Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Emotions. . .

and other unnecessary things. Last night Wes and I had a talk. He wants to know why I won't just jump him all the time. Or why I don't enjoy him hanging all over me all the time. I tried to explain that first, I am a woman and I need a little bit of time to realize he is a real person, not just a voice on the telephone. And second, unfortunately, I don't feel the same way about him as he does me. I tried to tell him that part of that is because we live apart and I just need time to get used to him, and that since he is the one who pursued the relationship, he is a little bit ahead of me there too. And, I am a commitment phobe, and this would be to surrender entirely to the relationship. I have thought a lot about this, and I do think that if we were in the same place together for a while that it wouldn't be an issue. But he does. He thinks this isn't natural (#1) and that I won't feel differently later (#2). Part of the problem is that he is all over me. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, and him invading my personal space all the time can be a little irritating. I understand: he's a guy, and he's madly in love with me. It's just not my style. So, when he gets up this morning, we're going to have another talk. I do want to make this work. And I don't want to hurt Wes. He says he'll wait (he's pushing to get married next summer, right before I leave for Russia for a year, and before we've actually lived in the same place at the same time), but he feels pushy. I've already tried explaining to him that that makes me uncomfortable. I guess we'll just try again.

And, of course, it's the beginning of the semester, so I have that stress. I hope everything works out. I really would like it to.



Bart's Camille said...

I hope he can get past that. You're worth any patience he has to dole out to you. I understand the comment about you being a woman. I also know that he is acting the way that he is BECAUSE he is a man. His ego is bruised. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Even if that part of the relationship is something you are willing to sacrifice for stability, it's too much to ask the same from a man. He can't know that you don't feel that way about him. It would be a painful, insurmountable thing for a guy, I'm afraid. Hugs and I hope your talk goes well.

Queen of Ass said...

Iew! He needs to BACK OFF! That's pretty serious pushing if he knows you're not ready for the commitment of a relationship, let alone MARRIAGE! Sounds like he's a little outside of reality at the moment.

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