Excuse me while my head explodes

I am a headache sufferer. Usually they are tension headaches, caused by the tension in my back and neck from reading and doing research. Occasionally I'll also have a sinus headache. Every now and then, I'll have a migraine. I actually saw a doctor about my tension headaches several years ago. She said I needed a weekly massage, but since I was a poor graduate student, that wasn't going to happen. Since I've moved to VA, my poor little head has exploded. Often I have a tension AND a sinus headache at the same time. The only time I've been to a doctor here, I asked her about allergy medication (to prevent those sinus headaches) because I had gotten the best known OTC allergy medication and it didn't work. She looked at me and said that was best on the market. Yeah, that's what she said (she also wasn't a doctor but a RN (I think that's right)). Since getting sick two weeks ago, I have had killer headaches everyday. I quit taking stuff for them because taking too much stuff can cause headaches. And now, I've had a migraine headache, with vision block in my left eye, for the past three days. Wes wants me to go to the doctor RIGHT NOW and DEMAND some sort of treatment. I hate taking medication though. So, what do I do? I read something on msn webmd about an herb I can take to prevent migraines, but now I can't find it. I should also add that every since I moved to VA my gums won't quit bleeding. Yes, I floss and brush. Ok, I floss at least once a week, but since moving here, usually three times a week. And I don't just mean bleeding near my teeth, I mean my gums are splitting from top to bottom. It's very painful. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. Meanwhile, I'm going to be going around my house and collecting the various pieces of my brain that went flying when it exploded.

Amazing weekend

Wes came home this weekend. We had a great weekend. We talked a lot and everything is all good. And look what we found on sale!!!

I have a new respect for strippers and hookers. Those things are really, really difficult to walk in. And they really hurt your feet. Thankfully the fishnet stockings worked just as well.

I also talked to Charley this weekend. He had called Wes and Wes was too chicken to call him back. But, since we have a mutual friend here, I felt like we should be the ones to tell Charley we were married, so our friend wasn't put in that awkward position. Charley took it pretty well. And he's engaged. To be married in 2009. Now, my personal opinion is that after the age of 25 any engagement over a year is just a ruse for someone who doesn't really want to be married but doesn't want to be alone either. Whatever.

Wes left again this morning and he'll be gone for a week. Today, besides sleeping in (after I drove him to the base at 6:00am), I went to the gym and I worked on my proposal for a couple of hours. I outlined one part of the proposal (out of 8). It took me 3 hours to outline it. It will probably be one page. But, it has helped me focus. I will jump back on full time tomorrow because I want to have a rough draft of this within two weeks.

Anyway, I hope everyone had as good a weekend as I did!!!

Feeling better

I am feeling better both physically (although my nose won't quit running) and emotionally. Yesterday I even made it to the gym. Today I'm sore, but I feel great. I've been thinking a lot (because when you're sick, what else are you going to do?) and I feel better about the whole situation. Yes, what my husband did was beyond stupid, but it's not marriage ending. I really had to think about it and realized that his ex wasn't that great of a wife. She cheated on him several times, she put down his efforts to further his education and his career and she ran up a lot of debt. These types of actions don't really make a man want to be a great husband either. His parents had a good marriage (his mom died 10 years ago of breast cancer related complications) but really, all he remembers is his mom trying to hold the family together after his younger brother commit suicide (Wes was 15: his brother 13). I am not excusing my husband's actions: we will talk about them. Instead of WWJD, he just needs to think WWSD (what would stacia do). However, receiving several e-mail from me where I called him a stupid dumbass probably didn't really incline him to want to discuss the situation with me. I need to work on that.

When he comes home, we will talk about what we expect from our spouses. And, I think we will again go over our goals, individual and couples (we did this at the beginning of the year). Maybe even do collages!!! (ok, he may not want to do that, but it would be fun!). That way he could maybe see his actions as a trade-off. If I spend $A then Stacia and I can't do B. Or, if I spend $A, Stacia will kill me (no, not really). Also, we have been really bad about doing stuff together and this is a great area with a TON of pretty cheap, cool stuff to do. I need to be more pro-active about this and get us out of the house more. There's a lot of different things we could do to make our connection stronger. My husband will have to discuss what happened, but in the end, this might actually make our bond stronger (or at least the choke collar I will put on him).

