First I want to say thank you for all the supportive comments, e-mails and phone calls. I really appreciate it and it's nice to know I'm loved. Second, you know how every guy you've dated tells you no one could love you like they do? When my husband says it, I know it's true. Wes called today. The e-mail has been down on the ship and I haven't been able to communicate with him in a couple of days. He has noticed that I haven't been doing to well. Today the conversation began with me bursting into tears. I told him I'm depressed and I want to get on medication and I don't want to have a baby right now, I want to wait until next year. And I waited for the typical guy response: I'll be home in a week so you won't be depressed anymore and I want a baby now. What I got was: I love you so much and I'm so sorry you're depressed. I'll love you and be happy with you even if you decide you don't want any children. I'm just happy being married to you and your happiness is all that I want. If you think you need medication than go to the doctor and get medication. I'll be home in a week and I can't wait to just hold you and love you. I hope you didn't worry about what I would say because I would never be mad at you for telling me how you feel. We're married and that's what people are supposed to do. That response alone made me feel better.
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I went back and read my blog and realized I suffer from depression more often than I wanted to admit. When it was just me and my poor friends listening to me bitch, then I could suffer through it. But now I'm a wife and a step-mom. My depression has negatively impacted every relationship I have ever been in and I don't want to mess up my marriage too. Not only is depression a "normal" part of my life, but my life has changed significantly this past year. I got married, became a step-mom, moved across the country, where I haven't made any friends yet, left my life-long dream behind, and my husband has been gone since Thanksgiving. I think it's probably ok that I'm depressed. Now I just have to take care of it.