Do you know where he is?

I have not been sleeping well. I am a stomach sleeper, and as the last post revealed, my stomach is growing to unsleepable size. Add to that the fact that I'm still having weird hormone induced dreams, and I'm pretty grouchy, cranky and tired. A couple of weeks ago, I dreamed we had a home invasion and I got shot. Try going back to sleep after that dream. Two nights ago I dreamed I went to pick up my baby boy (yes, that was apparently his name) at daycare and they had lost him. I guess I should start exercising and maybe I would sleep better. Maybe.

I have beautiful teeth, so says the dentist. That makes me happy since the pregnancy books all talk about how terrible pregnant women's mouths become. I'm not so excited about the doctor's appointment I have on Friday.

I received a phone call last week stating I needed to call my doctor about my pap results. I called the next day and talked to the most clueless person ever.

Me: I'm calling to get my pap results.
Her: You need to schedule a pap smear?
Me: No, I had one, I'm calling to get the results because the doctor told me to.
Her: So you don't need a pap smear.
Me: No, I already had one.
Her: Give me your information. (In the military, this takes forever, as it includes my husband's social security number, my social security number, both our names, and then me explaining that yes, we are indeed married even though our last names are different.)
Five minutes later,
Her: Are you still pregnant?
Me: Um, as far as I know?!?
Her: Your pap smear was abnormal.
Me: Duh!!!! Actually, I said, "yes, I know, I have HPV."
Her: Apparently you have HPV. (Duh!) The doctor wants you to have a coloposcopy.
Me: I had one in January. Do I really need another one?
Her: Let me put you on hold.
A minute later,
Her: Yes, you need to schedule another one.
Me: Do you have the number?
Her: No, just call the insurance company. Thank you, have a good day.

Um, ok. Now, I did a little internet searching. There's no way my cells went from normal in January, when I had the last coloposcopy, to cancer, now. And, we all know they couldn't treat it now, even if it was cancer. According to some of the stuff I read, it's really pretty normal to get abnormal cells during pregnancy, but the cells get flushed out during birth, along with everything else. So, is a coloposcopy really necessary, or even a good idea. I decided that no, not until I've talked to my doctor about my concerns. I mean, why should I go through a stressful, painful procedure just to find out I have abnormal cells that they aren't/can't going to do anything about. I mean, don't I know that already? I need a nap.

That makes me hungry!

I am now 16 weeks pregnant! This week, my baby is about 4 1/2 inches long and weighs about 3 1/2 ounces, or it's about the size of an avocado (avocado, yummy!). I've been reading my pregnancy books, and I'm starting to look into all the baby classes the navy offers (for free!!!!). I'm getting bigger, and this is the first week where I wore maternity clothes on a regular basis. They're still a little too big, but much more comfortable then the too small regular size clothes. I sent this picture to Wes and when I talked to him, he said "you look so funny!" Um, ok. I guess I won't be sending you a picture of the newly giant boobies. I'm excited and scared and tired. Probably how I'll feel for the rest of this child's life. I can't wait!

That's all baby, I promise!

Tragedy was never so funny

I told you I was reading as much as possible. On Sunday, I decided I needed to start a new book, but I wanted something light and funny. I chose Augusten Burroughs Dry, because sobriety is always light and funny. His name might sound familiar because his first book, Running with Scissors was turned into a rather good movie a couple of years ago. I read Running with Scissors, and it was hilarious and the most disturbing book I had ever read, all because these are true books. I will briefly fill you in on the story from Running with Scissors because it plays a very important part in Dry.

Augusten Burroughs' dad was an alcoholic and his mom was a, well, she was crazy. His parents eventually split up and at the age of 12 or so, his mom gives him to her shrink. The shrink believes that after the age of 13, people are adults and can make their own choices, so his kids are allowed to run wild. Augusten doesn't attend school, has access to medication and is raped, and then has a "relationship" with a pedophile who lives out back (Augusten is gay, but it's clear that this sexual relationship did not begin consensually, not to mention that he was 13 at the time and the guy was something like 30). Again, this is a true story. Needless to say, Augusten did not have a typical American childhood.

When he was 18 or 19, he set off for New York city and managed to get a job in advertising. This is where Dry picks up. Dry is about his alcoholism and his fight for sobriety. And after reading with Running with Scissors, I kept thinking, "this guy could be a psychopath, killing and raping, or doing super-duper hard core drugs, or something even worse." He really is quite normal for his upbringing. But it does haunt him. His choice of self-medication is alcohol, but we quickly find out that even though he is in his mid-twenties, he is already in the final stages of alcoholism. He is forced into a 30 day rehab by his job, and while he hates it at first, he eventually realizes it is what's best for him. This is the first part of the book.

The second part of the book begins with his return to New York and the difficulty of staying sober. Add to that the jerk at work who is jealous and leaves alcohol around his office, the incredibly hot crack addict at group therapy who is in love with him, and the fact that his best friend has HIV (and eventually dies).

Despite the grim subject, Burroughs is an amazing writer. I often found myself laughing out loud, and sometimes, crying. I'm pretty sure he's written another book, about him and his dad, and I need to go find it. While I would recommend Dry I would really recommend reading Running with Scissors first. You will feel guilty for enjoying it so much, but Burroughs is such a talented writer that you can't help it.

