Water

I went swimming, for the first time in more than two weeks, today. I also got my second Hep B shot today, so my arm was a bit sore. I wanted to do at least 8 laps (1/2 mile), but some jerk, who should have been in the fast lane instead of the slow lane, butt in. Since I swim to reduce stress, I refuse to swim after someone has pissed me off: it defeats the purpose. But I did manage to do 7 laps, and it felt really good. I think I may have pushed my arm too far though. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.

Yesterday I cleaned my entire apartment. It looks really nice. I also read Like Water for Chocolate. The book was really good, but I really didn't like the ending. In the end, Tita has to choose between intense, burning, life-threatening passion, or a stable, loving man who makes her happy but doesn't necessarily set her on fire. Well (spoiler ahead), she chooses passion and in the end of the book, literally burns to death with her lover (that must have been some orgasm). I have felt that type of passion, and it is life-threatening. People make dumb-ass choices and decisions for this type of love. And in the end, all it does is burn you. At this point in my life, I would prefer the stability, the safety and the comfort of a less passionate relationship. Maybe that's why I'm considering Wes. If a computer dating service saw our profiles, it would hook us up. We work well together, laugh together, and feel safe together. I think he feels much more passion for me than I do for him. But I don't want to give the impression that I don't feel any passion or desire for Wes, because that's not true either. I don't know how to explain it. When I was in a passionate relationship I felt like I would die if it ended and I was constantly worried that it would. With Wes, I know I wouldn't die and I know he will always be there for me. If it ended, I would miss him terribly, but I could go on. With the other relationships, the passion was so great that it couldn't have possibly gotten any stronger. With Wes, I expect it to get stronger for years and years. So, I'm not madly, passionately in love with Wes, but I think what I feel is probably better, stronger, and safer than anything that is based on passion. Now, if I didn't think I could fall in love with Wes, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him. I am perfectly happy alone, and the thought of being alone forever doesn't bother me (especially since I'm not really alone: I have friends and family). I will wait and see what happens.

Camille, sorry it took me this long, but here are your 5 questions:

1. What is your most favorite memory of us together?
2. What do you consider your best physical feature?
3. If you were given $5000 and couldn't spend it on anyone but yourself (and not on bills) what would you do with it?
4. Where's the one place you want to visit with just you and Bart? The whole family? Just you?
5. Do you still want to be an astronaut? If not, what is the non-realistic job you would like?

Alright, I got a ton of stuff done today for my trip, but I need to study my Russian.
Stacia

Big sigh of relief

Well, Wes left today. And the big sigh of relief is NOT because he is gone. I'm actually going to miss him. We ended up having a great week, lot's of long talks and I think we may even have a future. We talked about family, growing up, school, church, religion, personal beliefs, relationships, stability, travel, food, sex, kids, adoption, money, marriage and feelings. Feelings: not a topic I enjoy discussing. Wes has them, strong. At this point, I have them, but they're not that strong. I think we would be very happy if we were together. And I've never really thought that about anyone. I also know I could fall in love with him. So I guess it just comes down to the timing and distance thing. He thinks it's possible. I just don't know yet. I will just sit back and see. Besides, I leave for Russia in 10 days and have a ton of stuff to do before then.

So, the big sigh is because it went well. Better than I thought. At this point, he appears willing to be very patient about everything. We will see what happens.

Did I mention that at the zoo, the cow licked my arm? It was weird. Also, my nephew looks so old in the pictures I just got back. I already miss him too.

Stacia

Farmer's Market Day

I'm so excited it's Saturday!!!!! I love the Farmer's Market. It is my absolutely favorite thing about living in Madison. Today, Wes and I are going to go. And it's sunny out. It will be a good day today.

