Monday, October 31, 2005

Get ready to laugh

Wes told me that Charley made a joke about us the other night. So I asked, what was it. Well, apparently Charley has decided to try to find a woman on the internet. Nothing wrong there, I know several people who have met that way. Apparently the girl he met is Russian. And lives in Russia. Does anybody else see the irony of this situation? Anyway, he was telling Wes about this and Wes asked if she were attractive and Charley said yes (I hope it was a recent picture) and Wes asked to see the picture. Charley's reply, "I want to keep this one." Ouch! But they laughed about it. I was thinking about it though, and there's a few concerns I have. First, I don't want Charley to get screwed over. Alot of those women are legitimate, but a lot also only want money or green cards. Second, Russians really look down on drug use. So if their relationship does progress, I hope she's so desperate to get out that she doesn't mind about Charley. At least for a while. Finally, Charley always wanted to be a knight in shining armor, so maybe this is a good situation for him. She needs rescuing and he can do it. As long as she doesn't mind that for the rest of her life she'll have to worship him for it, then they're good. This could end up being very strange though. I wonder if he looked at Russian girls on purpose. Anyone have an opinion on that?

Sunday, October 30, 2005

He loves me

He really, really does. Well, of course I already knew this. But when I went and spent almost $500 on his American Express, his reply: "are you sure you got everything you need?" He demanded that I get the most expensive pillows (did you know they sell pillows that cost $100 a piece?). Two of them. And a memory foam topper. And I found 400 count sheets on sale. And then, I went and bought 5 pair of underwear and 2 bras. These, he demanded that he get pictures of. He also told me to go buy a tripod for my camera. I guess that fair: he did pay for them. And, I found something to motivate him to quit smoking: me. Everyday he doesn't smoke, he gets a picture. The longer he doesn't smoke the more "intimate" the pictures get. He seems highly motivated now.

Other than that: homework. Is there anything else? And yes, that's a serious question.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Finally, some real excitement!!!!

I turned the papers back to the students this morning. So far, I haven't heard anything, but that could be because I told them they had to wait 24 hours before they contacted me. I also told them I'd be more than willing to lower their grades if they pissed me off (ok, that's now how I said it, but that was basically what I said). And of course, I had one student who wanted to know where his paper was. Only, I hadn't gotten a paper from him. And I had even e-mailed him to ask him why. Apparently, even though I spent 10 minutes explaining that the box numbers are not the same as the office numbers and giving directions to where the boxes were, and even though he's a senior, he still managed to put his paper in the wrong place. He actually shows up to class and reads and discusses, so I let him turn it in. It sucks (as a paper, not the situation).

I meant to spend this entire afternoon in the library, but at about 3:15p I looked at my watch and said to myself: Myself, it's Friday afternoon, and you need to go home. Mostly because the book I have to have read by Monday was at home, not because I wanted to goof off or anything (although I really do want to goof off). But it's a long book and since I'm the TA, I have to read it (even if none of the students will). Since it's halloween weekend, and this is Madison (the biggest Halloween celebration in the country), I really don't expect much from the students next week. But I have high expectations for myself. Therefore, I will read this crappy book for the second time, because I didn't take notes the first time I read it (2 years ago).

Finally, Wes really, really loves me. Today, I got an American Express with my name on it. And I don't have to pay for it. And, Wes demands that I go to Linen and Things and buy some good pillows, a down-filled mattress pad and 300 count Egyptian cotton sheets. Since sleep is so precious to a grad student and my 5 year old, $10 pillows aren't really that comfortable, he feels that this will contribute to my health and my academic career. How can you not love a man like that?

I'm going to go eat my pizza and then read.
Does anyone have any exciting Halloween plans?

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Even more excitement

Today, it got even more exciting than yesterday. Why? you may ask. Well, because I made apple crisp. Yeah, that was the big excitement. Although, it also had pears and dates in it, so it was a bit exotic.

After that, I went to the library for almost 6 hours and sat in a hard wooden chair and read for the entire time. Then I came home and ate.

And now I'm typing this.

How could it possibly get anymore exciting?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Finished!!!! Well,

not quite. Almost finished. I have seven left to read one more time and finalize the grades on them. Then I have to enter the grades in Excel. Then I'm finished. Overall I guess they're not that bad. At least I see the end of the tunnel. And the train light as it rushes to run me over. They get their mid-terms next Monday and I'm sure there will be a few students who aren't happy with their grades. This is my least favorite part of teaching. But, class went much better yesterday. So that made me happy.

