Take-off

I think I have everything packed. I mean, I have 3 pairs of pants, 1 skirt, 5 shirts, 4 pair of socks, 3 bras, and 6 pairs of panties. Yes, I know I'll only be gone for 2 1/2 days, but I wasn't sure about the weather. And, I'm taking several outfits so Wes can choose what he wants me to wear for his commissioning ceremony. Where, by the way, I get to pins his new bars on him. (He wanted to call me his fiance in the ceremony and program, but no ring, no deal). I'm also taking my new trench coat. Even if it doesn't rain, I think I'll find a reason to wear it ;) I also have 3 books packed and 6 articles to read (one in Russian, the rest in English). I have my plane tickets and I've taken the trash out. I almost forgot to pack the gift I bought for Tonya in Russia, but I remembered this morning. I have shampoo, conditioner, hairspary, goop, makeup, deodorant. I think I have everything, and if not, I'll just have to do without. I also remembered my camera and a couple of different purses. I think I'm set. I'm very excited and can't wait to update you when I get home. But first, I have to go to lecture. Fun, fun, fun.

See you all next week.

Zaftra, zaftra, ya lublu, tebya zaftra. . .

you're only a day away. Tomorrow is a big day. I get to fly first class, and I get to see Wes. Ok, those were not in order of importance. I'm very excited and feel like I have a ton of stuff to do before I leave. I teach today too, and one of the students who is supposed to present today, didn't show up for class last week. We'll see if she remembers she's supposed to present. I hope today goes by quickly. I hope so. I've never been to Washington state before, so I'm really excited. Thursday we're going to Seattle and we're going to have dinner at the, I don't remember what it's called, is it the space-needle? Then Friday, I get to see the air-craft carrier he was on. I actually get a tour of it. That's really cool. And Saturday, I get to see my friend Tonya, who I haven't seen in 2 years. I'm super excited about that. But I won't be updating until I get back. Which reminds me. Come on people, update already!!! What am I supposed to read when I'm trying to avoid my homework? You're letting me down.

Camille, the pictures were great, but I think you should probably really exam why you feel a need to always e-mail at least one picture of your boobs. Although, I have to admit, it cracks me up!!!

Feeling a bit blue. . .

If you could see me, that joke would be funnier. I'm completely dressed in blue, I guess because that is how I feel. It's raining again today, and while it is nice, it's a little depressing too. I have so many thoughts and feelings swirling around, that I just don't know if today's blog is going to make much sense.

I cleaned my apartment today. It looks beautiful. But part of me has to wonder if this isn't my way of maintaining control over something. See, I suffer from chronic mild depression and one symptom of depression is that you also have to be in control, because you feel like you aren't in control of your emotions, so you have to be in control everywhere else. Well, while I'm alone, my strange compulsions are fine: I'm alone, but now, I'm not alone anymore. I have to fit in another person and I have to be willing to allow my feelings and emotions to be out of my total control. I have to take a risk, and it really scares me. It's only been the last couple of years that I felt like my life and emotions were in my control, and now I'm giving that up. Voluntarily. Am I insane???? I guess my mama was right: when you meet the right person, everything changes. But, I have to wonder if I'm going to be able to be in a relationship without being a control freak. I don't want to be a control freak. Wes thinks I'm doing fine. He knows all about my "issues." I am so thankful for him and I love him so much. Last night, he offered to pull a credit check on himself so I can see that he's not lying about his credit. He will lay out all his financial stuff so I know what exactly he owes and how long it will take to pay off. I've obviously been screwed in this area before. But I didn't ask him, he offered. I thought that was so sweet. He even told me that as soon as he settles into his new place after he transfers (in Nov.) that he'll just send his paycheck and all his bills to me, and I can put him on an allowance and take care of everything. Actually, I don't want that much control. At least not right now. I think that would be a bit stressful. I have my own finances to worry about. But I thought it was nice that he thought it would be a good idea. I get to see him on Wed. and I can't wait.

