Saturday, March 26, 2005

Not in my league!

I should probably start this blog by stating that if you struggle with your weight, you might not want to read this! I just realized the other day I have to get into shape and look really, really hot by May 21st. What's on May 21st, you ask. Well, some people I know are getting married. No, I don't particularly like them. Matter of fact, I think she's a bitch and he's a prick. So, why in the world am I going to the wedding. Well, for one thing, if all of us who didn't like them didn't go, no one would be there, but also because I have to show up looking better than the bride. Now my friend Marie informs me I could roll out of bed and show up and look better than the bride, but I want to look really good. Now, this may seem petty and make me look like a total bitch, but I DON'T CARE! Why? Because she thinks we're in the same league and we aren't even close. She thinks she's as good looking as me (she looks like a fraggle, or the scientist on the muppets), she's thinks she as intelligent as me (very few people actually fall into that category!), and she thinks her personality is as delightful as mine (whatever, bitch!). This irritates me to no end, because none of it is true. Even remotely. I just saw her and it looked like she took a weed-whacker to her hair, and then dumped easter egg dye on it. And, to top it all off, they spelled my name wrong on the invitation. I worked at the same place as them for a year and a half, and I still volunteer there. They could have easily gotten the correct spelling. Or, they could have just looked at the e-mail I sent them with my address. How hard would that have been? So, anyway, I have to look good, and I've realized that my body weight is shifting. I am heavier than I've ever been (117 lbs) but still, I don't know where all this extra skin around my middle is coming from. But that would explain why my boobs are getting smaller. And no, they aren't sagging. (I still don't wear a bra half the time; I think you need "real" boobs to do that). And I have been swimming, but I think I need to add a few sit-ups and some arm exercises (it's a sleaveless dress). I want to look so good that she cries. Yes, I am petty. Get over it!

Meanwhile, the running joke is that I only fall for a guy if he 1) lives out of this state/country, 2) has a girlfriend, 3) is gay, or any combination of the three. Yes, I have once again developed a crush on someone who is not available, if only because he doesn't live in this country, and has a girlfriend back home. At least this one is intelligent though. So, in one way, my taste is getting better.

Finally, I would really recommend the new Tori Amos CD. It is beautiful. I also saw the movie Ghost World last night, and if you haven't seen it, you should.

Alright, it's the end of spring break and I should finish up that last bit of homework. (who am I kidding: I'm going to go color my hair).



tani said...

good luck to you in looking better than the bride! doesn't sound like it will take much of an effort on your part though. :)

Queen of Ass said...

One word, honey....AGE. Does it every time!