I am feeling better both physically (although my nose won't quit running) and emotionally. Yesterday I even made it to the gym. Today I'm sore, but I feel great. I've been thinking a lot (because when you're sick, what else are you going to do?) and I feel better about the whole situation. Yes, what my husband did was beyond stupid, but it's not marriage ending. I really had to think about it and realized that his ex wasn't that great of a wife. She cheated on him several times, she put down his efforts to further his education and his career and she ran up a lot of debt. These types of actions don't really make a man want to be a great husband either. His parents had a good marriage (his mom died 10 years ago of breast cancer related complications) but really, all he remembers is his mom trying to hold the family together after his younger brother commit suicide (Wes was 15: his brother 13). I am not excusing my husband's actions: we will talk about them. Instead of WWJD, he just needs to think WWSD (what would stacia do). However, receiving several e-mail from me where I called him a stupid dumbass probably didn't really incline him to want to discuss the situation with me. I need to work on that.
When he comes home, we will talk about what we expect from our spouses. And, I think we will again go over our goals, individual and couples (we did this at the beginning of the year). Maybe even do collages!!! (ok, he may not want to do that, but it would be fun!). That way he could maybe see his actions as a trade-off. If I spend $A then Stacia and I can't do B. Or, if I spend $A, Stacia will kill me (no, not really). Also, we have been really bad about doing stuff together and this is a great area with a TON of pretty cheap, cool stuff to do. I need to be more pro-active about this and get us out of the house more. There's a lot of different things we could do to make our connection stronger. My husband will have to discuss what happened, but in the end, this might actually make our bond stronger (or at least the choke collar I will put on him).
Thank you all for all the wonderful supporting comments and hugs everyone has sent my direction. Without all that, I really don't know what I would have done the last couple of days. You guys are great: I love you all!