Inexplicable happiness

I woke up happy. Incredibly happy. Happier than I ever remember actually being. After having suffered from depression for more than 20 years I woke up this morning and felt like I was really alive and really feeling and for the first time, really happy. And it only got better. The weather is beautiful. I read Jay's (kill the goat) blog about summer memories and it got me thinking about all the great summers I've had, all the great memories and how I want to recreate those with my family some day. And I can't quit smiling. My husband gets back on Tuesday. Yesterday I got groceries and did one load of laundry. I bought Dr. Pepper and ice cream because my husband loves those things. Even though I don't really like ice cream (it makes me cold, and yes, I know that's the point) I found some amazing ice cream that I couldn't put down. I think I ate a whole cup (usually I only eat three or four spoonfuls). Today, to get ready for my husband's return, I will finish my afghan (only about 2 hours. Crocheting is addictive!) and read all the magazines laying around. In my infinite wisdom, I decided that two weekly magazines and one monthly wasn't enough. Now we get two weeklies and three monthlies. I love reading magazines because it makes me feel smarter than everyone else, which makes me feel superior. I like feeling superior and it helps justify my plans to take over the world. Bwahahahahahahah!!!! Oh wait, that was supposed to go on my take over the world blog. Sorry about that! And I've been working, which makes me feel useful even though my paycheck will be smaller than a fourth of my husband's. And I love subbing, except for the getting up at the butt-crack of dawn part. How is anyone supposed to learn anything at 7:00am?!? As you can tell, I feel playful and happy. Happy!!!!!!!!!! Happy!!!!!!!! Happy!!!!!!!!!

Life is good.

Here I am!!!!

I'm not dead nor am I depressed. I've been busy. Wes came back late Friday night. On Saturday we, um, "hung out" all day. Yeah, that's what we did. On Sunday, we went and saw his kids. Wes was thrilled to see his kids and his kids were thrilled to see him. We had a great day and discovered that Allison will be attending college on a soccer scholarship (otherwise she might not get to go). She was a natural and she has never played on a team. We played at the park and although we spent 6 1/2 hours in the car, it was well worth it.

Wes and I spent a lot of time at the botanical gardens. I bought a family membership, so hey, why not. It is beautiful out there. We breath fresh air and we get ideas for our dream yard.
These are some of the most beautiful and unique flowers I've ever seen. Does anyone know what they are?
It took forever to get this picture of a spider. Wes HATES spiders.
My parents also came to visit this past weekend. We took them to the botanical gardens too.

Yes, I was that close to the above turtle.

I love this picture because you can actually see the water on the lily pad. You can also see how clear the pond was and the clouds reflections.

Wes also got me a birthday present last week (he was in Africa for my birthday). He got me wonderful binoculars for bird watching. Thanks to them the Bald Eagles at the botanical gardens were very clear and I saw a new bird at the beach with my parents. I love them. Unfortunately, Wes went back to the ship on Saturday, but he will only be gone for 10 days. Things are good and I'm loving the weather here. I hope everyone has been as good as I've been doing.

Working girl

I worked on Thursday!!! It was less than 2 hours but it was work. It was wonderful. The kids loved me. Then, I got a call to work on Friday. All day. In the gifted class. So I worked all day yesterday. I only had two more kids all of yesterday than I did Thursday. The teacher didn't even leave me an attendance sheet. It was extremely casual. But I worked. And I will get a paycheck. It will be small, but at least it will cover my car's registration for the next two years.

The house is a mess. I was going to clean it yesterday but then I worked. Wes showed up last night at 11:00pm. He was supposed to get home this evening. I was going to clean today. And get groceries. He doesn't care that the house is a mess or that there is no food in the house. And since he has thrown a ton of stuff all over the place, maybe it's ok I didn't clean. It was so nice to see him. This morning when I woke up I just poked him to make sure he was real. He is. I get him for a whole week before he has to leave again. It will be a great week.

Disease and History

As I was trying to figure out what I wanted to read next I stumbled across this book sitting on my shelf, Disease and History by Frederick F. Cartwright in collaboration with Michael D. Biddiss. I decided to give it a try. It is an older book (early 1970s) so some of the terminology is outdated (VD for STD and such) and Cartwright is not a historian proper, but a historian of medicine. This is evident in some of the writing when he appears to jump from one date/subject/place to another in discussion of the same disease without necessarily telling us that he is jumping from date/subject/place to another. However, I have to admit I found much of the book fascinating and actually wanted more details and accounts of disease.