From what I can figure. . .

Like the rest of you, I have seriously been trying to figure out what was going on in Wes's usually highly functioning brain when he called Charley this summer, and why he's now in denial about how stupid that was. I think there are a number of factors going on here. Let's start with 1, probably the easiest and the longest. There are two parts to part one (is everybody following me here). Let's start with part a) Charley quit talking to Wes about 3 1/2 years ago. Now, Charley and I had broke up 5 years ago, so when Charley quit talking to Wes, his excuse of not wanting to be in contact with him because Wes was still friends with me baffled Wes. Wes had seen Charley since we had broken up and so this just did not make sense. Wes really, really wanted to figure out what was going on. b) due to Wes's losing (I hate that term in regards to dead people. It makes it sound like we weren't careful enough with them and therefore their death was our fault. And, if we look really hard and long, we might find them again. Likewise, when I hear people ask if I've found Jesus, I want to respond that I haven't had time to look, but I think I left him under the couch) both his brother and mom before the age of 25 he has a very overdeveloped sense of friendship and loyalty. Therefore, I think at the most basic level, the level that Wes was thinking at, he called Charley because they were friends and Wes didn't understand why that had changed and he wanted to know why it had.

2. (that paragraph was just getting too long) I think Wes wanted to (at a subconscious level) let Charley know that I now belong to him. Yes, it's base, it's course and slightly degrading, but Wes is a man.

3. Concerning the denial part. I think Wes grossly underestimated the chemistry between Charley and I. I don't thinks he's admitted this to himself either, but I think he's somewhat afraid that I might leave him for Charley. It would never happen, but I understand why that would be a fear. Therefore, if he denies that Charley has an issue with us dating, then it means that Charley is over me and wouldn't take me back even if I wanted him. And if I think Charley is over me, because Wes keeps telling me so, then I wouldn't think about going back. Guy logic.

Soooooo, I think that's the extent of it. However, I think if I asked him, he would deny 2 and 3. Although, he has admitted to number 3 in a round-about way before. I don't blame him, but seriously, it's his own fault for calling Charley to begin with.

I really want a nap right now. I should do homework, but. . . .

How does that work again?

I was talking to Wes last night about Andrea. And he was very surprised that she wasn't snarky on the phone to me and that she seems much happier now that she realizes she's married and her man isn't going anywhere. He claims that our relationship obviously made her evaluate herself, her life and her relationship and that she must still have a few problems with the situation that will probably come out later. I mentioned a certain someone else who must obviously have problems with our relationship and who might act out at a later date. His reply: not gonna happen. Huh??? Let me get this straight. The girl who was in love with Wes for more than 10 years, but never dated him and is now happily married to someone she has dated for more than 4 years is having a harder time with our relationship than my ex, whom I lived with, talked about marrying, and who has tried to get me back at least once a year since we broke up 5 years ago (the last time being July 2004), and refuses to talk about me still. Is this a simple case of male ego on Wes's part, or does he know something he's not telling me? I think Wes realized he screwed up bad when he called Charley. He did admit last night that he is no longer initiating any phone calls to Charley. He said he talks to him if he calls, but other than that, he's trying to let the whole thing fade away. Is that because he realized it bothered me, or because he realized that the whole thing bothered Charley. I'm not sure. I was starting to wonder if the only reason Charley didn't freak out was to keep tabs on our relationship. I mean, it's hard to find out if people are still dating if you refuse to speak to either one of them. Whatever the case is, Wes did mention that Charley would not be informed of our wedding date, and might not even find out the relationship is that serious until after the wedding. Ok, but you think he's fine with the whole thing? Whatever!!! Sometimes men are really weird. Oh, and Minnie, yes I told her! Her reply to the second question was, "I'm not surprised."

Yesterday, I read a book for school. And it felt like that was all I did. It wasn't, but how am I supposed to read more than 500 books before next April if I can't get to more than one a day? Life if frustrating. But, thanks to a link Camille sent me, I think I found my dress, or at least the style I really like. I can't figure out how to get the link here, other than typing it out, and that just ain't going to happen right now.

