Monday, January 30, 2006
Recently I've been having a lot of weird dreams. I had a weird/disturbing one about my parents, I dreamt about hippos, and other strange stuff. But, I've also had several dreams about Wes and Charley. I guess now that we're engaged, it's to be expected. In the dreams, he is upset because it's Wes. You see, he once asked me to promise him that I would never date Wes and I did promise him that. But he also promised me he would quit smoking pot 24/7 and he didn't do that. Does that let me off the hook? In the dreams, it's not that I'm getting married, it's that it's Wes, well, and that I'm getting married. And I feel bad and guilty, but I don't offer any excuses or apologies. Because I'm happy and I love Wes. And I'm going to marry him no matter what Charley thinks. I don't know if Wes has talked to Charley lately. I know that he never called back at Christmas time, when Wes tried to see him. I wonder if I would feel better if Charley knew we were getting married. In the dream, part of the guilt is that I didn't tell him. But, I'm not calling my ex-husband to tell him I'm getting married, why should I call Charley? I know I probably have unresolved issues with Charley. But, as I learned with my ex-husband, sometimes things just stay unresolved, and sometimes the only closure you get is the closure you make yourself.