I found the first four chapters to be the most interesting and the most useful. In the first chapter Cartwright discusses diseases and medicine in the ancient world--during the Greek and Roman times. His ability to take seemingly mundane descriptions of disease and discuss possible diagnosis and where the disease may have first started and how it spread is quite remarkable. The second chapter deals with the most famous of all European disease disasters: the Black Death. Rather than just pointing out how many people died and therefore how that changed history, he discusses the effect that the loss of labor caused in England and thus its evolution from the feudal system centuries before the rest of Europe. He also mentions that European Christians tended to blame the Jews for the Black Death and thus pushed them out of Western Europe (where most of them lived) to Eastern Europe. This move, as we know, had its own ramifications in the 20th century. The third chapter discusses syphilis. Syphilis is often mentioned in histories of the Russian peasantry, but I had never read a satisfactory explanation of how it was spread (non-sexually) or where it had come from. Cartwright answered all these questions for me. For that reason, this was the most fascinating chapter for me. He discusses how a disease can change forms when moving from one environment to another and how this occurs. The fourth chapter discusses Napoleon's invasion of Russia and how typhus (not to be confused with typhoid fever, which I didn't know was something different) decimated Napoleon's army before he even got to Russia. He also pointed out that Napoleon's character also contributed to bad decision making with further reduced his Grand Army.

The next two chapters deal with the unexplored (to Europe) sections of the world: the Americas and Africa. These chapters were also interesting, but less so. This is probably because I knew more about this topic than the other topics.

Chapter 7, Queen Victoria and the Fall of the Russian Monarchy, was wholly unconvincing to me. Hemophilia in the only male heir to the throne presented some problems. However, I think Cartwright simplifies the situation, claiming that if Alexis could have ruled (which he couldn't because of his hemophilia) than the Bolsheviks could have never taken power. Yeah, not quite that simple.

Chapter 8 began with a very interesting account of Joan of Arc and possible medical conditions that could have caused her visions. However, the rest of the chapter, titled Mass Suggestion, focused on Hitler's Germany. Cartwright is correct in stating that mass suggestion played an important role in Hitler's Germany, but I didn't feel that this issue really had a place in the larger context of this book.

The final chapter discusses side-effects of prescription drugs and pollution. I didn't actually read all of it because I get enough of that elsewhere. And also because his information is now outdated.

All in all, I enjoyed this book and found it very informative. It presented a whole new way to investigate history and if used, could open up new solutions to historical situations that remain a mystery, or complicate known historical facts.

round and round we go

I had a great long blog all typed up and then the computer ate it. Stupid computer. So here's the recap because I don't feel like retyping everything. I finally got my first subbing job on Thursday. The navy is flying Wes across the ocean to get on a ship for 10 days as it sails back across the ocean home. A great use for taxpayer money. I'm going to try to be more positive like my husband and let the negativity and depression go. The original blog was much longer, but I need to clean my filthy house.

Sunshine

I just realized that my last post was my 400th post. Cool.

I wanted to start working this week, but apparently no teachers are sick. Instead of sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself, I thought, "hey, the weather is beautiful and I have a membership to the botanical gardens." So that's what I did. And it was a great choice.

There was a Great Egret.

There were a ton of turtles.

The weather was so beautiful that this guy was even out.

And of course, the cute little baby goose.
It was a good day.

Newport Rhode Island

I am back from my mini-vacation to Newport Rhode Island. Wes and I had a great time and the weather turned out to be absolutely beautiful. However, if you know anything about East Coast stuff, you're probably saying to yourself, "hey, that's the USS Constitution and it's in Boston." Yes, you are correct. Since my husband in is the Navy and we were only an hour away from Boston, we went to visit the oldest commissioned naval ship in the US (and the oldest one in the world that still floats). My husband is also working on a model of this ship, so we took about 50 pictures. Since I had never been in Boston, it was cool just to be there.

