Tuesday, May 31, 2005


I went swimming, for the first time in more than two weeks, today. I also got my second Hep B shot today, so my arm was a bit sore. I wanted to do at least 8 laps (1/2 mile), but some jerk, who should have been in the fast lane instead of the slow lane, butt in. Since I swim to reduce stress, I refuse to swim after someone has pissed me off: it defeats the purpose. But I did manage to do 7 laps, and it felt really good. I think I may have pushed my arm too far though. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.

Yesterday I cleaned my entire apartment. It looks really nice. I also read Like Water for Chocolate. The book was really good, but I really didn't like the ending. In the end, Tita has to choose between intense, burning, life-threatening passion, or a stable, loving man who makes her happy but doesn't necessarily set her on fire. Well (spoiler ahead), she chooses passion and in the end of the book, literally burns to death with her lover (that must have been some orgasm). I have felt that type of passion, and it is life-threatening. People make dumb-ass choices and decisions for this type of love. And in the end, all it does is burn you. At this point in my life, I would prefer the stability, the safety and the comfort of a less passionate relationship. Maybe that's why I'm considering Wes. If a computer dating service saw our profiles, it would hook us up. We work well together, laugh together, and feel safe together. I think he feels much more passion for me than I do for him. But I don't want to give the impression that I don't feel any passion or desire for Wes, because that's not true either. I don't know how to explain it. When I was in a passionate relationship I felt like I would die if it ended and I was constantly worried that it would. With Wes, I know I wouldn't die and I know he will always be there for me. If it ended, I would miss him terribly, but I could go on. With the other relationships, the passion was so great that it couldn't have possibly gotten any stronger. With Wes, I expect it to get stronger for years and years. So, I'm not madly, passionately in love with Wes, but I think what I feel is probably better, stronger, and safer than anything that is based on passion. Now, if I didn't think I could fall in love with Wes, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him. I am perfectly happy alone, and the thought of being alone forever doesn't bother me (especially since I'm not really alone: I have friends and family). I will wait and see what happens.

Camille, sorry it took me this long, but here are your 5 questions:

1. What is your most favorite memory of us together?
2. What do you consider your best physical feature?
3. If you were given $5000 and couldn't spend it on anyone but yourself (and not on bills) what would you do with it?
4. Where's the one place you want to visit with just you and Bart? The whole family? Just you?
5. Do you still want to be an astronaut? If not, what is the non-realistic job you would like?

Alright, I got a ton of stuff done today for my trip, but I need to study my Russian.

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