Irritated

I'm just as tired of school gripes as you are. But unfortunately, that's all I got! My mom did go visit Camille in the hospital and got to hold Francesca. I'm very jealous! That was also the first time she's ever met Bart, and she really liked him. Said he was very good-looking (he is) and very sweet and kind (he is that also). She said when he found out that she was my mom, he took pictures to send to me. I haven't got the pictures yet, but I thought that was nice.

So speaking of beautiful babies: Phoenix update. For Christmas, my aunt gave Phoenix all this rubber duckey stuff: bathrobe, bath matt, just anything you can think of. The other day, it was apparently 80 degrees in Dallas, so mom took Phoenix to the park, where there were lots and lots of real ducks. Of course, they don't look anything like the ducks he got for Christmas, but they sounded just like them. Mom said it was joyful watching Phoenix chase the ducks and that he just laughed and laughed. She said it wasn't happiness, it was pure joy. You know, the joy of a child, before they know what real pain is. The wonderment and amazement that we tend to forget as adults. Like when you're in the mountains at night and look up, and you see, really see, the millions and millions of stars, and how it makes you feel so small but so lucky at the same time, because you can experience this. I need a joyful moment like that. Maybe a joyful falling in love moment. Not someone falling in love with me, but the feeling you get when you realize you're falling for someone else and you have no control over everything, and then you get that smile, the one that let's you know that they feel the same way. I could use that moment. It's been way too long. My 31st birthday is a week from today. I guess that's what I'll wish for.

back to the homework, the great, wonderful, enlightening, never-ending, homework. Some of the other graduate students and I have decided that they should give out competency exams before someone enters grad school. You know, the kind they give in murder trials. The only problem is, they really could only accept those of us who failed, because really, who willing lives like this?

starry-eyed tonight,
Stacia