That didn't go so bad!

Apparently I'm not as huge as I feel. I had originally decided to wear a tight shirt, one to show off my belly, to pick up the kids, but then decided maybe something a bit more subtle would be better. I guess it was too subtle. I had to tell Wes's x I was pregnant. Even she couldn't tell. We were talking over the kids' heads because I told her I wanted to tell them later. She congratulated me and then asked if it was planned. Hmmmmm???? I wonder why she asked?

We were eating lunch when I told the kids. Allison was very happy, but Victor thought I was joking and he didn't think it was funny. I finally pulled my shirt up to show him my belly. Then, he was just "shocked", and remained so for most of the day. Apparently he "wasn't expecting it." Allison was thrilled that it's a girl. Victor just rolled his eyes. They did have questions, but not the ones I was expecting. I had to explain several times that, no, your mom will not be the baby's step mom, your step dad will not be the baby's step dad and your stepbrothers are in no way related to the baby. I think they finally got it. Then they wanted to know who knew I was pregnant first (um, me!) and if we wanted a baby (yes!), will daddy be home for the birth (he better be!) and if they would be here for that (probably not).

Victor did make one very strange comment (several times). He told Allison not to get too excited because the baby could die when it was born, because that happens all the time. I explained that it does happen in poor countries like Africa, where there aren't enough doctor's or medicine, but that in America, it doesn't happen very often. I don't know if he was hoping or if he was worrying about it. Later he got very upset when he realized we have stairs and what if the baby falls down them and gets hurt?!? Well, we'll get a baby gate.

Allison wanted to know what we're going to name the baby. About two hours later she told me she thought Navy Bean was a beautiful name. I'm glad she approves. Victor wanted to know how we could name the baby without knowing what it looks like. A good point, but since we don't really have a back-up name, Navy Bean it will be. Victor also wanted to know what she would look like, so we talked about how Wes and I looked and how that might make the baby look. Allison wanted to know if it would be crawling when they came to see the baby at Thanksgiving (I'm due the 8th of Nov.) and I had to tell her no. Victor quickly pointed out to her that she wasted her time hoping for a little sister to play with since it wouldn't be able to play for several years. So then we discussed what kind of playing they could do with the baby.

Now, all these conversations have been spread out over a couple of days. It's not been baby time 24 hours a day. We've also played hero scape, monopoly, life, uno, and kids' trivial pursuit. But, the baby finally moved yesterday when the kids were right there so I let them feel it (they wanted to know how I knew it was the baby). They looked at me like I was that guy from Alien, you know, the one who has the alien pop out of his chest. I think it freaked them out just a little bit. Today, we're going to go to Target so they can see what I registered for. Allison actually wants to buy something for the baby, but I think we'll wait on that. Maybe I'll just have her draw a picture for the baby's room or something like that.

Oh, Victor did say at one point that he was scared when I told them I was pregnant. He didn't elaborate, but I told him that the baby didn't change how much we loved them, how much we wanted to see them and that we still want them to come live with us. I guess things are still not much better over there. Matter of fact, he was telling me that his mom thinks he's going to flunk out of middle school and because of this, he's not sure if he'll be smart enough to go to college (he's 10 and going into 5th grade. While school is important, I don't think this is the best way to impart that). He's also back on his medication because they didn't want to deal with teaching him how to handle his emotions (that's really pretty much what she said). So, even though it went well, I know that it's not always going to go this well. But this is a good start.

Say what now?

I'm going to get my husband's kids today. I haven't seen them since my husband left, since his x doesn't see any reason in driving them 1 1/2 hours just to see me (they live 3 hours away). I understand this, yet, my husband and I are really trying to instill in them that we are all a family, and if they're never here, how does that work? But right now, my main issue, my main fear, is that they don't know I'm pregnant. Yes, various people think we should have e-mailed them, or called them and just told them. But we want to be in charge of that conversation and that situation, and we wanted to give them time with just us (or me) to ask questions, talk about their fears, and try to make it feel normal. Yes, we are afraid of what his x might say to the kids. We've heard enough from the kids to know that she is not always honest with them about the divorce, about my husband's career, about the entire situation. Why wouldn't she try to twist this into something bad as well. Now, don't get me wrong. She doesn't talk bad about my husband and when he's home, we get the kids as much as we want. However, when it comes to the divorce, she obviously can't tell the truth (well kids, Anthony was just better in bed and he told me he had a lot more money than your dad, so I left) (Also, I am not indicating that I believe Anthony is better in bed. I have met Anthony and I actually have a hard time imagining Anthony having sex with a woman.). Therefore, the reasons she gives the kids for the divorce are just ludicrous: he choose the navy over the kids, he pays the navy to work there, so he doesn't have any money (which is why we pay an arm and leg in child support), he doesn't love the kids, that's why she left (and gee, that's why we get them as much as possible, because we don't want them). I'm just wondering how this is going to go over. Yes, the kids knew we wanted more kids, but that doesn't mean they understood we would have them, or how that would change their lives. So I'm a bit worried. But I'm going to try to make it as good and exciting as possible. Send good thoughts my way.