Ok, so my life is a little stale right now.

Now I'm finished completely. The paper grades have been broken down and e-mailed to the professor, the grades have been recorded in Excel, and I have e-mailed those with A papers if I could copy their papers to show the rest of the class what an A paper looks like. Since their mid-terms aren't due until Nov. the 7th, that leaves me a week and a half (but more importantly, two free thursdays and two free weekends) to work on all my other crap. And there is a lot of it. Now I'm off to clean the kitchen.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Sigh. . . .

Just thinking about grading the rest of those papers makes me tired. I'm more than half way through. Ok, I'm more than half way through reading them all and putting little post-it notes on them of what I think they should be. After I've done this will all of them, I'll go back and find out the break-down of the grades. And then, I'll probably go back and re-read some of them and change those grades and then finally, post the final grades for these papers. The kids will get them back on Friday. Monday they get their mid-term take home exams. I get to grade those one week after they get them. When am I supposed to get anything done? The papers, well, as usual they all surprise me. Either because they're so good, or because they're so bad I can't figure out what class they're taking.

So, just for your information, Russian history. Peter the Great was NOT married to Catherine the Great. He was dead before she was born. She WAS married to Peter the third. Russia NEVER had a ruler named Alexander the Great. That was a Macedonian ruler, way back when. There's even a movie. You cannot write about how the entire Russian country debated in journals about autocracy and serfdom in the late 18th and early 19th century: less than 10% of the population was literate at that time (and that's being generous). If someone is writing about the reign of Alexander I, (reign, 1801-1825), they did NOT write about it in the 1760s. So far, these have been the most common mistakes. And, I guess, the most amusing. And one more note: NEVER, EVER start a history paper with the cliche "history repeats itself." (Yes, I had a student who did this).

Other than that, I just got back from the hospital. My friend just had a baby boy. He is very beautiful and looks a lot like his proud daddy. Congratulations Meegan and Jason (and big brother David). He is precious. (I still don't want one of my own). I also got my final hepatitis B shot today and I started on a new medication where depression is a side-affect. So if you notice that my blog is getting more and more alarming, please bombard me with comments and e-mail to cheer me up.

Ok, need to go clean the kitchen and then call Wes and go to bed. Tomorrow is my long day.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Paper hell: part 2

The papers were due at 3:00pm. I told the class I would be leaving campus at 3:15pm. I told them, since I was already extending the time for their papers (the professor wanted them in class at 9:55am) that I would not accept any late papers for any reason. So, how many papers am I short. Three. THREE. I expected one, but not THREE. Especially since two of the three are normally good students. And I haven't received any e-mails either. If I don't receive e-mails today about the papers, then I'm not going to accept the papers, even if they claim they put them in my box today. How am I supposed to know if they actually put the papers in my box today when I'm not there and not going back until Monday? I hate crap like this. Because now I'm going to have to be super bitchy and it's not my fault. I guess we'll see how it all plays out. Meanwhile, I have other papers to grade.

My stupid, brand-new computer has a spooler problem. It doesn't like to print stuff off of the internet. I'm a history Ph.D student, I print articles all the time. I'm going to see if Wes can solve this problem over the phone, because it is really annoying.

I think that is it. I have a ton of stuff to do (when don't I) and I really should get stuff done tonight, even though I'd rather play Age of Mythology.

Paper hell

Today the students have to turn in a 5 to 7 page paper. I have 42 students, (although, I've never seen 2 of them), so, technically speaking, I should have 42 papers to grade this weekend. I'm so excited I can barely contain myself!!!! (Yes, that is sarcasm that just dripped all over your computer). I told them I would not take any late papers. How many people do you think will e-mail me wanting me to take a late paper? We could place bets on this, make it fun. I went and talked to the professor I'm TAing for and told him what happened on Tuesday. He rolled his eyes. He was totally behind me, and today he's going to mention that maybe the students should at least attempt to do their work.

