Saturday, September 04, 2004

Scavenger hunt

Classes started on Thurs. I had sociology, which looks like it will be fine and then I had to sit in on lecture for the class I'm TAing for. I got there early and sat in the front row. This gorgeous, although probably 21 year old, at the oldest, boy walks in, scans the half empty room and sits next to me. He starts chatting me up and I can see my advisor watching and laughing. This guy finally asks if I've bought the books for class yet. I reply I'm the TA, so yes, I have the books. He mumbles something about being a TA and then turns and basically ignores me the rest of the class. Have to admit it was kind of funny. I also got carded on Friday because this lady honestly thought I was under 21. I guess that's good.

So I'm having a slight identity crisis. Of course I'm a student, but I'm not the smartest student, or the most motivated. I enjoy it, I'm glad I'm going to school, I'm glad I'm a student. But I feel like I have no identity as a woman. I mean a sexual identity. Regardless of all the babies that seem to be attracted to me, I don't want to be a mom. I want a man, like a full-grown one, with a job and life separate from mommy. One who knows sex does more than just get one off. I don't even feel like I have any leads! Maybe one will fall in my lap. With my luck, it'll be in about 3 weeks when school is stressing me out so bad I'll feel like a crazy woman. That might be when I need a man the most, but I won't be at my most attractive.

I should take a moment to wish my nephew, Phoenix, a happy one year birthday! It was Thursday, but since he can't read, and no one in my family reads this, it doesn't really matter. Mom said he is now standing without holding onto anything, but not walking yet. Should be soon. She also said he can say nana, so she began to refer to herself as nana. Must of worked because she said he only says it when he wants her to pick him up. Very smart!

Finally, Amanda, if you're reading this, you should invest in some Anais Nin literature. Her erotica is really good, but her other stuff is even better. Stuff like The Sealed Room, Under a Glass Bell, House of Incest, Winter of Artifice, and others. Everytime I read her, it reminds me of you and your writing. I think you would really like her. Let me know.


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