Friday, August 27, 2004

Big sigh of relief

I met with my advisor yesterday and the first thing she did was hand me the syllibus for the class I'm TAing. Thank God! She had always said I had to finish the paper first. Then we went over the paper. She really liked it and doesn't think it should be that hard or take that long to fix. The final paper is due on Sept. 14th. If I could write the whole paper in two weeks, I can certainly correct it in two weeks.

that's it for now,

Thursday, August 26, 2004


The paper was turned in on Monday. My advisor then took me out to coffee to talk about the TA position and to tell me how excited she was because I was going to be a great TA. Tues. I get an e-mail that there's a few problems with the paper, but no word about the TA position (I supposedly had to finish the paper to get the TA). So I meet her today and have gone over her list and my paper and hope she likes the suggestions I have. I want her to know that I am serious about getting this paper done and I am serious about being a student and a TA.

Meanwhile, Craig has gotten a "real" 9-5 job, something for computers. I know he's upset and not very happy about having to do this, but I am really proud of him. He has stepped up and decided that his son is more important. I now view my brother as a man, rather than my little brother.

well, gotta go to work,

Monday, August 23, 2004

Nicole's pregnant!

If you don't know who Nicole is, don't feel bad: I don't either. But apparently this was very exciting news, received by my upstairs neighbor, on her balcony, at midnight. For those of you who know me, I'm never up at midnight, so this did not please me. Hopefully it'll get too cold to have conversations outside at midnight soon.

Well, I turned in my paper. I'm a little nervous because my advisor then took out for tea and kept telling me what a good TA I'm going to be. If she doesn't like the paper, I don't get to be the TA. Hopefully that won't be an issue. So I'm really excited about the semester now. I have to come up with office hours. I still don't have classes on Mondays or Fridays, so that's going to be really nice.

I guess that's about it. I just need to clean my apartment. Apparently when I'm stressed out I cook and I think I got every single dish I owned dirty yesterday.

ok, hope everyone else is good.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Finally Finished

Well, the paper is finally done. I have 34 pages and 2 pages of bibliography. My co-worker and friend Katie read it yesterday at work and made many very valuable and excellent suggestions, as well as praising my paper (thanks Katie!) and I'm obviously still in paper writing mode because this sounds like my paper. I am happy with the final product. I could have added way more, but I don't know that it would have added much. I know that tomorrow I will do a final re-through and find it terrible and will again fear that she will not like it, but this paper is at least 100% better than anything I have ever given her. Worst case scenario, she accepts the paper and asks for a few changes/corrections. Best case, it's great as is and that's that. My shoulders, back, neck and hands hurt so much. I'm so glad I'm finished. I just hope she likes it, because I worked so hard. I don't know how depressed I would be if she doesn't like it. So I won't even think about it.

anyway, I think I'll read something not related to Zionism in Russia!


Tuesday, August 17, 2004


Yesterday I typed 6 more pages, taking my total up to 17 pages complete. But I felt like I was floundering, not sure what I was trying to accomplish. Knowing that it is much easier to "fix" 17 pages rather than 35, today I will go through my paper and organize it. I also sat down and decided what the purpose of the paper is, what I'm trying to prove, how I'm going to prove it and, most importantly, am I going to get 35 pages out of this. And I think the answer is yes. Yes I know what I'm doing, how I'm going to do it and I will get 35 pages. And there was much rejoicing.

Then, last night, I decided I wanted to watch a bit of the Olympics so I turned it on. Men's gymnastics. Can you say yummy? The strength it required for half that stuff was just pure beauty. Needless to say, I didn't get much work on my paper done last night. No Olympics tonight!


Sunday, August 15, 2004

Day of rest?

So, turns out the semester actually starts on Sept. 2nd a Thurs. Which is about the stupidest thing I ever heard, especially since the next Monday is labor day and therefore, no classes. Whatever. The only problem, is that my professor decided she wants my paper on Aug. the 23rd instead of the 30th. That's a one week difference. With a paper this size, that's a huge difference. I know I can do it, especially since I don't work this week, at least not until Friday, but it's going to be difficult. I managed to pound out almost 6 pages today, taking me to a total of 11 pages. I'm hoping for at least one more day where I can get 5 to 6 pages out, if not more, and then just 2 to 3 pages a day after that. Writing the whole paper isn't going to be that bad. It's the editing and organizing once it's written and proof-reading and all that good stuff. It really has to be a good paper and sometimes when I'm typing to just type, it ends up not making much sense (I'm sure none of you have figured that out by now).