Meanwhile, I have my own work that I've been putting off. Well, not putting off, I'm just not good at trying to do 10 different things at once. I'm taking a German reading exam next week, so I've really been studying for that. As a Ph.D student I have to have two foreign languages. Obviously Russian is my first language and German will be my second. I'd also like to learn Yiddish, but that might take a while. Anyway, I ordered a new German dictionary and it came yesterday. It is beautiful (this is not sarcasm). I think I'm going to see if the same company has a Russian one too, and order it. My Russian dictionary is starting to fall apart. But, anyway, back to work. My professor suggested I read this one book for a paper I'm writing for him (that was due 2 years ago: glad he doesn't have the same late paper policy I have, although if he did, the paper would have been written a long time ago). This book is in old Russian. So, it's kind of like translating old Shakespeare, except in a foreign language. Can you envision the hours of fun this will take? But I'm going to do it, because I didn't spend all summer in Russia for nothing.

Finally, I know yesterday was half naked Thursday, and I did take a picture. Where did I put that? Oh, yeah, I e-mailed it to Wes. I guess you're just going to have to ask him for a copy of it.

Ok, ton of work to do. Does it even end? Have a great Friday, and drink one for me.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Today is the day I teach. I think that yesterday I wrote about the students who didn't show up to lecture. Well, today, it got a lot worse. In the first class (out of four), it became evident that of the two, rather short, readings we were supposed to do, only about half the class read the first and fewer than three read the second. The frusterating thing, the professor has said more than once that this week's readings are the most important for the entire semester. So, being a bit ticked, I gave them a speech about how they were wasting my time and I didn't appreciate that because I had things to do, and that I considered holding them until class was over but I didn't really want to. So I let them leave.

Second class. Again, about half read the first reading. We discussed that and how important it was and how they needed to read it. Also, I answered a few questions about lecture yesterday, but only because these were people who had been there. One student actually asked me what yesterday's lecture had to do with the readings. I responded we would discuss this as we discussed the readings. Eventually we got to the second reading. Only, NO ONE HAD READ IT. NO ONE. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I was so pissed. I wanted to say, "You mother-f******, how dare you waste my time like this. What kind of s***** behavior is this? Don't you realize how many people would like to be in your position, getting an education, and you're just pissing it away. I should fail all of you f******. I am disgusted with you. Do you honestly expect me to just regurgitate this s*** for you. @!#$@%&*^&*^&******." Instead, since I wanted to keep my job, I said, very seriously, "Go home!" and walked out of the class before anyone could say anything. And I'm only giving the class half a grade for today. I was so mad. My friend Sean was amazed at how angry I was. I don't cuss much either, so you know I'm pissed. Next time it happens, I'm going to make the entire class read the crap out loud in class.

Anyway, I'm going to go have a drink because I'm still mad. I hope everyone else had a better day.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Time Traveler's Wife

I finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger last night. Amazing. Beautiful. Haunting. Well worth the month and a half it took me to read it. Very original. Makes you question the concept of reality, time, love and the inevitability of the future. Made me question my past relationships and future ones as well. I would highly recommend it.

But. . . since it made me question stuff, Charley came up, of course. And also, since Wes was talking about him the other night, it made me dream about him. Charley. And Wes. For some reason, Charley and I were on the West coast and Wes on the East. And we were trying to get to Wes. Somehow, Charley ended up in my arms and I was holding him. Not wanting to hold him and yet feeling like this was what I wanted. Like he belonged there, only I wouldn't let him. And in the dream, I'm thinking, I want to get used to this again. And in the dream, I'm thinking, I love Wes. I love Wes. I love Wes. And then, Charley and I are on a bus. And I am in the seat in front of him. And we are driving through the desert. With mountains. The kind that are beautiful, but if you are alone, they only multiply your loneliness. And they made me long for Wes.

I love Wes and this relationship makes so much more sense than any I've ever been in before. But I love Charley. And since I love him, I should want what's best for him, which would be for him to get clean, but in reality, if that happened, I know I would wonder, "Why didn't you do that for me?". Now, now it would be too late. I would never leave Wes for Charley. How could I? Why would I? But I wish I didn't know anything about him. I wish I could forget him. I wish he could be something that happened a long time ago but fades away into something good but not quite real. Sometimes Wes thinks I should call Charley and hash it all out. But what would I say? I thought you loved me and yet you didn't do what you needed to do to keep me. I still love you but it's too late. Don't give up on yourself even though I did. I love Wes and now you and I will never be together. I guess, up until Wes, there was always that little hope in the back of my being, that somehow Charley and I would get back together. But now I'm not willing to give up any time with Wes to be with Charley. I honestly don't see a solution to the problem. Love sucks.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Beautiful Saturday

