Last new year alone

I have no plans for tonight. Well, I might go to bed early. Do those count as plans? I also have a horrendous cold. At least I hope it's only a cold. My brother has bronchitis and my sister has a sinus infection from hell. And I'm going to my grandparent's next week, and I'm always afraid I'm going to make them sick and then they will die. I worry too much. But the point is, everyone is out of town, Wes is home, I'm home, and I feel like crap. Yet, I think next year will be one of my happiest ever. If I ever find a dress I can stand.

I went dress shopping last week. I hate shopping. I hate shopping. I hate shopping. Say it with me, "I HATE SHOPPING!!!" I hate trying on clothes. My sister says it's because I have a body that looks good in anything, and thus, everything looks at least ok on me, if not better. We had a hard time finding any dresses the color I want. The one that we found that I loved was a prom dress, and therefore the material was really crappy. I had to try on a bunch of different colors at a very well known bridal chain that I won't mention by name because the service was really, really bad. And my mom and sister decided I should wear purple instead of green. Thus, I will put off shopping for a couple of months. Meanwhile, I bought a bridal magazine today for ideas. Wes wants to know why we're waiting until October. I guess it's because I want an outdoor fall wedding. I guess we could move it up to September. We'll see.

I bought a humidifier today. I know that's not exciting, but it's a very cute humidifier: it looks like a frog. Just thought I should share.

This year, Wes and I are going to do resolutions together. I also do year goals, 5 year goals and 10 year goals every year, so we're going to do those together too. I'll let you know if there are any exciting ones. This is going to be a very hectic year for me. I have pre-lims and dissertation proposal defense in the spring. I'm going to Russia for a month this summer. I'm moving to Virginia and getting married in the fall. And all my grant applications are due between August and December. I think that's about it.

I tried to put up some new links. If they don't work, let me know.
I hope everyone has a great new year's celebration and remember to call a cab!!!

How not to spend Christmas

With a 24 hour stomach bug. Yes, I had a great Christmas, running to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I couldn't even sleep and since my family originally thought I was just in a bad mood because Wes had left early Christmas morning, they all had to find out (there were 10 of us) that I had a stomach bug and all the nasty details I'm not going to tell you. Let's just say that it was kind of like having Christmas twice, because I didn't remember what I got, so everything was brand new the next day when I looked at it again.

And I did get some good stuff, which is part of the benefit of having a large family (again, ten of us, and several others mailed presents). Wes got me the Age of Empire III, and that's what my parents got for him, so we can play against each other. He also got me the complete New Yorker on DVD. I love the New Yorker, but it is a dangerous gift, as I am still in school and need to get stuff done. His kids got me a super soft bathrobe, which I really needed. His dad got me a Russian cookbook. It is beautiful, has a ton of recipes and several pictures for each one. I also got the first two seasons of Scrubs, the Garden State, a backpack, mixing bowls, a watch, cash, another cookbook, and a ton of other stuff. It's going to have to be shipped back home. So then I'll get to open it all up again!!!

My family loves Wes. Absolutely adore him. My mom is so happy. Even my brother thinks Wes is amazing. They think he fits in our family perfectly and that he treats me very well. The family likes his dad too, which is good, because other than his kids, his Dad is his only immediate family. My dad invited his dad to golf anytime. And his dad loves me and my family too. It was a great week with them here. I'm so relieved and I feel like I finally got it right. I wish everyone could be as happy as I am right now.

My nephew is adorable. He is 27 months and picks up new words everyday, mostly by saying them 10 times in a row. If you ask him if he's cute, he says "no, I'm tough" and then he growls and makes muscles. It's so cute!!! And he knows my name. If you pretend you're asleep, he'll crow like a rooster. He's a smart little boy and he knows his colors and his numbers and some of his letters. And he loves his daddy. I wish I could see him more than I do, but I guess that's part of life.

Well, I'm off to have tea with one of my friends. I hope everyone is having a great Christmas or Hanukkah. I am, but it's going by too fast. I go home on Friday already. I guess I will just enjoy it while I can.

It's official!!!

I am officially engaged!!! He didn't do it last night. But he was very nervous. My entire family thinks he is wonderful. Tomorrow he meets Camille. So far, everything has been great.
He was going to take me back to our old highschool and ask me there. See, we used to go sit in his car for lunch every day and talk the entire time, so he was going to take me where it all started and ask me, but school was still in, so the parking lot was full. He was so nervous, because then he didn't know what to do. We drove by his old church and the pastor was there, so he suggested we stop. I had only been to his old church once: for his wedding. We talked with the pastor for a while, and he asked if we had an announcement and I said no, because I didn't have a ring yet. The pastor asked if we'd like the sanctuary to ourselves for a moment and Wes said yes. He said it was a little weird because he had gotten married there, but he liked the idea of proposing in a church because it represented a new start for us both and that this wasn't just a physical commitment, it was a also a spiritual commitment between the two of us. And I said yes. (Like anyone thought I would say no). The ring is so beautiful. Very, very sparkly. And my family is very happy. Everything is going well. And my nephew is adorable and can say my name. I'm so happy!!! I hope everyone is having a great holiday too and knows that they are all loved by someone.

I'll be home for Christmas. . .

tomorrow. I go home tomorrow. I'm so excited. I should probably pack. Yesterday, the students took their finals. And I am happy to report that their final grades have already been e-mailed to the professor. Nobody failed it, although there were a few that were close. It was a good semester but I'm happy it's over.

Tomorrow, I go home and I get to see my family and Wes and meet his dad. This sounds ridiculous, but I asked Wes how long he planned on waiting before he proposed because I want to show my ring off. It kind of made me feel like a bitch, but he laughed and said he intended to wait about 5 minutes. He also said he will probably cry, so he wants to do it in private. Isn't that sweet. He also said the ring is 10 times more beautiful than in looks in the pictures. And then on Tuesday, the little man comes over. I'm sure that will be exciting for about 30 minutes (utter sarcasm). Two year olds can be very tiring, but he is the cutest two year old ever. And smart too. Mom said he knows his colors and some shapes. Tuesday night, Craig will come over for dinner. I'm not sure when the rest of the family will show up, but Elise is at home already too (they got out a week before us). But it will be a great week. Camille gets to meet Wes, and Wes and I will get to see Andrea and her husband.

I guess I should get some sleep. And I need to pack. The cab picks me up tomorrow at 10:45a, and I'll be home by 3:45p. I hope everyone is as happy as I am.

Random facts

Clarity asking for 5 random facts got me thinking. So I decided to do a random facts blog. I'm not sure how many, but they will all have to do with me or my family.

1. The only time I was in the town where I was born, was when I was born.
2. my biological father never visited me or my mom in the hospital.
3. They were divorced before I was born.
4. When I was three, my mom remarried and her new husband adopted me. For that, I am eternally grateful.
5. I am the oldest of three. My brother is 26 and my sister is 19.
6. I also have two sisters I have never met and who probably don't know I exist.
7. My brother and I hated each other growing up.
8. The first thing I ever bought with my own money was the Laura Ingalls Wilder book set.
9. I still have them.
10. I've lived in Las Vegas NV for a total of 7 years. We moved to TX when I was 13.
11. The man who lived behind us in Las Vegas was arrested for kidnapping, raping and attempted murder of a 10 year old neighborhood girl.
12. I hate Dallas TX.
13. Someone there actually asked me if I had been a stripper in Las Vegas. As stated previously, I was 13 when we moved away.
14. Growing up, I thought if I was bad, my parents wouldn't love me anymore.
15. Then my brother came along and I realized that parents always love you, even if they don't like you.
16. Camille and I met each other at the Christian junior highschool we went to.
17. Everyone who went to that school was a misfit.
18. I love Camille more than I love any non-family member.
19. I used to spend the night at her house and we would make brownies and eat the batter and drink big glasses of milk and just talk and laugh all night.
20. When Camille had to move away for a couple of years, I felt so lost.
21. I was 15 when I got my first kiss. Turned out he was a pyscho and I saw him a year and a half ago and he says he still loves me.
22. I was 20 before I had sex. It was with my future husband. It wasn't exactly consensual.
23. I met Andrea in geometry class as a sophomore in highschool.
24. I was in love with Wes as a junior in high school.
25. We never dated in high school, but everyone thought we did.
26. I never went to prom.
27. I hated high school.
28. I grew up in Church. I still go to Church.
29. I tithe.
30. I believe in God and Jesus. I believe people who tell other people they're going to hell because they don't believe, or because of their lifestyle, will go to hell themselves.
31. I love to swim.
32. I wish I had continued playing piano.
33. I dated Charley in highschool.
34. I loved college.
35. I had a professor ask me to sleep with him.
36. I said no.
37. I got married when I was 21.
38. I got divorced when I was 23.
39. I am a domestic abuse survivor.
40. I've been divorced almost 8 years: it seems like it happened to someone else.
41. I cheated on my husband.
42. My brother is a recovering drug addict.
43. He's been clean 4 years.
44. He has a beautiful son.
45. My brother used to be a professional body piercer.
46. I have 15 piercings: 13 in my ears and two in my belly button. My brother did one of them.
47. My sister is beautiful.
48. She's a ballet dancer.
49. My parents are still married and still in love.
50. My grandparents are my heroes.
51. Blue is my favorite color.
52. Four is my favorite color.
53. M is my favorite letter.
54. My couch and loveseat are red.
55. I love to read.
56. I have 8 full bookshelves and I still have more books under the bed.
57. I think Charley is one of the sexiest men ever.
58. I'd rather have sex with Wes.
59. I love photography.
60. Wes has a growing collection of pornographic photos of me.
61. I love to laugh.
62. I have chronic mild depression.
63. My brother has societal anxiety order.
64. My sister seems to be ok.
65. I love music.
66. I love to cook.
67. My mom is one of my best friends
68. I never thought I'd get married again.
69. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
70. I've been in college for 11 years.
71. I have a bachelor's degree in history/English lit. and two master's degrees, both in Modern European history.
72. I wish I were better with foreign languages.
73. I am five foot five and weigh 120 lbs.
74. I've never weighed this much before.
75. I'm 31 years old.
76. I feel like I'm sexier now than I've ever been in my life.
77. I will be friends with Camille and Andrea until I die.
78. I want to visit ever country in the world, but will settle for every continent.
79. I like to try new things, but I'm also afraid of looking stupid and having people laugh at me.
80. Wes is good at getting me out of this shell.
81. I once got expelled from school for stealing a car (not nearly as exciting as it sounds).
82. Sometimes, since I've known that I wanted to be a professor since I was 15, I feel like my life has been predetermined, and hence, boring.
83. I can't imagine doing anything else.
84. I want to help other people.
85. I love to teach.
86. I still get crushes on various professors.
87. I feel like I will never be as smart as other graduate students.
88. I found out, they feel the same way.
89. I love to play games, like trivia pursuit and risk.
90. My family hates playing those games with me, because I always win.
91. I think both my brother and sister are smarter than me, just in a different way.
92. I honestly think my parents did the very best job they could have.
93. I had never drank alcohol until I got divorced: I never done drugs, not even pot.
94. Now I have to be careful when I drink.
95. I love birds, they make me happy.
96. I don't like to watch TV.
97. I'm a voyeur, which is why I like to read other people's blogs.
98. I think hair is to experiment with.
99. I was 27 before I felt like an "adult."
100. I love who I am.

ok, I guess that's enough. I'm really just trying to put off cleaning my apartment and doing homework. I hope everyone learned something interesting today and that people are happy and not stressed out.