This week is actually turning out really well. There was that rocky start, but it has smoothed out considerably since then. Wes and I are having a really good time together and we are comfortable with each other. We've done almost everything there is to do around town, and we've gone shopping a couple of times. Yesterday he bought me a new outfit and a digital camera. He said I really needed one for my trip to Russia. We kind of argued about that one for a while. My mama taught me never to accept expensive gifts from men you weren't really in a relationship with, but Wes argued that it was just my Christmas present, for the last 15 years. I was teasing him about being my sugar daddy, but he said that really wasn't the position he wanted. At least permanently. We've had some really good conversations, but I'll write about those later. Camille, I think this is going to be ok. I'll call you next week.

ok, I need to get ready for the Farmer's Market. I've also noticed a lot of people are beautifying their blogs. I don't have time for that now, but maybe when I get back. I'd like to put some links on here.

Everyone have a great Memorial Day weekend, and please take at least a moment to acknowledge and thank those men and women who bravely and dutifully died defending our rights and freedoms. And if you know someone who is still in the service, let them know how much you appreciate them.

Stacia

Vacation saga #2

Wes is here this week. I went and picked him up in my red dress. I looked absolutely fantastic. The reception went well. Wes definitely enjoys people in a way I don't. But it went well. Sunday we went to campus and walked up the shopping district. He bought me a very pretty sundress. We also got icecream, and generally just enjoyed the day. I made him watch Napoleon Dynamite and he now thinks I have a very strange sense of humor (I do). We also watched Sean of the Dead. Hilarious.

Monday, we went to a bookstore and the mall. Then, he decided we should go out and drink. So, I called a few of my friends and we went out. In hindsight, not the best idea. We both got hammered and things went a little bit too far. He didn't even remember what happened the next day (it took a full day for both of us to recuperate). All of a sudden his eyes got real big and he looked at me. And apologized profusely. He also said his punishment was the fact that he didn't really remember what had happened, but just knew something had. I was a little pissed at that point, but he really did make up for it. He told me he hadn't expected that at all. That before he got here he would have been happy with just cuddling and some kissing. And he didn't suggest we do it again, and he hasn't tried. We've also had some really good conversations. And we do get along rather well. Today we're going to go to the zoo, and tonight we're going to see episode 3. Tomorrow, the capital building and the museum. Friday, the biggest brat fest in the world. Saturday, the farmer's market and an organ concert and Sunday he goes home.

So, that's about it for now. I'll update again when he leaves.

Stacia says "moo"

I just got back from my "vacation" and now I need to sleep for a week. Only Wes is coming tomorrow. My vacation was really great, but there were so many people there, and I feel like I spent all my time taking care of my nephew (which was fun) or helping Grandma keep the house clean (which was not fun because I think I was the only one (out of 10) doing this). Phoenix and I went for at least 2 walks a day. I would kill for half of his energy and half of his nap time! He can say many words, but not my name. He did know who I was though, and if you asked him where I was, he would come pat me. He also knows all his animal sounds and Grandma was asking him all of them, and then asked "what sound does Stacia make," hence the title of this blog. He is sooooo cute! My brother looks great too! He finally shaved his head (he had long hair and is definitely going bald). I have a huge headache right now, but I should be cleaning the house.

Wes is coming tomorrow and I guess I already did all the freaking out. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and then picking him up from the airport and then going to the reception. I'm wearing a very sexy red dress. I just tried it on, and it is even sexier than I remembered. I guess we'll find out right away if Wes is a gentleman. If he's not, he can turn around and get back on the plane!

ok, I'm exhausted and I think I'm going to relax a bit before trying to get some sleep (in a bed where my sister isn't sleeping and waking me up because she can't sleep).

And the winner is. . . .

It is finished. My papers are turned in. The finals are graded. Semester grades have been tallied. I am currently getting ready for the lovely (and long) 8 hour drive to my grandparents, thrilled beyond belief that it is raining and cold all the way there. Such perfect driving weather. But it is my vacation, and I am going to enjoy it. I won't be updating for a week though, so don't miss me too much.