Thank you all for all the wonderful supporting comments and hugs everyone has sent my direction. Without all that, I really don't know what I would have done the last couple of days. You guys are great: I love you all!

Why???????

I am so confused and hurt and humiliated and pissed off. This thing with Wes is just eating at me. It's like he doesn't even know how a married person is supposed to act. I don't know if I have enough energy to teach him. I love him and I know he loves me but I'm foreseeing a lot of problems I didn't expect. And since he refuses to talk about them I don't know how they will ever be resolved. He only ever sent me that one e-mail about what happened. And he was in port (in a different state) and didn't even call me. I know it's because he doesn't want to talk about it. I think I'm going to suggest marriage counseling. I don't want this marriage to end, but I find myself planning on how I'll get out. I hate that feeling. And right now, I hate him for making me feel this way.

Sick girl

I'm sick. With all the other crap going on, I failed to mention that since Saturday, I have felt under the weather. On Sunday, as Camille was desperately trying to reach me, my butt was in bed, asleep until 1:30pm. Yesterday the day started well, but by the afternoon, I was in bed again. Today, couldn't even get out of bed. And I'm a morning person. I feel like I have medicine head, but I haven't taken any medicine. It's sinus and ear pressure. I'm dizzy, disoriented and confused. All with a giant headache and I'm unable to breath. What more could you ask for in life? Oh, I know! A phone call at 7:30am from your favorite stalker! Yes, the situation with Dee, even though I have told her straight up that I can only handle social situations in small doses, still calls everyday. When she called this morning, I told her not to call me before 9:00am. She's wants me to house-sit for her tomorrow while she's at work because she's having some work done on the house. I told her to call me back. I can't drive. There's no way I could drive that far. I'm afraid to tell her that though, because I'm afraid she would kidnap me and take me to her house to "take care" of me.

The best part of this, I know to expect much more sickness than normal this winter. When I moved to Madison I was sick almost constantly for the first two years. The doctor said it was because I had moved and I wasn't used to all the viruses and bacteria there. Since I've never even been on this side of the country before (and I had been born in MN, which isn't all that far from WI), I except to feel crappy a lot. Ahhhh!!! How nice!!! Hope everyone else is feeling much better than me.

Resolution

Wes has not said he was idiot. Or even that he shouldn't have done what he did. What he did do was apologize for what he did, and stated that because he didn't want to upset me, he wouldn't do it again. Now, I would like him to understand and agree with me, but actions are more important. Besides, keeping an e-mail argument alive is hard. And I don't want to be mad at him for the next week and a half until he gets home. Even if he were here, if he agrees to do what I ask, does it really matter if he agrees with why? This is definitely a lesson learned with age and time, as even a few years ago, I would have fought this to the death. But now, what does it matter: he's still doing what I want him to. And, since he was talking about trust anyway, I brought up the fact that I find it disrespectful that he still has all his ex-girlfriend's phone numbers programmed into his phone (we're talking a couple dozen: not one or two). He deleted them all for me. I explained that it wasn't that I thought he was going to cheat with them, but that I kind of felt like he was reminding me that he had things on the back burner in case things went bad with us. We will still have a long, in-depth conversation about appropriate behavior before he leaves for his 6 months over seas, but I don't think my husband will ever do something that stupid again.

Men are stupid

I've gotten a few e-mails from close friends who are worried about me. Thank you. The fact is that Wes is getting a $25,000 bonus check from the navy within the next 30 days. That will pay ALL of the debt I transferred to my credit cards, greatly reducing my stress. The rest will be paid off pretty quickly after that (and that's still in his name, so not as stressful). So thanks for your concern about that, but it is ok.