Infection

Apparently I have been infected by Clarity, who has an amazing blog I've been reading for a little over 6 months but haven't managed to link yet. (ok, I'm a loser). I'm planning on doing that over Christmas. clarity25.diaryland.com But here's the thing, "Write 5 random facts about yourself, and then list the names of 5 people whom you in turn infect". Do I know 5 people?

anyway, here goes.

1. My mom threw a surprise birthday party for me one year, I think I was 17. I asked her when everyone was going to leave. (I'm not that social, and Camille wasn't there).
2. I decided at age 15 that I wanted to be a Russian history professor.
3. Mountains are my favorite type of landscape.
4. I always wanted to adopt instead of being pregnant. I remember telling my mom when I was in first grade that I wanted to adopt 6 kids.
5. I consider myself to be a boring person.

So, I tag
Camille
Queen
Mickey's girl
(again I am totally computer illerate (and apparently I can't spell either), so if you want to visit these people, they're in the links on the side)

If any random person is reading this and decides they want to do it to, leave a note.

Other than that, it snowed all day. Literally. It stilled hasn't stopped. I guess it's ok, except I have to drive tomorrow and I hate driving in the snow. But tomorrow should be a good day. I'm getting my hair done and I'm going to see one of my friends. That'll be fun. Then another review session. I had one today and the students just stared at me. I don't get it. I'm not going to write their tests for them. Friday, I'm just cleaning house and packing and stuff like that. Saturday, the students take the final and then I grade and grade and grade. Monday I leave for home. I'm very excited about seeing Wes and my family. Ok, I'm kind of ecstatic. I'm just holding it in, because I can only focus on one thing at a time, and right now, that's the rest of the semester.

Ok, I have to get something to eat. Stay warm and be merry.

plagerism

Yes, there was one student who decided they needed to add a little spice to their paper. The ironic part: it was still an F paper. But now there's all this bureaucratic bs paperwork we have to do. I just don't get it. And I'm not in the best of moods because I have a sinus infection and I'm still getting those headaches. I really hope they go away before I start grading the finals.

I wonder how any students would cheat on this! Yes, it's another edition of pre-lim lists. This week: USSR history pre-lim list. This is my speciality, and it's still not the longest list I have. I have probably read at least half of this list, but I took bad notes. So please feel free to make this your Christmas reading and then send me your notes!

General Introduction:
Cohen, Stephen, “Sovietology as a Vocation,” in Rethinking the Soviet Experience, 1985.
Daniels, Robert V., “Does the Present Change the Past?” Journal of Modern History 70, no. 2 (1998).
Gleason, Abbott, “the October Revolution: Invention and reinvention, Ad Infinitum,” Journal of Modern History 70, no. 2 (1998).
Kotkin, Stephen, “1991 and the Russian Revolution: Sources, conceptual Categories, Analytical Frameworks,” Journal of Modern History 70, no. 2 (1998).
Smith, S. A., “Writing the history of the Russian Revolution after the Fall of Communism,” in Europe-Asia Studies 46, no. 4 (1994).

1917:
E. H. Carr, The Bolshevik Revolution, vol. 1, 1950.
William Chamberlin, The Russian Revolution, vol. 1, 1935.

Robert V. Daniels, Red October, 1967 (Chap 11).
Alexander Rabinowitch, The Bolsheviks Come to Power, 1976 (Chaps. 15-16).
Ronald Grigor Suny, “Toward a Social History of the October Revolution,” American Historical Review 88, no. 1 (1983).
Orlando Figes and Boris Kolonitskii, Interpreting the Russian Revolution; The Languages and Symbols of 1917, 1999 (Chap. 2).
Frederick Corney, Telling October: Memory and the making of the Bolshevik Revolution, 2004.

V. I. Lenin, “What is to be Done?” and “State and Revolution.”
Edward M. Dune, Notes of a Red Guard, 1993.
N. N. Sukhanov, The Russian Revolution 1917: A Personal Record, 1984.
Viktor Shlovsky, A Sentimental Journey: Memoirs, 1917-1922, 1984.

Civil War
E. H. Carr, The Bolshevik Revolution, vol. 2, 1952.
William Chamberlin, The Russian Revolution, vol. 2, 1935.
E. B. Genkina, Obrazovanie SSSR, 1947.

Leopold H. Haimson, “Civil war and the Problem of social Identities in Early Twentieth-Century Russia,” in Party, State and Society in the Russian Civil War: Explorations in Social History, 1989.
Evan Mawdsley, The Russian Civil War, 1987 (Intro, chaps, 15-19, conclusion).
William Rosenberg, “The Social Background to Tsektran,” and
Moshe Lewin, “The Civil War: Dynamics and Legacy,” in Koenker, Rosenberg, and Suny eds. Party, State, and Society in the Russian Civil War, 1989.
Orlando Figes, Peasant Russia, Civil War: the Volga Countryside in Revolution, 1917-1921, 1989 (Intro, chap 3).
Peter Holquist, “Information is the Alpha and Omega of Our Work: Bolshevik Surveillance in its Pan-European context,” JMH 69, (1997).

V. P. Butt ed., The Russian Civil War: Documents from the Soviet Archives, 1996.
Richard Pipes ed., The Unknown Lenin: From the Secret Archive, 1996.

The Formation of the Soviet Union
E. H. Carr, The Russian Revolution, vol. 1.
Walker Connor, The National Question in Marxist-Leninist Theory and Perspective, 1984 (Chap. 2-3).
E. B. Genkina, Obrazovanie SSSR, 1947.
Gregory Massell, The Surrogate Proletariat: Moslem Women and Revolutionary Strategies in Soviet Central Asia, 1919-1929, 1974.

Richard Pipes, The Formation of the Soviet Union, rev. ed, 1991 (chaps. 2-6).
Olaf Caroe, Soviet Empire: The Turks of Central Asia and Stalinism, 1954.
Yuri Slezkine, “The USSR as a Communal Apartment, or How a Socialist State Promoted Ethnic Particularism,” Slavic Review 53, no. 2 (1994).
Francine Hirsch, “The Soviet Union as a Work-in Progress: Ethnographers and the Category Nationality in the 1926, 1937, and 1939 Censuses,” Slavic Review 56, no. 2 (1997).
Terry Martin, The Affirmative Action Empire, 2000 (chap. 1).
Douglas Northrop, Veiled Empire: Gender and Power in Stalinist Central Asia, 2004.

Decrees and Constitution of Soviet Russia (The Nation Press), 1920.
To See the Dawn: Congress of the Peoples of the East, 1993.
P. N. Pospelov ed., Lenin I Akademiia nauk, 1969.

NEP
E. H. Carr, Socialism in One country 1924-1926, 3 vols., 1958-1964.

Moshe Lewin, Lenin’s Last Struggle, 1968.
Stephen Cohen, “Bukharin, NEP, and the Idea of an Alternative to Stalinism,” in Rethinking the Soviet Experience.
Alan Ball, Russia’s Last Capitalists, 1987.
Elizabeth Wood, “Class and Gender at Loggerheads in the Early Soviet State: Who Should Organize the Female Proletariat and How?” in Frader and Rose, eds. Gender and Class in Modern Europe, 1996.
Eric Naiman, Sex in Public: The Incarnation of early Soviet Ideology, 1997 (intro. chaps. 3-7).

V. I. Stalin, The Foundation of Leninism, 1924.
William Rosenberg, Bolshevik Visions, 1984.

Cultural Revolution
Sheila Fitzpatrick, “Introduction” and “Cultural Revolution as Class War,” The Cultural Front, 1992.
Kendall Bailes, Technology and Society Under Lenin and Stalin, 1978 (Chaps. 2, 3, 7, 8).
Katerina Clark, St. Petersburg: Crucible of Cultural Revolution, 1995 (intro. Chaps. 11, 12).
Michael David-Fox, “What is Cultural Revolution?” Russian Review 58, no. 2 (1999): and the Fitzpatrick and David-Fox exchange.
Paula Michels, “Medical Propaganda and Cultural Revolution in Soviet Kazakhstan, 1928-41,” Russian Review 59, no. 2 (2000).
David Joravsky, “The construction of the Soviet Psyche,” in Fitzpatrick eds., Cultural Revolution in Russia.

Akademicheskoe delo, 1920-1930gg. Delo po obvineniiu akademika S. F. Platonov, 1993.
Lih, Naumov, and Khlevniuk eds., Stalin’s Letters to Molotov, 1925-1936, 1995.

Collectivization and Industrialization
Alec Nove, An Economic History of the Soviet Union, 1982.
E. H. Carr and R. W. Davies, Foundation of a Planned Economy, 1971.

Merle Fainsod, How Russia is Ruled, 1963.
Moshe Lewin, The Making of the Soviet System, 1985 (chaps. 6, 9).
William Rosenberg and Lewis Siegelbaum, Social Dimensions of Soviet Industrialization, 1993 (Chaps. 1, 8).
Lynne Viola, Peasant Rebels Under Stalin, 1996 (intro., Chaps, 1-3, 6, 7).

Merle Fainsod, Smolensk Under Soviet Rule, 1958.
Viktor Danilov, Sovetskaia derevnia glazami VChK-OGPU-NKVD: 1918-1939: dokumenty I materialy, 4 vols., 1998.
V. Ilin, New Russia’s Primer, 1931.

Stalinism
Isaac Deutscher, Stalin, 1949.
Ian Kershaw and Moshe Lewin, Stalinism and Nazism: Dictatorships in Comparison, 1997, (intro., chap. 4).
Giuseppe Boffa, The Stalin Phenomenon, 1992.

Martin Malia, The Soviet Tragedy,1994.
L. Trotsky, The Revolution Betrayed.
Leonard Schapiro, “The Concept of Totalitarianism,” Survey, 1969.
Alec Nove, “Was Stalin Necessary?” and exchange in Problems of Communism 25, no. 4 (1979).
Robert Tucker, “Stalinism as Revolution From Above,” Stalinism, 1977.
Giuseppe Boffa, The Stalin Phenomenon, 1992.
Sarah Davies, Popular Opinion in Stalin’s Russia, 1997, (chaps. 10, 11).
Simon Sebag Montefiore, Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar, 2004.

Lewis Siegelbaum and Andrei Sokolov eds., Stalinism as a Way of Life, 2000.
O. V. Khlevniuk, Stalinskoe Politbiuro v 30-e gody: sbornik dokumentov, 1995.

Terror
Eli Sagan, Citizens and Cannibals: The French Revolution, the Struggle of Modernity , and the Origins of Ideological Terror, 2001.
James C. Scott, Seeing Like a State, 1998.

