Merry Christmas

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and if you were behind me when I went through security with my kids, I'm sorry about the 7 bins of stuff we had and how long it took to take our shoes and coats off, and get my computer out of my backpack, and how long it took to put our shoes and coats back on and put my computer back in my backpack. Eat lots of food, drink lots of drink, and kiss much under the mistletoe.

Um, excuse me? Where are you?

I'm getting older and strange things are happening. Mostly I think I'm losing my mind. Example one: the other night, I got naked (because that's how I sleep), crawled into bed and watched TV, turning the channel several times. I decided I needed to use the bathroom, so I got up and used the bathroom. When I came back, I could not find the remote. Anywhere. ANYWHERE. I looked under the covers, between the covers, behind the bed, on the floor, under the bed. I could not find it ANYWHERE. I did not understand. It was just there. I had just used it. Finally, I just got up and turned the TV off. The next morning, I found the remote. UNDER MY PILE OF CLOTHES. Had it decided it was cold so it jumped off the bed and tunneled under the clothes? It was very weird.

Example two: Today I was vacuuming the stairs (which I hate). When I got half-way down the stairs I found one white sock. Let me repeat that: ONE WHITE SOCK. It hadn't been there when I went down for breakfast, or when I came back up from breakfast. My washer and dryer is on the second floor, next to my bedroom, so it's not like I dropped it doing laundry. Matter of fact, I hadn't done the load of whites yet. I still have no idea how that ONE WHITE SOCK got there.

Example three: I can't remember what it is but I know there was one. Oh well, you get the idea.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Joy!!!

Although you may think the title is referring to Christmas, it really isn't. It's referring to what I have started to feel lately. I realized the other day that my shoulders aren't as tight, I'm getting fewer and less intense headaches, I'm laughing more and smile at everyone I see, I'm not as uncomfortable in public as I used to be. I have true JOY!!! It's more than just happiness. It's the realization that maybe school was stressing me out WAAAAAAAY more than I thought it was. It's the realization that I have lived and still live an amazing life. It's the realization that life is what you make it and I want to make mine happy. I'm not stressed out because there's not school work waiting on my desk for me. I can read magazines all day and not feel guilty. I can take naps and not worry about it (it's like my body has years of sleep to catch up on). I can go birdwatching and not feel like my dissertation proposal is breathing down my neck. And so I did.

We have had beautiful weather so I went to look at birds. I've always wanted to become more knowledgeable about nature, especially birds, but felt I didn't have the time. Now I have the time. I went to a park with a beautiful pond and walked around. I identified 10 different birds, including one that only winters in Virginia, the American Coot, and the Great Egret, which is a beautiful bird. I almost picked up a turtle because I thought it was a really cool looking rock. I should have known it was a turtle; it was really big. I also saw a very small muskrat. There were lots of birds I couldn't identify but as I do this more, it will become easier. I loved it. It felt so good to be outside doing something fun.

I was able to speak to Wes three times this week. We didn't really talk about anything important (except for sex, and when your man is going to be gone for 6 months, sex is important). He won't be able to call again until later this week. I miss him so much and it was so nice to hear his voice. This is a hard time of year to be alone, especially when you actually have someone. I felt very lonely at church this morning. Christmas is my favorite time of year and I wish he were here. I am excited because I get to take his kids to meet my family and spend Christmas there. And then Wes's dad will take the kids to see family, while I go to Colorado to see more of my family. And then I'm spending another week in Texas. Hey, I know that's a long time, but my husband's gone and I don't have a job yet. And it's Christmas. I want to spend it with people I love. Don't you?

