Highschool fantasy

I feel much better today. I usually do after sleeping on things. I realized that even though she apologized I couldn't accept it because she was basically apologizing for hurting me with her actions, but she wasn't apologizing for her actions. Which means she will continue with those and I just don't have time for that in my life. But, it bothered me because what in the world would make someone who is always complaining about not having any friends treat her only long-time friend like that. And I don't like the answer, but really, it's the only one that makes sense. Andrea admitted she had no adequate excuse for her actions. Then why are you still defending them? When she said she was upset because we eloped and didn't tell her, she was only telling part of the truth. She was upset because I eloped with Wes. I think she's still holding on to her highschool fantasy that someday her and Wes will be together. That's why she couldn't give me a reason. I think it's pathetic and sad that a fantasy means so much to her that she would give up her friend for it. They never dated, never slept together, nothing. It's just a fantasy. I guess that's what she wants though. I hope she can get over it though, because otherwise, her marriage is in some serious trouble. And I am proud of myself because when we were talking, I didn't bring it up at all (I had decided beforehand not to: yes, I pretty much already knew this is why she refused to come to our wedding). But I have you guys, so I don't need her. Thanks!

Break up

Well, I spoke to Andrea this afternoon. And now I'm even more confused. I told her that she had upset me and made me feel like her material wealth was more important than our friendship. She apologized for hurting my feelings, but not for what she did. That confused me. I was surprised she apologized, but how could she not understand why this upset me. I asked if I had done anything wrong and she finally admitted she was mad because we eloped without telling her and that she was mad because I went to Russia last summer instead of her wedding (I can't wait to hear what Camille has to say about that!). See, I told Andrea BEFORE she set her wedding date when I would be gone. She set the wedding for 2 weeks before I came back. When I pointed this out to her, she asked if I would postpone my wedding from Oct. to Feb. What!?! She said that it was only me that saw things that way. She also said I showed no interest in her wedding. I reminded her that I always asked for pictures of stuff and whenever we talked, she always told me she was tired of talking about her wedding. Then she pretty much started pulling stuff out of her ass and making stuff of. She also made a comment that could be interpreted as "I probably should have come up with a better excuse since you know how much I make." She also complained that when I visit TX I don't see her enough. Even though I have family there and usually don't have a car and she lives an hour away and has never offered to come get me. Anyway, she said she wanted to save the friendship but I told her I didn't feel like it was a friendship. I did tell her that I didn't think I could talk to her but maybe we could e-mail. I also told her I didn't really think of her as a friend because I didn't feel like she treated me like a friend.

I told Wes (he's at work) that I feel bad about it, but he said that I was justified. So, what do you think?

I have to ask.

Ok, I wasn't going to write about this, but it's driving me crazy and I need some opinions. It has to do with Andrea. You remember her, right? The girl who claimed I was her best friend but then became a total bitch when I married Wes. Yeah, her. Anyway, since I've moved to VA I haven't heard from her. At all. Now, all my other friends have either called, e-mailed, or left me sweet messages in my comments (or even in their blogs). Not Andrea. In fact, I called her once and after she heard that Wes and I were actually getting along very well, the conversation was pretty much over. I did mail her a thank-you for the very generic wedding gift she gave us, but I did that 2 days ago (I wasn't really feeling very thankful). Then, last night, guess who called and who obviously isn't aware that there's a time difference. So I didn't answer (because the phone was downstairs and I didn't get to it in time). She also left a message that went something like this: this is Andrea, you know your friend you haven't called in a long time. Since I haven't heard from you I thought I should call. Here's my phone number since you've obviously forgotten it (yes, that really was pretty much what she said). All in a very monotone, I don't care if I ever hear from you again voice. Now, in all honesty, I don't want to call her. I get sick to my stomach thinking about talking to her. Therefore, I don't think I should. That's just stress I don't really need in my life right now. Wes thinks I should call her and at least tell her why I don't want to be her friend. Opinions? Just let it go or let her know? Which should I do?

Off topic

I love to travel and ever since I was a teenager I swore I was going to visit every state in the USA and every country in the world (yes, I'm ambitious. And way behind). So when Clarity had a map of the USA with the states she had visited and a link, I just had to try it. So, here is a map of the USA and the states I have visited.
I thought it would look a lot more empty than that. I don't feel so bad anymore. It's just that I've STILL not been to New York city. We were going to go for our honeymoon, but now we don't have the time for that (or the money). I think we're going to go next year, before I go to Russia. And Wes wants to drive, so maybe I'll get to visit more states!

