

She is such a joy to be around.

I think I've laughed more in the last 4 months than I did the previous 4 years.

Future mug shot.

Your little laugh is so infectious, even if I'm not sure what you're laughing at.

You smile all the time. You are so happy.

You fill me with joy.

But you are getting so big!

You can sit up by yourself for almost a full minute!

You love to practice standing up.

You cry when we lie you down:

big girls don't lie down!

Since you hate tummy time, I didn't expect you to roll over for awhile.

You rolled over, from your tummy to your back, on Monday.

You hand-eye coordination improves everyday.

You now take your binky out of your mouth,

examine it, and return it.

It amazes me how you learn so much, so quickly.

I just want to freeze you in time.

My favorite time is your only night feeding, when you are asleep.

You curl up against me and you are so calm and beautiful.

I can stroke your soft little head and your fluffy cheek.

When I burp you, you hold on to me,

your little cheek against mine.

You will always be my baby.

Get outside!

The weather is beautiful. It was in the 70s on Sat. and yesterday it got up to 85 degrees. Absolutely beautiful. Wes and I took the Navy Bean to the park. Ok, she slept through the park. We just wanted to get outside and Wes owed me for such a crappy birthday. And, utter excitement, I identified a new bird! I haven't had many chances to go birding, so that was very exciting. It was just nice to get out of the house. Today is also beautiful, but I have a long list of stuff to do, so I'm just going to open all the windows and look out them a lot.

I'm feeling better and the Navy Bean never got sick! Go breastfeeding!!! This is Wes's last week of school and then he has two weeks off. Since I was sick last week, the house is kind of disgusting, so this week I will clean. Next week, Wes will do the stuff I couldn't. My parents and grandma are visiting the week after that. I'm very excited about that. Victor becomes a boyscout next week, so I'm thinking maybe we'll stay in Raleigh a couple of days and do some sightseeing. The only time I've ever been there was to visit the kids. And it is the capital, and I do love history. I don't know, we'll see.

Well, I should try to get some stuff done while the Navy Bean is sleeping. Like, unpack my summer clothes!

Hiccup

This picture makes me laugh, and I really need to laugh today.

I have the hiccups. Which sucks, because I was going to take a nap, but you can't really do that with the hiccups. Anyway, I turned 35 on Sunday and the day absolutely sucked. Wes was really sick and Navy Bean refused to take a morning nap. Instead, she pretty much screamed all morning. Wes couldn't help because he was knocked out on cold medicine and I really don't want the baby sick anyway. And it was rainy and cold. To top it all off, I think Wes gave me his cold. I'm feeling pretty crappy myself today. I made myself chicken soup for lunch and I'm drinking lots of liquids. I'm trying not to touch Navy Bean's hands or kiss her too much, but that's about impossible. So far though, she seems to feel fine. Let's hope that sticks.

Do you know how nice our bank account looked when our tax return and Wes's paycheck hit it the same day? Too bad it's already gone. But, we have been responsible parents and set up 529's for Navy Bean and the other two kids. We figure we'll get enough to pay for 2 years of community college for the older two and hopefully enough to pay for four years for the Navy Bean (4 years at a state school). And I think we're going to start contributing to my IRA's on a monthly basis. Like a whopping $25 a month. Hey, anything is better than nothing and with the stock market on some serious clearance sales, now is the time to invest. We should have all of the x's credit card debt paid off by Sep. Then, we just have to start paying down my student loans. My car is more than 10 years old and has more than 100,000 miles on it, so we'll probably be buying a new car next winter. We're hoping car sales are still slumping then, so we can get a good deal. But this looks like it'll be a decent financial year for us. When Wes and I married, he had about $65,000.00 in credit card debt (yes, you read that right). And we will have managed to pay it all off in 3 1/2 years. What really sucks, that would have made a great down payment on a house. After a new car for me, that's the next big purchase, if the Navy keeps us here for more than 5 years. Well, the hiccups are gone. I'm going to take a nap.