It was a beautiful day today. Or at least it looked like it from the 4th floor window of memorial library. I sat in the library for 4 hours. FOUR HOURS. On a wooden chair that was probably made in 19th century by someone who thought if he sat on highly uncomfortable chairs he would be more likely to go to heaven. And, I can't quite figure out how to get the music on my computer to play in a random mode. Not the end of the world, but still annoying. I did, however, get a ton of stuff done in those 4 hours. Apparently those uncomfortable wooden chairs greatly increase the speed of your reading ability. I have a paper topic, which is very exciting because this is a paper that was due 2 years ago. Yeah, you read that right. It's taken me two years to come up with a paper topic for a paper that will only be 20 pages long. Thank god I already have a dissertation topic.

Well, that's about the extent of my exciting weekend. Wes is paranoid because I won't give him my blog address. So last night I went through and read him the blogs that had to do with him (ok, not all of them) and I read him some of the ones I wrote about relationships. And he said some of them made him sad, because I wrote that I was scared and he promised me I didn't have to be anymore because he would always love me and take care of me. Which is good, because if he's lying Camille will kick his ass! But he still want the address. I don't want to give it to him, so he'll just have to keep looking.

On to Charley (yes, I know that wasn't a great transitional sentence). Wes said he received a voicemail from Charley. I think I already mentioned that. What Wes didn't tell me then was that this message totally creeped him out. He said it was like Charley had either smoked so much he had lost all sense of reality, or he was smoking harder stuff. He was kind of afraid to call him back. He said that since he told Charley we were together that the conversations have been getting weirder and weirder. He did call Charley back today, and said he sounded much more sane. But he said Charley mentioned me in the middle of nowhere and Wes couldn't figure out why. Something to the effect that if Wes talked to an old friend, not to mention me. Wes, caught off guard, just said "ok" and changed the subject. I told him Charley was just trying to figure out if we were still together. Wes thinks I'm right, but didn't think of that at the time. I feel sorry for Charley. Not in a "I wish I could make it all better" type of way, but in a "you dumbass, you did this to yourself, and you don't even realize it" type of way.

Ok, I want to go read for pleasure (no, not that kind of pleasure, I just mean non-academic reading). If my Saturday nights got any more exciting, I really don't know how I would handle it.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

oh my gosh!!!!

So I'm sitting here doing homework and I realize that my feet are so cold that I cannot concentrate on my reading (yes, I'm going somewhere with this). I decide I have to go buy slippers because I don't own any and if I don't buy them NOW I will not be able to do anything productive today, tomorrow or ever. Well, at least until I buy slippers (don't hate me just because you're not intelligent enough to follow my internal logic. And YES, it is logic). I hadn't planned on going anywhere today, so I just threw on some clothes and brushed my teeth. My hair is doing really weird things, and I'm not wearing any make-up. I'm just going to Wal-mart for heaven's sake. Why do I need to look good? On the way to Wal-mart, the radio jolts me awake and I realize, Nine Inch Nails are in town today. And I'm going in public looking like absolute crap. Because, you know the first place Trent Reznor wants to go when he hits a new town is it's local Wal-mart (hey guys, I'm out of socks. We're going to Wal-mart!). Although, looking around Wal-mart, it probably would have been a really safe place for him: no one there would have known who he was, much less recognized him. Fortunately, I didn't run into Trent at Wal-mart. But it did make me think of all my Nine Inch Nails memories.

I was first introduced to NIN in 1991, sitting in Wes's car at lunch time. My favorite, at that time, was Terrible Lie, now, it's Down in It. Pretty Hate Machine quickly became my favorite CD ever. College years have many NIN memories, including the complaints from the people who lived below us EVERY SINGLE MORNING because we played his CD's too loudly. After my divorce, listening to NIN enabled me to get out my anger and feel more powerful and sexy. And I swear, Reptile was written for me, even if Trent doesn't know it. I don't own the new CD. I was going to buy it in Russia for $3.50, but because I really like NIN, I just didn't feel right buying a bootleg copy. And since I'm a poor graduate student, it's just going to have to wait awhile. But I will eventually buy it. So, Trent (because you know he's reading this somewhere), thank you for all the great music and all the wonderful memories. I hope you continue making music for a very long time.

And my new slippers rock!!!!