Robert Conquest, The Great Terror: A Reassessment, 1990, (chaps., 1-4, 8, 9).
Gabor Rittorsporn, “The State Against Itself: Socialist Tensions and Political Conflict in the USSR, 1936-1938,” Telos (Fall 1979).
J. Arch Getty, The Origins of the Great Purges, 1985 (intro. chaps. 4, 6).
Paul Hagenloh, “Socially Harmful Elements’ and the Great Terror,” in Fitzpatrick ed., Stalinism: New Directions, 2000.
Terry Martin, “The Origins of Soviet Ethnic Cleansing,” JMH 70 (1998).
Forum on race and racial politics in the Soviet Union, Slavic Review, Spring 2002.
Anne Applebuam, GULAG: A History.
J. Arch Getty, “The Politics of Repression Revisited,” in Stalinist Terror, 1993.

J. Arch Getty, Oleg V. Naumov, The Road to Terror, Stalin and the Self-Destruction of the Bolcheviks, 1932-1939, 1999.

Mentalities and Identities
Renee Fulop-Miller, The Mind and Face of Bolshevism, 1928.

Sheila Fitzpatrick, “Ascribing Class: The construction of Social Identity in Soviet Russia,” JMH 65, no. 4 (1993).
Stephen Kotkin, Magnetic Mountain: Stalinism as a Civilization, 1995.
Igal Halfin and Jochen Hellbeck, “Rethinking the Stalinist Subject: Stephen Kotkin’s Magnetic Mountain and the State of Soviet Historical Studies,” Jahrbucher fur Geschichte Osteuropas 44, no. 3 (1996).
Jochen Hellbeck, “Fashioning the Stalinist Soul: The Diary of Stepan Podlubny, (1931-1939),” Jahrbucher 44, no. 3 (1996).
L. Trotsky, A. Kollontai, N. Krupskaia, in Bolshevik Visions.
Wendy Goldman, “Abortion, the State, and Soviet Women, 1917-1936,” in B. Clements, B. Engel, C. Worobec, eds., Russia’s Women: Accommodation, Resistance, Transformation, 1991.
Gail Lapidus, Women in Soviet Society.

Veronique Garros, Nataliea korenevskaya, and Thomas Lahusen eds. Intimacy and Terror: Soviet Diaries of the 1930s, 1995.
Memoirs of Evgeniia Ginzberg, Nadezhda Mandelstam, Ilya Ehrenberg.
Arthur Koestler, Darkness at Noon, 1941.

World War II
Alexander Werth, Russia at War, 1964.

Aleaxander Dallin, German Rule in Russia, 1941-1945, 1957.
Jan T. Gross, “Social Consequences of War: Preliminaries to the Study of Imposition of communist Regimes in east Central Europe,” Eastern European Politics and Societies, 3, no. 2 (1989).
Daniel Peris, “’God is Now on Our Side’: The Religious Revival on Unoccupied Soviet Territory During World War II,” Kritika 1, no. 1 (2000).
Amir Weiner, Making Sense of War: The Second World War and the Fate of the Bolshevik Revolution, 2001.

N. F. Bugai, Iosif Stalin, Lavrentiiu Berii: “Ikh nado deportirovat’”: dokumenty, fakty, kommentarii, 1992.
M. M. Gorinov, A. S. Kiselev, et. al. eds. Moskva voennaia, 1941-1945. Memuary is arkhivnye dokumenty, 1995.
K. M. Anderson and A. O. Chubar’ian eds., Komintern I vtoraia mirovaia voina. Moscow, 1994.

The Post-War Period
Michael Kort, The Columbia Guide to the Cold War, 2000.
Timothy Dunmore, Soviet Politics, 1945-1953, 1984.
Susan J. Linz. Eds., The Impact of World War II on the Soviet Union, 1985.

Nicholas Timasheff, The Great Retreat, 1946.
Milovan Djilas, The New Class, 1957.
Vera Dunham, In Stalin’s time, 1976 (chaps. 1, 3).
Elena Zubkova, Russia After the War: hopes, Illusions, and Disappointments, 1998 (chaps. 1-10).

Barrington Moore, “The Present Purge in the USSR,” Review of Politics 9, no. 1 (1947).
Svetlana Alieva ed., Tak eto Bylo, 3 bols., 1993.
Documents from the Cold War International History Project.

The Soviet Bloc
George Schoepflin, Politics in Eastern Europe, 1945-1992, 1993.
Geoffrey and Nigel Swain, Eastern Europe Since 1945, 1993.

Zbigniew Brzezinski, The Soviet Bloc: Unity and Conflict, 1967 (chap. 8).
Adam Ulam, Expansion and Coexistence, 1974 (chap. 11).
William Taubman, Khrushchev: The Man and His Era, 2003 (Chaps. 11-13, 15-16, 19-20).

Alexander Dallin, eds., Diversity in International Communism: A Documentary Record, 1963.
Wolfgang Leonhard, Child of the Revolution, 1967.

Domestic Thaw
Geoffrey Hosking, The Awakening of the Soviet Union, 1991.

Svetlana Boym, Common Places: Mythologies of Everyday Life, 1994 (Chaps. 1, 2).
Richard Stites, Russian Popular Culture: Entertainment and Society since 1900, 1992 (chap. 5).
Yitzhak Brudny, Reinventing Russia: Russian Nationalism and the Soviet State, 1953-1991, 1998 (chaps. 2, 3).
Vladislav Zubok and Constantine Pleshekov, Inside the Kremlin’s Cold War, 1996 (chaps, 3-8 and postmortem).
V. A. Kozlov, Massovye besporiadki v SSSR pri Khrushcheve i Brezhneve, 1999.
J. Millar, “The Little Deal,” Slavic Review 44, no. 4 (Winter 1985).
Nikita Khrushchev, The Crimes of the Stalin Era, 1956.
Nikita Khrushchev, Khrushchev remembers, 2 vols., The glasnost Tapes.

Stagnation, Reform, and Dissolution
David Remnick, Lenin’s Tomb, 1993.

Ronald Grigor Suny, The Revenge of the Past, 1993 (chap. 4).
Martin Malia, The Soviet Tragedy, 1994 (intro.).
Katherine Verdery, What was Socialism and What comes Next?, 1996 (chap. 1).
Katherine Verdery, “Nationalism and National Sentiment in Post-Socialist Romania,” Slavic Review 52, no. 2 (Summer 1993).
Stephen Katkin, Armageddon Averted, 2001.
Z, “To the Stalin Mausoleum,” Daedalus 119, no. 1 (1990).

CPSU, Central Committee Plenum, September 1989.
A. V. Korotkov, S. A. Mel’chin et. al. eds., Kremlievskii samosud: sekretnye dokumenty Politbiuro o pisatele A. Solzhenitsyne, 1994.

Epiphany

I've always felt slightly guilty because I don't feel as intensively about Wes as I did about Charley. I knew Wes was better for me, and that we were much more compatible than Charley and I, but I still felt this intense ache/longing for Charley. More emotional. Well, I think I figured it out.

I want Charley the way someone wants a drug. It makes you feel unreal and amazing. Invincible and intense. You have to have it, because it's a drug. hey want you to need them like a drug. They keep giving you just enough to keep you coming back, but no more. And when it goes away, you think you're going to die and that there is no way you can live without it. You forget all the yucky side effects and only remember the high. But you can live without and eventually, you find you don't think about it as much, you go longer and longer between times thinking about it. And when you do, there's a little ache, that wants that high again, but a larger part of your brain that reminds you why you shouldn't (although, that part doesn't always win out).

Wes is more like food, warmth and clothing. Things you don't think about, because they're just there. You need them, but don't ever think about them until they're gone. You might actually complain about how boring, plain, or old they are, but yet, if you didn't have them, you would die. You don't get the same rush from them as you would from drugs, but, if push came to shove, this is what you would choose. And if Wes went away, I don't think there would be any part of my brain that would remind me why I shouldn't be with him (unless he does something really stupid). And I would ache for him more intensely then I did for Charley (and that was really intense and very long). Wes is my sustenance. He keeps me going by taking care of me. He wants me to be happy. He loves me. He gives me all of himself. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him so much and I feel so happy and so lucky. I've never felt so secure in a relationship before. It is a wonderful, scary, exhilarating feeling. It feels like Christmas!

Unwanted side effects

It's really hard to grade papers and study when your brain has decided it is way too smart for your head and needs a bigger place, and therefore, is trying to push it's way out through your face and temples. I've had a headache since last Tuesday, at least, if not longer. I'm on this medication where headaches are a side effect, because it can cause swelling of the brain. The problem is, as a graduate student, I used to get headaches all the time. And it is the end of the semester. Time to be stressed out. But these are really severe headaches. But they're also sinus headaches. So, are they caused by the medication, or not? At the most, I would only have to be on this medication for 2 more months. I'd like to make it that far, even though I hate the side effects.

I can't drink alcohol, I shouldn't drive at night, because it can effect my night vision (it hasn't yet), it can do stomach damage, depression (already have it under control), thinning hair (I haven't had a problem with this), the headaches, joint pain (not that I've noticed), the high cholesterol, and extremely severe birth defects, were I to get pregnant. You actually have to sign 5 different documents stating that if you have sex, you will use two different forms of birth control. You have to be on the pill to get this medication. This medication is serious.

So why am I am on this medication? What horrible disease or ailment could cause me to take something with such serious side effects? What terrible thing do I suffer from that I've never shared with the rest of you?

Adult acne. Yep, that's it. I suffer from adult acne. After suffering from teenage acne and pre-teen acne. I always used to joke that I look so young because of the acne. But after years of looking at pictures and thinking, "I'm in my twenties, why does my face look like it's 15" I decided I wanted to take care of it. Partly because my mom had adult acne until she hit menopause (yeah, you read that right). And I'm getting married next year. I want to look pretty. And I'm 31, and tired of having more acne than my students. But, the medication is working for that. It's the end of the semester. Normally I would have 5 to 10 of those giant painful zits. Right now, I have two. And they're going away after a few days, rather than 3 weeks. So if my doctor thinks my headaches are ok, then I think they're ok.

So, I am going to try to clean my apartment and do homework.
I dreamed about Charley last night too. I told him to quit following me because we were not getting back together, that I was with Wes. And it hurt to tell him that, but it felt really good too. Hopefully I don't ever have to do that. But if I do run into Charley and he asks about me and Wes, I'm going to say "This was not a competition. This was two different situations at two different times," and leave it at that.

Christmas Party snow

Just when you don't want it to snow. Like when you have to drive an hour to get to a cookie exchange, with cookies that you left in the oven too long, because the recipe said 12-15 minutes. How were you supposed to know 12 minutes would be too long? Anyway, back to the snow. It's beautiful, but, I just cleaned my car off!!! And, like I said I have 2 Christmas parties today. The first, in a different town. Well, it's not snowing hard, so I guess it'll be ok.

Wes had the kids this weekend. He said they got in the car and asked where I was. Say it with me, "Ahhhhh!" that's so sweet. I told Wes that I'm so happy that I'm afraid I will spontaneously break out into song and dance. He wants to see that, but I told him I would make him dance with me. Like in the mall, to the Christmas music. And if you don't think I would do something like that, ask Camille. But, Wes said he would sing and dance with me, so that's how you know I'm with the right guy!