Like a virgin

Well, the weekend was weird. There really isn't any other way of putting it. And not just for me either. Wes freaked out a little bit too. That was kind of nice because it meant he wasn't just heading straight for the finish line. It meant we cuddled and I got a back rub and kissing and then we just looked at each other like, now what? I mean, it's been almost a year! And Wes remembers watching the last thing in my vagina pop out in all her bloody glory (sorry for that visual). But, we soldiered on and . . . it hurt. But we managed (and thank God it was only 2 minutes! Um, sorry Wes.). I'm sure it'll get better and sexier with time.

I've noticed that I've been a bit blue. Not post-partum blue or anything, just in a rut, blue. I haven't felt like I've been getting anything productive done and I know I'm a stay at home mom, so nobody expects me to get anything productive done, but still. I mean, (and please don't hate me Sandi and David), my daughter takes 2 three hour naps during the day, and sometimes a third nap, for only an hour. And she usually only gets up once at night. And she goes to bed at 9:00pm and usually gets up at 7:30am. I'm not hurting for sleep anymore and I have time to get stuff done. So, I came up with a plan. During her morning nap, I will get stuff done. I will exercise and shower and clean and whatever else I want to get done. During her afternoon nap, I usually also nap and then I can do whatever I want until she wakes up. So far, this plan has worked well (I started yesterday!). Except, how funny is this, I pumped this morning, to freeze some milk, and then she woke up after only 2 hours and wanted to eat. Less than an hour after I pumped. Thankfully these things produce on demand! But I am getting stuff done, even if it's just vacuuming the living room, or making a doctor's appointment. Small stuff, but it sure makes me feel better.

Functionality

Due to the massive shredding that the Navy Bean did when she was born, Wes and I have not, um, been intimate since her birth. We were both fine with that at the beginning. He had to erase the visual of all that shredding and I had to heal. Only, I didn't heal right and the doctor didn't ok us to resume relations at my 6 week mark. I didn't end up having my lady bits cauterized, because I healed on my own, but they did do a minor procedure. They told me I should be ok to resume relations this Friday. Wes is counting down the minutes. Thankfully he is not here during the week, only the weekends, so it hasn't been quite as hard (HA!) to wait as it could have been. Me, however, that's a different story.

It's not that I don't want to have sex with my husband. It's just that having a baby has reminded that all the sexy parts, they also have functional purposes as well. The last thing I had in my vagina was the Navy Bean. If I dry my boobs off after a shower, they leak. Neither one of those things makes me think of, or desire, sex. And, after all that shredding, I am a little nervous too. So, I'm going to fake feeling like a sexual being again, and hope that my body is quickly reminded of how much fun sex can be. Maybe all it needs is a little reminder.

Three months

My baby is three months old today. I can't believe how fast the time went and how big she has gotten. It's amazing how much of a personality a three month old can have! But she does have a huge personality, and it seems that most of it is mine.

Navy Bean, this morning.

She is a morning person, like myself. She wakes up talking, smiling, and just this week, laughing. She loves to play games, loves to talk and loves to be kissed all over. She is rarely cranky in the evenings anymore, although she still needs to be entertained.

I can hold it myself!

She can hold toys and dolls and I've seen her reposition the mirror on her play mat so she can see the baby better! She still isn't really fond of tummy time, but she likes to practice rolling over and sitting up. She LOVES to sing and dance. She hums at her mobile and you should see her little limbs go whenever she hears music. She is a joy and a wonderful companion (it doesn't hurt that she smiles every time she sees me).

I love to listen to her at night, as she grunts, roars and farts so loud that it would make a grown man blush. She makes so many cute little noises (and a few really gross ones)!

Not me! I'm a little lady.

My baby is growing up so fast. I just wish I could suspend time for a while. I can't wait to see who she'll be as she grows, but for now, I just want to cuddle with her.

