Saturday, January 22, 2005

What is it?

Wes called me this week. He was who I called drunk from my cousin's last weekend. He said the message was funny but not embarrassing in any major way. So that's good.

Those of you who know me, or have been reading for a while, know that Wes is an old friend of mine (since highschool) who is in the Navy. Since highschool we have remained in touch with each other, although sometimes a year would go by between times we talked. About 9 years ago Wes got married and proceeded to have two children. About 6 years ago, I lived with Wes's best friend and we almost got married. Five years ago, we broke up. Ever since then, I still hear from him every 6 months to a year as he tries to get me back. And he refuses to speak to Wes, because Wes and I are friends (yes, maturity was an issue in that relationship). And meanwhile, since highschool, my best friend Andrea has been convinced that Wes was madly in love with her, always would be. Not quite as exciting as Y&R, but close enough.

So, about a year and a half ago, Wes's wife picks up with their two kids and leaves Wes. I started hearing from him a lot more often, but we were friends, so why wouldn't he need a friend? I knew he was dating (ok, dating really isn't the right term, maybe dawging is a better term). Then he went out on ship for about 8 months. When he came back, he started calling a lot. And then he dropped a huge, gigantic bombshell. He thinks we should be together. And I don't mean in bed (although, there too) but in a relationship, like forever. Think, the M word. He doesn't mean now, but he realized his feelings for me have changed and deepened and that we are really good friends, so what more do you really want in a relationship. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. When you've been friends with someone that long, you don't really tend to think of them in that way. And besides, there is all that other stuff (see previous paragraph). And he lives there and I live here. And he's Wes. There was just no way. So, after a month of thinking about it, I told him I would be willing to see where the relationship went. It has been a couple of months since then. And I really have been thinking about it, and this is where I stand right now.

Men have always complained that I'm not romantic. I don't particularly enjoy flowers. Chocolate does nothing for me. I hate sweet talk and crap like that. And why do you think you have to call me twice a day? Why do you think you have to call once a day? If we're through having sex, get the hell out, no you can't spend the night. No cuddling. Sorry, I just don't get all gooey inside when I think about you. Instead, have an intelligent conversation with me about politics, finance, school, my research, music, art, literature, raising kids, cooking, traveling, goals, dreams and just life in general. Don't treat me like a women who needs to be saved from the world, her past, or herself. Treat me like an equal. Laugh with me. Be proud of me, not because of what you think you contributed to who I am, but because you get to be the friend of an incredibly cool woman. Don't be intimidated by my independence: encourage it. You don't have to worship me. But you should acknowledge that you could. And you should be independent and self-confident. Know that I'm not sleeping with the entire population of the world just because I didn't feel a need to talk to you for three days in a row. Know that when I cook for you, go out with you, rub your feet, listen to you complain about your day, or just laugh with you, that that's my way of letting you know how cool I think you are. When I have an intelligent conversation with you about politics, finance, school, my research, music, art, literature, raising kids, cooking, traveling, goals, dreams and just life in general, that's my way of appreciating you and letting you know that you're my equal. Wes does these things for me. This is how he treats me. And I realized that I could be married to Wes for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy. So, just because the thought of Wes doesn't make me all gooey inside, does that mean I don't love him? He provides a stability for me that no one else ever has. He knows who he is, what he wants, and he knows what he has to do to get that. And he is willing to to those things. I really don't know what else I could ask for in a man.

What do you think?


1 comment:

darren said...

All of the things wes does for you is perfectly well and good.
I personally have found that without passion though, a relationship is doomed.
Is passion feeling all gooey inside about someone?
Not particularly in my opinion.
It's sharing feelings, experiences, communication, and intimacy.
It's sharing what means the most to you in your life.
It's not just wanting to be with someone, but feeling empty when you miss them because they are part of you.
Well, that's some of what it means to me anyways...