I sent Wes three very nasty e-mails last night. I got a frantic one from him this morning. After explaining that all the navy guys are family and he's always done that, he did admit it was probably stupid. He also wrote:
I feel really bad and I have a sick feeling in my
stomach to have you pissed off at me let alone using words like divorce.
This sucks that I cannot call you. I love you and there is no other
person in this entire world more important to me than you. Please do
not allow this to upset you. I can't help but think you are probably
letting you mind run wild about what I "might" being doing when you are
not around. Please, please, please remember that I love you and adore
you. You are my wife and are in my thoughts constantly. I really wish
I were home now. Please write back soon. I love you.

I didn't think he had gone to the strip club, but when I e-mailed him back, I reminded him that trust only stretches so far and doing stupid things doesn't really encourage it. I told him I felt like he was acting like he was single now that he was at sea, but he didn't get to choose when he was single and when he wasn't. I don't want to tell him what to do or who to hang out with, but right now, his decisions are looking pretty piss poor. Hopefully I don't have to come across as a control freak to get him to modify his behavior.

I am so angry

I am just shaking and furious and there's nothing I can do. I can't concentrate on anything. I just received an e-mail from my dumb-ass husband and sent him two very pissed off e-mails in return, one suggesting he might want to get a divorce lawyer. Now I know the real down-side of being a naval wife: e-mail fights. He has a ton of debt (more than $40,000) and I put it on my credit cards to get a lower interest rate. My parents also gave us a very large amount as a wedding present to be spent on a 'honeymoon'. My husband just informed me that he let some of the single guys borrow his debit card so they could go to a strip club. And they spent more than $700. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL???? He knows that one of my major sources of stress is money, and you're just going to "loan" out our debit card? I have bills I have to pay this week. They're at sea. I don't care if these morons can pay him back, he can't get to a bank to deposit the money until he gets back. And if I find out he's lying and he was at that club, well, that's where the divorce lawyer comes in. I'm so mad. I just don't get it. I told him that next time he does something like this, I'll have the card declared stolen and cancelled. Then he'll be screwed. On top of that, the stalker situation is getting worse: she's a drunk and we're wondering if she also pops pills. Life sucks right now.

I feel like I have a stalker

Yesterday I did not answer the phone when Dee called. I was on my way out the door to the gym and I knew if I answered, I wouldn't be able to go. I felt somewhat bad, but I do have a life and I have things I need to get done. This morning, my phone rang at 7:00am. Yes, you read that right. SEVEN AM. My alarm goes off at 7:15am. Not to mention, who in their right mind calls anyone at seven in the morning? That's my time and I don't want to share it with anyone. I don't even talk to my best friend or my mom everyday and who really has an interesting enough life to talk to someone everyday for an hour!?! Both my mom and Wes think I need to talk to her and give her boundaries. I think anyone who calls someone at seven in the morning wouldn't respect boundaries anyway, but maybe I should try. It is an awkward situation because our husbands work together. But I'm starting to feel like I'm being stalked and that I have to account for all my daily actions to this woman. Why??? Why should I have to feel that way? I'm a grown woman and she ain't my mama.

Strange complaint

After not having any friends since I moved here, I feel bad about making this complaint. On the other hand, anyone who knows me will understand. My new friend Dee is overwhelming. She calls every night and the calls end up being more than an hour long. Even if I say, several times, that I need to go, she continues the conversation. And she wants me to come over again this weekend, which is fine, but she wants me to spend the night again. And then hang out the next day. Look, I'm on a deadline and I really need to be at home working. I know it's the weekend, but I still have stuff I need to do. I want a friend, not a constant companion. I guess I'm just going to have to screen my calls.

I'm cleaning the garage. It's not all that exciting, but I never finished unpacking stuff when I moved. It's all in the garage. So I'm going through stuff, unpacking, repacking, moving stuff, getting together a gigantic garage sale pile. I want to have it all organized by the time Wes comes back. That would make him happy and then I can encourage him to unpack and organize all his boxes, which are somehow in the office rather than the garage. But I want to use the office and right now I can't even walk into the room.