The phone is a wonderful invention

I got to talk to my husband yesterday. It was wonderful. What did we talk about? Some serious stuff (like what I decided to do with my life for now), some stupid stuff(video games) and a lot of "I miss you and I love yous". They will actually be in port a lot which means I will be able to talk to him fairly often. Between that and e-mail, I have it made. My dad's dad was in the navy and my dad was telling me that when they used to go out, there was no e-mail and long distance calls were so expensive that they could only talk for 3 minutes. Thank god for technology! We can even e-mail pictures (although not the ones he wants; like I want the whole Navy to see THAT). So I am happy. And, Wes is where he used to be stationed and he forgot how much he loves it there. He thinks I would love it there too. And his ex is from there and said that maybe if we got stationed there we could have the kids so they could learn the language better and see their grandparents more. I would like that. Who wouldn't want to live in the country shaped like a boot!?!

Other than that, just finishing up Christmas shopping, cleaning, reading and doing stuff I haven't been able to enjoy for a long time. I'm learning to enjoy life again. Maybe having to leave the program wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe it was a good thing in disguise. We'll have to see. I hope everyone else is as excited about Christmas as I am this year (I get the kids, even though Wes isn't here, and they'll meet my family for the first time).

Napless

Today I did not take a nap!!! This is the first day I haven't taken a nap since Wes left. I feel really, really good. I'm still coughing a bit and I think I might pull out my humidifier because the air is so dry from the heat. I think I've finally kicked this thing. But I'm not going to jinx it by saying anything about feeling any sort of alive.

Today I had lunch with friends. We had a great time but sadly my friend Stephanie is leaving soon. I told her I'd come help her clean and whatever else she needs. Once she's gone, I'm pretty much on my own. The other woman we had lunch with, I really like her, but she is the captain's wife and she has a job and three kids. She also lives out in the middle of nowhere. Time to make some more friends.

Tonight I finally tackled my desk. I mailed all my library books back to UW last week (21 books), but I still had all my notes and articles and stuff concerning my dissertation proposal and I just wasn't ready to deal with it before now. I went through all the articles and put many in the recycle bin. Things like chapters from books without the author or title, double articles (I had a lot of those) and I think I found 5 different copies of my typed notes in various folders. And if I'm not doing history anymore, I definitely don't need all those women's history articles. I didn't even like those the first time around. Now one whole shelf above my desk is empty and I got rid of so much stuff I have the bottom shelf of the bookcase in the office. I think I'll be able to pull in a whole box out of the garage. I also dusted and organized and now it doesn't look that bad. I didn't feel sad getting rid of all that stuff but I didn't feel happy either. I just felt kind of indifferent.

I guess since I dusted I stirred up dust. I'm sneezing a lot. But I'm not sick anymore. NO I'M NOT!!!

It's ok. . . .life is just temporary

I've been really sick. Really, really sick. Barely climb out of bed to get some medicine sick (although it didn't seem to affect my appetite any and so I have not (sadly) lost any weight). Monday I went out for lunch with a friend because I finally felt ok. But I took a nap before and after. Tuesday, I almost felt fully ALIVE!!! Which was wonderful because I had not done any Christmas shopping for the kids. Yesterday, I was at that Toy store even before it opened. I ran through looking at all the stuff the kids wanted to decide what I wanted to get them. Then I ran home and spent an hour on-line ordering it, or something similar when that particular item wasn't available on-line. Then I ate lunch and made peanut butter cookies. And I ate a lot of peanut butter cookies. Those were the best peanut butter cookies ever. After lunch I did some more running around to get a gift for a woman on my husband's side of the family whom I have never met. (him: just take a gift for a woman. They do that elephant game. me: what type of gift. him: you know, for a woman. You're a woman, what do you want. me: a more helpful husband) Then back home to look on-line for the one gift that doesn't seem to be anywhere. Only to find it isn't anywhere. It is completely sold out everywhere. So now Allison is not getting a digital camera. She is getting a 12 dancing princesses dream castle (or something like that). Then I watched TV and played computer games. It was a great day. Why? Because I felt almost fully ALIVE!!!

Today, today my body is reminding me that after spending almost an entire week in bed, I cannot just get up and act like I am almost fully ALIVE!!! Thus, today I've spent most of the day in bed. Although I did have some peanut butter cookies. Those cookies sure are good.