Since we were in Boston anyway, and just a few steps from the Bunker Hill memorial, we decided to go visit. I must say that Boston is a beautiful city and even though we didn't go far, I thought it was a great area. The memorial had been closed for repairs, but "lucky" for us, is had just opened the day before. I say "lucky" because we decided to go to the top. 294 steps up, a quick (less than 3 minutes) look around and 294 steps back down. We were hurting by the time we got back down. But it was worth it. The view of the city was amazing.

Newport is known for it's summer homes, of which we visited five. Newport itself was quite charming and even though the trees were still bare, I completely understand why people would want to summer there. The above house is called The Marble House and was built for one of the Vanderbilt families. The houses were elaborate, beautiful and ostentatious. The Breakers, another Vanderbilt home, was 138,000 square feet and took a whole acre of land. The Marble House was the fourth house we visited. However, our jaws still dropped when we walked in. This was the most amazing, most beautiful, most spectacular house I've ever seen (of a private citizen: I've seen palaces in Russia). The trip to Newport was worth it just to see this house (but if you're there anyway, see The Breakers and The Elms too).

The trip to Newport was wonderful. I got to spend time with my husband (it was so good to see him again), visit (drive through) 6 states I'd never been too (Delaware, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts), and see new stuff. I also got to eat a lot of really good seafood. The drive there was 13 hours, thanks to a few mistakes of mapquest and my husband (we also hit the New York area at 5:00pm on a weekday). The trip back only took me 11 hours. My riding companion was another officer's wife, but she doesn't have a driver's license. The only thing I will say about her is that her favorite channel is the Disney channel, her favorite books are kids' books, and she's excited because her family got her a leap frog game for Christmas so she can work on her math. She also spent ages 3 through 18 in foster homes. At least I had company.

Unfortunately my husband has to stay in Rhode Island for three weeks. But, I did have substitute teacher training yesterday and I hope to start subbing next week. I have been really tired but I don't know if that's from the Zoloft or because so much is going on that I'm really tired. I guess we'll find out. Things are going well and I'm happy.

My husband's back!!!

Wes got back yesterday. I was nervous but everything went well. It's almost like he never left. He was a gentleman and didn't expect sex the second he arrived, which is nice because after him being gone for almost 5 months I needed to just be with him for awhile first. He ate like he hadn't eaten the entire time he was gone. He complimented me on how clean the house was (notice I said was: there is now a ton of his stuff everywhere). After we finally said "hello" (after a long shower on his part because he stank), I announced I had done my part in dressing up to pick him up and was reverting back to sweats. He laughed. He fell asleep at 8:30pm and was up at 5:00am. He took another nap this afternoon too. Hopefully he'll still be able to sleep tonight. Tomorrow we leave for Rhode Island. Monday I come back by myself. He'll be gone three more weeks, but at least I got to see him.

Sorrow

I'm counting down until I can go pick up my husband. To waste time I've been reading all the news from Virginia Tech. I am saddened by what happened. I am sick for all the family and friends of those who were killed and wounded. I don't think the university was remiss in its actions. Nothing in history would suggest the outcome that occurred. Having been a student for too many years, I know the isolation, depression and despair that school can cause. Being an international student must have made things even more difficult. Obviously that doesn't excuse the shooter's actions, but his actions speak of a very troubled young man. I feel so bad for his family in South Korea. They may only be getting bits and pieces of the news, and in translation besides. I pray for everyone affected. I pray for comfort and hope and mostly that they can eventually feel peace. I pray that those who had contact with this young man don't blame themselves for what happened, but that they learn from this experience. I pray that all involved will learn to forgive. I mostly pray that people will reach out more to those who need friends. And I pray that something like this never happens again.

Something good

This has been a good weekend. In no particular order. . . .
Yesterday it rained and blew. I didn't really want to go to church, but the days have been long and I knew I needed to get out of the house. The church is right next to a river and as I pulled up a Great Blue Heron flew over my car. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen (there's a link to a picture somewhere around here). After church, even though it was still raining, I put on jeans and a sweatshirt and headed to my favorite park. There was no one around but I saw a White Egret and, not one, but two Great Blue Herons. I wasn't that far from them and they are beautiful, tall and elegant. I watched them walk on land, wade in the water and then fly. Amazing. That alone made it a great weekend.

