Small gripes

that add up to just piss me off. Like being sick all weekend. I had already scheduled a Doctor's appointment because to get into this Russian language summer program you have to be evaluated to be both physically and mentally fit. Monday morning, I get a call, the doctor is also sick, so they reschedule me for this morning. So I go in this morning with a killer headache, because I wanted to be able to tell the doctor exactly where it hurt. Well, they gave me the wrong time, so again, we had to reschedule, for this Friday. Totally sucks.

So I'm sick all weekend. I get behind in my homework. I have deadlines for funding applications and questions, and NO ONE will return my e-mails. What's up with that? And they want the application to be typed, but it's on a computer program where you can't add to the document, you can only print it out. Does anyone even own a typewriter any more? And they're tiny little boxes: even if I find a typewriter (I think the library might have one), how am I going to line the stupid thing up? I have to take a spoken and written language test tomorrow. I suck at tests. I am so bad at them, even in English. I know I'm going to bomb this and look like an idiot. I hate that. I hate the fact that it doesn't seem to matter what I do, I don't get any better at reading Russian and the fact that I'm too shy to try to speak it with others because I'm so bad at it.

I'm pissed about the fact that my apartment is more than 80 degrees. I can't figure out where the hell the heat is coming from, because my heat is not on. I hate the fact that my apartment is disgustingly filthy at this time and I don't feel like I have time to clean it. I want to know why my paycheck was $300 short and if this is going to occur every month, because I can't live on $635 a month. (not that I easily live on the usual $910, but it covers almost everything).

Most of all, I'm kind of pissed at Wes right now. Everytime we talk and I start to feel like this could be it, he disappears for a while. Why does he do that? Is he playing games with me? What's up with that? And I know he's dating people, but I don't care about that, so I just don't get it. Is it the fact that I don't care that he's dating other people? I don't have time for this crap right now.

And I'm pissed at myself for caring about the situation. I'm mad that I don't have the motivation to get off my ass and clean my apartment, do my homework, write my papers, fill out these applications. I still feel like crap, although the world isn't spinning anymore, so I guess that's good. I just want to get these applications filled out and sent so I can work on the next thing that has a deadline. I hate deadlines.

I'm going to go read about murder and anti-Semitism, because I know that'll make me feel so much better,
Stacia