Finally, for your amusement. I've taken a new interest in removing hair from my bikini line. It's because. . . I swim. . .yeah, that's why. Anyway, I bought some Nad's because I wanted it to be smooth and pretty. . . because I swim. Step one in the directions should be: drink a couple of vodka shots, because this is going to hurt like hell. It says you can do this yourself, but in reality, you really need to have a sadistic friend over to pull out your hair. Did I mention it hurts? So, one side of my bikini line looks pretty good. And. . . half of the other side looks ok. I just couldn't finish. It hurt so bad. I wanted to cry. Tonight, vodka shots and cleaning up the rest, and by the rest, I mean the rest, because, you know, I swim!

I hope everyone out there has a great Friday. I know I will, because I'm Mr. Brightside!
Stacia

My boyfriend

By the end of my trip to Russia, everybody was claiming that Lenin was my boyfriend. These are just a few of the different Lenin statues/likenesses I took pictures of. For those of you who don't understand my obsession with Lenin, I am a Ph.D student in USSR history, and I study the Lenin period. There was so much hope during that time and excitement that things would be different and amazing. Sadly, it didn't quite work out that way. But, communism is a huge part of their history, and many towns still have statues of him up. From left to right: Kostroma, Russia; Goritsi, Russia; in front of a cake factory, in Moscow, Russia; and VDKhN park, Moscow, Russia. And yeah, I'm trying to cop a feel in that one picture!

Yesterday I talked to my friend Andrea. For those of you who don't remember, Andrea has been friends with Wes longer than I have, and she also had a thing for him for a very long time. Apparently her marriage is going good, because she didn't make any snarky comments this time. Although, she asked me if I slept with Wes. That was weird. Then she wanted to know if it was good. Even weirder. I wasn't sure what to say.

Today, I don't have to be on campus. So I went and got the oil changed, picked up a package at the post-office, got groceries and now I'm just doing lots and lots of homework (as I type this: I'm good like that). If anyone wants to know about the rise of the Russian intelligentsia in the 18th and 19th centuries, please, let me know. I can tell you everything you want to know.

Stacia

Justification

This is how I'm going to justify looking for a dress now. Since we don't want a big wedding, we've decided we'll probably decide less than 2 months in advance when the wedding will be, ect. That leaves enough time to get plane tickets and plan a big, informal party, but not enough time to buy a dress. So, I'll just start looking until I find the perfect dress and then I'll buy it. Sounds good to me.

I swam a mile today. I haven't swam in a week and I think I've only swam a mile twice since I've been back from Russia. I felt really good, but when I walked into my office after swimming, they looked at me and wanted to know what happened to me. Guess I didn't look as good as I felt.

And today, one of the students who had signed up for the wrong stuff for the presentation came up to me today. Since I'm not a despot, I let him move his presentation. The other student will not be so lucky, because he still hasn't gotten back to me.

I see Wes in a week.

This is why

I didn't want to get engaged until I was ready to get married. Because I'm already looking at dresses and worrying about crap when I'm not even engaged. What is wrong with me???? Although, I'm finding some very pretty dresses. My parents won't pay for a second wedding, but said if they like the guy, they might pay for the dress. I think that's fair. I need to call them and find out how much that is. And, if my sister gets married next year too, I might not get the dress. Oh well, we'll figure something out.

Yesterday, yesterday was my day to teach. YAY!!!! Not. I got to my office yesterday and my two favorite office-mates were there. We sat and talked for a couple of hours (ok, maybe only and hour and a half), but we got on the subject of blogs and then we started swapping blog pages. So, HI to my new readers!!!! You know who you are. And I should mention, these are the coolest girls ever. We laugh a lot, which is very important as a grad student. Speaking of grad students; I think I crushed Sean's spirit yesterday. He's a Russian historian and he's a fifth year, without his MA, which means he's lucky they still let him enroll. (it should take three years at the longest). Yesterday, he told me, sadly, that he thought he was going to finish his thesis. I asked him why he was so sad about this. He told me he had had such hopes and dreams for his thesis, but now, he was just going to finish it without it being the work of art he wanted it to be. Instead of being understanding, I blurted out: Welcome to life!