So, the absolute winner for the dumbest things written on the final exams:

Tolstoy and Gogol were "realist" because they were able to accurately describe the negative aspects of Soviet society.

closely followed by:

Orthodoxy played a much more important role in Russia than in any other European country.

And no, I'm not going to explain why these are hilarious. If you want to know, you can look it up. That is your assignment for the next week.

Stacia

Questions from you

The deal:1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

So here are Beth's questions for me.

1) Is there any person, people, or cause that you would not hesitate to give your life for? What is it and why?

The first person I thought of was Camille. Camille has been my best friend since we were 13 and we've been through some really hard times together. And of course, my family too.

2) Where were you when you first heard about 9-11? In what ways were you affected?

I had just recently moved to Madison and I was in training for my new job. They came in a announced it before anyone really knew what was going on. I called home and found out that both my dad and brother had been sent home from work because they worked in downtown Dallas. I don't know anyone who was killed or injured, but my uncle is a minister in the reserves and he had to formally contact several families of those killed in the Pentagon. I just remember thinking how hard that had to have been.

3) What literary character do you most identify with and why?

That would have to be Dolgoruky in Dostoevsky's The Adolescent. The book is about this young man who thinks he is an adult, mature, intelligent and better than everyone else. The book goes through a period of time when he finds out he's not really an adult, he's not mature, he doesn't know anything and that he isn't better, morally or intellectually, than anyone else. And only once he realizes this can be become an adult. I just really related to the character and the process of "becoming an adult" and confident in who I am.

4) When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt and you could hardly breathe? Who were you with, and what were you laughing about?

It was probably Camille and it was probably Christmas time and it was probably about something stupid. Although, I've laughed pretty hard lately with my friend Sarah. We've been laughing about school (she's another graduate student), students (she also TA's) and sex (we both need it).

5) What is love? What is hate?

To me love is not a romantic feeling. It has nothing to do with flowers or cards, or warm fuzzies. And it really doesn't have anything to do with sex. For me love is what my grandparents have. My grandfather was hit by shrapnel in WWII and is pretty much in constant pain. (The doctors actually only gave him 5 years to live, said he would never walk again and never have kids: boy, they were wrong on all counts). But my grandma takes such good care of him. He is grumpy and can be mean (he's in pain!), but she loves him and takes care of ALL his needs, and they aren't all exactly pleasant. To me, that is love.

Hate, wow, that's a hard one. There's two types for me. The type where you feel so passionately about something that it can turn into hate (think ex-boyfriend type of passion where you're mad at yourself because you can't get him out of your head or heart) and then there's the situation where someone has done something so bad to someone you love that you want to take a baseball bat to their head (think of the man who molested my brother when he was 16).

ok, I have a hair appointment, but this was fun! Made me think about myself in new ways.

Papers, papers, sex

If I spend all this time writing these papers, I think I deserve a good reward afterwards, like sex! So I've thought about the whole situation and talked to my best friend Camille, because she knows me better than anyone and I've decided, I'm just going to see what happens with all the situations and enjoy the ride. I'm still slightly irritated with Wes. Why did he have to bring up the possibility of us having a committed relationship together about 4 years before that's actually a possibility? Did he really expect me to just sit around and wait while he went out and did his thing? So, since we don't have a commitment and we've both made it very clear that we don't have a commitment, I refuse to feel guilty for any of my thoughts or actions with other men. And, Wes is not getting any when he is here next week. I just don't feel comfortable with that.

So, what's the best way to ask an acquaintance if he'd like to get it on?

The next week is going to be very hectic, and then I leave Friday to visit family. Before then, I have to finish writing 2 twenty page papers. At this point, I have 17 crappy pages for one, and 12 pretty good pages for the other. Tomorrow morning, at 7:45am my students take their final exams, and then I have 3 days to grade about 40 finals, while I'm trying to finish my papers. Then I drive 8 hours to visit family. I come back on the 20th, Wes flies in on the 21st and leaves on the 29th and I leave for Russia on June 7th. Ok, the next month is going to be hectic. Please send lot's of energy vibes my way!