I've read 14 papers since yesterday afternoon. Some of these papers really make me question my ability as a TA. But then, when 99% of them are great (or at least good) and that last 1% has so totally missed it that you wonder what class they're writing the paper for, well, I guess I can't really blame myself for that. One of the other TAs, for a different class, has one of my students in her class and she said he doesn't get that class either. Makes you feel bad for the students who don't get it. Also makes you wonder how they got into college. Oh well. For the most part the papers are good, and that makes me happy. And no, I don't (and can't) really take credit for students who were already smart to begin with. I'll just take credit for helping to steer them down the path of knowledge.

Alright, gotta get ready for exchanging cookies.

I'm so happy!!!

I'm just so excited about Christmas this year. All the people I love are going to get to meet each other and get to know one another and they're all going to love each other too (or else I'm going to hurt all of them). I just can't wait until then. Today, I'm just listening to Christmas music and finishing up a ton of homework. I am going to have to take work home with me, but since I get up at least an hour before everyone else, I should be able to do it then. And I'll get to see my nephew, and Camille's little girl, and Camille, of course, and everyone else. I'm just so happy!!!

pre-lim list #2

I feel much better today. But, since it's the end of the semester, not much has happened here. Although, with the amount of work I have to do, a lot should be happening. So, since I don't want the rest of you to be bored until something exciting happens in my life (utter sarcasm), here's my second pre-lim list. This is my shortest list and the list I like the least, but the list will get shorter. I've read more than the highlighted ones, but I didn't take very good notes, so I'm reading them again (I'm a masochist). Enjoy and I'll give you a quiz on Friday.

Modern European Women's history pre-lim list

General Theory/History
Joan Wallach Scott, “Gender as a Useful Category of Analysis”
---“Gender: Still a Useful Category?”
Denise Riley, Am I that Name? Feminism and the Category of “Women” in History
Bonnie Smith, Gender of History
Judith Halberstam, Female Masculinity
Bonnie G. Smith, Changing Lives
Bridenthal, Stuard, Wiesner, Becoming Visible.
Barbara Clements, Russia’s Women


I. The Sexualization of Women

Tom Lacqueur, Making Sex
Lumilla Jordanova, Sexual Visions
Londa Schiebinger, Nature’s Body

II. Rise of the Domestic System

A. Politics and the French Revolution
Scott, Only Paradoxes to Offer, introduction and chapter one (Olympe de Gouges).
Hunt, Family Romance
Hesse, The Other Enlightenment
Sara Melzer and Leslie Rabin, Rebel Daughters: Women and the French Revolution
Darlene Levy, Women in Revolutionary Paris, 1989-95, “Declaration on the Rights of Women” by Olympe de Gouges, and “The National Convention Outlaws Clubs and Popular Societies of Women.”

B. Industrial Revolution
Laura Frader and Sonya Rose, eds. Gender and class in Modern Europe.
Joan Scott, “L’Ouvriere! Mot impie, Sordid. . . .”: Women Workers in the Discourse of French Political Economy, 1840-1860.” in Gender and the Politics of History.
Deborah Valenze, The First Industrial Woman.
Laura Tabili, “Women of a Very Low Type,” in Gender and class in Modern Europe, eds. Laura Frader and Sonya Rose.
Leonore Davidoff, “Class and Gender in Victorian England,” Feminist Studies, 5 (Spring) 1979.
Barbara Engel, Between the Fields and the City: Women, Work and Family in Russia, 1861-1914.

C. Middle Class Domesticity

Mary Poovey, Uneven Developments
Leonore Daviddoff and Catherine Hall, Family Fortunes
Michelle Perrot and Alain Corbin, A History of Private Live
Leora Auslander, “The Gendering of Consumer Practices in 19th Century France,” in The Sex of Things by Victoria de Graza

III. Sex, Nature and Empire

Antionette Burton, The Burden of History: British Feminists, Indian Women and Imperial Culture, 1865-1915.
George Mosse, Nationalism and Sexuality
Antionette Burton, ed. Gender, Sexuality and Colonial Modernity.
Margaret Strobel, Gender, Sex and Empire.

A. Introduction: Gender and Race
Judith Butler, “Passing, Queering: Nella Larsen’s Psychoanalytic Challenge,” in Bodies that Matter: On the Discursive Limits of “Sex”.
Neil McMaster, Racism in Europe
Mrinalini Sinha, “Gender in the Critiques of Colonialism and Nationalism: Locating the ‘Indian Woman’” in Feminism and History, ed. Joan Scott.

B. Nationalism, Antisemitism and the Jew
Christopher Forth, The Dreyfus affair and the crisis on French manhood.
John M. Hoberman, “Otto Weininger and the Critique of Jewish Masculinity,” in Nancy A Harrowitz, Barbara Hyams, and Nancy Hyams, eds. Jews and Gender: Responses to Otto Weininger.
Ritchie Robertson, “Historicizing Weininger: The Nineteenth-Century German Image of the Feminized Jew, ‘ in Modernity, Culture and “the Jew,” eds. Bryan Cheyette and Larua Marcus.
Otto Weininger, Sex and Character.

Janis Bergman-Carton, “Negotiating the Categories: Sarah Bernhardt and the Possibilites of Jewishness,” Art Journal, 55, no. 2 (Sep. 1996): 55-64.
Jean Radford, “The Woman and the Jew: Sex and Modernity” in Modernity, Culture and “The Jew,” eds. Bryan Cheyette and Laura Marcus.
Stephen Wilson, Ideology and Experience.

C. Race, Gender and the Creation of Empire

Lisa Lowe, Critical Terrains: French and British Orientalisms.
Douglas Northrop, Veiled Empire: Gender & Power in Stalinist Central Asia.
Gregory Massell, The Surrogate Proletariat: Moslem Women and revolutionary strategies in Soviet Central Asia, 1919-1929.
R. Kh. Aminova, The October Revolution and Women’s Liberation in Uzbekistan.

Nayereh Tohidi, “The intersection of Gender, ethnicity and Islam in Soviet and post-Soviet Azerbaijan,” Nationalities Papers [Great Britian], 1997, 25(1), 147-167.
----, “’Soviet in public, Azeri in private’,” Gender, Islam and Nationality in Soviet and post-Soviet Azerbaijan,” Women’s Studies International forum, 1996, 19(1-2), 111-123.
Leonore Davidoff, “Missionary Stories: Gender and Ethnicity in England in the 1830s and 1840s,” in White, Male and Middle Class: Exploration in Feminism and History.
Catherine Hall, Civilizing Subjects Metropole and Colony in the English Imagination, 1830-1867.
Kathleen Wilson, The Island Race: Englishness, Empire and Gender in the 18th Century.

Jenny Sharpe, “The Civilizing Mission Disfigured,” in Allegories of Empire: The Figure of Woman in the Colonial Text.
Margaret Strobel, European Women and the Second British Empire.

Alice Conkiln, “Redefining ‘Frenchness’” Citizenship, Race Regeneration and Imperial Motherhood in France and West Africa, 1914-1940, “ in Domesticating the Empire, eds. Julia Clancy Smith and Frances Gouda.
Choi Chatterjee, “Ideology, Gender and propaganda in the Soviet Union: a historical survey,” Left History [Canada] 1999 6(2), 11-28.

D. Challenging the Category of “Woman”
Habiba Fathi, “Otines: The Unknown women clerics of Central Asian Islam,” Central Asian Survey [Great Britain], 1997 16(1), 27-43.
Shoshana Keller, “Trapped between State and Society: Women’s liberation and Islam in Soviet Uzbekistan, 1926-1941,” Journal of Women’s History, 1998 10(1): 20-44.
Janaki Nair, “Uncovering the Zenana: Visions of Indian Womanhood in Englishwomen’s Writings, 1813-1940,” in Journal of Women’s History 2, 1 (Spring, 1990): 8-34.
Margaret Strobel and Nupur Chaudhuri, Western Women and Imperialism: Complicity and Resistance.
Chandra Talpade Mohanty, “Under Western Eyes: Feminist Scholarship and Colonial Discourses,” in Dangerous Liasions, eds. McClintock, Mufti and Shohat.

IV. The Decline of the Domestic System

A. The New Women and Feminism
Erica Rappaport, Shopping for Pleasure: Gender in the Making of London’s West End.
Judy Walkowitz, City of Dreadful Delight.
Elaine Showalter Sexual Anarchy
Lisa Tickner, The Spectable of Women
Laura Engelstein, The Keys to Happiness: Sex and the Search for Modernity in Fin-de-Siecle Russia.
Alexandria Kollontai, “Theses on Communist Morality in the Sphere of Marital Relations,” “The Winged Eros,” and “The Family and the Communist State.”
Wendy Z. Goldman, Women, the State & Revolution: Soviet Family Policy & Social Life, 1917-1936.

B. Women and War
Higonnet et at. Behind the Lines
Billie Melman, Borderlines: Gender and Identities in War and Peace.
Mary Louise Roberts, Civilization without Sexes: Reconstructing Gender in Postwar France, 1917-1927.
Birgitte Soland, Becoming Modern: Young Women and the Reconstruction of Womanhood in the 1920s.
Cynthia Simmons, Writing the Siege of Leningrad.
Svetlana, Alexievich, “’I am Loath to Recall’: Russian Women soldiers in World War II,” in Women’s Studies Quarterly, 23, 23-24, p.78.

I am so hungry!!!!

My body is hating me right now. Since my cholesterol is so high, I've pretty much cut fat completely out of my diet. I am hungry constantly. But I have to get that number down, or at least not to go up anymore. I think I'm going to go to Taco Bell because I already feel like crap today (migraine), and I'm being observed. Since I don't want to look like a total idiot, it would be best if I wasn't hungry too, on top of the little spangly things that keep exploding in front of my eyes. My noodles and tofu were good, but I'm still hungry!!! And maybe my headache would go away if my body had good food to concentrate on. Of course, it's like 15 degrees outside and I would have to walk to Taco Bell, but I'm sure it would be worth it. I just finished eating and my stomach is still growling. Not a good sign.

Ok, change of topic. There is going to be a small family war at my parent's house this Christmas. Let's set up the cast of characters. My grandma, who lives in Dallas. My dad's youngest sister and her husband, who live in Dallas. My parents, who live in Dallas. My sister, who lives in Dallas. My brother and his son, who live in Dallas. And my unmarried, childless aunt, let's call her Carol (get it, Christmas Carol), who lives in Denver. Carol is upset because we usually have Christmas in Dallas (can anyone guess why this is?). She thinks it is unfair and unbalanced. She has been campaigning to have Christmas at her house, in Denver. She blames the fact that we haven't had Christmas there on my parents, well, actually, my mom. And she also does not get along well with her younger sister, let's call her Noel, either. She is making statements like "I guess your mom and Noel will decide what the rest of the family will do over Christmas and when we will do it." Yes, because I am sure that my grandma, my dad, my brother with his son, will have absolutely no say in matter at all. So, I send her an e-mail that I am getting married next year, and will have step-children, and therefore, spending Christmas with my new family is my priority, although I would, of course, love to see the rest of the family as well. She replies that she really wants Christmas at her house and basically, doesn't see what the problem is. Well, as far as the rest of my family is concerned, my brother is not with his son's mom, which means my nephew gets bounced around for the holidays. My brother is not going to leave his son for Christmas. My mom is not going to leave her grandchild for Christmas. My dad is not going to leave my mom for Christmas. Does anyone else see a pattern here? I understand that to Carol we are her immediate family, but she does need to have some understanding of why Christmas is held in Dallas (and not at my mom's house, as she claims). She seems to think the rest of the family (especially my mom) is just being selfish. But I can see this going down in a bad way when we're all together.