Classes went well yesterday for the most part. I think I mentioned earlier that in one section four people signed up for the wrong stuff for presentations. I sent out an e-mail immediately, and two people responded to that, leaving two people who didn't. On Monday, right after I spilled my 32 ounce mug of tea everywhere, I announced that if they had signed up for the wrong stuff, to see me. No one did. Yesterday in section, I announced that there were at least 2 people who were signed up for the wrong stuff, and to see me or, GET A ZERO ON THEIR PRESENTATION GRADE. Wanna guess how many people saw me after class? Well, you're wrong. NO ONE DID! So now, I'm probably going to have to deal with pissed off students later in the semester. Oh well. What did they want, me to come to their houses and do the presentation for them? They're adults and seniors and they need to pay attention.

I'm so excited, I'm going swimming today. And also, I get to see Wes in a week.
have a great one,
Stacia

Let's try this

again.

Hey, it worked! What do you know? It wasn't me, it was the computer. Anyway, these are pictures of the two cathedrals on Kizhi Island in Northern Russia. They were built in the in mid-1600s and they are made entirely out of wood and not painted. They have turned silver and gold due to their age and the some sort of water process. They are also on the World Heritage Site, which means they receive international money to help with their upkeep because they're just so cool. The island is beautiful and very peaceful, but because only about 50 people live on the island (if that) and all for tourist reasons, so the vodka is very expensive. I mean everything was very expensive there. Although there was an artist there who did beautiful watercolors and acrylic of the island. He had very realistic looking ones, but also paintings in very bright colors that were obviously for children. When I go back, I'm going to buy some.

Alright, that's your Russian history lesson for the day. I have to teach today and not really looking forward to it. One of the classes I teach has royally screwed up and the result is that three or four people may just get zeros on their presentations because they didn't sign up for the correct stuff. I hate confrontations though and I know at least one student is going to challenge me on that. I may be the TA, but I'm still only the TA, you know. I'm also trying to get back on track for school stuff. I have so much to do, but I'm trying not to panic. It's too early to panic.

I'm going to go panic now,

Stacia

Dirt particles

So, my first weekend Wesless has passed and I have survived. Friday night I went out with friends for dinner. Saturday, I did homework. I can tell I'm out of practice. It took forever and it really shouldn't have. I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted to. Yesterday was rather interesting. The friend I picked up from the airport on Friday and went out with that night was here to present a paper in a conference. Well, someone else was also here for the conference. Let's call him . . . someone else. I had had a crush on this someone else last year. However, I knew he would not be here this year and he had an on again/off again relationship with someone else. However, it was very clear that he had a thing for me too. Well, my friend called me Sunday morning and told me that someone else really wanted to see me. I went to their presentation and then we all went out to lunch. Someone else grilled me about my relationship with Wes. And I do mean grilled. It was good seeing him though. I was reminded why I had a crush on him to begin with, but I was glad that I'm with Wes. It was a good affirmation. Then I came home and cleaned my apartment for THREE HOURS! I have a small one bedroom and it really wasn't all that dirty. However, the blinds above my bed were starting to look like they were growing fur to stay warm for the winter. I've been meaning to clean those since I moved in (2 years ago). And, since I keep waking up unable to breath and with a sinus headache, I finally decided to do it. It was disgusting!!!! But they look really good now and I slept really well last night.