Also found out more junk about Corinne that makes me so incredibly mad that I almost hope, well, I'll just keep that prayer to myself. We pretty much knew she was using drugs again. She would go out all night and leave Craig home with Phoenix, so we kind of figured. Craig found out on Friday that she was using during the day too, when she was the one watching Phoenix and often driving afterwards. That just makes me sick to my stomach. How in the world can you do drugs and then make sure your baby is secure in it's carseat so it won't get hurt in case of an accident? I hope she od's and dies. Guess that prayer slipped out.

Anyway, I guess I should go work on my paper some more. I'm so excited! I guess this is one time when not having a social life really comes in handy. No distractions!


I've had to re-edit this page five times already because I keep finding typos! I hope I do better in my paper.

Thursday, August 12, 2004


So even though it's October like weather here (we're setting new record low highs), I had watermelon and a nectarine for breakfast. Very delicious, but I will be hungry in about 15 minutes. Good thing I'm home.

Last night I'm surfing the web, trying to figure out if I should do one of those internet dating things. I'm not sure if this is actually a good time to start dating, but if I waited until it was a good time, I might be dead. So here are a few irritations at looking at these electronic classifieds. First, please have someone read and edit your profile. Nothing turns me off like a profile with misspelled or incorrectly used words. Second, the word I is supposed to be capitalized. If you don't capitalize it, it looks like you're either trying to be cutesy, sweet, meaning trying to convince us you're sensitive so we'll jump into bed with you, or it looks like you have no self-respect. Neither of those options is attractive. And finally, find a decent picture. Don't use a picture that's so dark you can't see anything and don't use a picture where it's obvious that at one point there was a woman draped all over you. I'm sure you know someone with a digital camera who can take a great new picture of you now. Just flipping through them convinced me that this is not the way I want to go.

Anyway, looking at my fall schedule and turns out I don't have classes on Mondays or Fridays. That's kind of cool. But the semester starts on Sept. 2nd. That's a Thursday. Who planned that? It's just stupid. And it throws off my schedule for my paper. Which, by the way, I should be working on right now.

Gotta go type something intelligent,

Forgot to mention, my baby sister, Elise, turns 18 today. I guess that means all my parents kids are no longer kids. I bet they're happy.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Phoenix update

Talked to mom last night. She said Phoenix is finally on a schedule and seems much happier for it. Craig was going to try to just have an "agreement" with Corinne about Phoenix, but her mom told him that she (her mom, not Corinne) is looking into drug treatment centers for moms so Phoenix could go with her. As I told my mom, that doesn't mean Corinne would do it. But that did make Craig realize he needs to get everything legalized while he is on the offensive and she is on the defensive. Mom has talked to corinne's dad (her parents are divorced) and he, his mom, sister and wife have stated that if it went to court, they would all testify against Corinne. When Craig and Corinne first started dating her family told my parents that Corinne is manipulative and just out for herself. Apparently this is very true (she wasn't even upset about Craig telling her to move out, it was like, ok, I've got to find someone new to take care of me). Thankfully, all these people care about Phoenix and want what's best for him. So hopefully, Craig will be able to get stuff in the system before she even thinks he'll do something like that. And it would be great if it didn't take that long.

Meanwhile, I am starting to type my paper today and hope to have 15 to 20 pages by the end of the week. I have to have the paper finished in three weeks and it has to be 30-35 pages. The sooner I finish, the easier it will be to correct and get it perfect!


Saturday, August 07, 2004

Saturday stuff

Well, not too much going on. Just life. It's going much better but I'm still having a rough time emotionally. I'll probably start new medication in two weeks. That will hopefully help. Other than that, it just goes on.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

a new day

Well, feeling much better today. Will try my best to make it last. Have many things scheduled this week, so maybe being busy will help me focus on something other than half of my life. We shall see. Just so everyone doesn't think it is selfish narcissism on my part that has brought me down, there have been some family issues. My brother finally confronted his girlfriend about the fact that she's a bad girlfriend and not that great of a mom. She didn't put up much of a fight. So now my parents have Phoenix. The good news is that it looks like Corinne isn't going to put up much of a fight for custody. The bad news is that my brother may expect my parents to do more than they're really prepared to do. My sister leaves for college this fall, and this would have been the first time in my parents marriage that they would have been childless (I was three when they married). They were looking forward to an empty house and now to have an almost 1 year old thrust upon them could be a little much. But I know they will do what is best for Phoenix. Hopefully it will all work out in the end (after the end, does anyone really care if it works out?).

Monday, August 02, 2004

I could use a drink

I feel like I could drink at least half a bottle of vodka right now, right out of the bottle. You know, real lady like. At least enough vodka to pass out or forget or float or whatever. This is the first time in at least a year that I have wanted to drink this bad. Or just be a really bad girl with some nameless beautiful face. I just feel like I'm floating in myself and I can't get there to myself. I'm too far away and I don't know if I want to go there anyway. Afraid of what I won't find. Maybe I'm not really there after all.