Ok, I'll leave you with that, because I honestly don't have enough energy to write more.

Monday Confusion

Yesterday was Wes's only day off for the next 2 weeks. And he didn't have Saturday off either, just yesterday. The Navy sucks. So, we worked on finance stuff. I have to be put on all his accounts (and he seems to have millions of them) so when he's at sea I can take care of them. And we want to do a budget, because that's the responsible thing to do and I would like, someday, to be well-off. That doesn't just happen. It starts with a budget. We went to church and then went window shopping (because right now we're broke) and we went to a pet store and discussed all the various pets we would like someday. I like big dogs, but he likes the small ones, which I don't think really qualify as dogs at all, but we came up with something we could both live with. We both love cats, so that wasn't difficult. We played a couple of computer game against each other. Blowing each other up is always fun. And we decided that when we do adopt, that we are combining our last names.

I never realized how last names seem so important to people who don't really matter. One of Wes's relatives actually told me (over the phone: I've never met her before) that if our kids didn't have his last name, people would think they were bastards. And it's a good thing she told me that over the phone so she didn't see me laughing hysterically. Is there still such a thing as bastard children? But it was an issue because I didn't change my name when we got married and I kind of wanted to pass my name on. But we came up with a combination that we both really like. So, our children will be: Weston (after my grandpa) Luke Marcek and Rebekah (no middle name yet) Marcek. That last part is pronounced check. Just so you know. So now that's settled.

I woke up last night at 3:00am freaking out about school. I realized that I want to do my month long research trip in October because Wes will be gone that month. That's only in two months. And, for the application stuff, I have to write a page long essay IN RUSSIAN about my research. And then when I'm in Russia, I'll have to speak IN RUSSIAN a lot. Because most people there don't speak English (and why should they?). And, to make it worse, almost everything in the RUSSIAN archives are IN RUSSIAN. My Russian stinks, even though I've been translating Russian texts for at least an hour everyday for the entire summer, I feel like my Russian has not improved. Besides, that doesn't help my speaking and I'm reading stuff about the government. That's not really useful day to day speaking stuff, especially since most Russians refuse to talk about the government or anything political. I mean, I'm not really learning how to make small talk here. So today the search of local universities and colleges for possible Russian tutors will begin. And hopefully end before I lose steam.

And the dissertation proposal continues. Today, lots and lots of translating and hopefully typing of the historiography section. Note to those writing a history dissertation proposal: type the bibliography first before the historiography section. It really does make it easier to see what you're working with and what you still need to read. To everyone else: sorry for boring you. But I should have plenty of time because Wes has duty tonight, so I won't see him until Tuesday night.

Finally, I'm going to start keeping a health journal because Wes thinks I have entirely too many headaches. And I agree. I just thought I had them because I'm a student and reading that much gives headaches. And being hunched over a desk for at least 5 hours a day. And, he doesn't understand that women get headaches at certain times of the month. But, I do agree with him in that they make me miserable and so I make him miserable and so they have to stop. Maybe if I keep a journal I'll see a pattern or maybe the doctor will. Hopefully. At least they're not migraines. Usually, they're just a combination of a sinus and tension headache (yes, at the same time). Fun, fun, fun.

Ok, I hope everyone had a great weekend. I need to get at the dissertation proposal.

Woohoo!!!

The Navy sent my husband home early last night!!! Guess what we did!!! It was nice having more than 15 minutes and it was really, really good. I'm still having weird hang-ups about being married to WES from HIGHSCHOOL, so sometimes things are a little weird in that area, if you know what I mean. But not last night.

And today, I'm cramping really bad!!! Why is that good? Well, my boobs starting swelling up over a week ago. Absolutely huge, for me. Which basically means they actually starting peaking out of my 34Bs. Still, huge for me. And my husband, being supportive, kept asking me: are you sure you're not pregnant? AHHHHHHHH!!!!! NO!!!! I AM NOT PREGNANT!!! Of course, I didn't actually know this, but therefore, I am very happy to be cramping. Aren't you guys glad you know all of this?

The dissertation proposal is up to 5 pages without footnotes, historiography section or bibliography. I'm still reading stuff and I'm also going to start adding the bibliography today. I'd like to get done in enough time to let someone read it before I send it to my advisor. That means I really gotta get on it. Which means I should probably quit wasting time here and get to it!

Shouldn't this be easy by now?