Ok, I think I'm going to brave the walk to Taco Bell. Oh, before I go, let me vent about students. They're big paper is due on Friday. It is worth 25% of their total grade. I have had many students ask me if I would read papers and stuff like that. But no one seemed to like my office hours. They're too early (9-9:45 MWF). So, being the great TA that I am, I had extra office hours yesterday from 1-5:30p. I had had about 15 students asking me for help, so I figured the extra office hours would really help and be really busy. You want to guess how many people actually showed up. Three. Three whole students. And, of those three, I had to tell one to trash almost his entire paper because it sucked (but I can't answer the question with what we've read in class: then answer another question) and another student only had an outline for a 15 page paper and only three sources. Bet he gets an A (that's utter sarcasm, just in case you were wondering). Therefore, I have little hope that the papers will be much better than the last batch, which pretty much sucked. Oh well, not my GPA. On to real food.

Pre-lim list # one

I know many of you wonder why it appears I have such a boring life. You're also probably thinking that being a graduate students probably isn't at difficult or time consuming as I make it out to be. For you, I am posting one (ONE) of the four (FOUR) different pre-lim lists that I have. I also think this is probably the second to the shortest list, or the shortest: I don't remember which. Although, section six will probably be largely scrapped. I have read almost everything on this list. That means there's probably only 4 or 5 items I have not read.

For your reading pleasure, I present my Modern European Jewish History pre-lim list.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. That's why I want to be a professor: to enlighten people!

Topic 1: Tradition to Modernity

Lois Dubin, The Port Jews of Habsburg Trieste: Absolute Politics and Enlightenment
Culture (Stanford, 1999).
Shmuel Feiner, Haskalah and History: The Emergence of a Modern Jewish Historical
Consciousness (London, 2001).
Arthur Hertzberg, The French Enlightenment and the Jews (New York, 1968).
R. Po-chia Hsia and Hartmut Lehrmann, In and Out of the Ghetto: Jewish-Gentile
Relations in Late Medieval and Early Modern Germany (Cambridge, 1995).
Jonathan Israel, European Jewry in the Age of Mercantilism, 1550-1750 (Oxford, 1991).
David Ruderman, Jewish Enlightenment in an English Key: Anglo-Jewry’ Construction
of Modern Jewish Thought (Princeton, 2003).
David Sorkin, The Berlin Haskalah and German Religious Thought.
Salo Baron, “Ghetto and Emancipation” Menorah Journal (1928).
F. L. Carsten, “The Court Jews” in Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 3 (1958), pp. 140-156.
S. Ettinger, “The Beginnings of the Change in Attitude of European Society Towards the
Jews,” Scripta Hierosolymitana 7 (1961), pp. 193-219.
Jonathan Frankel, “assimilation and the Jews in nineteenth-century Europe: towards a
new historiography?” in Frankel and Zipperstein, Assimilation and Community.
Paula Hyman, “Gender and the Shaping of Modern Jewish Identities” in Jewish Social
Studies 8 (2002), pp. 153-161.
Michael Meyer, “Where does the Modern Period of Jewish History Begin?” in Judaism
within Modernity: Essays on Jewish History and Religion (Detroit, 2001).
Shmuel Feiner, “Toward a Historical Definition of the Haskalah” in Feiner and Sorkin
eds., New Perspectives on the Haskalah (London, 2000), pp. 184-219.
Arnold M. Eisen, “Rethinking Jewish Modernity” in Jewish Social Studies 1994 1(1), pp.
1-21.

Topic 2: Emancipation

Pierre Birnbaum and Ira Katznelson, ed., Paths of Emancipation: Jews, States and
Citizenship (Princeton, 1995).
David Feldman, Englishmen and Jews; Social Relations and Political Culture, 1840
-1914 (New Haven, 1994).
Dagmar Herzog, Intimacy and Exclusion: Religious Politics in Pre-Revolutionary Baden
(Princeton, 1996).
Jacob Katz, Exclusiveness and Tolerance, pp. 182-196.
M.C.N. Salbstein, The Emancipation of the Jews of Britain (Rutherford, NJ, 1982).
David Sorkin, The Transformation of German Jewry (New York, 1987).
Salo W. Baron, “Newer Approaches to Jewish Emancipation” Diogenes 29 (1960), pp.
56-81.
Amos Funkenstein, “The Political Theory of Emancipation” in Deutsche Aufklarung und
Judenemanzipation ed. by Walter Grab (Tel Aviv, 1979), pp. 13-28.
Arno Herzig, “The Process of Emancipation from the Congress of Vienna to the
Revolution of 1848/1849” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 37 (1992), pp. 61-69.
Jacob Katz, “The Term Emancipation: Its origins and historical impact” in Alexander
Altmann ed., Studies in 19th-Century Jewish Intellectual History (Cabridge, MA,
1964).
Robert Liberles, “Was there a Jewish Movement for Emancipation in Germany?” Leo
Baeck Institute Yearbook 31 (1986), pp. 35-49.
David Rechter, “Western and Central European Jewry in the Modern Period: 1750-
1933,” Oxford Handbook of Jewish Studies, pp. 376-395.
Hans Rogger, “The Question of Jewish Emancipation: Russia in the Mirror of Europe,”
in Rogger, Jewish Politics and Right-Wing Politics in Imperial Russia (1986), pp.
1-24.
Nathan Rotenstreich, “For and Against Emancipation: the Bruno Bauer Controversy,”
Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 4 (1959), pp. 3-36.
Reinhard Rurup, “Jewish Emancipation and Bourgeois Society,” Leo Baeck Institute
Yearbook 14 (1969), pp. 67-91.
David Sorkin, “Port Jews and the Three Regions of Emancipation,” Jewish Culture and
History 4 (2201), pp. 31-46.
Arnold Springer, “Enlightened Absolutism and Jewish Reform: Prussia, Austria and
Russia,” in California Slavic Studies 11 (1980) p. 237-67.

Topic 3: Eastern Europe to WWI

Artur Eisenback, The Emancipation of the Jews in Poland, 1780-1870 (Oxford, 1991).
David Fishman, Russia’s First Modern Jews: The Jews of Shklov (New York, 1995).
Eric Haberer, Jews among Narodniki.
John Klier, Russia Gathers her Jews: The Origins of the ‘Jewish’ Question in Russia
(Dekalb, 1986).
Benjamin Nathans, Beyond the Pale: The Jewish Encounter with Late Imperial Russia
(Berkeley, 2002).
Michael Stansilawski, Tsar Nicholas I and the Jews: The Transformation of Jewish
Society in Russia, 1825-1855 (Jewish Publication Society, 1983).
Steven Zipperstein, The Jews of Odessa (Stanford, 1985).
Michael Aronson, “The Prospects for the Emancipation of Russian Jewry during the
1880s,” Slavonic and East European Review 55:3 (1977), pp. 348-69.
Steven Lownestein, “The Shifting Boundary between Eastern and Western Jewry,”
Jewish Social Studies 4(1) (1997), pp. 60-78.
Yoself Salmon, “The Emergence of a Jewish Collective consciousness in Eastern Europe
during the 1860s and 1870s,” AJS Review 16, not 1-2 (1991), pp. 107-132.
Joshua Shanes, “Neither German nor Poles: Jewish Nationalism in Galicia before Herzl,
1883-1897,” in Austrian History Yearbook 34 (2003), 191-213.
Michael Staislawski, “eastern European Jewry in the Modern period: 1750-1939,” Oxford
Handbook of Jewish Studies, pp. 396-411.
Jeffrey Veidlinger, “From Shtetl to Society: Jews in 19th-Century Russia,” Kritika 2001
2(4): pp. 823-834.
Steve Zipperstein, “Haskalah, Cultural Change, and 19th-Century Russian Jewry: A
Reassessment,” Journal of Jewish Studies 34(2) (1983), pp. 191-207.

Topic 4: Social Change

Todd M. Endelman, The Jews of Georgian England: 1714-1830 (Ann Arbor: the
University of Michigan Press, 1999).
Nancy L. Green, The Pletzl of Paris: Jewish Immigrant Workers in the Belle Epoque
(New York and London: Holmes and Meier, 1986).
Paula Hyman, The Emancipation of the Jews of Alsace (New Haven, 1991).
Jacob Katz, Out of the Ghetto (New York).
Bill Williams, The Making of Manchester Jewry, 1740-1875 (Manchester, 1985).
Phyllis Cohen Albert, ‘Israelite and Jew: how did 19th-Century French Jews understand
assimilation,” in Frankel and Zipperstein, Assimilation and Community, pp. 88-109.
Albert, “Ethnicity and solidarity in 19th-Century France,” in Reinharz and Swetschinaki,
Mystics, Philosopher and Politicians, pp. 249-74.
Avraham Barkai, “German Jews at the Start of Industrialization,” in Mosse, Paucker,
Rurup, Revolution and Evolution, pp. 123-149.
Israel Finestein, “Jewish Emancipationists in Victorian England: self-imposed limits to
assimilation,” in Frankel and Zipperstein, Assimilation and Community, pp. 38-56.
Arcaduis Kahan, “ The Impact of Industrialization in Tsarist Russia on the Socio
-Economic Condition of the Jewish People,” in Kahan, Essays in Jewish Social and Economic History, pp. 1-69.
Marion Kaplan, “Redefining Judaism in Imperial Germany: Practices, Mentalities, and
Community,” in Jewish Social Studies 9 (2002), pp. 1-33.
Steven Lowenstein, “The Pace of Modernization of German Jewry in the 19th-Century,”
Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 21 (1976), pp. 41-56.
Iris Parush, “Women Readers as Agents of social Change among Eastern European Jews
in the Late 19th Century,” in Gender and History 9 (1997), pp. 60-82.
Monika Richarz, “Jewish Social Mobility. . . (1790-1871)” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook
20 (1975), pp. 69-85.
Stefanie Schuler-Springorum, “Assimilation and community Reconsidered: the Jewish
Community in Konigsberg, 1871-1914” in Jewish Social Studies 5 (1999), pp. 104-131.
David Sorkin, “Emancipation and Assimilation: Two Concepts and their Application to
German-Jewish history” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 35 (1990), pp. 17-33.

Topic 5: New Jewish Politics

Steven Beller, Herzl (London, 1991).
Michael Berkovitz, Zionist Culture and West European Jewry Before the First World
War (Cambridge, 1993).
Simon Dubnow, Nationalism and History: Essays on Old and New Judaism.
Jonathan Frankel, Prophecy and Politics.
Christoph Gassenschmidt, Jewish Liberal Politics in Tsarist Russia, 1900-1914 (New
York, 1995).