Here's the plan

The students are turning in papers next Friday. Ok, most of the students will probably be turning in papers next Friday (the ones who don't get an F: the paper was originally due on Oct. 7th and the professor kindly backed up the date). So, until then, I'm going to work on the paper that I still need to write. I figure this next week will give me enough time to have picked a topic and started writing. I won't be able to finish it in a week, but it will get me started enough that it will be finished before the end of the semester. I am very happy with this plan. I just really don't want to start it today, but I will.

Yesterday I told my advisor I was getting married. She was very excited for me and wants to see pictures ect. . . And we started talking about the financial aspect of things (grad school can be expensive) and I told her that that wasn't an issue anymore and that even when I finish, I really won't have to work unless I want to. She was very adamant that I still teach even if just at a community college. She said I am a natural teacher and I was born to teach and that it was kind of my responsibility to teach. She made me feel so good. She talked about how great my student evaluations are and how everyone I've TA'ed for will write me great references. Since I do love to teach, this is good news. And it was funny because I told her that while I enjoy research, I'm not a great writer. She said I do fine with the writing but my real talent is in the classroom.

Wes told me that he received a voicemail from Charley that sounded like he had been smoking for days. He said that a lot of Charley's conversations are actually sounding like he has smoked so much that he is losing his grip on reality. Quite possible and very sad. Glad I'm not there for that.

And the loop: Wes wants to have a baby. . . with me. Now, most of you know, I don't have even a little bit of desire to get pregnant and have a baby. It's like a parasitic alien growing in your body and then you have to push the thing out. Why would I want to do that? I told him him we would talk about it later. Like after I get back from my year long research trip to Russia. He says he just wants to see what a little Stacia would be like. Moody. Never leave her room except to go to the library (funny story: when I was 12 my parents grounded me FROM BOOKS! Yes, I was that big of a nerd that that was the only effective punishment. Except that I had hidden books under my mattress and would read after they went to bed). I just feel that my genes are defective enough that I don't want to pass them on to someone else (my grandma suffers from depression, one of my uncles suffers from depression, my mom suffers from depression, of the 10 grandkids, at least 5 of us have been diagnosed with some sort of depression or social anxiety. Do you see a pattern here?) But, when he mentioned it, I didn't feel upset or an absolute no. I felt very indifferent, so I guess that's a start in the right direction! It might end of being one of those things where if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't. We'll see. Since we live in two different states right now anyway, it doesn't really matter.

Ok, on to that paper.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Stress factors

I've been sick all weekend. Saturday I just thought it was allergies. Sunday, I had a tension headache and a sinus headache at the same time with some serious stomach issues (ok, they only felt serious). Monday, I went to class, came home from class and slept 2 hours. Both Sunday and Monday I was in bed before 9:00p. Yesterday I felt fine. So, I don't know what it was, but I'm not happy about any of it. Why am I not happy about it:

Today I'm meeting with my advisor. I need to update her on what I've done for my dissertation proposal. I've done. . . . . . . . .practically nothing. Yes, you read that right. It is already the middle of the semester and I've done less than a quarter of what I need to do. I was going to spend last weekend playing catch-up: then I got sick. Now, I'm just going to have to get used to getting less sleep. I have to be prepared for my pre-lims.

Yesterday, I taught. I also received an e-mail from a student that stated he wouldn't be able to come to class because he had a make-up exam for another class. Well, that explains why you weren't there yesterday, but what about the other 5 weeks? Yes, this student has NEVER attended class, so why he feels a need to try to excuse himself now, I don't know. Another students also sent me an e-mail stating he wouldn't be attending because he had a bad sinus infection. This is the second time he's missed because of a sinus infection. He also missed the first week, because he didn't realize we had class and then he missed last week because of Rosh Hoshanah. So, out of 6 weeks, he's attended twice and given me 4 weeks of excuses. What am I supposed to do with these students?

Ok, I need to start playing catch-up.

Monday, October 10, 2005

My choice

This is the winner, as far as I'm concerned. That cut and color. It's understated, classy and I would look great in it. I know it doesn't scream "princess for a day" but that's not what I'm really looking for. Besides, after I marry Wes, I'll be treated like a princess every day. Let me know what you think.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Bridal hell

Everyone knows I've been looking at wedding dresses on-line, and while I've found plenty that were beautiful (if non-descript), there were a few that made me go huh? Here are a few.