Snow, sleet, rain, shine

I wanted to post a picture, but I'm having technical difficulties. It's called, whenever I try to post a picture, my wireless router freezes up and I can't. If you want cute pictures, go to growingnavybean.blogspot.com

Anyway, today the Navy Bean and I decided we should go check the mail, since we hadn't since Saturday. Our mailbox is one of those communal ones, half-way down the street. So I loaded her up and we walked down there, only to discover . . . the mail box was gone. Completely gone. The little legs were still there, but laying on their sides. I think someone hit the mailbox with their car. Now I have to call the post office to find out 1) if they have it and 2) what do we do until they fix it. What a hassle!

Meanwhile, the Navy Bean is voicing her displeasure with the fact that I am trying to get her to take a nap in her crib. All her naps take place in her swing (yes, I am a bad mother), but I would like to get the afternoon ones in her crib. It's not working. Oh well.

Growing the family

No, it's not what you think. But my family has grown since the beginning of the year. I know I've mentioned this before, but I have two sisters I have never met. The sperm donor who helped create me remarried and had two daughters. They are much younger than I (even younger than my sister in TX). I didn't think they would know about me. I mean, I really didn't think sperm donor would find me important enough to mention. I knew he and his wife had divorced a while back, and they had both remarried. I wanted to meet my sisters, but I really didn't want to have anything to do with him (he lives in MN, so my family up there knows him and hears about him occasionally). At the beginning of this year, on a whim, I did a facebook search for both of them. And found both of them. I sent them messages. And they were both very excited to hear from me. Turns out, they did know about me. But not from sperm donor. Their mom told them about me when they divorced, so they didn't know much more than that I existed. He is apparently a crappy dad to them as well, and doesn't have much contact with them, so they couldn't really ask him questions. We have been sending messages back and forth, getting to know each other. I'm very excited about this and we hope to meet sometime this year. I'm very happy and a little nervous. But I think this really is going to be a great year!

That's not really what I meant

I have started a blog for Navy Bean. It's at growingnavybean.blogspot.com It's mostly for family members, since we don't live anywhere close to anyone. I'm writing it as if it's the Navy Bean writing it. Well, I kind of messed up. Under interests, I put, swinging, taking baths, playing, taking walks and talking. Only, I forgot that blogspot is usually for adults and my mom informed me that I might want to remove swinging from Navy Beans interests. That's not the kind of swinging she's interested in!

Resolutions and TMI

So I'm a little late getting to my resolutions. Give me a break! It's still January and I just had a baby. I noticed that Camille is resolving to get in shape before her 35th birthday. That made me think, because my 35th birthday is 10 days before hers. I could lose all this weight before then, but I don't think I'd look very good. I'd rather get in shape and get toned, which might take a while longer. So I resolve to have a bangin' body by May. Now, my husband already thinks I look great but that might be because 1) his x still hasn't lost her baby weight (her weight fluctuates, but she's never lost that last 20 lbs) and 2) he's only had sex 3 times since April 7th of last year (more on that in a minute). And I resolve to make a friend this year. A friend who lives in my area. I have a ton of friends and thanks to facebook, more and more of my old friends are popping up. This is wonderful and I'm thankful for it, but, I don't have anyone I would really consider a friend here. And with a new baby and a husband in the navy, a close friend would be handy. Not to mention it would be nice to have someone to hang out with once in a while. This means I have to move out of my comfort zone though, and reach out to people. But I can do it! Those are my 2 resolutions. That's it. We're keeping it nice and simple.

