Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
And busy chasing around a little girl who is going to be one year old a month from today.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I wish this post was going to be about our house, which we close on, on Monday. But it isn't.
I wish this post was going to be about something uplifting and happy. But it isn't.
This post is about my friend, Christopher Roberts.
I met Christopher my sophomore year of high school. I transferred to a large public school halfway through the year from a very tiny private school (from 20 students to 2000). Christopher was one of the first people I met. He was in my English class. And we were freaks (pre-Goth). He was small, about the same size as me. We became friends immediately. Christopher was funny, smart, loyal and a very talented artist. Many people thought we were dating because we often held hands, cuddled and hugged, but we never dated (more on that later).
We went to the same college and hung out together for our first two years. We loved each other deeply, but when we tried to kiss, it was honestly like kissing a sibling. But we still held hands, cuddled and hugged. Weird, yes, but it felt natural to us. He made sure my boyfriends treated me with respect and I made sure his girlfriends really loved him.
But then, I got engaged to a horrible man and most of my friends didn't approve, including Christopher. Add to that the fact that we both moved at the same time (him out of state) and we lost track of each other. I looked for him often, on-line, but with a name like Christopher Roberts, I had no luck. I missed him immensely, intensely and dreamed of when we would meet again. I wanted to hear what he had been doing. I wanted him to meet my new husband and my daughter. I wanted to hug my friend again. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him and loved him. But I had a very bad feeling.
And I was right. I received a message on facebook from a mutual friend of ours (someone I had also looked for but failed to find). I knew the message wasn't good. Christopher was murdered in 2007, on father's day. His first father's day. It hurts so much to know that I will never be able to tell him how much I love him. I hurts that I won't get to see him hold his little girl. I won't get to witness how much he loves the mother of his baby. But most us all, it hurts that I don't know if he knew how much he meant to me. I think he probably did. Our friend looked me up because he knew I would want to know, but also because Christopher's mother asked him to find me. I hope he knew. I hope, in his last seconds, he knew and felt the love of all the people who have known and loved him. I hope he knew that we all thought he was a wonderful, loving, loyal, thoughtful, caring person. I hope he knew that would help take care of his daughter and share pictures and stories with her. I hope he knew that even though he was alone, he wasn't alone.
I hope he knew.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
He's 16 months old. He still doesn't walk. Or do anything he should be doing at that age. I hope they take him away.
She's still talking about having another one.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
We need to start a fan club for her at the commissary. I think at least four people stop us every week and comment about how cute and happy she is. She eats the attention up. But they are right: she is cute and very, very happy. One of her favorite games is trying to take my magazine, or my crocheting and playing tug-of-war with them as I declare, "No, that's not Navy Bean's. That's mommy's." Apparently, everything is hers.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Last fall, some friends of ours from TX, who also happen to live in VA, got married. Some friends of ours who still live in TX came out for the wedding, including Charley. Some of these friends stayed with us and told us a really interesting Charley story. See, Charley was dating a new woman. Nothing new there. But, there was some drama surrounding this woman. Apparently this woman was a repeated convicted felon, for identity theft and things of that nature. Our friend, a lawyer, had run a check on her, at the request of another of our friends. Turns out, there was a lot more shady stuff than she had told Charley. My friend let Charley know, and then things got weird. Apparently, Charley's girlfriend is very powerful and has some powerful family because they threatened my lawyer friend with ruining his career. If she is so powerful, how come she spent so much time in prison?
Anyway, we hadn't heard anything from Charley in a while, but we had heard that his new girlfriend treats him very well and really seems to be good for him. So, good for him. This past weekend, Wes and I got an e-mail from Charley's girlfriend. They are getting married this year and wanted our address. I replied with the usual: congrats and here's our address. She sent me a longish e-mail telling me she had really wanted to contact me before but wasn't sure how I would feel about that. She wanted us to get to know her and judge her for who she was and not what we had heard. She loved Charley sooooooo much and he's such an awesome man. He's a deacon at their church!!!! (I have to gripe about this because they are living together and not married. Yes, I've lived with a man I wasn't married to (Charley) but I wasn't a deacon. I wasn't even going to church. What kind of shady church is this?) And they would really love it if we could come out for the wedding. It would mean so much to Charley. And they wanted to know how the navy bean was.
I e-mailed back that I'm glad that Charley is doing so well and that we really just wanted what was best for him. We wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding though, because we're building a house (we have no extra money). She sent me about 6 e-mail with pictures and offered to pay for the plane tickets. Because us being there is what Charley really wants.
Let's look at the facts. I met Charley in high school when I was hanging out with Wes. Charley and I dated for a while. He thought I liked Wes more (I did). Several years later, Charley was the best man at Wes's wedding. Several years after that, I was living with Charley and we were talking about getting married. After we broke up, he made me promise I wouldn't ever date Wes. Several years after that, I married Wes and had a baby.
Yes, I can see why Charley would want us both to be there. We have so much history!
