Let me start by saying men are morons. Not only are they morons, but they seem to believe they can treat women however crappy or rudely they want, and if you're 30 and single, you'll still want them. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I can remain single the rest of my life and it won't kill me. I'll not settle just because I don't want to be alone. I did that before and feeling alone when you're with someone is much worse than feeling alone when you are alone. That being said, I wouldn't mind having a man. Sometimes, when I get depressed (yes, I will eventually see a therapist), I feel like I'm a emotional leech on my friends and family. Since most of them have men and children, I don't really think this is fair to them. Yes, that's what friends are for, but still, it's not the same as having your own man hold you and tell you that this to will pass. But it needs to be someone who understands the nature of the beast. To do lists will not make the depression go away, talking about my past will not make the depression go away, yelling at me will not make the depression go away, fixing me another drink will not make the depression go away. Just hold me and let me cry and then take me for a walk. Let me be silent; I'm tired of talking about it. Do the little things: buy me a magazine you saw that you thought I'd like, e-mail me just to say you miss me, cook me dinner. It's the little things that give me hope and remind me that it's worth living. I believe that having given up hope in finding a man who can understand me is what's actually caused this latest round of the blues. Hope is hard to hold on to. At least I have my plants.
Stacia
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