Now, to the TMI part. My poor husband. First he goes on deployment for 6 months, then he comes back to a 9 month pregnant wife and then we've had a few complications. I may have mentioned that the birth was a bit rough and I ended up with a lot of stitches. A lot of stitches. Well, even though I could tell the stitches had dissolved, things just didn't feel, um, right, down there. At my check-up, the doctor confirmed this. I guess that although the stitches healed up, some cells that were supposed to be growing on the inside of the stitches decided to grow on the outside. The doctor said that's not that uncommon. Only she had never seen the amount I had before. They need to be removed. By cauterization. Yes, I will have my lady bits cauterized. Don't you wish you were me!!! But, that means my poor husband has to wait until that has healed up before, well, you know. I think Navy Bean will be our only child together.

What a week

I survived the week without Wes. She actually slept pretty good the entire week. She had been having issues about going to bed, at night, and just crying until she was exhausted. The first night, she cried 45 minutes, last night, she cried 7 minutes. Of course, daddy is coming home tonight, and I doubt he'll want to turn out all the lights and turn off the TV at 9:00 to get her asleep. So we'll see what happens. And, I was sick this week. It was horrible, because I realized I don't have any frozen milk, so if I got too sick to take care of Navy Bean, someone would have to use formula. I'll start freezing milk next week. In addition to being sick, I couldn't get either of my prescriptions open. I used a hammer and smashed the bottles, which was very satisfying. This morning, my little princess was on her third outfit of the day before she had even been up an hour! And, she refused to take a nap this morning, even though she was obviously exhausted. She finally went to sleep after lunch, and I think I'm actually going to have to wake her up to feed her. Hopefully she will sleep tonight. So that's the update. Thankfully, Wes has a three day weekend, so at least next week without him will be short.

Time flies when you get no sleep

My little Navy Bean is now 2 months old. I can't believe it. She has changed so much in such a short period of time. She has almost complete control over her head, unless she's really tired. She loves to stare at people and she recognizes me and probably Wes. She turns her head to see where noises are coming from. She can track things with her eyes. She loves to smile and coo and talk and she's starting to laugh. And boy, she can move those little arms and legs! I'm also afraid that her beautiful hair is starting to thin out. I hope that it grows back in the same color.


We had our 2 month check-up this morning. She now weighs 10 lbs and 12 oz. I thought the nurse said she was 23 3/4 inches long, but she wrote down 22 3/4 inches. Overall, they said she looked really good. She also got shots and instead of waiting for an hour at the pharmacy to get Children's Tylenol, since I had some at home, I left. Stupid me. The box says, for children under 2 years old, give as directed by doctor. So I have no idea how much I'm supposed to give her and feel like a horrible mother. Then I racked my brain trying to figure out who to call, you know, who might know. Like someone who just had a baby, or maybe even two? So, Sandi or David, how much Tylenol do I give a 10.12 lbs. baby? Although, it's been 4 hours since she got the shots, and she doesn't have a fever yet. She hasn't really woken up yet either though. I did wake her up to eat, so she is still alive.

You didn't tell me there would be shots!!!

The kids were here until last Friday. And then Wes left yesterday for the week. He'll be in school for 8 weeks, only coming home on the weekends. The house is a mess. I need to pay bills. I'm behind on my e-mails, blog readings, phone calls, errands, and all that other stuff. I'm expecting to stay behind. Although, it is wonderful to have a completely quiet house!

Little giggle

This is how she felt after being in a house with 25 other people for 3 days straight!

Slightly drunkish looking baby, but with a smile!
She must have found the real eggnog!

Camille, with Navy Bean and her daughter.
Her poor daughter just wanted to squish and squish Navy Bean's cheeks!

Phoenix, holding the Navy Bean.

So, funny story about Phoenix and the Navy Bean. I'm breast feeding, so one day, while breast feeding discreetly, but not with a blanket over me, Phoenix walks up and asks what the Navy Bean is doing. I reply that she is eating. He looks at me funny, looks at her and then looks at me again. "What is she eating?" he asks. "Milk!" I reply. "From you?" "Yes." He looked at me strangely and then ran off. The next day, when I was feeding her again, he came up to me. "So, does she just suck on you and milk comes out?" "Yep." He seemed happy with that answer and ran off.