I talked to my grandma this weekend too. She said that she finished "updating" grandpa's life story for the family. Now that she has written it she realizes that his health had been declining quite rapidly at the end. Realizing this has made his death a little easier for her. She seems more accepting of his death and isn't blaming herself for not doing more. Of course she still misses him, but she seems more willing to live a life without him.

Last night at church they talked about missions. The focus this year is Eastern Europe, specifically, the Ukraine. I know a little something about the Ukraine and half of its population speaks Russian. I think I'm going to try to go on a mission trip this summer. I'm a strong believer in actually doing something for the population too, so I was pleased that the focus of the mission trip is actually an English language school. Even learning a little bit of English could greatly help out the economic future of the students. Many of the students will probably know some English but have never met a native speaker to practice with. This is a great way to help out these people and I would be using the knowledge I've spent half my life learning.

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Book review. The Master of Petersburg by J. M. Coetzee. Before I start ripping this book apart, I'd like to say that Coetzee is an excellent writer. The first book I read by him was Waiting for the Barbarians. Sadly, this book is so good that everything else of his tends to pale in comparison. However, I think everybody should read Waiting for the Barbarians, especially those people involved in the war against terror. I also think Waiting for the Barbarians will be taught in literature classes centuries from now.

Having said that, The Master of Petersburg suffers from one major problem. The book is a fictional account of Dostoevsky return to St. Petersburg after the mysterious death of his stepson, whom, according to Coetzee, he loved very much. To understand the story you have to know something of Dostoevsky, the political situation in Russia at the time and the underground terrorists groups in Russia. However, if you know anything about all that, you find the premise of the book to be simply unbelievable. Kind of a catch-22, if you will. The writing is excellent and I did enjoy it except I kept thinking that Coetzee would have done better to have made Dostoevsky a fictional writer. Only then the story wouldn't have made much sense either. Also, how much hubris do you have, Coetzee, to think you know what Dostoevsky would have felt and thought? My opinion, skip this book and read Waiting for the Barbarians.

I guess that's it for now. We are in serious countdown mode until Wes gets home. I have a few errands to run today and then just trying not to panic until he gets here.

Countdown

I saw a therapist yesterday and I know he's the one for me. He had bird sculptures all over his office. Half were three dimensional and half two dimensional, large and beautifully painted. It was a very happy vibe and I loved it. He said that it appears that most of my depression is situational and will work itself out. But because I have a personal and family history of depression he wants me to take the Zoloft for 6 months and see him about twice a month. It sounds doable and just admitting I needed help has really made me feel better.

Wes comes home on Tuesday. Knowing this, the weather got cold and my eye feel like it's getting a sty. Cause nothing says sexy like a bulky sweater and a swollen puss filled eye. And he's flying into the navy base. The largest navy base in the country. I asked him where I should pick him up. At the terminal. How do I get there? Follow the signs. I think it's on the other side of the base. Thanks. I'll try to get there by Wednesday. I'm going to finish cleaning the house today. Victor's legos are starting to look like they're playing in the snow. I hate dusting and he has so many of them. And they break easily. Oh well. And I guess that's about it. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Onward!

I went to the doctor yesterday. It's one of those places that first come, first serve, so you sign in and then wait the rest of the day. Thankfully I also take reading material with me. The doctor was very nice. She listened to me and then gave me a 30 day prescription for Zoloft, which I was on in 2000 when I was suicidal. But I have to go back in two weeks to let her know how I'm doing and she wouldn't renew the prescription if I didn't go to therapy. I'm not thrilled about that part, but I also don't like doctors who prescribe anti-depressants without making sure patients go to therapy (studies show that you need both to really kick depression in its ass). She also encouraged me to get involved in local clubs to socialize more. So thank you doctor for doing you job correctly and with compassion.

I have so many wonderful friends (and I haven't figured out how that happened), but unfortunately they have all declined my suggestion that they move to Virginia Beach (but it's so pretty here!). So yesterday I pulled out the little Botanical Gardens calendar. There's a walk I want to participate in next Tuesday and there are 2 (two!) birding events in May. The gardens even have nature photography classes, as well as Tai Chi in the gardens. I think becoming a member was a very good idea. I think I could really meet people I like out there. And everyone could use more friends.