That was pretty much my weekend. I miss Wes so much. I told him we weren't getting married for 2 years, but I think we might have to do it next fall. Anyone know a place where I can get a classy red or silver dress (or even green). I'm not wearing white. Already did that. Also, Wes and I finally talked about Charley. He thought that by bringing up Charley I could work through any unresolved issues. But I don't have any unresolved issues. At least not any that can be worked out by myself. I love Charley but because he's a dumbass, I can't be with him. And since I don't think I could ever trust him again, it's not like I would ever leave Wes for him. However, and I didn't tell Wes this, I would like to HEAR Charley admit that he's a dumbass. I guess I kind of want him to be pissed that Wes and I are seeing each other. Maybe it's just a pride thing. But I admitted to Charley that my depression played a large part in our break-up and I apologized for not getting it treated sooner. I would like to hear him admit that his addiction to drugs played a large part in our break-up and apologize for the fact that regardless of that fact that he says he wants to quit, he won't. Is that really too much to ask???? (I realize the answer is yes). I don't think I'll ever get that. But, I told Wes that if he wants me to talk about Charley less, he needs to quit telling me when he talks to Charley and what they talk about. He agreed. Hopefully, this will be the end of the issue. Somehow, I doubt it will be.

Finally, I guess I should stick a few pictures here, if I can figure out how to do it. Ok, I've technically added pictures twice and they've told me both times that they were here. I don't see any pictures. Do you? Someone help me out here.

thanks,
Stacia

What to do?

What am I going to do this weekend without anyone here? Since I got back from Russia, I pretty much haven't been alone, and I lived with people in Russia. I have to admit, it feels funny to be here by myself. So, what will I do?

I determined during the summer that I will take one day a week off from school work. Doing this will actually increase my productivity the rest of the week, and I won't feel like I never have any fun. Sundays will be my "free" day, mostly because I go to church. So today, I'm going to try to catch up on all the little school things I didn't do when Wes was here. That includes: filling out my minor form so I can finally turn it in and be through with my minor (sociology); going through my pre-lim list for Lou and making it shorter; e-mailing Lou about the list and make an appointment to see her; decide what I'm going to read next on Lou's list; finish reading stuff for the class I'm teaching; finish reading the book I'm reading for Fran's pre-lim list; make a list for my dissertation proposal and decide what to read next on that; make a list for David; go through all the articles I have for David and start to work on the paper that was due to him 2 years ago (I have to finish it this semester); work on my German; work on my Russian; find out if my transcript from this summer have been delivered to UW yet, and if yes, what I need to do to have my Russian requirement fulfilled with that. I also need to go to Walgreen's and return the videos to the store.

Since Sunday is going to be my "day off" I'm going to always clean on Sundays. That actually makes me feel better because I work much better in a clean and organized environment. Also, I live in a small one bedroom, so it's not like it takes that much time to clean. I think my "regular" schedule for Sundays will be: clean, get groceries, swim, cook/eat, read paper, talk to mom, go to church (evening service) and maybe even read for fun (I've forgotten what that is). I might throw an occasional nap in there too. Since Arrested Development moved to Mondays, there's really not much to watch on TV on Sundays, which is ok. The only shows I really like are Arrested Development, Scrubs, and House. I need to start checking the listings for cool stuff on PBS too. I always realize they had something cool on after the fact.

I guess that's it. And now that I've figured out how to post pictures, I'll probably post of few of my Russian trip. Other than that, I'm not doing much. I guess I should get started.

have a great weekend,
Stacia

To cheer me up

I needed some cheering up, so I'm posting some recent pics of my new look. I chopped all the hair off and dyed it. I feel much sexier now. What do you think?

Long weekend

alone. Wes left this morning. It was very hard to say good-bye. I'll see him in just two weeks, but still this is harder than I thought it would be. I've heard that you shouldn't marry the person you think you can live with, but the one you can't live without. Well, I think that's a bunch of crap because I've lived alone for 5 years and didn't think I could live with anyone every again. I could easily live with Wes. And that alone says a lot about us. And, I could live without him, but I don't want to. I want to be with him. So, I guess the trip was successful.