Michael Marrus, The Politics of Antisemitism.
Ezra Mendelsohn, On Modern Jewish Politics.
Mendelsohn, Class Struggle in the Pale.
Jehuda Reinharz, Fatherland or Promised Land (Michigan, 1975).
Ismar Schorsch, Jewish Reactions to German Antisemitism.
Michael Stanislawski, Zionism and the Fin-de-siecle: Cosmpolitanism and Nationalism
from Nordau to Jabotinsky (Berkeley, 2001).
M. J. Tobias, The Jewish Bund in Russia from its Origins to 1905.
David Vital, The Origins of Zionism.
Peter M. Balswin, “Zionist and non-Zionist Jews in the Last Years before the Nazi
Regime” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 27 (1982), pp. 87-108.
Michael Brenner, “The Judische Volkspartei-National-Jewish Communal Politics during
the Weimar Republic” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 35 (1990), pp. 219-243.
Jonathan Frankel, “Crisis as a Factor in Modern Jewish Politics” in Living with
Antisemitism: Modern Jewish Responses edited by Jehuda Reinharz (Hanover, 1987).
Calvin Goldscheider and Alan Zuckerman, “The Rise and Development of Jewish
Political Movements in Europe” in The Transformation of the Jews.
Walter Gross, ‘The Zionist Students’ Movement” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 4 (1959),
pp. 143-164.
Marjorie Lamberti, “From Coexistence to Conflict—Zionism and the Jewish community
in Germany, 1897-1914” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 27 (1982), pp. 53-86.
Eli Lederhendler, “Modernity without emancipation or assimilation? The case of Russian
Jewry” in Frankel and Zipperstein, Assimilation and Community.
Benjamin Nathans, “The Other Modern Jewish Politics” The Emergence of Modern
Jewish Politics ed. by Zvi Gitelman (2003).
Alexander Orback, “The Jewish People’s Group and Jewish Politics in Tsarist Russia,
1906-1914” Modern Judaism 10 (1990), pp. 1-15.
Arnold Paucker, “The Jewish Defense Against Antisemitism in Germany” Living with
Antisemitism: Modern Jewish Responses ed. by Jehuda Reinharz (Hanover, 1987).
Julius Schoeps, “Modern Heirs of the Maccabees—the Beginnings of the Vienna
Kadimah, 1882-1897” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 27 (1982), pp. 155-170.
Carl Schorske, “Politics in a New Key: An Austrian Trio” in fin de Siecle Vienna (New
York, 1981).
Moshe Zimmermann, “Jewish Nationalism and Zionism in German-Jewish students’
Organizations” Leo Baeck Institute Yearbook 27 (1982), pp. 129-154.

Topic 6: Eastern Europe: WWI and after

Christopher Browning, Ordinary Men
Zvi Gitelman, Jewish Nationality and Soviet Politics: The Jewish Sections of the CPSU,
1917-1930, (Princeton, 1972).
Guido G. Goldman, Zionism Under Soviet Rule (1917-1928). (New York, 1960).

Allan Laine Kagedan, Soviet Zion: the Quest for a Russian Jewish Homeland.
Ezra Mendelsohn, The Jews of East Central Europe Between the World Wars,
(Bloomington, 1983).
Isaiah Trunk, Judenrat: The Jewish Councils in Eastern Europe under Nazi Occupation
Gershon Bacon, “Imitation, Rejection, Cooperation: Agudat Yisrael and the Zionist
Movement in Interwar Poland,” The Emergence of Modern Jewish Politics, ed. by Zvi Gitelman.
Avi Beker, “Superpower Relations and Jewish Identity in the Soviet Union,” Jewish
Culture and Identity in the Soviet Union ed. by Yaacov Ro’I and Avi Beker.
S. Ettinger, “The Jews in Russia at the Outbreak of the Revolution,” The Jews in Soviet
Russia since 1917 ed. by Lionel Kochan.
Yossi Goldstein, “The Jewish National Movement in the Soviet Union: A Profile,”
Jewish Culture and Identity in the Soviet Union ed. by Yaacov Ro’I and Avi Beker.
Stefani Hoffman, “Jewish Samizdat and the Rise of Jewish National Consciousness”
Jewish Culture and Identity in the Soviet Union ed. by Yaacov Ro’I and Avi Beker.
W. Korey “The Legal Position of Soviet Jewry: a historical Enquiry,” The Jews in Soviet
Russia since 1917 ed. by Lionel Kochan.
S. Levensberg, “Soviet Jewry: Some Problems and Perspectives,” The Jews in Soviet
Russia since 1917 ed. by Lionel Kochan.
A. Nove and J.A. Newth, “The Jewish Population: Demographic trends and Occupational
Patterns,” The Jews in Soviet Russia since 1917 ed. by Lionel Kochan.

Fun filled weekend

of homework and cleaning house. Who wants to join me? Yeah, that's what I thought. I feel like crap too, so everything is going to go really, really slowly. I'm going to have to read everything three times for it to make sense. And my advisor can really piss me off sometimes. She totally forgets crap she's told me (and not just me; she does it to Sean too). So now, I have to do some crap for her that I wasn't expecting to do. And I'm going to have to do it over Christmas because I don't really have time to do it before then. Although, my schedule doesn't look as bad as it could. Tomorrow, I have a birthday/Christmas party to go to. Next week, Wed. I have a paper presentation to introduce. Next Friday, the students papers are due. Next Saturday, a cookie exchange. Then the 14th and 15th, review sessions for the kids. And the final the 17th, which I have to grade before I leave for home on the 19th. And I am going to schedule a girl's night out for a few of us before I leave too. So not too bad.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I originally thought it was just winter sniffles. I mean, it did finally snow. But then, I hurt my arm on Wednesday. No, I don't know how. I thought I had pulled something when I went swimming, but when I woke up today, all the lymph nodes on the right side of my body were swollen and my arm really hurt. I tried to go swimming, because it reduces stress, but I only managed to swim about 1/3 of what I normally would. I've got this great and highly sexy drainage thing going on too. I stopped at the store to pick some stuff up so hopefully I can have a productive weekend.

My ring has been sold. Now, Wes told me he had contacted them about the ring, but he wouldn't tell me if he had bought it or not. So I'm really hoping he did. I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks when I get to see him again. He's going to meet my family!!! I'm going to send him golfing with my dad. I'm very excited about them meeting my parents because they have never, ever liked anyone I have dated, including my ex-husband (about whom they were right). But I really think they'll like Wes. Why, let me list the ways, especially those in contrast to former flames. 1) He doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem, 2) he has a career and a job, 3) he has a college degree, and he is furthering his education as we speak, 4) he grew up in church and wants to start going again, 5) he already has 2 kids and he wants more, 6) he's very close with his family, 7) he's musically inclined, 8) he's very funny, 9) he likes to play games (a must in my family), 10) he loves me very much and treats me very good. And if they don't like him, well, then I just give up.

ok, I'm going to grab something to eat and then start on the Friday Night Homework. I thought capitalizing it would make it sound more interesting, but it doesn't. Also, I think I might post my pre-lim lists for you all to see how much I'm expected to know to get my Ph.D. Then you might actually think I'm smart!

ring

Anyone know why the second picture is so big? Wes is a computer guy and he says he can teach me how to do stuff, but I doubt it. Per queenie's request, here are pictures of the ring I have picked out. Isn't it pretty!!!

Congratulations Sean!!!

My friend Sean defended his Master's thesis today. And passed. He did a great job and I took him out to lunch. Sean is a fifth year graduate student, and technically, you're supposed to defend your thesis in your second year and take your pre-lims in your third year. No one does that though. They finish the thesis in their third year and pre-lim in their fourth year. Either way, Sean took his own sweet time. But, his committee was impressed with his work and want him to expand it into a dissertation. The problem: Sean hates his thesis topic. Hates it: despises it: never wants to have to deal with it again. The other problem: his committee is right. He's spent so much time and effort into this, it would almost be stupid not to. So we'll see. Next up: Sean is pre-limming with me.

I feel like crap. I think it's more of a sinus crap (with drainage, because I know you all wanted to know that). I'm tired with runny nose, sinus pressure and upset stomach (because of aforementioned drainage). All I want to do is take a nap, but I have a ton of studying I really need to do, so I think I'll just go to bed early tonight and since I don't have anywhere I have to be tomorrow, I'll sleep in too. This is not the time to get sick. I did go swimming today, though, after 2 weeks. I swam 30 laps without stretching before or after, so now I'm sore and stiff too. I won't forget to stretch again.

Wes is out on ship this week. He's also supposed to purchase my engagement ring. It's an Edwardian style Sapphire and Diamond ring. It's beautiful and it's one of a kind. I'm afraid to look at the web site because I'm afraid it'll be gone and I won't know if Wes bought it or someone else. If you want to see it, go to http://www.langantique.com/ Ok, I don't know why this stupid link won't work. If you type it in, it'll take you right there. Stupid computer crap. It's #30-1-1539, under the aforementioned description (I think aforementioned is the word of the day). If it's not there, I don't want to know.

Over thanksgiving, at Wes's, I read that Jessica Simpson and he hubby split up. Now, I don't really care about them but it caused Wes and I to have an interesting conversation. I made the comment that I don't understand why celebrity marriages break up, especially when they use the excuse that their careers just kept them apart. Aren't these people multi-millionaires? Do they really have to work for a living? He responded that their priorities are just really messed up and that we will work really hard to make sure that doesn't happen to us. I'm sure these people don't get married thinking, when you get in the way of my career, I'm ditching your ass, but you do have to wonder sometimes. I liked the fact that Wes is aware that it has to do with priorities and hard work. He has said numerous times that all his career decisions would be made together, especially since they would probably involve moving, sometimes to another country (when we live in Italy, I invite you all to come visit and stay with me!). He is aware that the difficulties of navy life was one of the factors in the demise of his first marriage, and he wants to make sure it doesn't happen again. But it makes me happy that he realizes that regardless of how much you love someone, life is never easy and it does often come down to your priorities.

ok, on to that aforementioned studying (there's that word again).

Success

I figured I should update. The weekend was a huge success!!! I loved VA and the kids and the kids loved me (or at least liked me). I even got some homework done on the plane.

I got to VA on Wed. evening. Wes and I went grocery shopping and he drove me around the base. We went home ate and went to bed.

Thursday was a beautiful day. After going grocery shopping again (we forgot stuff), we went to the beach. And I think we walked for more than 2 miles. But it was a beautiful day. Then we ate, went home and played computer games until late.

Friday, we got up early and drove almost 4 hours to pick up the kids. I met the ex (she is very pretty), the ex's boyfriend (kind of dweeby looking ) and then put the kids in the car and drove back. After 15 minutes, the kids starting asking "are we there yet?" They were pretty good though. Wes told them everytime they asked if we were there, the road got longer. They actually had to think about that. When we got home we had our Thanksgiving dinner: ham. After dinner, I played Age of Mythology with Wes's son: he now loves me. Wes told his daughter that we might get a cat after we get married: she wants us to get married next week. We put the Christmas tree up. It is very beautiful: blue and silver, just like I've always wanted.

Saturday, we went to the aquarium. We had a great time. They had a 3D Imax movie about sharks. At one point, they show thousands of jellyfish, which look like bubbles. Every kid in the place was trying to grab the bubbles: it was hilarious. Then we went out to eat. Two different women told me that my daughter was cute. I just said thank you. That night we played Clue (I won) and Scene it, by Disney (I did not win). Then, time for bed.