I started typing my dissertation proposal today. Not having written one before (what? Like you all have written dissertation proposals lying around your houses), I have pretty much stolen the outline of my brilliant friend Sarah, whose proposal is long, brilliant and long. With a 15 page bibliography. That includes sources from at least five different languages (English, French, German, Russian and either Hebrew or Yiddish or maybe both). I think my proposal will be closer to 10 pages with an eight page bibliography. So far, I have 2 pages, but I haven't added in footnotes, which usually take half a page or so,which would take it to 4 pages (in case you can't add). And, almost all my paragraphs open exactly like Sarah's with my topic substituted for hers. As we have two of the same professors on our committees, I'll go back later and substitute very basic, short words for the five-dollar words she uses, which I'm sure the professors know I don't know or use. I'm excited about this, but terrified. I have to prove I know enough about a topic no one has researched yet in order to get permission to research it. Did you follow that logic? That's what makes this difficult.

This weekend was Allison's birthday, so yesterday, Wes's only day off during the week, we drove four hours to the kids house. She liked the presents we brought and we stayed about 4 1/2 hours. We found out that the x and her man got married while they were on vacation. This actually makes Wes very happy because it's a more stable situation (she's less likely to run off somewhere else). I had great conversations with both the x and her husband. The kids gave me hugs hello and good-bye and spent much time yelling, "Stacy, watch this!" I took that as a good sign. Then, reluctantly, we climbed in the car and drove four more hours home. Then collapsed, as Wes had to be to work by six this morning.

I obviously had allergies to something here. I am currently trying allergy medication, as my main symptom is massive sinus headache. As most of you probably realize, reading and writing with a headache is nearly impossible and definitely not fun. They seemed to be working until yesterday and today. But, we had ridiculous amounts of sugar yesterday, in addition to sitting in a car for eight hours. Then today, I cleaned for an hour and half, in addition to sitting in a car for eight hours yesterday. At least I hope that's why my head hurts today.

I guess that's really it for now. Although I would like to add, Nadia I love you and I would buy your rice krispies if I were in Madison.

Evidence!!!

Look!!! A growing pile of dirty clothes less than five feet from the dirty clothes hamper.


The empty Dr. Pepper cans scattered about the house indicate that Wes was here. More proof that I have a husband!!!

I did have human contact yesterday though. I had coffee with a woman I met and I really like her. She's smart, funny and I think we have a lot in common. That makes me happy.

I have a husband?

Yes, I believe I do and I think he looks like this!!! If you see him, could you please return him to me. I have reason to believe he is being held hostage by the Navy, which is demanding 6 day work weeks and 14 hour days for his return. Which makes for a lonely Stacia, since I haven't met that many people yet. And even though it gives me plenty of time to work on my dissertation proposal, let's face it, you can only spend so many hours working on homework before your brain spontaneously combusts. I would offer a reward for my husband's return, but since I don't work, I can only offer to write history papers. Thank you.

Summertime randomness

Today I got up at 6:30am to get my car inspected. WI does not require car inspections so I did not realize I needed one here until I drove by 5 different gas stations with inspection signs. So I went in and got my car inspected this morning. Pretty early. If you will recall, I had the kids for 2 weeks and I'm also having a hard time falling asleep at night. I think that has something to do with Wes being in bed with me. Anyway, I was home before 8:00am and feeling really, really tired. Being tired and trying to write is not a good combination. Especially when it's something really important. So I decided to take a nap. Just a short one. No more than a half hour. And then I could get started. I woke up at 11:00am. I'm upset that I lost so much time, but also feel better because I obviously needed it. And it was early enough in the day that I shouldn't have a hard time falling asleep tonight.

It's summertime. One of the benefits of being a student is that you get your summers off. Yeah, we work on stuff, but we play alot too. My mom, who was a kindergarten teacher for 20 years is taking classes this summer (working on her MA) and she was complaining that she has no summer. It's hard to work during the summer when you know you're "supposed" to have it off. Thankfully, Wes is working on Saturday, so I'm sure I'll get something done this week. Actually, I'm pulling a classic graduate student stunt. I need to write a dissertation proposal. I've done research but I don't really remember what (thank God I type my notes). I'm printing my notes today and highlighting what I think I need. Tomorrow I will sit down and type until I have used every single one of those highlighted notes and if I'm lucky it will result in a dissertation proposal. I think this is how most graduate students write their seminar papers. Even if it's not perfect, it should be good enough (after a few read throughs and corrections) to send to my professors as a very rough draft. I'll update you later to let you know how that went.