Am I evil?

Ok, so the last post was about the beautiful flowers Wes sent me and how sweet and great that was. This post is about this guy I know here in Madison I want to nail. Does that make me evil? I actually wrote about him back in March, but the situation seemed hopeless at the time. Things have changed. Although, it wouldn't be a relationship, at least not the type Wes wants with me. This other guy is a colleague, but due to situations is leaving at the end of the summer. There's definately an attraction there but it would be a totally casual thing. I'm not going to have sex with Wes, because it's a long distance thing, and I know he's still having sex with other people. It would be too difficult for me to be in an open "committed relationship." So, what do I do? This other guy knows about Wes. Wes doesn't know about anything. Like I told a friend last night, "If Wes can't keep his dick in his pants, why should I keep other people's dicks out of mine?"

A little help here!

Roses

Today, when I came home from school, there were a dozen yellow roses waiting for me with a card. "Thought you might like something pretty (other than you) around the house while you study. See you soon, Wes." They are so beautiful. Now, I'm not a highly romantic person, and I'm not the type of girl who expects flowers, and Wes knows that. So I guess that makes them even more special, because, not only is it not my birthday or Valentines day, but I would have been perfectly happy with Wes even if he hadn't sent flowers. Now I really can't wait to see him!

It's not a dream

Wes called at 11:00p last night, apologizing because he knows I'm in bed asleep, but he needs to confirm his flight times with me before he buys. So after I confirm, he buys the plane tickets while we're on the phone. And he e-mails me the itinerary. HE'S REALLY COMING! I'm so excited and nervous and scared and excited and, and, and. And so is he! He's very nervous and scared and excited too. Which I think is a good thing, because I know he doesn't think he's just showing up to get some (which he isn't getting anyway). He didn't want to tell me how he felt about the situation because he was afraid it would freak me out and change the way I acted towards him, but he said we would talk about it while he is here. You know, feelings. But beyond the serious stuff, we are going to have so much fun. This gives me some incentive to keep the house clean and get my papers written.

Yesterday started out pretty good. I found five dollars at the gym. And as a poor student I felt bad, but how are you going to figure out which poor student lost five dollars? So I'm five dollars richer.

But then, last night, I got hit with one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I got those little spangly things in front of my eyes, so I took Tylenol immediately, and that usually heads off the worst of it. Not last night. Last night, I couldn't even see anything for more than 2 hours. During and for many hours after that, intense pain. Which means, I didn't get any homework done, because how are you going to read and write in that condition? Which sucks. So, I will be busy, busy, busy until next Thursday, when I would like to be done. I guess I should go get started.

What I'm missing

I just got off the phone with my mom. I guess they celebrated Mom's day yesterday since someone is going to be out of town for the next 3 weeks. So there were my parents, my sister and her boyfriend, my grandmere, my aunt and uncle and of course, my brother and nephew. Everyone was playing with Phoenix, because he is cute. When my mom went to put him to bed, he had his little stuffed bunny with him. She said he was a little wound up, because everyone had been playing with him, and he was just talking away to his bunny (ok, he is not even 2 yet, so while he can say certain words, he isn't exactly coherent). When he was through "telling" the bunny about his day, mom said he gave a big sigh, hugged the bunny, rolled over and went immediately to sleep. She said it was so cute. And I'm missing it. I get to see them in 2 weeks. For a whole 5 days. That's it, five days to hold me over until Christmas. And then it probably won't be until summer again. And then Christmas. This sucks. Of course, when he's three, maybe it'll be a good thing I won't see him that much. I just hate being so far away from my family sometimes. Other times, it's the greatest thing in the world!