But, this morning was very emotional and stressful. I started my period yesterday, so I was already a little bit of a wreck. Then, after saying good-bye, I get to work, and one of my office-mates/friend' boyfriend dumped her last night. And one of our other office-mates (who I don't know that well) is also going through a break-up. Her and her girlfriend have been together for 4 years, so it's more like a divorce. Needless to say, the office atmosphere wasn't very happy.

Now, I just want to take a really long nap. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. But, I have to pick up my friend from the airport in less than 2 hours, so I think I'll just clean the apartment now, and sleep after I pick her up. At least I get to see her this weekend. I haven't seen her since May. We're having dinner tonight. After that, it will be a very lonely weekend.

hope everyone else is doing better,
Stacia

Saying good-bye, postponed

Wes decided he didn't want to leave today. So he's leaving tomorrow. It's nice that he's going to be here an extra day, but I had really prepared myself that he was leaving today. I also made plans to go drinking with my friends, and I can't really cancel that because I already bailed on her last week because Wes was here. But, at least he can pick me up so I don't have to worry about how much I drink. And I have plans tomorrow night, so it'll help me not realize he's gone until Saturday. And then, I'm so far behind in all my school stuff, because he was here, that I'll just be super busy anyway. He does have to leave tomorrow. He has a flight from Florida to Washington on Sunday he has to make. (don't ask, it has to do with him being commissioned as an officer and then being transferred from Washington to Virginia).

Now. . . .let's complain about students. I know school has only been in for 2 weeks, but good grief. One of the books assigned is out of print. So the very first week of class I made announcements in class and sent e-mails that the book was out of print but it was available on Amazon. I also made announcements that there are about 20 copies in the library. Tuesday I get to class (I teach 4 of them) and there was someone in EVERY SINGLE CLASS who asked where they could get the book. I'm so glad I sent out that e-mail. Then, they have to do presentations, so I asked them to sign up. I announced that they couldn't do presentations over the textbook, only the other readings. In one class, FIVE PEOPLE signed up to do presentations over the textbook. I immediately sent out an e-mail telling them they had to re-sign up. I've received an e-mail back from ONE STUDENT. But, at least two people are going to have to give presentations next week, because if they don't, there won't be anything else for them to give presentations on. So, is it my responsibility to e-mail them all individually to let them know they messed up? How does that work? Sometimes I wonder how old these students really are.

Finally, I hope God bitch slaps those people who stand on campus and let us all know that God hates us all and we're all going to hell. That strategy works so well that I saw the ENTIRE campus fall to their knees in repentance. (that was sarcasm just in case you couldn't tell). I am a Christian and try to live by the words of the Bible. I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God. I believe that Jesus is the son of God and died for my sins. I believe that believing in Jesus is the ONLY way to gain salvation. I have read the entire Bible several times, and I try to read it on a regular basis. I have NEVER read anywhere in the Bible that God hates anybody. I have read that He hates sin, but that He loves the sinner. The Bible says we are supposed to tell it like it is, but it also says that GOD LOVES US. It also says it is His compassion that brings us to repentance. I will never understand these people who paint God as a judgmental, hateful, hurtful, violent God and then wonder why nobody rushes to worship him. They give God and the rest of Christians such a bad name, and I honestly believe that God is going to hold them responsible for the damage they did to His cause.

Ok, even though all I technically have today is a five minute presentation, I do have a ton of homework. I hope everyone has a great day.

Stacia

Saying good-bye

Wes is leaving tomorrow. I don't want him to leave. I want him to stay and for us to get a bigger place to live and for him to get a good job and his kids to miraculously appear and for us to get married. It's not that we've had a "great" time together. We really haven't done anything outside of everyday routine. We didn't even go see a movie or go to the Farmer's market. We just did the normal things people do everyday, day after day. It's going to be hard to say good-bye, even though I'll see him again in two weeks. We're trying not to talk about it too much. The apartment is going to seem very empty after he is gone. Although, I'll probably get a lot more homework done. I hate long distance relationships.