Did you realize that the reception was more than you budgeted for? Are you running out to the nearest corner after the ceremony to help cover costs? (I did see a few that were worst, but couldn't find them again when looking).

Did a purple Kleenex box throw up on you? And yes, this was under wedding dresses, not brides maid's dresses.

This lovely number: what can I say? Did they feel it was too boring and so at the last minute, when they saw the cake decorator go by, grab him and ask him to fix up the dress?

And finally, this lovely number on the left. Even my military boyfriend thought the description of this dress was beyond tacky. The scary thing, it was described as being a best-seller. I'm praying that means they made two and sold both of them.

So, what does a very picky girl like myself see myself wearing. Stay tuned, and I'll show you my choices tomorrow.

Can't think of a title

Yesterday. Saturday's are homework days. Only, I'm not getting nearly enough done. It drives me crazy. I know I feel like this every semester, but before, I always had a few more semesters to worry about it. I don't this time. I'm finishing my classes in the spring, and the stuff I need to get done, I need to get now. So, less sleep it is.

Yesterday was also a bad day. Wes had called me Friday night and said he was going out with the other guys in officer school. No big deal. He told me he would call me when he got home. Not something I really wanted him to do, since I knew I would be asleep, but whatever. Well, I didn't get a call waking me up. And then I didn't get a call all day. And I was starting to freak out, because I thought he had done something wrong (another girl) and didn't want to call me because of that. Camille told me he had just probably drank too much and was still sleeping. Thankfully, Camille was right. But I was still pissed. Usually, I would just have given the silent treatment and then 3 weeks from now picked a totally unrelated, random fight and it would have been really bad. But that strategy always seems to back-fire on me, so I just yelled at him now. He had admitted that he deserved it, even before I yelled at him, so it wasn't like me yelling was going to start a fight. (I hate starting fights). So I yelled for about 3 sentences and that was that. I felt much better and then we had a normal conversation. He also said he expected me to be more mean, but it's not like what he did was horrible. He just made me worry. So from now on, this is how I will handle my anger.

I guess last night I mentioned my blog to Wes. He asked for the blog site. I told him no. I mean, this is my journal and if I knew he were reading it, it might not be so therapeutic. But then I yet back and read all my blog entries, from the very beginning, and I don't want him to see all that right now either. Maybe later. He argued that maybe it would help him understand me more, but there's other ways for him to figure me out. It was kind of fun seeing the evolution of my relationship with Wes. In one of my first blogs I put "not in a million years" regarding him. My, time flies.

Today is my day "off" from homework. So instead, I'm going to clean and get groceries and go to church and read the paper. I also have to finish the book I was reading yesterday for homework, but that should not take long: I'm in the last chapter. But I hope everyone's having a great weekend.


Friday, October 07, 2005


It's Friday, and I'd be more excited if I didn't have so much to do this weekend. Oh well. Eventually I will not be a graduate student and I'll have my weekends all to myself: and my husband: and my stepkids: and my own kids. Boy, I'm so excited and have so much to look forward to (yes, this is extreme sarcasm at this point.)

I love my office mates. Today, with the door wide open, we proceeded to talk about: tampons, cologne, sex and those naughty pictures of ourselves that our men have. This is really a typical conversation for us, and one of these days, one of our students is going to be in the hallway, where I'm sure they'll be able to hear everything because we're all loud when we get together. Boy, that will make explaining the alienation of the elite class in 19th century Russia a little uncomfortable.

My sister wants to be a bride's maid. I don't have a huge problem with this, except that I just really don't care. I already told Wes that we're going to piss a lot of people off, because, quite frankly, I don't care if anyone shows up, I don't want to pay for a big reception, and I'm not inviting anyone. A few special friends and family members will receive phone calls with the date and time and location, and everyone else will receive announcements after the fact. I don't care if I receive gifts, I don't care if you don't speak to me, I don't care that there won't be alcohol there (neither one of our families drinks). All I care about is that I get to marry Wes and be his wife. Yes, I want to look good, but honestly, I could show up in jeans and a t-shirt and he would think I looked beautiful. I do want my family there, but if they can't make it, I'm still getting married. So I'm sorry blog-land, but you're not receiving invites!!!

Today, after class, the student that was supposed to give a presentation on Tuesday came up and asked me if he could reschedule his presentation since he didn't make it on Tuesday. Aaaaa, no. It's Friday today. You couldn't have shot me an e-mail on Tuesday?

