The waiting game

Yesterday we met with the builder's representation for 3 hours! We went over everything and signed so much stuff I felt personally responsible for the deforestation of the US (I was told the loan stuff would be even worse). Now we're just playing the waiting game, to see if they accept our offer.

The Navy Bean amused herself by rolling over for the first time (back to front).

What the fireplace would look like, well, maybe not.
I think we got the slightly smaller one, but we get the marble.

Not our kitchen layout, but the same cabinets, appliances and (maybe) hardware.

We went with granite counter tops, which is good, because their laminate was super cheap looking.

Exactly what our house would look like (minus the bike).

I guess we would have to pick different colors though.

I sure hope we get it.

White picket fence

Have you ever had one of those surreal experiences? One where you're on your way to sign a year lease at the place you are living, only to swing by the bank first, just to see, out of curiosity if you could get a mortgage now and then, within a week, are picking out paint colors and carpet for the house you are building? Well, that was my week.

Wes and I had decided that we would stay in this place another year. Another year would let us pay off our credit debt completely and save up a little money for a down payment. But then, houses started selling in our area again, and there's that nice tax credit for first time buyers, and our credit card debt will be paid off by October, when Wes also gets promoted and gets a raise. We've had a lot of company around here (apparently babies do that) and it is clear that this place is way too small.

So we went to the bank, out of curiosity. We really wanted to see what we could get approved of in October. They approved us, right now, for $50,000 more than we expected. Well, we have a really good friend who is a realtor. We gave him a call. Two days later, we're driving to look at new houses (there are a ton out here and builders are desperate). The first place was GORGEOUS, but super expensive and the floor plans really weren't that practical for what we wanted (later, we went to Home Depot and saw the door knobs this builder had used and they were $60 a piece. No wonder the place was so expensive. And there was a light in the pantry. THE PANTRY. The sales guy said the builder was very environmentally friendly, which is why the light went off when you shut the door, like a fridge. But, it's the PANTRY. Why do you even need a light in the pantry? Thank you for listening to me rant). Then we drove to the second place.

Our friend had given me the floor plans and there was one that was perfect. I mean, almost exactly what I had always wanted. When we pulled up, Wes saw one of the houses that had already been built and said "that's exactly what I envision when I think of the house I want." Guess which house it was. Yup! The one I loved. He also loved the floor plan. But, you don't want to move too quickly, so we came home and talked about it. And called our parents. And then called the real estate agent back and said, set up an appointment. That's tomorrow and I hope everything goes well. I'm a little nervous. It would be so disappointing not to get it now. Keep your fingers crossed. And the best part: it would take 5 to 6 months to build, so we wouldn't actually get it until Oct, when we wanted it anyway (we'll sign a 6 month lease here).

The place is perfect for us. It has four bedrooms and a finished room over the garage. A living room, dining room, and a family room (the living room is the size of a den. We would put the piano and some book cases in there). The kitchen is nice and has a breakfast nook and we'll have a screened in porch, about the size of a small bedroom! What a perfect place to watch birds from. And a small porch in the front. And there's a little pond down the street. Ok, deep breath. I'm really trying to get ahead of myself, but this place would be perfect. Keep your fingers crossed.

Midnight

I hear you crying and stumble out of bed. I put on my pajama bottoms and socks and a robe. I come into your room and see your little arms and legs pumping wildly, as if that would help me hear you. Even in the dark, I can see your smile when I pick you up.

I sit in the rocker and you quickly find what you're looking for. You curl your little body around mine. During the day, you're my big girl, but at night, you're still my tiny baby. You rest your plump little hand on my chest. I run my finger over it and marvel at how something so tiny can also be so chubby. I rub your fuzzy little head which is starting to sprout hair again. I grasp your chunky little legs and make sure they are warm.

Sometimes there is thunder.
Sometimes there is rain.
Sometimes there are even birds singing.
But usually, it is silent.

You detach and we switch sides. I'm amazed at how beautiful you are in the dark. When you are through eating, you stretch out and then rest your round cheek on my breast as you prepare to go back to sleep. I bring you up to my shoulder, where your fluffy, soft cheek rests against mine. I put my hand on the back of your tiny, silky head and I just cuddle you. I kiss your cheek and lay you down. You give me a sigh and a half smile, close your eyes, turn your head and go back to sleep.

I stumble back to bed, to sleep. But, this is my favorite time, when you and I are the only people in the world.

Getting it back

Everything changes when you have a baby. It's such a cliche, but oh, so true too. Since I'm a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom), I figured I would still have plenty of time for myself. I mean, I understand why Camille's middle child was three before she got to read a book again, she worked full time. HAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!! I am so naive! Every time we get into a schedule, where I think I can start doing stuff again, guess what? Someone decides to change the schedule without consulting me first. My reading has definitely suffered. I am currently reading a stack of books, but now they have names like Super Baby Food and What to expect the first year. I had been keeping up with my magazine reading because I could do that while I was breastfeeding. Then someone became curious about everything. And magazine pages make incredibly interesting noises. Needless to say, I just finished all my magazines from the month of March. However, as she gets bigger, she is happy if I just sit next to her while she plays. So there is hope. At least I hope there's hope. I have several crochet projects I want to finish/start. And really, that's about it for my goals of doing non-baby related stuff. The Navy Bean loves to be outdoors, so I'm sure we'll be spending at least one afternoon a week at the botanical gardens, but who knows how much bird watching I'll get done. This is not really where I expected my life to be. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Worth every minute of my time.

Five months old

My baby is five months old today. I can't believe how big she has gotten and how much stuff she has learned. I still look at her and wonder what in the world I could have done to deserve such an amazing gift. She fills me with joy and I love her so much more than I ever thought I could love. I can't imagine life without her.

She is becoming so aware of everything around her. If I get a drink, she wants some too. If someone is talking across the room, she has to figure out who it is, even if she's eating.

Yummy toes. They're as good as mommy said they were.

She has discovered her toes. She has also discovered her thumbs, which she often puts in her mouth at the same time. I think this has something to do with having Texas blood. You know, the double fisted bubba law. She now pats me on the cheek and hugs me. She loves being kissed all over. She has a beautiful laugh and often adds a cough to her laugh and cry, just for emphasis.

Look, I'm Santa Claus!

She has a great sense of humor. She loves to sing and dance and move around. She doesn't hate tummy time as much, because she rolls over now. She also pushes herself with her toes. This has me a little worried. Slow down, Navy Bean!

She is trying new foods, like avocado (which she's not sure if she likes). Wes made the mistake of holding a bread stick out to her the other day, and she grabbed it with a vengeance, ripping it in half. However, she still gets up at least twice a night. We're working on that though.

Navy Bean I love you so much. My life would be so boring and worthless without you!

Scarlet Letter

A couple years ago, I found out that a former friend of mine, someone who I had hooked up with another friend, was a child molester. Specifically, he had molested my friend's daughter and niece. He and my friend divorced and he was convicted, but not given any jail time. Recently, he popped up on facebook. I knew that no one else knew what this man had done, and many of our mutual friends had children. I sent out a message to all of them, letting them know that he was a registered sex offender and even sent the URL so they could look it up. I was conflicted about this. My friend had told me she didn't want anyone else to know. However, these people had kids. And, I found out, he had contacted some of them and had forgotten to mention why he and my friend had gotten divorced. I had hoped he would have the decency to hide under a rock and stay there (although, I guess he had already proven he didn't have any decency). I hate being in this situation, but now, I know I can't ignore things like this. I have to protect my Navy Bean.

I'd rather spend my life with her than in jail for killing assholes.