Pack it up!

The baby's room, otherwise known as the office, is slowly, but surely, getting cleaned and organized. I almost cried when I had to pack up most of my books though. I only packed the books I have read, but still, how do I know I won't want to read Achebe, Conrad, Dickens, Atwood, or any of my other old favorites. I felt like I was packing up my friends. My husband assures me it is only temporary, and I know it is. Not to mention the close to 200 books I didn't pack up because I haven't read them yet, or the three tall bookshelves in the dining room that are filled with my Russian literature and history books (yes, I've read almost all of these). Those, I just can't pack. Thankfully, I don't have to. But it is slowly sinking in that my life is about to radically change. This time, two years ago, I was working on a dissertation proposal, looking forward to doing a year long research trip to Russia and hoping that someday I would be a professor. Now, I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant, have two step-kids, and a husband who is a naval officer. I want to eventually become a middle school teacher, but really want to be a stay at home mom first. Life is funny. And I'm very happy, but very scared as well.

This is my first baby. We have no baby things. My husband's kids are 10 and 7 and even if they had kept the baby stuff, they would have gotten rid of it during the divorce. Several people have asked me about a baby shower. I don't think I'm going to have a baby shower. You see, I'm not really that good at making friends. I lived in Texas for 14 years and the only friend I took away with me (other than my husband, but he was more like an acquaintance for the 15 years before we got married) is Camille. And I love Camille with all my heart and she more than makes up for any lack of friends on my part. In Madison, it was easy for me to make friends. We were all in graduate school together. I actually made a lot of friends there, people I'm still in touch with, even though hardly any of us are in Madison now. But here, here it's been harder. When you're a substitute teacher, you move around and don't stay anyplace long enough to make friends. And every time another navy wife and I become friends, they end up moving away. IQ doesn't really count as a friend. But, I finally met someone I really like and someone who wasn't in the navy and someone who wanted to give me a baby shower (one of the navy wife's did too, but then she moved). I met this person through IQ but she is smart and funny and I really like her. She's moving next week to California. Go figure. So, that leaves nobody to give me a baby shower. I go to church and I'm in a Sunday school class, but it's a hard way to make real friends. I'm a little disappointed about not having a baby shower, but I know I'll be getting packages from all over the country (and maybe the world). I'd still like to have a friend who lives here though. Camille, why can't you move here???

Two down

I know I should be reading books I've never read before, but I decided I couldn't pack away Salman Rushdie's The Moor's Last Sigh without rereading it. I remembered it as my favorite Rushdie book, and it did not disappoint.

The Moor's Last Sigh follows a wealthy Indian house for four generations. They have made their money through the spice trade. They claim they are descendants from Vasco de Gama (from the wrong side of the sheets), and they are Catholic. The family is ruled by strong women and eventually, is destroyed by stronger/weaker men. There is no harmony in this family. They destroy one another, as if it were sport. The narrator of the story is the last of them, the Moor, and with his death comes the death of the family.

Epifania and her husband have two sons, Camoens and Aires. Epifania rules the household and Aires is her favorite. However, Aires and his wife, Carmen, are unable to produce children, mostly because Aires is gay and he and his wife never have sex. Camoens brings home a beautiful, strong-willed orphan, Isabella. While Epifania is trying to gain control of the business (her husband left her an allowance, but not the business upon his death) she ends up destroying the business and the family. Aires and Camoens are sent to prison (for allowing riots and such, this is during British rule) and while they are gone, Isabella takes over the business and the house. She builds the business back up and manages to establish some sort of peace within the house. However, she often neglects her only child, Aurora. Bella continues to keep control, even after the release of Camoens and Aires and eventually, she buys Aires 50% of the business. Unfortunately, she dies from lung cancer when Aurora is just 13 years old. Not long after that, her father takes a swim in the ocean that he had no intention of returning from.

