and other unnecessary things. Last night Wes and I had a talk. He wants to know why I won't just jump him all the time. Or why I don't enjoy him hanging all over me all the time. I tried to explain that first, I am a woman and I need a little bit of time to realize he is a real person, not just a voice on the telephone. And second, unfortunately, I don't feel the same way about him as he does me. I tried to tell him that part of that is because we live apart and I just need time to get used to him, and that since he is the one who pursued the relationship, he is a little bit ahead of me there too. And, I am a commitment phobe, and this would be to surrender entirely to the relationship. I have thought a lot about this, and I do think that if we were in the same place together for a while that it wouldn't be an issue. But he does. He thinks this isn't natural (#1) and that I won't feel differently later (#2). Part of the problem is that he is all over me. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, and him invading my personal space all the time can be a little irritating. I understand: he's a guy, and he's madly in love with me. It's just not my style. So, when he gets up this morning, we're going to have another talk. I do want to make this work. And I don't want to hurt Wes. He says he'll wait (he's pushing to get married next summer, right before I leave for Russia for a year, and before we've actually lived in the same place at the same time), but he feels pushy. I've already tried explaining to him that that makes me uncomfortable. I guess we'll just try again.
And, of course, it's the beginning of the semester, so I have that stress. I hope everything works out. I really would like it to.