Anyway, I have a ton of pictures, but it seems a little late and a tad bit pointless to post them all. Besides, today the Navy Bean giggled. A real giggle. She's been doing these "ack" noises when she gets excited, but today, it was a giggle. It was so cute and just made me want to eat her up!

Starting the year out asleep

I wanted to post pictures, but I haven't unpacked the camera yet. Let's just say that Christmas with 25 people is not relaxing, enjoyable or something I would want to do every year. Even every other year. Maybe every 5 years. I didn't get to talk to anyone for more than 3 minutes and Navy Bean was beyond stressed out.

The highlights of the trip were seeing Camille and meeting Sandi and David. Seeing Camille is always nice, and my entire family has been playing with the gift she got for Victor. Meeting Sandi and David (at Fighting Maturity) was great. I was very nervous, which meant I talked a whole lot. The babies are even cuter in person than in their pictures. Sandi and David are amazing and nice and real. I was going to take pictures, but someone (not me) was being a cranky pants. We were quite the spectacle in the restaurant, as we had three babies and one boy. I have to say, I was very impressed with Captain Stinky. He waited very patiently for his food, he didn't interupt the adults and he tried to get cranky pants in a good mood. And, when we left, he held the door open for me. My 11 year old step-son doesn't do that. Usually, he lets the door slam in my face (even when I have the baby) or he waits for me to open it for him (even when I have the baby). Overall, seeing them and Camille was probably the most I got to visit with anyone. Next year we're staying home.

Drive by excuse

Busy packing. We're going to drive, with Navy Bean and Wes's two kids, to east Texas, then Oklahoma and then Dallas, to my parents' house. We're driving straight through. I know you wish you were me! Meanwhile, enjoy the sleeping baby.

Why the Navy and babies don't mix.

Wes is finally getting off his current ship, after more than three years on it. Last night they had his Farewell party, which means that all the officers get together, drink, eat and tell stories on each other. It turns out, these hardened military men also love babies, so Navy Bean and I went along. It was nice to get out of the house and to hear all these great things about my husband, but I did notice something disturbing.

Hey, who bought Navy Bean a beer?

She's never going to wake up now!

Keep this man away from your daughters!

I hope everyone has a great, non-hectic weekend!

Navy Bean is 4 weeks old, and still cute!

We have made it four whole weeks!!!! I am still alive, Navy Bean is still alive and we still love each other!!! I consider this a huge success. She is progressing very well for someone so small. First, she's already grown out of almost all her newborn clothes. I don't know who told her she could do that! I told her she had to stay my little girl forever, but apparently she is intent on getting big. I try to convince her that she is already "soooooo big" but it is not working. She is smiling more, her eyes actually follow the mobile (on occasion), she is "talking", and her neck skills are very impressive. Her spit up skills are also very impressive. One downside to breastfeeding, when she spits up, it runs down your belly. How fun is that!?!

Navy Bean getting her first bath where she sat in the water.

She really liked it.

Is there anything more pathetic, or cuter, than a pouting baby?

When I was little, my grandma used to tell me that a bird would

come and poop on my big pouty lips. Was anyone else

ever told this? Wes thinks it is weird.

Making funny faces at daddy.

She has started to fight sleep, which she must have gotten from Wes, because we all know I will sleep anywhere, anytime. Yesterday was our first trip to the park. The weather was warm, and she was fighting her nap, and thus, a car ride to the park was just the solution. She slept through the whole park, but I got outside and got some exercise.

On a slightly related note, my husband and I are dweebs. We discovered that we've been giving everyone the wrong anniversary date for us. See, we eloped, so it's not like there was a date on the calendar for a year before it happened. Neither one of us remembered the exact date, so I've been going by the expiration date on my military ID. We just realized my ID expires the day before we got married. So we've been celebrating the wrong date too. Whoops!

