Thursday, July 03, 2008

I'll take that to go

I had a dream that I had the baby last night. In the dream, my pregnant friend had a baby (I don't have a pregnant friend) at our house, but her placenta was missing. I then went into labor, had the baby in about 3 minutes (I pray to God this is what will happen) and then pulled my placenta out, cleaned up the baby and dressed her. Then Wes called (in my dream) and was a spoil-sport by insisting I take her to the hospital to get everything checked out. Very weird.

I haven't been doing a lot. Just cleaning the future baby's room, swimming (I love swimming), reading, a lot, and I bought a sewing machine, but I'm afraid to touch it and realized I don't have any thread anyway (been checking Craigslist for material). I've also spent a lot of time being kicked and punched at the same time. At least that's what I'm assuming, unless my child is already doing the splits. They're still not hard, they're just very, very frequent.

IQ, being the nice person that she is, invited me over to her place for 4th of July. This puts me in quite a bind. You see, her house is filthy. Like, disgusting. Like, I don't want to eat or use the bathroom there. They have two cats and maybe clean the litter box once a week. She hasn't vacuumed since a month before the baby was born (he's 2 months old), and there's just crap everywhere. She wanted me to help her get a cleaning lady, but I can't because a cleaning lady will not come in and pick up all that crap (I mean, trash, junk mail, stuff from the store, baby stuff, you name it, it is all over the place). A cleaning lady will come in and vacuum the floor she can find, which at IQs is next to nothing. They leave the tummy time baby blankets on the floor, and let the cats walk and sleep on them. DISGUSTING. IQ did tell me she was cleaning up for the 4th though. I guess she actually loaded the dishwasher yesterday. Yes, that is her idea of cleaning. But the point is, I don't want to be there and sooner or later, I'm going to have to tell her why. Fortunately, right now, I have a great excuse.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FURNITURE!!! Yes, they don't have any furniture. No, I don't know why exactly, but I can speculate. IQ is given $800 a month by her husband. This is to cover food and household supplies. If my husband gave me $800 a month, I would have furniture. But not IQ, oh no, she usually runs out of money before the end of the month. What does she spend it on? JUNK!!! and FAST FOOD!!! We went to Target the other day and she mentioned she doesn't have a pack n' play. She doesn't need a pack n' play, at least right now. The baby sleeps in a bassinet. I told her, you can find one on Craigslist for cheap, you don't need to buy a new one (one gripe about Craigslist. What is it with people who claim baby items are barely used because the baby only used them constantly for 6 months and then try to sell the item for only $10 less than Target sells it brand new? Have these people read the baby books to know that babies are only babies a very short period of time and six months of constant usage does not a practically new item make?). Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, pack n' play. We get to Target. Guess what IQ buys? Um hm. Then she gets home and finds out one side doesn't work. Does she take it back? No. She keeps it. Which means, by the time the kid can pull himself up, they won't be able to us it anymore. And, while we were at Target, she decided she needed a new charger for one of her game thingies. Why? Because she already has two of them but doesn't know where they are in the house. GO HOME AND CLEAN YOUR FREAKING HOUSE!!! Don't buy another one. Thus, why she always runs out of money and her house is a mess. Even if they wanted to buy furniture right now, there's no place to put it because THERE IS CRAP EVERYWHERE!!!

So, for now, as a pregnant lady, I can use the lack of places to sit as a decent excuse to not go over there. But once they get furniture, I might just have to straight up tell her her house is gross. And yes, I have gone over there and tried to help her organize, but after 10 minutes she's tired because it's hard and she'd rather play WOW. And yes, her house looked like this before she got pregnant. And I'm not picking her up and bringing her over here to have play dates. If she wants to come over here, she needs to get her driver's license. I'm think I'm ranted out. Wow, I feel much better now. Thank you for listening. And I promise, the next IQ story will be much funnier (actually I have at least two that are hilarious, but you kind of had to get this one first to REALLY appreciate them).

I hope everyone has a fun and safe July 4th!

1 comment:

David said...

Your pregnant 'friend' in Texas did not....I repeat....did NOT have her baby(s)....and still has a placenta.....at least she did at the last ultrsound....however...she is very willing to deliver at any time (that she isn't peeing) to get it over with and make you a prophet...

;-)