Last night, I felt a very definite kick, like a thwamp. There was no question about it. I had gotten up in the middle of night to go to the bathroom, and then I couldn't get back to sleep, so I was basically rolling from side to side, trying to get comfortable. I guess the little navy bean was getting motion sick or something, and it wanted me to just lie still already! And yesterday, I had someone rub my belly. But, at least it was someone I knew (another teacher at a school I sub at often). It was still weird. She thought I was only 3 months along, so that made me feel good too, because I do feel huge (18 weeks, 5 lbs gained).
This past week, two things happened that have really made me think about being a parent. One, I found myself standing in a completely empty room, three days in a row, with my hand over my heart, pledging allegiance to the American flag, outloud. This had always bothered me, the what to do when it's time for the pledge, but you're completely alone. I feel silly doing it, but I feel bad not doing it. But I realized that soon, I will not be alone and someone else will be watching my every action. I would rather feel silly, but display integrity, than brush it off and teach my kid disrespect.
Two, I had a friend stay with me a couple of days who has two kids of her own. Her kids are not bad, but the oldest is 3 1/2 years old, and my friend sees no point in disciplining her because she's just 3 1/2 years old. Um, because soon she's going to be 4 and then 5 and someday 10, 11 then the teenage years. She will tell her daughter to do/not do something, but not back it up. By doing that, she's teaching her daughter that she doesn't have to obey her. Which got me thinking about discipline. At one point, I even told my friend that I would have given her daughter a little (not painful, just shocking) smack on the leg. She then turned to her daughter and said, "See, you're lucky I'm your mommy because Stacia is mean." Ok then. Maybe I just want children that obey. And maybe I want to have friends who invite me to their houses because they know my children are well behaved and won't leave a disaster zone behind them (they won't). Maybe I just want children who respect me, others and themselves. Maybe I just want good kids.