Sunday, Wes dropped me off at the airport and then took the kids home. He said they both said they wish I lived closer. So, I guess the weekend was a success.

Overall, the kids were very well behaved. They fought, but they're brother and sister, so they're kind of supposed to. If you want to see pictures, leave a comment and I'll send you the link.

One last note: Charley must have a sixth sense. Wes said he hasn't heard from Charley for weeks, yet Charley called 3 times while I was there. What are the chances?

Almost time

I leave tomorrow for Wes's. I was supposed to work today, but the professor decided to cancel my classes. I can't really be angry with him. I spent all day trying to catch up on my own work. Do you think I did? No, because books also take at least three times as long to read them as you think they will. But I do feel better and at least a little closer to being "done." (I'm not sure what "done" means for a graduate student: we are never "done" there is always something else to do). I might try to do a little bit more tonight, but probably not. I have other stuff to do.

I get to Wes's tomorrow. We're going to get me a cell phone so I can talk to Wes for free. And that means I get to spend all my minutes on Camille!!! I'll e-mail you my new phone # when I get it, since I know you screen your calls ; ) Then we have to shop for my temporary ring and I made it very clear that this will be a temporary ring. We have to shop for Thanksgiving dinner. And we have to shop for furniture for Wes, because he only owns a bed (the ex took everything and he figured owning a bed was probably more important than owning anything else). We go pick up the kids on Friday. I'm not sure what happens after that. I know we'll have our Thanksgiving (with ham, not turkey) and we're also going to go to the aquarium. Then I leave on Sunday and Wes takes the kids back. I'd be nervous, but I've been spending so much time on homework, that I don't have time to be worried. I'll let you know how it goes.

If anyone has a favorite low-fat recipe that tastes really, really good, and is easy to make, and most importantly, only serves 2 or 3, please send it to me. My cholesterol is 268. High cholesterol runs in my family, and the medication I'm on raises it. I do swim and eat healthier than most, but I don't do enough of either. I guess that'll probably be a New Year's resolution. The reason I want the recipe's to only serve 2-3: it's just me and after a day or 2 I get really tired of leftovers and I hate wasting food.

Ok, I'm hungry. I think I'll go eat an apple. Have a happy thanksgiving everyone!!!

I hate homework

I never get enough done. I hate feeling like that. And I think I'm fighting a cold, so I feel like crap and I'm having a hard time focusing.

Yesterday, I went and tried on dresses. Then I came home and tried to find the one I liked on the web, and I think it's already been discontinued. How sucky is that. But, there were several others that I liked by the same guy. Jim Hjelm. Camille, look him up and tell me what you think.

Then, I went to a baby shower. Several people asked me about Wes and marriage and if we would ever have kids. I responded yes, we had discussed adopting. This was the response: don't you want to have your own kids? I guess that's the difference: I think they would be my own kids. There wouldn't feel any differently about adopted kids than I would from the parasites that grew in my own body. I don't think I would love them any less because they don't have my DNA. My DNA sucks, by the way. Well, at least it's not any better than any one else's. It may have a higher IQ, but that's about it. I just find it out that people question my womanhood because I have no desire to be pregnant. Someone needs to love all those kids.

Well, I should do some more reading, but I really don't want to.

Hey Queenie, where was that Persian place? I might want to check it out when I'm home.

How sweet is that?

I talked to my mom today. And a friend of mine. And I talked to my advisor yesterday. And I ran into someone I kind of know. And they all had the same question: are you officially engaged? Well, the answer is no. I don't have a ring and I haven't been asked yet. And Wes is telling everyone that we are engaged, but he knows it's not the same. So tonight, he asked me if it would be ok if he got me an inexpensive temporary ring for now, until he can get the ring I really want. I guess he wants it to be official. I think this will probably happen over Thanksgiving. He was very cute because I can tell he's planning something, but he doesn't want me to know, but he wanted me to know that this wasn't the "real" ring. He asked me what type of ring to get. I told him either a ring from a bubble-gum machine, because it's cute and people will understand, or an aquamarine ring, because it's my birthstone. I guess I'll find out next week.

I'll be home for Christmas. . .

I just bought my plane tickets home for Christmas. Ok, actually, my dad's credit card just bought my tickets home, but either way, I'm going home. I'm very excited and would be even more excited except that there's only 5 weeks of the semester left and about 2 years worth of homework to do. But, I'm still going home. And for a long time. I'll get there the 19th, and I'm not leaving until the 30th. Mostly, that's just because I want to see family and friends without stressing out, but also because, after I get married, I probably won't be able to spend that much time at home. I'll have other families and obligations that I will have to attend to as well. I guess that's just a fair trade-off. So Camille, let me know when you're free.

I leave next Wednesday to go visit my man for Thanksgiving. We won't get the kids until Friday though. That's ok, because I haven't seen Wes since Sep. 30th, and he doesn't have any furniture, so he wants us to go furniture shopping. We're also going to buy my ring. I have one all picked out. I'll try to get a picture of it. I felt funny picking out my own ring, but like Wes said, it's not like it's a surprise and since I'm going to wear it the rest of my life, it would be nice if I actually liked it. There's also a sale at a wedding store here in Madison, so I'm going to try to go to that this weekend and maybe actually buy a dress instead of just looking at the pretty picture on the computer.

I don't remember if I blogged about this already or not, but, Wes told me his son has been in therapy for about 8 months. I guess he is acting out towards his mom and then asked her if Wes and she were getting back together since he was moving there, and when she said no, asked if Wes wouldn't be his daddy anymore since he was getting married and since she lives with her boyfriend. This worried me, because I was afraid that he would be hostile to me as well, since I'm competition for his dad, but Wes says that he only acts out against her and not him, and that he seems very excited to meet me. So I'm very nervous but excited. I've never dated anyone with kids before and I know how important this is to Wes and to me. The kids could live with us in the future. I must have a good relationship with them. And, if Wes and I decide to adopt more kids, I want his kids to know that they are not being replaced. Hopefully it will all go well.

Went and saw my advisor yesterday about school stuff. (I should really write Ph.D stuff because it makes me look smarter, but I still think of it as school stuff). Here's the schedule for the next couple years of my life. April 2006: take pre-lims. May 2006: defend dissertation proposal. June 2006: visit archives in Russia. July-Nov. 2006: apply for funding. Oct. 2006: get married. Nov. 2006-June 2007: work on dissertation in USA: probably visit the Hoover institute, Harvard and various other universities that may have stuff (sorry, nothing in Dallas). Jan.-Sep. 2007: Wes may be out to sea. Sep. 2007: I leave for my 9 month research "trip" to Russia. (yeah, these last two were supposed to correspond: the Navy didn't get the memo). June 2008-whenever: write dissertation. So, now you will all know exactly where I will be for at least the next three years.

Ok, I think that's about it. I also think I have a cold because I feel like crap and can't breath (is it really that important anyway?). I don't have to go to campus today, but I would really like to catch-up on stuff. We shall see. Hope everyone is doing good.

One last note: had a dream about Amanda last night. It was a good dream. Things had worked out and you were happy. You were very, very happy. Please e-mail me or call me. I miss you.

My brother rocks!!!

I have to extend a giant congratulations to my brother for several reasons. This November marks my brother's 4th anniversary of being "clean and serene." I'm so proud of my brother for all the hard work, hard times and difficult situations he's been through to reach this point. I know it's been difficult, but I know he's determined to stay clean this time, especially for his son. And. . . .my brother started college this year. He's taking quarters instead of semesters. He works full time, his 2 year old son lives with him, and he still managed to get a 4.0. That's right, my brother, who couldn't read until he was 13, earned a 4.0. I am so proud of him.

And, since we're talking about brilliant people anyway, I finally (on the third try) passed my German reading test. I'm one step closer to being finished with everything except that pesky dissertation. That feels good.

Weekend paper grading

Well, my dad was here this weekend, and he just left. I took him to class with me (the one I'm TAing) and he picked up more in that one lecture than most of my students have in the entire semester. But we had a good time. He went swimming with me and then he took me out for cheeseburgers. They were really, really good. I made him look at all 550 of my Russian pictures. That took 3 hours. We didn't do much exciting, but it was nice. He asked a ton of questions about my program and when I'm doing what and if I'll ever be finished. Yes, I will eventually finish. I just don't know when

I went and saw the professor about the papers and had him read a few. He's pretty much on the same page as I am. So, I starting grading them, for real, this morning. I've done 10 out of 37. Hopefully I can finish the rest tonight, but I have a huge headache, so we'll see. Also, dear anonymous, thank you for your concern for my job security. However, the semester is over in 6 weeks anyway, so I'm not really worried about it. I usually get the highest TA ratings in the department as well. I may bitch, but I am a professional.

My dad help me set up a spreadsheet, so at the end of the semester, all I have to do is plug in the students grades, and their final grade is figured out for me. That will save me hours.

Well, maybe if I eat something my headache will go away. Back to those crappy, crappy papers, where my most common comment is: Have you read any of the material?.

Paper hell

These papers are driving me crazy!!!! Mostly because they fall into three different categories: 1) absolutely rocks, 2) they read but don't have a clue, or 3) didn't read and don't have a clue. I don't think my professor will let me give 10 A's and 10 C's, 10 D's and 10 F's. I could be wrong though. And I have this one paper that I know the student didn't write. But I've googled the hell out of it and can't figure out where he got it from. All I know is, this is the kid who started the last paper with "history repeats itself" and this time he's using words like semblance, ephemeral, and anomie. I can guarantee he has no idea what some of these words mean. Hell, I don't know what some of these words mean.

One final funny from an American history paper:
The old west is where the livesocks used to roam. (I guess they went extinct from over-hunting).

History 101

I've read more of the papers. They are pretty bad. But some are good. I decided to do a semester review in class today, because it was pretty clear that a lot of people are completely lost. Although, I would always suggest that you actually READ the people you write about in a paper. Since I'm grading papers, I've been swapping horror stories with other TAs. Here are a few lessons of history that I bet you never knew.

Because we are white, we feel a whitman's burden towards the former colonized people. (reading Whitman is indeed a burden)

Russians have a pheasants problem. (probably not, the peasants probably ate them all).

Otto von Bismarck was the creator of the Otto von. (say it outloud).

Artisans in the Middle Ages were organized in guilts (apparently by their mothers).

And my absolute favorite:

Women are oppressed because we have volvos. (where can I pick mine up?).

There are a lot more, but if you're not a Russian history buff, you probably wouldn't find any of them funny.

If you find out where to pick up those volvos, let me know.

Just shoot me now!

I got the mid-terms from the students today. This has ruined the rest of my week. These kids are idiots. Ok, that's not fair. Most of these kids are idiots. Some are very intelligent. And, I didn't get two mid-terms. And I didn't get papers from these same two students either. They just need to drop now, because they are going to fail. At least I'll get some satisfaction in that. On a brighter note, when I went to see the professor I'm TAing for, he referred to the students as dickheads. I thought I was going to cry from trying not to laugh. We teach because we love the students. Oh, and another example of the students high IQs, my friend is TAing for the USSR history course and he graded those mid-terms this past weekend, and he couldn't believe how many people wrote about those hard-working, long-suffering Russian pheasants. (I hear they taste great too!).