That's about it here. I'm just plugging away at the proposal. Life is good.

Weekend turnaround

The weekend ended up being great. Dee called me and profusely apologized. She thought we had agreed to 3:00p (we hadn't, but like my mom said, now I know she's the type of person I call ahead for). I went back later in the evening and she also had a couple of other friends come over. We had a blast. We stayed up until 1:00am (very late for me) and talked, hung out and laughed. It was such a good time. And I may have a job. One of her friends has a little booth at the flea market and sells jewelry (beautiful, hand-made jewelry) and since she's dealing with some health issues, I might sit in for her when she needs it. Probably not a lot or high paying, but it'll get me out of the house and maybe get me a little money. So, the weekend ended up good. Now back to work on the proposal.

What the hell is wrong with people?

So I had plans to go over to my new "friend's" house today. She called last night and asked me if I wanted to come over then, but since I knew I would be there all day today, I declined. Then she confirmed once again that I would come over today. I said yes, in the afternoon. She had contractors and stuff coming over today, so she told me anytime, including the morning. I told her I needed some time to get some stuff done but I would be there in the afternoon. It's a 30 minute drive to her place and I'd never done it before. It was easy and I was relieved when I got there and spotted her car in the driveway. I rang the bell twice. No answer. So I knocked. That set the dog off, but again, no answer. I knew she had a big garden in the back, so I went to the fence to see if maybe she was out there. Didn't see anyone. Rang the bell again and knocked again. Nothing. So I got in my car and left. I saw the curtains move, but that could have been the dog. I called her on my way home but got the answering machine and so far, no calls back. What the hell!!! Now I know I didn't call her before I left, but when someone tells me they'll be home all day and to just come over whenever, I take them at their word. I don't know what to think now.

Life just keeps getting better

Yesterday I started working on my dissertation proposal again. I think I did almost 5 hours (ok, really probably only 4) of studying. Not bad for ignoring it for several weeks. I also went to the gym yesterday. Now, I want to take a nap. Such is life. But my advisor e-mailed me yesterday and wanted to know how much progress I had made. Um, none? So I will keep working at it.

Last night another naval wife, Dee, and myself went to a military wives support group at her church. She had never been before, so before we went in, she handed me a piece of gum and said if it was bad, opening the gum was our signal. HAhaha!!! How bad could it be? Well, within five minutes Dee was looking for that gum. There were 4 people there who were regulars and Dee and I did most of the talking. I get the impression that if we hadn't of been there, they just would have stared at each other the entire time. But the topic of the night was temptation. We talked about it for 5 whole minutes. Afterwards, we went out for dinner. That was a blast. We laughed so much. And our waiter was soooooo cute. Totally my type of guy if I wasn't married (and much younger). He has long hair, which I love. Yes, it's a little weird that I love guys with long hair and then married someone in the military (who looks like a Q-tip if his hair gets too long), but I guess there are trade-offs in a relationship. This guy's personality was great. I told Dee that it was a good thing that we had talked about temptation. She cracked up about that. Anyway, it was a great night, I really like her and we're getting together again this weekend. I think I made a new friend!!!

And, as if my first real friend in Virginia Beach wasn't enough, I received an e-mail from a long-lost friend. I am so excited about this because I really loved this girl and was afraid she was gone for good. I'm so glad she found me.

I hope the week just gets better. But now I have to decide: gym or nap?

This weekend we went to

We expected there to be a lot of people, but apparently Ernesto scared them away. Too bad for them because the weather was beautiful. But we did enjoy the almost non-existent lines.

The kids were fascinated by the roller coasters. We even rode a few a couple of times. But not the one they're watching: they were both too short. I was surprised Victor would ride the coasters at all: he doesn't even like to swing high at the park. But, he went on the Loch Ness Monster ride twice.

It did get a little hot in the afternoon. Nothing a little water ride couldn't take care of. Wes didn't want to get wet. Chicken!

We had to relax after lunch: we didn't want to get sick. So we took the short river cruise. It really is a beautiful area.