Someone called CPS on IQ and no, it was not me. I am a little ticked about it though, because I think it was the social worker that's supposed to have been helping IQ. She's been leaving hints with IQ that her house is a mess, but because IQ has the mental capacity of a middle schooler, she doesn't take hints. This lady should have sat IQ down, spelled it out for her, given her a list of things that needed to be done, and then helped her clean. Instead, she passed the buck. Now IQ is in the system and he husband was gone when it happened, so now the Navy also knows about it (they made him fly home) which really damages his career (although he could have gotten off his lazy ass and cleaned too). Anyway, CPS gave her a very long list of things that needed to be done and a week to do them. When they come back, they are going to sit down with her and give her a chore chart/calendar. I hope she realizes though, that this is not just a one time deal. They will continue to check on her and she will have to maintain her house, otherwise, they will take IQ Jr. And I don't want that. The stupid social worker was supposed to help prevent this, not cause it.

Random things

So Beth tagged me to do 5 random things about myself (I think that's what it was), and since the baby really doesn't do much yet, I've been looking for something else to blog about. I'm supposed to link Beth, but I'm computer illiterate (it's amazing I can blog), so she's the link on the sidebar that says (wait for it), Beth. I've decided to go with a Christmas theme. So here we go, 5 random things about Christmas.

1. I won a classic i-pod at Wes's Christmas party last night. This is wonderful because the most technologically advanced music player I have is a CD player. This also means I will probably have to have my sister show me how to use the i-pod. I almost didn't go to the party too, so that was pretty darn lucky!

2. When I was three, we were really poor. Really, really poor. My mom stole construction paper from the school she taught at and made a Christmas tree on the wall.

3. We lived in Arizona at the time of #2, and my first memories of my dad are singing Chipmunk Christmas songs while riding his motorcycle (yes, at age 3). I remember the helmet being really, really heavy.

4. I think my best Christmas was 1985. That year, I got a 10 speed bicycle and my mom told everyone she was pregnant (that would have been my sister). I was super excited about both.

5. I think my worst Christmas was 1997. I knew my marriage was over, but my entire family had gone to Colorado for Christmas and they didn't want me to leave my husband while they were gone (because they weren't sure what he would do and they weren't there to help me). So I stayed with him until after Christmas. I refer to it as the Christmas that never was.

So there you go. And now I have to go check on the Navy Bean. I'm sure this Christmas will probably replace 1985 as my best.

Defying logic

You always hear new parents talking about the indescribable love they feel for their babies. How they didn't really know what love was before they had a baby. How they would die for their baby. How everything in life changed and became more meaningful and real after they had a baby. And they sound so, weird. I mean, I knew having a baby did those things, I just didn't think it was as significant as they made it out to be. And then I had Navy Bean.


But, those feelings just don't make any sense at all. I mean, lets look at the facts. In phase 1 of Navy Bean's life, she made me fat, she kicked me, she kept me from having good sleep, I couldn't eat certain foods that I love (like certain cheeses) and because I was so wobbly, I couldn't bird watch the way I wanted. Nothing there that really elicits unconditional love.

Phase 2: she ripped me a new one, she shredded my nipples, she kept me from getting any sleep (so it felt), she cried for no reason, she pooped more than any person should poop, she peed on the couch, and just this morning, while getting her out of her bath, she pooped on me.

Phase 3: we really don't know yet. I mean, genetically, she should be intelligent, but also strong willed and stubborn. And we really don't know how she'll turn out. She may be horrible. She may never amount to anything. She may save the world. We just don't know.

Yet, I melt when I see her. I'm filled with absolute joy when she smiles at me (it's not gas!). I feel unconditional, undying love when I stroke her little head. I love holding her, even when she's crying (for a while). She has become my life and I can't imagine it without her.

And it dawned on me. That's kind of how God loves us. We don't deserve his love, yet it's there. He even knows whether or not we'll reject him, and yet, he loves us. How awesome is that!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!