Last night there was a deployment debriefing for the members of my husband's ship. Basically that just means they want to let you know what's going on between now and when they leave for 6 months and the best way to be prepared and how to keep in contact and all that other good stuff. The most surprising thing: many wives AND sailors (there are no married women on board the ship and sailors is gender neutral) are surprised to learn that they could be sent somewhere where they could be in danger. What? YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND IS IN THE MILITARY. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. THEY GO TO DANGEROUS PLACES. I understand that you only signed up because you wanted your college paid for, but that ain't free money. You have to earn it. I'm not thrilled with the prospect that my husband could be in danger, but after studying 20th century European history, there really isn't anything going on right now that compares. But I did figure out why my husband doesn't watch the news: he doesn't want to know. First, everytime he sees something, he sees it in terms of "are we going to send someone over there." Second, if you know you have to go, do you really want to know that the government kept information from you and sent you there on false pretextes? No, not really. I guess I can understand that. But, the ship's schedule keeps changing and once again it looks like we might have to change our "wedding" date or just cancel altogether.

I'm going to coffee with someone next week. I'm very excited about that.

Ok, that's it. Enough wasting time when I need to be working. I'm going to go play a game of AOE now.

Fireworks

We made our own!!!
I took the kids to their mom on Monday and we got to sleep in yesterday. I've been here a month, but the first week we were sore from moving furniture and boxes and then he went back to work (usually leaves at 6:00am and gets home around 7:30p) which means he was still tired. Then the kids for two weeks. We're newlyweds for heaven's sake. So, yesterday was good.

In addition to the fireworks, we also cleaned up a HUGE financial mess my husband had gotten himself into. We found a way to drop his creditcard payments by $500 a month. Which means we'll now have enough money to eat and fill up the cars with gas and still pay more than the minimum payment on the cards. That was a huge relief to me. And, he found out he had a $40 credit on his Linen n'Things card so we went and spent that. Although the people working there pissed me off, so I probably won't go back. The automatic door was not working and we had to force it open, something that probably wouldn't be easy for anyone with a cart and/or kids. There were two people working who were standing RIGHT THERE and talking. I just looked over and mentioned that the door wasn't working, you know, so they could FIX IT. The response: "yeah, probably" and they went back to talking.

This week: write a dissertation proposal. The Fulbright grant proposal is due on August 1st. I need to apply for it, so I really need to get a rough draft of my proposal (both the "real" thing and the grant) to my advisor. I hope it really is as easy as it sounds (it won't be) but I have got to get it done. I also need to get my car inspected, get signed up for health insurance (birth control pills run out in three weeks) and get clearance to get on the navy bases so I can get groceries. And if I could manage to unpack more and organize more, that would be great too.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hope you all had a great holiday.

Things that drive me crazy about kids

and that I totally don't understand.

Real life conversation, except about 15 minutes long instead of the 3 minutes it will take you to read this.

V: Daddy, can we go see your ship!?!
D: Yes, let's go see the ship where I work for the Navy.
As we're driving to the Naval base
V: Wow, there's a lot of Naval base signs. Why?
D: Because we're going to see Daddy's ship, on the navy base.
V: We're going to see your ship!?! You work on a naval base!?!
D: Yes, I work on the naval base on a ship.
As we pull up to enter the base
V: Are we on the naval base?
D: Yes, we're on the naval base, to go see daddy's ship.
V: Wow, look at all those ships with guns. Are we on a military base?
D: Yes, we're on the naval base to go see daddy's ship.
V: We're on the naval base!?!
D: Yes, to see the ship where daddy works.
V: You work in the navy!?!
D: Yes.
V: Wow, look there's more ships. Are we on a military base!?!
And continue for the next 10 minutes or more until we reach the ship.
On the ship:
V: Is this where you fight the bad guys?
D: We don't really fight anyone. We just sail around.
Next room
V: Is this where you fight the pirates?
D: We don't really fight anyone. We just sail around (I should add that the ship he is on actually does fight pirates and drug smugglers).
Next room
V: Is this where you fight the bad guys?
Continue until off the ship.
On the way home.
V: What happens if bad guys came and attacked your ship and used ropes to fly over the water to get on your ship?
D: That's not going to happen.
V: But what if it did?
D: It wouldn't.
V: What if aliens came down to your ship?
D: That wouldn't happen.
V: But what if it did?
Continue this line of questioning until we reach home.

On a more positive note, I have exchanged e-mail addresses and/or phone numbers with four different women. They are all navy wives, but I think I'll really get along with at least two of them (that's pretty good odds). This makes me happy. And, one of the women I met today and think I will really like is married to a real Russian whose hobby is Russian history. We all plan on getting together for dinner real soon.

I also burned my thighs at the beach yesterday. But, yesterday was a great day.