My husband will be home in a week. From yesterday. I'm nervous and excited. Yesterday I spent 1 1/2 hour cleaning our garage. It's not that he's going to look in the garage, but I couldn't even get the recycling can out (and it was completely full) and since I have read so many books lately, I wanted to unpack some more books. Now the garage is clean and organized (although you still couldn't fit a car in there). Today I will clean the 2.5 bathrooms (it feels like 3 full bathrooms when you're cleaning them) and the kitchen. Tomorrow the office and the kids' room, Friday the living room and Saturday our bedroom. Sunday and Monday I will just chill out and panic about forgetting about something (no, I don't know what yet, you'll just have to wait until then). I had gone out and bought several cute summer tops and some killer 4 inch sandals, but, of course, now it's too chilly to wear something like that (we haven't reached 60 in almost two weeks). He's going to freeze because he's been in Africa all this time. I guess I'll just have to keep him warm.

I love my husband

First I want to say thank you for all the supportive comments, e-mails and phone calls. I really appreciate it and it's nice to know I'm loved. Second, you know how every guy you've dated tells you no one could love you like they do? When my husband says it, I know it's true. Wes called today. The e-mail has been down on the ship and I haven't been able to communicate with him in a couple of days. He has noticed that I haven't been doing to well. Today the conversation began with me bursting into tears. I told him I'm depressed and I want to get on medication and I don't want to have a baby right now, I want to wait until next year. And I waited for the typical guy response: I'll be home in a week so you won't be depressed anymore and I want a baby now. What I got was: I love you so much and I'm so sorry you're depressed. I'll love you and be happy with you even if you decide you don't want any children. I'm just happy being married to you and your happiness is all that I want. If you think you need medication than go to the doctor and get medication. I'll be home in a week and I can't wait to just hold you and love you. I hope you didn't worry about what I would say because I would never be mad at you for telling me how you feel. We're married and that's what people are supposed to do. That response alone made me feel better.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I went back and read my blog and realized I suffer from depression more often than I wanted to admit. When it was just me and my poor friends listening to me bitch, then I could suffer through it. But now I'm a wife and a step-mom. My depression has negatively impacted every relationship I have ever been in and I don't want to mess up my marriage too. Not only is depression a "normal" part of my life, but my life has changed significantly this past year. I got married, became a step-mom, moved across the country, where I haven't made any friends yet, left my life-long dream behind, and my husband has been gone since Thanksgiving. I think it's probably ok that I'm depressed. Now I just have to take care of it.

Paradise

by Toni Morrison. Wow, wow, wow. I have read other Morrison books, but this one is amazing. While reading it I couldn't put it down. After finishing it I dreamt about it for two nights in a row. While the story is centered around an all black town created and re-created in the early 1900s, giving an initial impression that the story will be white vs. black, the real issues are much more universal. The long standing members of the town are afraid of outsiders, change and especially afraid of the women who live at the Convent outside of town (also all black). However, as the story unfolds we quickly realize that the town members themselves have divided the town into insiders and outsiders, the older generation and the younger generation, and finally men against the women (both in the town and at the Convent). The women at the Convent are busy trying to free themselves from past demons while the men of the town are busy creating new ones for themselves. The slow tension of the story ends in a magnificent ending that is both triumphant and destructive. An excellent psychological novel about fear, courage and change. A must read for everyone.

Enough is enough

And I've had enough. I'm tired of this roller coaster. I'm depressed. I'm fine. I'm depressed. I'm fine. I've suffered from depression since I went through puberty. That was roughly twenty years ago (and where did that twenty years go anyway?). Twenty years of yo-yoing emotions. Of never feeling good enough, of feeling like all I did was feel sorry for myself, of wondering what was the fastest and most painless way to end it all. Twenty years of denial. I can handle this by myself. I just need to exercise more, sleep more, do more, feel more, live more and it will all be ok. It's not. It hasn't been. I'm tired of feeling like half a person. Depression, to me, doesn't feel like everyone else has deserted me; it feels like I have deserted myself. I can still see my dreams, goals and ambitions. But they're all over there and I can't figure out how to get to them. I can't figure out how to be me anymore. And it causes so many issues. I don't want to pass this on to my kids. I don't want to have kids right away either. How do I tell Wes that? Do I just pray I don't get pregnant until next January? He's so excited. I know because I talked to another wife and she already knew we were going to try to start a family. Everyone on the ship knows. But I just don't feel ready right now, even if he does. I need to work my way out of this depression. I don't want to be on medication. I guess it's a pride thing. But I think that would be best right now. And I need to start doing what I know works to get my ass in gear: a daily to do list split into 15 minute increments. Yes, it is a long list, but it works. And I'm going to start working soon. And I joined the botanical gardens. And I'm going to get a haircut (yes, that still works). But I've got to get out of this fog. I have to live again. I have too much I want to do. I have too much to live for. I have too much.