If I had a Russian bride, could she grade the papers for me?

I talked to Wes about the kids last night. It was a good talk, and I found out that his son is asking his ex some very serious questions. First, he wanted to know if she and Wes were getting back together since Wes has moved closer. Then, he wanted to know if since Wes is marrying me, and the ex lives with her boyfriend, if that meant that her boyfriend would be his daddy now, because Wes would start a new family with me. Wes is getting the kids this weekend, so he's going to have a talk with them about how we'll all be a family. This actually makes me feel better, because at least I know what the kids are worried about. And since I'm a grown-up, I'm not worried that the kids are in competition with me for Wes. I hate women that don't like it when "their" men spend time with their kids because it takes time away from them. That just doesn't make any sense to me. I'm starting to look forward to Thanksgiving and maybe starting new family traditions with Wes and his kids. Any suggestions?

Are we there yet?

My thoughts are all over the place today. We'll just go in a random order, and hopefully I can keep up.

Did you see that I got a spam comment the other day? It was from a mail-order Russian bride site. I guess it picked up on the Charley reference. I asked Wes if we should forward the link to Charley, but he didn't think that would be funny. I thought it would be hilarious. Although, most people don't get my humor.

I got a ton of homework done today, which is good, because I get the student's mid-term exams tomorrow. I do not look forward to grading those. Guess I don't have a choice though, because that's what I get paid (poorly) for. I saw this one blog with ads all over it, and yeah, it was tacky, but she said it helped pay the bills. I thought about doing something like that, but since I think only three people read my blog, I don't think I'd make a lot. Maybe you would all like to check my blog at least 100 times a day so I can make money? Yeah, me either.

Wes moved into his new place this weekend. He has no furniture except for bedroom stuff. He's turning the second bedroom into a study and will have the kids sleep on the couch (which he hasn't bought yet). We're talking about getting a 3 bedroom place when we get married, that way the kids can have their own room (and I'll have a place to put my furniture). I think that just makes sense. He gave up everything in the divorce, and I was looking at all my stuff (kitchen stuff and furniture) and I think by next year, I'm going to need all new stuff too. But we're not going to register anywhere, because we've both been married before, and I don't really want anyone to buy us gifts. Money would be ok, but we're adults and we're not broke (like we both were the first time we got married).

I think Wes and I are going to have to talk about his kids and discipline and child rearing. We've talked about it a little bit. We both believe that there are many better ways of disciplining a child other than spanking them. We believe children should eat at the table, not play. Stuff like that. The problem is, whenever I try to discuss the topic, he just insists that the kids will love me and not to worry about it. He admits that there might be problems in the future, but we'll just deal with that when we get there. Otherwise, he just says that he'll back me up with whatever I decide. I know he means we'll decide those things together, but he's making me feel like I'll have to be the disciplinarian and he'll agree with me no matter what. I know he disciplines his kids now. I don't think he realizes that he's not reassuring me, that he's actually making me more worried about the situation. I want to do this together with him, not do it myself and then him pat me on the back. I think once we talk about it, it'll be fine. I'm still nervous though.

My dad is coming to visit on Thursday. I'm going to take him with me to class on Friday. It's the class I TA for. That should be fun. Other than that, I don't know what we'll do.

Am I the only person who finds it odd that "blog" is not in the spell check dictionary?

Disappointment

The plan was, I would go see Wes and meet his family over Thanksgiving and he would come and meet my family over Christmas. Normally, I go visit my grandparents over Thanksgiving. But I decided I'll just go see them over my winter break. Not seeing them at all is not an option: my grandpa's mental and physical health is failing rapidly. Wes hasn't bought my Thanksgiving tickets yet. It's not because he's a procrastinator or anything, it's just that he doesn't report to his new "job" until next Thursday. He wasn't sure when he would have off. But it appears that he will indeed get that time off and that there are still some relatively cheap (by that, I mean expensive but doable) tickets left. I would fly out Wednesday and fly home Sunday. Almost five days. After discussing this, Wes said that he'll come into Dallas on Dec. 16th. But I won't be there until the 19th or 20th. Well, he's going to go visit family in the area and then come back on the 19th or 20th. And then his dad will pick him up on the 24th and they will leave. I was very disappointed. He doesn't have to be back until the 28th, but he should go see his grandparents in East Texas: they too are suffering bad health. I just thought I would be able to see him a little longer. And I'm not sure that we'll have time for him to meet all my friends. Well, mostly I just want him to meet Camille. And most of my family works, so I don't really know how much he'll get to spend time with some of them, like my brother, if he's not actually there for Christmas. I know I should be happy that I get to see him, I'm just a bit bummed.

Meeting his kids is starting to stress me out. It's not the fact that they're kids: it's the fact that their mother is raising them very differently than I would raise my own kids. I don't want to confuse the kids, or make them think I don't think she's a good mom, but I don't want my kids to act that way. Wes says the kids are good when they're with him, but that doesn't mean they'll be good for me. And what happens when Wes and I have kids? Do I just hope that at that point his kids are so old it's not an issue anymore? And now, his ex-wife is talking like we might swap the kids every few years or something. I just think that might be too confusing for them. I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I get to it. Sigh.

Adventures with food

Thursday I don't really do anything except homework, and sometimes even that is difficult. Today was no exception. It was beautiful today, at least it was for that 30 seconds when I took the trash out. We were supposed to set a new record high today. And, like I said, I left my apartment once. I was doing homework. And yes, I got a lot done, but no, it wasn't enough. It never is.

This afternoon I was snacking on some dates. Dates are normally a food I would not buy, but I needed them for that exotic apple crisp I made a couple weeks ago. Now, I think dates taste really good, and they're really good for you, but, they look like giant cockroaches. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to be eating a food that reminds me of some nasty bug I would normally flush down the toilet. Then, for dinner, I had soup. This is what the label said. "Vegetable Classics, Green Split Pea, with bacon." Now, I'm not a vegetarian, so the bacon doesn't bother me, but I'm pretty sure that most vegetarians don't consider bacon a vegetable. I wonder when we'll be reading about the lawsuit brought against that company.

Yep, that's been my fun day. Now, back to the books and the roaches.

Girl's night out

graduate style. I just got back from girl's night out, at Nick's. They have the best pie. I can't drink right now because of this stupid medication I'm on, but I can still eat pie. We had a blast, just gossiping and stuff. I hooked up two of my friends, so that's pretty cool. But if it goes bad, it'll be weird because I share an office with one of them, and I'm really good friends with the other. It was just nice to get out for a couple of hours.

This medication is driving me crazy. First my nose itched constantly. Now, it's my eyebrows. Do you know how creepy it is to see someone who is constantly scratching their eyebrows? My entire body is getting itchy because it is so dry. Except for my face. It's still nice and oily. But it's also dry and peely. Could someone please explain this to me? Hopefully I'll only have to be on this stuff for a couple of months. Swimming is making the whole dry thing worse too. I guess I should point out to myself that since this is acne medication, it is supposed to make me dry, but I don't like the itchy stuff.

Yes, Camille, I got the wonderful bed stuff. The memory foam is really cool! The pillows are nice too. The sheets are definitely soft, but I had to iron them, so I'm not sure if the trade-off is worth it. I hate to iron and I'm really bad at it. I only ironed the pillowcases and the top half of the sheets. I'm lazy too!

I love days like today

My students are brilliant. Now, if you read my blog just last week, I know I indicated otherwise, but they have redeemed themselves this week. They read, they discussed, they asked questions. This was some of the semester's hardest, most difficult, and one of them, the most unenjoyable readings. But they did it, they thought about it and they discussed it. It was a great day. I love these days. It makes me glad I'm a TA and decided to be a professor.

Get ready to laugh

Wes told me that Charley made a joke about us the other night. So I asked, what was it. Well, apparently Charley has decided to try to find a woman on the internet. Nothing wrong there, I know several people who have met that way. Apparently the girl he met is Russian. And lives in Russia. Does anybody else see the irony of this situation? Anyway, he was telling Wes about this and Wes asked if she were attractive and Charley said yes (I hope it was a recent picture) and Wes asked to see the picture. Charley's reply, "I want to keep this one." Ouch! But they laughed about it. I was thinking about it though, and there's a few concerns I have. First, I don't want Charley to get screwed over. Alot of those women are legitimate, but a lot also only want money or green cards. Second, Russians really look down on drug use. So if their relationship does progress, I hope she's so desperate to get out that she doesn't mind about Charley. At least for a while. Finally, Charley always wanted to be a knight in shining armor, so maybe this is a good situation for him. She needs rescuing and he can do it. As long as she doesn't mind that for the rest of her life she'll have to worship him for it, then they're good. This could end up being very strange though. I wonder if he looked at Russian girls on purpose. Anyone have an opinion on that?

He loves me

He really, really does. Well, of course I already knew this. But when I went and spent almost $500 on his American Express, his reply: "are you sure you got everything you need?" He demanded that I get the most expensive pillows (did you know they sell pillows that cost $100 a piece?). Two of them. And a memory foam topper. And I found 400 count sheets on sale. And then, I went and bought 5 pair of underwear and 2 bras. These, he demanded that he get pictures of. He also told me to go buy a tripod for my camera. I guess that fair: he did pay for them. And, I found something to motivate him to quit smoking: me. Everyday he doesn't smoke, he gets a picture. The longer he doesn't smoke the more "intimate" the pictures get. He seems highly motivated now.

Other than that: homework. Is there anything else? And yes, that's a serious question.

Finally, some real excitement!!!!

I turned the papers back to the students this morning. So far, I haven't heard anything, but that could be because I told them they had to wait 24 hours before they contacted me. I also told them I'd be more than willing to lower their grades if they pissed me off (ok, that's now how I said it, but that was basically what I said). And of course, I had one student who wanted to know where his paper was. Only, I hadn't gotten a paper from him. And I had even e-mailed him to ask him why. Apparently, even though I spent 10 minutes explaining that the box numbers are not the same as the office numbers and giving directions to where the boxes were, and even though he's a senior, he still managed to put his paper in the wrong place. He actually shows up to class and reads and discusses, so I let him turn it in. It sucks (as a paper, not the situation).

I meant to spend this entire afternoon in the library, but at about 3:15p I looked at my watch and said to myself: Myself, it's Friday afternoon, and you need to go home. Mostly because the book I have to have read by Monday was at home, not because I wanted to goof off or anything (although I really do want to goof off). But it's a long book and since I'm the TA, I have to read it (even if none of the students will). Since it's halloween weekend, and this is Madison (the biggest Halloween celebration in the country), I really don't expect much from the students next week. But I have high expectations for myself. Therefore, I will read this crappy book for the second time, because I didn't take notes the first time I read it (2 years ago).

Finally, Wes really, really loves me. Today, I got an American Express with my name on it. And I don't have to pay for it. And, Wes demands that I go to Linen and Things and buy some good pillows, a down-filled mattress pad and 300 count Egyptian cotton sheets. Since sleep is so precious to a grad student and my 5 year old, $10 pillows aren't really that comfortable, he feels that this will contribute to my health and my academic career. How can you not love a man like that?

I'm going to go eat my pizza and then read.
Does anyone have any exciting Halloween plans?