On another note. I taught yesterday and it went really, really well. Except, only 3 (out of 8) people showed up for my last class. And I only received an e-mail from one of them. It's a little hard to teach when that happens. Thankfully, all three of them had read, and we were able to discuss. We were actually there for 40 (out of 50) minutes. Not bad.

Ok, I guess I should get ready for the day,
Stacia

Normality

something I've never really had with anyone else. But I have it with Wes. We've seen to fall into a domestic pattern that suits us very well. Who would have thought? I've been alone for 5 years and certainly didn't think it would be this easy to get along with someone else in my space, especially since we're in my small 1 bedroom apartment. But it's working pretty well. For example, yesterday, I picked up the apartment while he faxed/e-mailed some stuff he needed to for school. We then went shopping at Old Navy where I again spent a ton of money. Next, lunch, then came home and while I took a short nap, he did the dishes. Then I read for school for a couple of hours while he also read. Then we watched a couple of movies. It was a perfect day. We didn't do anything too exciting (ok, I left a few activities out), but it was nice. I was happy and content. Today will be similar. We need to get groceries and do the laundry. And a bunch of school stuff. I think today will be good too. That makes me happy!

So, off to the day,
Stacia

The envious green giant.

We're going to discuss Charley today. When Wes told Charley about us, he didn't freak out or say anything mean, and he has called Wes several times since then. But he never brings up me or the relationship and that was kind of bugging me because I couldn't figure out why. It finally dawned on me: he thinks I'm going to dump Wes. When I asked Wes about this, he confirmed that Charley had made a point of telling Wes that he (Charley) would be there for Wes when I dumped him, just like I dumped Charley. This upset me for 2 reasons. First, Charley dumped me. However, he has come back several times trying to get me back. He told me that he had expected me to wait for him and take him back, and when I didn't, he referred to that as me dumping him. Grow up!!! Second, it means he doesn't think Wes is as good as him, and thus, can't keep me either. And that kind of pissed me off too. We're wondering now, if Charley intends to try to "console" me also, after I dump Wes of course. We're also wondering when Charley is going to start asking Wes if we've broken up yet. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. But, since Charley pissed me off, he also lost something, and maybe he didn't know he had it, but I think he did. Wes and I have been having issues because I love Wes, but I'm not necessarily "in love" with him. You see, I still love Charley. And I wanted Charley to be special. I wanted him to always have a special place in my heart. I didn't want to love anyone else the same way and with the same passion I loved Charley. Now, screw that. Why, because he expects and wants the relationship between Wes and I to fail, and honestly, Wes is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's stable, he has a job, he's a great dad, he's a great friend, he treats me like a queen, and he loves me. And shouldn't Charley want that for me, even if he can't have me. And I am falling in love with Wes. The last two weeks has been wonderful. We've gotten along so well. So, I don't think Charley's going to need to console Wes any time soon.

This weekend

I am tired and my back hurts!!! I had a great weekend, but yesterday was really busy and my apartment has stacks of papers and books all over it. See, I got this new notebook computer and my old desktop is so old that it kept crashing. So, what do I need it for? It was only eating up space in my apartment. Yesterday, Wes and I went and bought a new office chair (greatly needed) and 2 tall bookcases (needed even more). We moved all my documents and stuff from my old computer to new, put the old one in storage, took my old work desk out to the dumpster and put together the 2 bookcases. After I put all the books I own on the bookcases, there won't be any space left on them (I already had 6 fully stuffed bookcases in the apartment). So, there is stuff everywhere, but by the end of the week, it will be much more conducive for studying. I just wish we had done it sooner so that today, when I start teaching, the apartment would already look great. Oh well.

Today, I start teaching. Well, really, it's just an introduction day. I hand out a few things and tell them how much work they'll have to do. It should be fine. And Wes is going to do the dishes while I'm gone.

hope everyone has a great week. Mickey's girl, praying that the test results come back negative. Don't forget to check out my Russian photos from yesterday!

Stacia

My pictures

Hi everyone! I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I finally got my pictures on a web page, so click on the link and take a look. They're not really in order so if you have any questions, let me know. Also let me know if you have any problems getting there.