So here's to Augusten Burroughs. May you find love and happiness. May you stay sober. My you write many more books and may you always remember that you are somebody!

Revenge. . . French style

I've been trying to read as much as possible, since everyone tells me I'll be too tired to read once I have this baby. I try to get a good mix of contemporary with classic, mostly so I can pack up only the books I have read and have room to leave the rest out. This last week, Balzac caught my eye. I had never read Balzac, and yet the book was claiming him as a genius (I'm pretty sure I had heard this somewhere else, as well). So I picked up Cousin Bette.

Cousin Bette is a poor, peasant relation, much uglier than her beautiful cousin who married a French nobleman (presumably, with money). However, Adeline's husband had a very bad habit that involved, much younger and prettier, and much more expensive, women. I have to admit, the plot seemed a bit thin to me. Bette is jealous because her cousin married up, then called her to Paris and gave her money to set up her own shop and tried to get her married. Um, yeah, I can see why she would be jealous. However, Adeline's young, and also beautiful, daughter, does steal the man Bette is in love with. This gives her justification to try to ruin this family. And she almost succeeds. She becomes best friends with Adeline's husband's current tart and they plot to destroy the family morally, financially, and reputationally (is that a word?). They do manage to bring the family down, but there is enough good in the family to overcome (except for the husband, who disappears). Bette dies bitter that she was unable to achieve her life goal. Ironically, the husband reappears and, while not finishing her work, does achieve to destroy his wife. So there you go, a simple tale of revenge.

However, upon closer reading (or just reading every line) one quickly realizes that this story is about the fall of the old French Empire and its nobility and the rise of the (classless) middle class (the book takes place in the 1840s). A little French history makes this story of revenge and its moral more clear. The newly rich little tarts are painted horribly, but not as bad as the old nobility who pay dearly for their youth, beauty, sex and their rich lifestyles. Cousin Bette does not succeed in revenge because she has aligned herself against the old nobility. Adeline's husband is destructive because he lacks the morals he should have as a noble.

The book is very readable, but I think it would make better reading for a French history class, rather than a literature class. The book really is more about a time period, than human nature, but is valuable as such. Next week, something more contemporary!

Belated congratulations

Growing up I thought I was my parent's most intelligent child. Since I was the oldest, this was pretty easy to think. And then there was my brother's high school behavior (drug rehab can cost as much as college) and that kind of proved my case. I also thought I was probably smarter than my mom. I mean, she was a kindergarten teacher. We would tease her about not being able to count above 20 and how everything had a song to go with it. But my mom always wanted to get her Master's degree, and this weekend, she did. With a 4.0. A FOUR POINT O PEOPLE!!!! My mom is smart. And I'm so proud of her.

Who looks like her mom?

Doesn't she look smokin' hot in that dress?

This cake tasted as good as it looks.

My sister also graduated from with her bachelor's this past weekend. Now, I forgot about my sister when I figured the smart factor, mostly because she was 5 when I moved out of the house. She didn't graduate with a 4.0, no, she only graduated with a 3.94. And she starts her PT graduate studies in less than a week. She got the smart gene too!

You can't find me!

And it turns out you also can't count my brother out. He is also a full time undergraduate, now a junior. He also has a 4.0. He also works full time and is a full time single dad to the little rug-rat above. I guess it turns out my intelligence was just the tip of the iceberg. Lucky for me!

This is a vacation?

I arrived in Texas late last Thursday night. Friday was spent helping my sister pack up her apartment. Then we went and saw "Baby Mama" which was good. However, as most comedies do, this one had a sad spot, and I can tell I'm pregnant because I started crying and could not stop. I think my sister was a little freaked out. But it was all good. Saturday, I saw various family members and played various games and just generally had a great time, although I didn't get a nap, nor did I get to bed early. Sunday was spent helping my sister move into her third floor apartment, and yes, I did make several trips. Nine, to be exact. It was all light stuff, but I probably should have taken it a little easier. I was in bed by 8:30p. Monday, I got to see Camille!!!! We went to Babies r us, where my head exploded with all the stuff I apparently need to raise a healthy, well-developed child. Then we just hung out, and I got to see her kids. Her youngest, who is three, wanted to know, since I have a baby in my belly, if so did she. But, again, no nap and I was exhausted. Back to bed by 8:30p.

Tuesday, I felt much better and Phoenix came over! I got to take a nap with him, and got many, many hugs. But funniest of all, he wanted to know where I was sleeping. More specifically, he wanted to know if I was sleeping with Nana and Grandpa. I guess when he spends the night, he doesn't get to sleep with him, and he really wants to. So he was very concerned about whether or not I was getting to sleep with them. He also wanted to know if I was moving in with them, but I'm not. Today, Phoenix came over again. We made banana muffins, as you can see.

Cute aprons!

Yummy!

The funniest thing today, Phoenix wanted to know, if I had a baby in my tummy, how it was going to get out!?! He's four, and he thinks girls don't pee because we only have butts, so I certainly wasn't going to explain it to him, but he really did look rather concerned. Maybe I'll just show him the video after the fact!