Hear that?

No, no you don't. Because there is nothing to hear. They are gone. No more screaming, fighting, begging, arguing or lying. And especially no more of the most annoying whining I have ever heard in my life. This week has made me seriously reconsider if I want to be a mom or not. I know that it's different having his kids. We don't actually get them that much and then when he's not here it's even harder. I feel impotent to discipline them. Afraid that anything I say will be twisted and passed on and twisted even further and then used as ammunition against my husband. And maybe because they're not mine to keep I tend to think in terms of a score card. One pleasant moment, three unpleasant moments and so on. And I allow the unpleasant moments to erase the pleasant ones. I try not to, but I feel like I'm trying so hard and all I get in return is "we want this," "why not" and "whatever." They wouldn't even hug me good-bye. Is parenting this thankless? I mean, I don't want kids just to have someone to love me and take care of me when I get old, but I already feel worthless, so do I want to add one more thing to feel like a failure about?

If you couldn't tell, I am seriously depressed. My husband will be home in about 10 days and I'm not even excited about it. Why? Because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything since he left. So the house is clean. Big deal. He doesn't even care about that. I need a job. I need to feel useful. I need to make money. I need to feel like I contribute more than my cleaning, cooking and pussy. I think I need medication. I hate depression. It keeps me from so many things. Like leaving the house. Making friends. Volunteering. Doing anything scary. And it makes everything scary. I'm so afraid of failure. I know I'm smart and can do so much but I'm so smart that I know I'm not smart enough to do anything. I feel paralyzed. I need my husband to get home. I need to find the courage to get off my ass and do something, anything. I hate this disease.

The Penelopiad

Margaret Atwood writes a haunting retelling of Odysseus's travels through the eyes of his long-suffering wife Penelope. While this re-telling would have been richer if I had read The Odyssey within the last 10 years, since I did read it several times in high school and college, I remembered the basics of the story (and I also play Age of Mythology, which helps). While Atwood writes about their families and their marriage, most of the book is dedicated to the question most women ask after reading The Odyssey. Why did Penelope stay faithful all those years? Atwood answers and yet doesn't answer that question. This poignant retelling should be read in women's studies courses and also with the reading of The Odyssey in literature courses. Unlike other retellings that I've read, Atwood stays faithful to the myth yet opens up new possibilities to an old story.

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My husband is coming home soon. (And I stayed faithful because he wasn't gone for 20 years and having sex with various goddesses.) I've been e-mailing his x and trying to arrange for us to have the kids as much as possible when he returns. She sent me an e-mail the other day in which she made me so angry, she was lucky we weren't having a conversation. I know that she was trying to say, "gee I really wish Wes could spend more time with the kids and therefore I will let you have as much as possible", but it came out as "I'm so sad that Wes chose the navy over the kids and therefore doesn't get to see them often, which is bad for the kids." And I know that's what she meant. How do I know that? Because the kids have asked why daddy chose the navy over them. They are also convinced that Wes has to pay to work in the navy (yes, I am being serious). I know that someday the kids will grow up and know the truth, but until then I hate the fact that this is what they think. Especially when the truth is "the kids don't get to see their dad because you decided you wanted some other man's dick in your twat and so left your husband for some guy you met on the web and had only seen in person twice. You're such a great mom that you got on a plane and flew all the way across the country to move in with this guy, even though you had only met him twice in person. So don't tell me it's my husband's fault that the kids will only be able to count the time spent with their dad in weeks and months. If you had honored your wedding vows, they would be able to count that time in years."

