Saturday, April 09, 2005

Peter Pan, Neverland, and Charlie

I just saw Finding Neverland. It was incredible. And it had Johnny Depp, so really, even if it wasn't good (and let me reiterate, it was a great movie) who would complain. So, since the movie was about Peter Pan, it made me think of someone who tried his best not to grow up.

Charlie: probably the most emotional, passionate, incredible and ultimately disappointing, love of my life. Amazing how things look the older one gets. I haven't dated in 5 years because I've had such a hard time getting over him. And what does it take to get over him: time, him, popping up every now and then, and proving he hasn't changed, and, his former best friend. Real life is the best revenge. So, in highschool, I was massively in love with this guy, Wes. All the girls were. But we never dated, we were just really good friends. And then he enlisted. So, I spent as much time as possible with him. At the beginning, I kind of hoped we'd hook up. Then I met his best friend Charlie, and totally forgot about Wes. Charlie and I dated for a while, and he was always insecure about Wes. We eventually broke up and lost track of one another. But not Wes and I. We remained friends.

Fast forward a few years. I'm recently divorced and I look Charlie up. I have good reason. Wes is coming for a visit and we need a place for the party. Charlie and I hook up immediately. Beyond chemistry. And he's still insecure about Wes, even though Wes is now married with two kids. After about a year, things fall apart with Charlie. Apparently he is upset because I didn't give him a huge shout out at my MA graduation, and that really hurt his feelings. So he dumped me. Wes and I are still friends, but now Charlie refuses to talk to Wes because Wes reminds him of me. Oh, Charlie keeps trying to get me back, but after he dumped me, I realized I could do so much better.

Fast forward a few more years. Wes is now single, and he has decided we should be together. But, as I've mentioned before, he's a player and that concerns me. And since he was Charlie's best friend, I was concerned about their similarities. But every time I talk to Wes, he reminds me that he's not Peter Pan and he never wanted to be Peter Pan. And after I talk to him, I get that goofy grin on my face, and it stays there for hours. Last night, he kept telling me how he can't wait to call me Doctor Trapeznikova, and how impressed he is that I'm getting my PhD. When I was with Charlie, he kept talking about me being Doctor Jordan (his last name), because it made him look so good. I told Wes this, and he wanted to know what Charlie ever did to help me earn my degrees. Honestly, he sat on the couch, made love to Mary Jane, and wanted to know when dinner was going to be ready. Oh, and could he borrow some money to pay the bills. So, Charlie, put this in your pipe and smoke it: your worst fears are coming true. Wes appreciates me, and he realizes how hard I'VE worked to get where I am and how much harder I'M going to work to get even further. And he doesn't just say he's supportive, he really is. And he doesn't have to take credit for my achievements because he has his own.

I never, in a million years expected it to be Wes. After highschool, even when we were friends all those years, it never dawned on me that it might be him. And it will be at least 3 years before we will even be able to try to live in the same place and maybe have a real relationship, but that doesn't really worry me. I know Wes will be there: he's always been there. I just didn't realize it. It doesn't scare me to feel this way anymore. It feels real.


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