Dear moron student,
I appreciate the fact that I obviously look like I'm six years old to you, otherwise why would you think you could play me, but I don't appreciate the fact that you tried to play me. These papers were due on the 22nd. Today is the 31st. These are not "highly suggested dates" these are "due dates." I e-mailed you to ask you where your paper was because I liked you (notice the past tense). When you e-mailed me back (three days later) giving me some slightly believable story, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt, mostly because you promised to bring the paper to me on the 27th. Then I didn't get the paper. And we had class twice. And I didn't get any e-mails. Finally, yesterday, you asked me if I had gotten the paper. You claimed you had e-mailed it to me on Monday. This is the second time you made this claim. You said you would go print it out immediately and bring it to my office. I told you I wouldn't accept e-mailed papers, so why didn't you have a hard copy to begin with? Yesterday, I left my office at 5:45p. I did not have a paper. Today, you stopped by my office and tried to give me your paper. I told you I couldn't take it, since today is the 31st and it was due on the 22nd. You acted shocked and horrified. Then you claimed you had e-mailed it to me on Wednesday. Why do you think I'm that stupid? I'm working on my Ph.D. I have 2 MAs and one BA. And, I worked as a bill collector for 7 years. I've heard every story there is to hear. I've made grown men cry. And you think I'm going to believe your pathetic ass story? Think again. I told you I would discuss it with the professor again. I'm not going to. And, I read the paper: you obviously didn't even have the paper topic when you wrote it late last night because it doesn't even address the correct issue. It is an F paper anyway. And, I'm going to let you know that. You better hope your next paper kicks ass, otherwise, I'm going to kick yours.
Sincerely, the best TA in the world,