Well, that's about it. I should do some homework, but instead I think I'm going to pour myself a run and coke.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Letter to Wes

I've been sitting at home all morning, doing homework, and thinking about how much I miss you. I wish that when you get out of school, that you would be able to come home to me and we could have dinner together and cuddle on the couch and talk and just be together. I miss you so much and I can't wait until we're able to actually be physically together every day. When we first starting dating, people would ask me if I could imagine my life without you, and I had imagined my life alone so long and often that I could. But now, I can't really think about my future without you. I know I could do it, but I don't want to. I want you to be with me no matter happens: the good times, the bad times, and all the boring, normal times in between. I love you so much and I'm so glad you had the guts to tell me how you felt about me. Thank you for loving me and taking such good care of me. I feel so lucky and I hope that I never make you doubt your decision to love me.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Sections suck

Today I had to teach. I was still tired from my weekend. Yesterday I came home and slept for two hours after lunch. I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. Today, we read Pushkin's Eugene Onegin and Woe for Wit (not Pushkin, but I don't remember who wrote it). These are both great (ok, good) pieces of Russian literature, but I'm teaching history. Needless to say, it was a very difficult day. It was very hard to relate these two works to what we've been discussing in lecture. And to top it off, one of the students, who was supposed to present TODAY didn't show up. And he didn't even e-mail me to let me know he wouldn't be there. Now, I know he's Jewish and I know that it's Rosh Hashanah (happy New Year's to my Jewish readers), but he should have e-mailed me. I can't work with him after the fact. And I don't think he was at service anyway, because I saw him walk by 20 minutes into class. He just never joined us. Anyway, my last section only lasted 20 minutes and I gave up and sent them home.

I guess that's it. I just needed to vent. I have a ton of homework, but I doubt I'll do any of it tonight.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Seattle weekend

The weekend was wonderful, but very, very hectic and I am exhausted. I'm sorry I didn't get to call you Minnie!!! There was no time. So here's a few pictures: if you want to see all the pictures (54 in all), leave a comment with your e-mail address and I'll e-mail you the link. I used a different site this time and you have to be personally invited to view the album.
Anyway. I got to Seattle on Wed. night, late, so that night we just went to bed. Thursday morning the movers came and packed all of Wes's stuff. Then we took the ferry to Seattle (ok, we weren't actually in Seattle). The weather was absolutely crappy. Rainy and cold. We visited the butterfly exhibit at the science center and then just hung around for a bit before dinner at the Space Needle. The observation deck was cool, but since it was dark and cloudy, there wasn't too much to see. The food was ok, but not worth the price. Then we drove home (2 hour drive). Since the movers had taken all of Wes's stuff, we slept on the floor. The next day, I got to go aboard the aircraft carrier he had been on. It's being updated, so it was tore up, but it was still cool. I got to visit the captain's quarters and this particular aircraft carrier had been the first one to bomb Afghanistan (before Wes was on it) so the NYPD had presented the ship with the American flag from the World Trade center. Yes, that American flag. I got to see it, but it was behind 3 layers of glass, so I didn't take any pictures of that. That afternoon was the commissioning ceremony. It was a double ceremony. The captain was there, and about 200 other people. It went really well. I got to pin his new bars on him. His new official title is "Ensign." (he bought me a book about being a military wife, but I haven't read it yet. After I have, I can explain all this). After the ceremony, the captain came up to me and introduced himself and told me what a great guy Wes was and what a great future he had. Then there was a reception, where we emptied a keg in less than an hour (there were a lot of people there). Everyone came up to me, knew who I was, and told me what a great guy Wes was. That felt really, really good. I was very proud of him. Very, very proud.
That night we stayed at a hotel and the next morning he flew out before me. I met with one of my friends who used to live here in Madison and I haven't seen her in 2 years. It was great seeing her, but I think her husband is a complete asshole. At least it's not me married to him. I got home at 11:30pm last night and slept until noon today. I am still a little tired and will probably be in bed before 10:00p. But I wanted to let everyone know what a great weekend I had. Even though I didn't see any mountains in Washington. Everyone keeps telling me they are there, but I'm not convinced. Oh yeah, flying first class wasn't too shabby either. And yes, Wes is only a couple of inches taller than me. But he's still sexy. And he hates all these pictures, but I think they're good. Hope everyone had a great weekend.