I got so much done yesterday. A ton of homework. And I cleaned the house. It was a great day. But I didn't manage to hold until the momentum today. oh well, you have to take a break sometimes. I'm getting the important but small stuff off my to do list today. One of which, is taking my vaccination pills for typhoid. Now, this is a live vaccination and some of the side effects are quite unpleasant (along the lines of what typhoid does). So far, so good. Let's hope it stays that way.

ok, I guess I should get some homework done. This was a great weekend. Hope I feel that way about the rest of the week. Only two more weeks in the semester. That's very scary. Gotta get started/finished with those papers.

Federal money

Let's hear it for the Feds!!!!! Even with all these tax cuts, they still have enough money to give me $6500 for a Russian language program this summer, and now, they're offering to pay for my flight too (up to $1000). Now, I'm sure this will piss some people off, I mean really, why should the government care if anyone in the USA knows anything at all about any other language, culture, country, government, religion, ect. than "our" own. (Just for those of you who don't know me, that was a highly sarcastic remark) Of course, I'm sure that somewhere in the fine print it states that I have to listen to a recruitment lecture for the State department, CIA and FBI. But I think it would be worth it. My dad actually wants me to work for the government, but he doesn't want me to do field word (or kill anybody), and if I can't kill anybody, I don't think working for the government would be worth it! (That actually isn't a sarcastic remark: if I'm going to sell my soul, I want to be able to get away with murder).

So, today, I'm actually in a good mood, even though I'm tired, my apartment is a disaster area (I'm hoping the mayor will officially declare it so I can get some more fed money to clean it up), I have two papers to write this weekend, and laundry to do. But in two weeks, it will all be over. At least for this semester.

Some students are morons!

Now, not all of them, mind you. Just the one who copied full paragraphs from the internet for his paper and didn't footnote. And worse yet, left in the footnote numbers in the paragraph, which led to . . . nothing, because he didn't footnote. And he wants to know how we caught that? Yeah, after 10 years of college I'm not intelligent enough to figure that one out. I may be 31, but I know how to google. I tried doing a drag net and told the entire class that more than one person had cheated and they should contact the professor asap to avoid expulsion, but no one else bit. Oh well, I guess one is good enough.

My paper update: I e-mailed everyone 11 pages of paper and 2 pages of bibliography for my presentation on Thurs. It's a 15-20 page paper, so technically, I'm already done with half of it. That actually makes me feel really, really good. For the other paper, I'll be through reading for that this weekend, and then have 2 weeks to write that 20 page paper. I actually feel like everything is under control. For once. We'll see how long that lasts.

I finally managed to get my HIV test done yesterday. I'm picking up my results tomorrow and then fed-exing everything to DC. They have to have it by the 2nd. I still haven't found anyone to sublet my place yet. Any takers?

have a great day, and if you're in the upper midwest like I am, stay warm!

Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!!!

I dreamt about my ex-husband last night. Which is weird, because I normally only dream about him when I'm in a relationship that I shouldn't be. The situation is almost always the same: we're back together, even though I don't really want to be, and then I realize I just can't do it and I leave. This dream was very different. First, he was wearing a hideous black toupee (yes, my ex was bald). Then, in the dream, he wanted to be with me, but failed to mention the fact to his mom and his girlfriend. So, at least in this dream, I didn't feeling guilty about ending the relationship. Is it a warning against Wes? What does it mean?

I finally finished grading those crappy papers. I ended up with such a bad allergy headache last night that it kind of went like this: this is a B paper but I really don't have the energy to explain why to the student: AB. So, it kind of worked out for the students. I still only have 7 unorganized pages for my presentation this week. I guess I know what I'll be doing tonight. Also, I have got to clean my apartment. It's disgusting and I'm sure it's adding to my allergies. Therefore, I will clean a room everyday this week until I don't feel dirty being here.

hope everyone has a great week,
Stacia

Take them away!

My allergies are killing me. I can't breathe and my head feels like it weighs 20lbs, and it hurts. It makes it very hard to focus my eyes, and thus, to read. That would be fine, except it's the end of the semester and I have to write two papers and grade 40 papers. (ok, I already graded 30 of them). Still, all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep until I feel better.