Why does this woman want to be my new best friend? Sounds shady to me.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
This is what the house looked like yesterday.
We have a roof!
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
But I'm terrified something will happen. The Navy Bean could never be replaced. I wouldn't even want to try. But after becoming a mom, I don't know that I could stop being a mom. I don't even know if any of this makes any sense. I told Wes we should wait until she's two. It seems silly though, to wait, when I know I don't want another one. Suggestions on why him getting snipped freaks me out?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Her smile lights up my day, no matter how little sleep we have gotten. My life has been so enriched by her, I could never imagine being without her.
I love her little goofy faces. I love it when she gives me a hug and a kiss without me asking. I love holding her in my arms. I love reading to her. I love taking walks with her. I love her.
She loves music. She loves the sound of the piano and was thrilled when she could make noise on it too. She loves classical music. She loves the drums. I hope she continues in this love.
Monday, May 04, 2009
The builder accepted our offer as it was. We have an appointment with the loan officer this week. We should know something by Wednesday and hopefully, start "building" by Friday.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
What the fireplace would look like, well, maybe not.
I think we got the slightly smaller one, but we get the marble.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wes and I had decided that we would stay in this place another year. Another year would let us pay off our credit debt completely and save up a little money for a down payment. But then, houses started selling in our area again, and there's that nice tax credit for first time buyers, and our credit card debt will be paid off by October, when Wes also gets promoted and gets a raise. We've had a lot of company around here (apparently babies do that) and it is clear that this place is way too small.
So we went to the bank, out of curiosity. We really wanted to see what we could get approved of in October. They approved us, right now, for $50,000 more than we expected. Well, we have a really good friend who is a realtor. We gave him a call. Two days later, we're driving to look at new houses (there are a ton out here and builders are desperate). The first place was GORGEOUS, but super expensive and the floor plans really weren't that practical for what we wanted (later, we went to Home Depot and saw the door knobs this builder had used and they were $60 a piece. No wonder the place was so expensive. And there was a light in the pantry. THE PANTRY. The sales guy said the builder was very environmentally friendly, which is why the light went off when you shut the door, like a fridge. But, it's the PANTRY. Why do you even need a light in the pantry? Thank you for listening to me rant). Then we drove to the second place.
Our friend had given me the floor plans and there was one that was perfect. I mean, almost exactly what I had always wanted. When we pulled up, Wes saw one of the houses that had already been built and said "that's exactly what I envision when I think of the house I want." Guess which house it was. Yup! The one I loved. He also loved the floor plan. But, you don't want to move too quickly, so we came home and talked about it. And called our parents. And then called the real estate agent back and said, set up an appointment. That's tomorrow and I hope everything goes well. I'm a little nervous. It would be so disappointing not to get it now. Keep your fingers crossed. And the best part: it would take 5 to 6 months to build, so we wouldn't actually get it until Oct, when we wanted it anyway (we'll sign a 6 month lease here).
The place is perfect for us. It has four bedrooms and a finished room over the garage. A living room, dining room, and a family room (the living room is the size of a den. We would put the piano and some book cases in there). The kitchen is nice and has a breakfast nook and we'll have a screened in porch, about the size of a small bedroom! What a perfect place to watch birds from. And a small porch in the front. And there's a little pond down the street. Ok, deep breath. I'm really trying to get ahead of myself, but this place would be perfect. Keep your fingers crossed.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I sit in the rocker and you quickly find what you're looking for. You curl your little body around mine. During the day, you're my big girl, but at night, you're still my tiny baby. You rest your plump little hand on my chest. I run my finger over it and marvel at how something so tiny can also be so chubby. I rub your fuzzy little head which is starting to sprout hair again. I grasp your chunky little legs and make sure they are warm.
Sometimes there is thunder.
Sometimes there is rain.
Sometimes there are even birds singing.
But usually, it is silent.
You detach and we switch sides. I'm amazed at how beautiful you are in the dark. When you are through eating, you stretch out and then rest your round cheek on my breast as you prepare to go back to sleep. I bring you up to my shoulder, where your fluffy, soft cheek rests against mine. I put my hand on the back of your tiny, silky head and I just cuddle you. I kiss your cheek and lay you down. You give me a sigh and a half smile, close your eyes, turn your head and go back to sleep.
I stumble back to bed, to sleep. But, this is my favorite time, when you and I are the only people in the world.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
She is becoming so aware of everything around her. If I get a drink, she wants some too. If someone is talking across the room, she has to figure out who it is, even if she's eating.
She has a great sense of humor. She loves to sing and dance and move around. She doesn't hate tummy time as much, because she rolls over now. She also pushes herself with her toes. This has me a little worried. Slow down, Navy Bean!
She is trying new foods, like avocado (which she's not sure if she likes). Wes made the mistake of holding a bread stick out to her the other day, and she grabbed it with a vengeance, ripping it in half. However, she still gets up at least twice a night. We're working on that though.
Navy Bean I love you so much. My life would be so boring and worthless without you!