Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Free Cow

I know it is usually men who are deemed adverse to spending long periods of time with one person (I believe the word I don't want to say is "commitment") but as you can see, this is not just a man issue. It's not that I'm opposed to long-term, permanent type relationships, it's just that I don't know if I would be very good at it. I get bored easily. And to be honest, most men don't view me as long-term type material. My cousin Amynda put in her on-line journal that she is the girl who gets hugged but never kissed. Well, I'm the girl who gets f***** but never gets hugged. I'm moody. I like things a specific way. I don't always like company. I like being alone. I can do what I want to do, when I want to do it, the way I want to do it. But sometimes, it would be nice... Mom says when I meet the right person, I will know and everything will change. I hope so, because right now I put up such a bitchy persona that I don't know why anyone would even try to get close. I just have to know that someone thinks I'm worth trying for. Once I know that someone is going to stick around and they're worth it, I'll treat him like a king. I know I would. I always have in the past. Just turned out that none of them deserved it. So I have to weed out all the losers before I will just start handing out my affections. It's such a catch-22 and it sucks. I want to have hope, but I don't, yet I do. I plan to be alone, forever. It kind of feels natural. But then I see that guy and wonder. The question is, does he wonder when he sees me?

Stacia, the alone, trying not to be bitter, cow.

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