And I want banana pudding. If you take a regular yellow cake mix, and replace one of the eggs with a banana, and increase the water by 1/4 c. It tastes so good. Crumble half the cake on the bottom of the cake pan. Cover with cut up bananas, and then spread banana pudding over that (2 boxes worth), then crumble the rest of the cake over the pudding. . . . I'm now drooling like Homer Simpson. I'm going to have to go to the store.

I figured out what I want with Wes. Ok, maybe not Wes specifically, but what I want in a relationship. I want intimacy. Now don't laugh. Yes, I'm 31 years old, but closeness was never something I wanted with a guy before. I guess it was that whole, I'm self-sufficient and I don't really need anyone type of thing. And I'm still self-sufficient, I've just realized you can be self-sufficient and still be intimate with someone. Who knew? So with Wes. I want hand-holding and cuddling and maybe some kissing, but no sex. I want to actually enjoy all the in between stages, and get to know him and let us happen slowly. I don't know exactly what he wants. I'm just going to wait and see. He is a gentleman though, so I do know he's not coming to visit me because he expects us to have sex. Which is good, because then he would be sleeping outside!

anyway, I'm going to go take some allergy medicine, go to the store, and then work on my papers. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Stacia

Modern something or other

Blah. . . . It's just been one of those weeks. Frustrating, long, short, confusing. You name it, I think I felt it this week. Except a huge amount of rage. I don't have enough energy for that.

Three more weeks of school. Two papers to write. And 30 more papers to grade this weekend. They're short papers, but boy are they bad. Now I know why an essay section was added to the SAT. Should you really have to tell college students that the United States is always capitalized? Should you have to tell them that thesis sentences are an essential part of the paper? Should you have to tell them that if it's a 4 page paper, they should only write about 1 point, not 4? Should you have to tell them that a book report is not an analytical essay? Should you have to tell them that lead (pronounced led) is a noun, not a verb? What fun and joy.

and then I have two papers I need to write. I have to present a very rough draft/outline of my one paper next week, so that's what I've been working on this weekend. The total paper needs to be between 15 and 25 pages. I typed up 3 pages yesterday and hope for another 3 today. Hopefully by Tuesday, when I have to e-mail it to everyone, I'll have 10 pretty good pages. Then I'll have 2 weeks to finish the paper, which includes translating about 600 pages of Russian history, written in the Russian language. Who wants to join me?

And finally, Wes. I'm excited and nervous and can't wait to see him and don't want to see him. I'm afraid that this is a turning point and that some hard decisions will have to be made. And I'm just not good at relationship decisions, especially hard ones. I'm just going to try to focus on how much fun it will be to see an old friend and hang out with him and show him this beautiful town. I'll let everything else happen naturally.

back to the papers,
Stacia

Voodoo doll

That's what I feel like. I went to get my HIV test and immunization shots done today. Unfortunately, they had me scheduled for two TB tests and not one TB test and a HIV test (who didn't catch that?). So, I got the TB test (shot one), a Tetanus vaccination (shot two), a hepatitis A vaccination (shot three) and a hepatitis B vaccination (shot four) and then because my immunization records weren't up to date, they weren't sure if I needed a measles shot. Instead of just giving it to me, they took two vials of blood to test it. A total of five stabs with a needle and no beautiful jewelry to make up for it! And I still have to get my HIV test. It was a stressful way to start the day.

However, because I was a little upset about the HIV thing (if I don't get the results to DC before May 2nd it may delay my trip), I e-mailed Wes and he called me as soon as he got off from work to cheer me up. And he's coming to see me. I'm excited and nervous and excited and scared and terrified. This visit will tell us if we are right together or if we should stay just friends. That makes me nervous. If it's a good visit, it will make it that much harder because it is a long distance thing and will be for a long time. If it sucks (which I don't think it will), then at least I know we'll still be friends.