Ok, I've been lazy and my house is a mess. I must get to that. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Islam: A short history

I love history but the past couple of years (a decade) have been spent concentrating on only one history: Russia/USSR. Since I'm no longer in school, I thought I'd broaden my horizons. I picked up Karen Armstrong's Islam: A short history at the library and I would highly recommend it for anyone who knows nothing about Islam.

The book is very simplistic and very basic, but it covers all the major points. Armstrong can be condescending at times, but to the readers, not religion. She is a "scholar of religion" (as the dust jacket puts it) and has written many other books about world religion. But she tends to take major issues with those who "corrupt" the original religious beliefs, especially when it's towards a more patriarchal line. Aside from occasional comments about these corruptions, the book does a great job to explain the basic tenants of the religion and its history.

Besides the narrative of book, there are several other reasons I would recommend this book for anyone wanting to know more about Islam. First, there is a great time-line at the front of the book. Second, there is a list of key figures of Islam. Third, there is a glossary of Arabic terms. Fourth, a section containing suggested further reading. Finally, and probably most importantly, the book was written before 2001. Therefore, even though Armstrong does talk about fundamentalist, it is not the focus of the book.

I feel that I could now have an intelligent conversation concerning the religion/history of Islam, although not a very detailed one. However, I now understand the difference between Sunni and Shiia. This distinction seemed important to me considering the amount of space it is currently taking up in the media. Overall the book was a fast and easy read while hitting upon the major points of importance concerning Islam. I really think anyone who opens their mouth to discuss what Muslims believe and why their history points towards terrorism should be forced to read this book. A little understanding could go a long way.

Synopsis

I've been running around, getting a TB test, begging professors for recommendations, which they are happy to give until I explain it's for a substitute teaching position, and just generally trying to get out of the house. I don't know why because the kids have spring break next week and I'm going to have them all week, and then Wes is back in the country so I'll be visiting him at his navy school and then we'll have the kids again. Timing is so screwed up in my life right now. Beth, to answer your question: in the States you have to have a teaching certificate to teach in K-12. Most people assume that because I have a MA I can teach. This is not true because I don't have the certificate (it usually involves a year worth of education classes). However, many school districts are desperate and would be willing to hire someone with a MA provisionally. I could teach as a regular teacher, usually for two years, during which time I would be expected to get my teaching certificate. If I didn't get the teaching certificate during that time, I would no longer be able to teach (but I could still sub).

Virginia bloomed this weekend. And while it is beautiful, I am so allergic and am going into my second day of intense sinus headaches and limited breathing capacity.

I got an e-mail from Andrea yesterday. She was my long-time really good friend who decided that buying a house was more important than I was (meaning: she was in love with my husband and didn't want to attend our wedding). Anyway, I cut things off with her last July. She sent me a very nice e-mail telling me she misses me and wants to be friends. I e-mailed back that I missed her too and hope we can be friends. We've known each other for so long so I hope we can get past this. I am a little worried though. Lately so many old friends who I had lost touch with have come back into my life that I'm afraid something bad is going to happen and God knows I'll need all the friends I can get to help me through. I hope that's just me being paranoid.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great week.

Goodbye Lenin!

Last night I watched Goodbye Lenin! It had been recommended to me by several people and it deals with the end of communism. This movie is amazing, funny, intelligent and sad. I would highly recommend it to anyone.

The movie tells the story of a highly committed communist East German woman who falls into a coma right before the wall is torn down. She wakes up 8 months later to a world that is completely different. Only, her son refuses to let her know what has happened for fear that it will cause another heart attack and kick her. He sticks her in her room, creates fake news programs and generally just lies to her. But I think the best part of the movie is when he admits to himself that he created the communist society for her that he, and everyone else, wished had really existed.

And that's the sad part. In the west we assume that the end of communism was the best thing that happened to these people. But we forget that many of these people, and their parents and even grandparents before them, strove to create the perfect communist society. Many of these people believed in the ideology even when the leaders appeared to forget. And the fall of communism economically devastated thousands of people. Even if these people wanted political, religious and economic freedom, they still lost the only way of life they had ever known. This journey had to have been terrifying even for those who wanted it most. Imagine what it was/is like for those who once believed in the perfect communist society. Goodbye Lenin! deals with the issues in a sympathetic way. The ending of the movie is triumphant, both for those who considered themselves Leninist and those who wanted freedom.