The day was really nice and we had a good time. Now the house is extra quiet since the kids went home yesterday and Wes left this morning for three weeks. I will dedicate this time to my dissertation proposal and hope to get a lot done.

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.

Happy Anniversary!!!

My parents looking forward to their future.

Today is my parents' twenty-ninth anniversary. Twenty-nine years ago today, my parents "eloped" in a little church in Arizona, exactly one week after moving there. They didn't know anyone, but the church was full and presented them with a gift of dishes (which we had until about 10 years ago). The bride's three year old daughter (that would be me) didn't want to leave her parents' side, so she appeared in every picture. The church also gave them a reception including cake and then babysat for them overnight so they could be alone. I don't know what church it was, but I'd like to thank them because their true Christian example of love and giving set a lifelong example to my parents.

My parents should not have made it. My dad was only 19 and my mom 21, once divorced and with a three year old daughter. When my dad told his parents that they were getting married, his dad pulled him a whole foot away from my mom and hissed "if you marry that woman, with that child, you will never get another dime from me." He had been paying my dad's college tuition. My dad's best friend gave them 10 years at the most. I know my mom's parents weren't happy either. She moved across the country for some young, long-haired greasy musician. And they were broke. My parents defied the odds and taught me a lot during the process (and also learned a lot).

My parents taught me about financial responsibility. As I mentioned, we were broke. For the next four years my dad often worked two jobs and went to school full time. In addition, we only had one car, so he often rode his bike. During this time we lived in Las Vegas for two years (extreme heat) and Minnesota (extreme cold). He never complained because a man provides for his family even if that means working at a fastfood restaurant. In addition, my parents gave to the benevolence offering every month at church. They said it was only about $5 a month, because that's all we had, but they knew there were others who were worse off then ourselves. Their giving paid off because when my mom was pregnant with my brother, we didn't have medical insurance. The church found out and paid for my mom to go to the hospital. Throughout the years, as my parents financial situation has grown, so has their giving. I remember giving Christmas trees to people who couldn't afford it, giving gifts to children, cars to adults and now my parents sponsor 5 third-world children with pride. When my mom's best friend's husband died, my dad donated a sizable sum to be given to her every month through the church (so she wouldn't know it was actually them). My parents also give of their time in a multitude of ways. They truly believe that what God has given to you, you are to give to others. They paid for both my and my sister's undergraduate educations and spent more than that on my brother for drug rehab. They will give until they have nothing left to give. They are just that way.

They taught me that family is the most important thing. My dad adopted me after he and my mom got married. He and his entire family (minus his dad, who I don't have a relationship with) embraced me as his real daughter. He taught me to ride my bike, to drive a car and he walked me down the aisle the first time I got married. And then helped me move all my stuff when I got divorced. He taught me that biology does not play a role in love. However, when things got bad with my brother, it was my mom who stepped up and refused to give up on him. This was her son and she loved him and she knew that God (because nothing else was working) could do something. And if God still loved my brother, then so could my mom. It was a choice and not an easy one, but she fought tooth and nail. And she was right. My brother still isn't perfect, but if she hadn't held on, who knows where he would be today (certainly not in college).

Finally, they taught me how to grow up. My parents were very young and things were not always easy or handled very well. But my parents worked through the hard times and refused to give up on each other. They've shown me what commitment really is. There would have been times when it would have been easier to give up on the marriage, but they both decided that wasn't what they wanted to do. They weren't quitters. And as time went on, I saw my dad turn into a real man. Just five years ago my dad apologized to me for the stuff he had done wrong when he was so young (a lot of verbal abuse). And he was sincere. And I could accept his apology because I could see that he had changed and he had worked to become a man in control of his emotions. In some ways, my sister grew up with a very different dad than I did (and I'm glad for that). But he showed me that people can change when they want to. He also showed me that people are responsible for their own actions and behavior.

I'm very proud of my parents for what they have accomplished as a couple and as individuals. I'm thankful for their lessons about giving, loving and responsibility. Here's to 29 years and hopefully another 30+ more. I love you guys.