It was a beautiful day today. I took a little break and walked around campus taking pictures of all the beautiful flowers. I also got a few pictures of ducks, because apparently, my nephew loves ducks. I hope the pictures hold me over until the end of the semester. I have to write two papers (15-20 pages each) and grade about 40 papers (4 pages each). I should start freaking out at any time, but maybe I'll just have another beer.

ok, I'm going to relax tonight and curl up on the couch and have a beer and eat cookies.
Stacia

Sunday stroll

It is a beautiful day. The type of day that is wasted indoors, working on homework. However, I don't really have a choice, so instead of goofing off the whole day, or wasting the whole day indoors, I took a walk. It is spring here in Madison and everything is sprouting green and colorful flowers and the birds are back in full force. The kind of day you wish you had a hand to hold and laugh with, but even if you don't, it's so beautiful that you're just happy to be here. And now, I suppose, back to the homework.

I've been trying to get all my stuff ready for my trip to Russia. It's a little frustrating. I have to have black and white, matte passport photos. Nobody does these. Even if I could get black and white, no photographer does matte. So I'm waiting for a reply from the program to see if my friend can take a picture of me with his digital camera and crop it in photoshop. I don't know why not, but hey, those Russians can be weird. Then I have to figure out this funding thing. And just getting applications in where they need to be when they need to be there. I'm getting my vaccinations on Tuesday, along with my AIDS/HIV test (yes, Russia requires that). Since I haven't had sex for a year and a half and have had a HIV test since then, I'm not too worried about that. It's just the vaccinations. I'm not afraid of needles (15 total piercings), but I'm afraid of the hepatitis B vaccination (no, I've never gotten it). It's a really big needle and its a series of three. Who thought of that?

Well, Wes is coming to see me in May. I'm excited and terrified. Much of the same emotions I had about spending the summer in Russia. He'll be here almost a week. I know we'll find plenty of stuff to do (and I don't mean that!). I'm just kind of scared to see where this leads the "relationship." Although, it could be very good for me.

alright, back to that pesky homework,
too bad I can't translate Russian stuff on the back porch,
I guess that's why I'm going to Russia this summer,
Stacia

Happiness is a house sparrow

I love birds. And I have three giant bushes outside my livingroom window. Right now there's a house sparrow that comes and sings to me every morning. They aren't really all that pretty, as far as birds go, but they sure sing pretty. And loud. I always get excited when I hear him, and I tend to leave my homework just to watch this small, non-descript bird sing. It makes me happy. Last year, a cardinal nested in the bushes and laid two eggs. She would let me get really close, as long as I didn't try to touch. I went on vacation before the eggs hatched, and when I came back, they were gone. All of them, the eggs and bird. And the nest had been damaged. That really upset me. But I hope they come back this year, fix the next and try again. Of course, I won't be here for most of the summer, but still, it would be nice. For the birds. The crows look different in Russia. They have light colored chests. I don't recall seeing any other birds, except pigeons: those things are everywhere. I'll have to look this summer to see what the other Russian birds look like.

I got my funding. And I'm hoping I can actually stay with my friend in Moscow. I'm getting very excited about this trip, which makes it very hard to concentrate on the two papers I have to write this semester. The ones I should be working on now. I'll get to them sometime. Probably this weekend.

I saw my advisor today and gave her a very brief outline of my dissertation proposal and what I wanted to study/prove. She thought it was great! That made me very happy. And it's an area that hasn't really been studied much. That makes it good (original) but also more difficult to study, because I literally have to start from scratch. She wants me to try to make it to the library in Moscow a couple times a week to do some preliminary research. And maybe even swing by a couple of state archives and introduce myself to the archivists and stuff. All that crap helps when I apply for research funding, which I will start to do the second I get back from Moscow. But now I have to take my 1 page outline and figure out how to expand it to a 15 page proposal. That's a lot of fluff.

Well, I suppose I should work on my papers a bit before bed.
Stacia