I dreamt about Amanda last night. A very strange dream. She was there, but there was not much interaction, but like Amanda herself, all was needed in the dream was her presence and therefore, the dream was about her. The dream made me realize how much I miss Amanda. Amanda is one of the most real people I know. She feels and write in a spectrum of colors I am incapable of dreaming of. Her emotions experience more than I could ever realize. Amanda is beautiful and sexy and sexual. She is a big girl, but I think she has to be. She feels and lives on so many levels, she needs her bigness to hold it all. I am tiny and this makes me feel like I will explode with all the things going on inside me; like I can't hold it all. Yet I read what Amanda has written and wonder how she can hold it all it all within her. Sometimes, I wish that just for a moment I could crawl inside her, just to experience even a fraction of Amanda. I know she has experienced more pain and loss than I would ever want to go through, but it has made her more aware of life, beauty and futility, in a way that allows her to live and express, regardless of what others think. Therefore I respect her, envy her, love her and right now I really miss her.
I had my first TA sections on Wednesday. Everyone repeat with me: they are babies and you are their TA. Yes, there are a few very pretty ones, but I really don't have time to babysit. Two of my sections are very talkative, the other two, not so much. I really enjoyed the first week though. We will see how it goes. Hopefully better and better.
Back to the paper, which is due Tuesday, so then I can get on to prelim stuff,