Since it's summer and it seems that everyone is thinking about relationships, I've been doing some thinking myself. I thought that I needed one of those guys whose willing to push back and "put me in my place". Due to my past, I push men hard to find their breaking point (ok, I want to make sure they're not going to hit me). Most men don't take this very well and take it as a personal affront. Some think I don't trust them (I don't). So I thought I needed the guy willing to stand up for himself. What I really need is a man who understands why I'm pushing and kindly and gently point out that I am displacing my fear and anger. Otherwise it seems I'm always fighting two different fights, and the men don't realize it. I guess I need someone secure in who they are. Are there any of those? I don't need someone to tell me how they feel about me, I need someone to show me how they feel. Although I love words, many times I feel they have become meaningless. Actions though, they speak much louder (when my ex-husband was screaming "why don't you understand how much I love you?" while slamming my head into the wall, well, guess whether I believed his words or actions). There is a softer side to me, it's just buried really deep. Feel free to look for it.