Stacia

I am the champion!

Yesterday Wes wanted to play more of AOE. I won two games (and these are death matches) in less than 2 hours. Yeah, I'm good like that. Then we played a third game, with a harder map (islands) and after 3 hours we decided to quit. I could have won, but I was getting tired of playing and of spanking Wes. He really sucks at the game.

The first day of class. I couldn't believe how many people showed up even though it was the Friday before, ok, I guess you know. The professor is such a good lecturer: I'm so lucky to be his TA. But, he said we're going to have sections on Tuesday, and I thought, since it was the first week, we wouldn't have sections next week, just class. That's ok. I got all my stuff turned in for the TA job, so I'll get paid. I got the desk I wanted in my office (I share with 4 other people). My library carrel sucks though. There's a ton of empty ones, and they made me share with someone (it's kind of like a little cage in the library), and the door sticks really bad. (I was throwing myself against it and it wouldn't open). I think I'm going to ask them if I can get a new one. I also spoke to my advisor. She was excited about what a good time I had in Russia (I'll work on getting a webpage for the pictures this weekend). We discussed pre-lims and dissertations. It looks like it would make more sense for me to not go to Russia right away next fall for a year of research. What I'll probably do is go over for the summer and check out archives. Then I'll apply for funding for the following year. During the year I'm in the states, I'll just go to various archives we have here (Hoover institute: Harvard) and get all my preliminary research done. I like that anyway. It doesn't feel as stressful.

Well, I have no exciting plans this weekend. I think a little laundry, get groceries, and homework. I'll also work on those pictures. I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

Stacia

First day of class

I don't know who decided this, but today is the first day of the fall semester. Yes, the Friday before Labor Day weekend (with Monday off) is the first day of the fall semester. So, the university expects students to show up and go to class on the Friday before a long Labor Day weekend. I personally think the university was smoking crack when it made this decision. Really, who wants to show up for classes on the (say it with me now) FRIDAY BEFORE LABOR DAY WEEKEND? At least it'll be a short day. I'm going to the class I'm TAing for, and then I have a meeting with my advisor. Then I'm coming home and starting homework. Yes, I already have homework. I have 4 pre-lim lists I have to read for the spring semester. Might as well start now.

Wes and I played another game of AOE yesterday. He won, but when I won, it only took me an hour and a half to kick his ass. Yesterday, it took him more than three hours to finish me off. I think we'll be playing again this weekend.

I have to say Happy Second Birthday to my nephew Phoenix. No, he can't read, but it's the thought that counts. I picked him up the cutest gift in Russia. It's a puzzle, shaped like a little house, and it has a bunny rabbit, a porcupine, a rooster and another animal I can't think of. But the puzzle is entirely painted, front, back and sides, and thicker, almost like wooden blocks. It was really cute. And also, Happy Birthday Tonya. I miss you.

Finally, thanks to everyone who has come by and left me a note. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to all of you: things have been hectic. But I have been thinking about you and hoping the best for all of you.

Stacia

looking up

Yesterday Wes and I had a long and serious talk. And it went well, and things are better. We had a great day yesterday. It was hard for him to admit and acknowledge that he is farther along in the relationship than I am, but I promised to work on the emotional aspects as well. He also promised to try to not be as pushy about sex. So far, so good.

Tomorrow school starts. I don't feel even slightly prepared, but at the same time, I'm very excited. I meet with my advisor today to discuss stuff. There's a lot of stuff that needs to get done this semester. I tried looking for funding yesterday, but it looks like I might actually have to wait a year for that. That's ok, I knew the process could be difficult and not always quick.

I'm typing this on my notebook from my livingroom coffee table. Know what that means? It means Wes made my apartment wireless for me. It is great. We also played a game of Age of Conquerors last night and I kicked his ass!!! He promised that he didn't let me win, and he also promised it would be the last time.

ok, I need to get the day started. Hope everyone is doing well,
Stacia