During this time, Aurora has developed her artistic talents and has discovered she is indeed a wonderful painter. One night, while wandering around, she discovers her grandmother, Epifania, whom she blames for her mother's death, in the chapel and she suffers a stroke. She calmly sits down and watches her grandmother die. With her last breath, Epifania curses her granddaughter and her house. From this point on, it is Aurora's story.

At the age of 15, Aurora meets and instantly falls in love with Abraham Zogoiby, a Sepharic Jew who is 20 years her senior. No one will marry them, so they claim they are married and proceed to have 4 children. Abraham turns the family business into a vast network of black market activities, while Aurora concentrates on her artwork. The three girls they have are not so important to the story, but since their son, the Moor, is their narrator, he is very interesting.

The Moor was born after only 4 1/2 months in the womb. He was born with a club instead of a right hand and ages at twice the speed of normal people. Although the story is very interesting until this point, this is where it really takes off, with the man who is telling his own story. It is a story of twisted love, betrayal, hate, betrayal, more twisted love, and so many strange things that you don't know what to believe. In the end, having killed themselves off (or being killed by others) he is the only one left and he is running for his life.

This is a great book, and very different from The Satanic Verses. Rushdie is a master at creating a situation where one is willing to suspend disbelief. This is a book, where upon finishing, you still can't decide who you believe. Was it Abraham who killed Aurora, or one of her spurned lovers? Was the Moor's lover trying to kill him to destroy his mother, or was the poison meant for herself? Is anything as it seems? I'm glad I reread it before I packed it away.

I'll take that to go

I had a dream that I had the baby last night. In the dream, my pregnant friend had a baby (I don't have a pregnant friend) at our house, but her placenta was missing. I then went into labor, had the baby in about 3 minutes (I pray to God this is what will happen) and then pulled my placenta out, cleaned up the baby and dressed her. Then Wes called (in my dream) and was a spoil-sport by insisting I take her to the hospital to get everything checked out. Very weird.

I haven't been doing a lot. Just cleaning the future baby's room, swimming (I love swimming), reading, a lot, and I bought a sewing machine, but I'm afraid to touch it and realized I don't have any thread anyway (been checking Craigslist for material). I've also spent a lot of time being kicked and punched at the same time. At least that's what I'm assuming, unless my child is already doing the splits. They're still not hard, they're just very, very frequent.

IQ, being the nice person that she is, invited me over to her place for 4th of July. This puts me in quite a bind. You see, her house is filthy. Like, disgusting. Like, I don't want to eat or use the bathroom there. They have two cats and maybe clean the litter box once a week. She hasn't vacuumed since a month before the baby was born (he's 2 months old), and there's just crap everywhere. She wanted me to help her get a cleaning lady, but I can't because a cleaning lady will not come in and pick up all that crap (I mean, trash, junk mail, stuff from the store, baby stuff, you name it, it is all over the place). A cleaning lady will come in and vacuum the floor she can find, which at IQs is next to nothing. They leave the tummy time baby blankets on the floor, and let the cats walk and sleep on them. DISGUSTING. IQ did tell me she was cleaning up for the 4th though. I guess she actually loaded the dishwasher yesterday. Yes, that is her idea of cleaning. But the point is, I don't want to be there and sooner or later, I'm going to have to tell her why. Fortunately, right now, I have a great excuse.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FURNITURE!!! Yes, they don't have any furniture. No, I don't know why exactly, but I can speculate. IQ is given $800 a month by her husband. This is to cover food and household supplies. If my husband gave me $800 a month, I would have furniture. But not IQ, oh no, she usually runs out of money before the end of the month. What does she spend it on? JUNK!!! and FAST FOOD!!! We went to Target the other day and she mentioned she doesn't have a pack n' play. She doesn't need a pack n' play, at least right now. The baby sleeps in a bassinet. I told her, you can find one on Craigslist for cheap, you don't need to buy a new one (one gripe about Craigslist. What is it with people who claim baby items are barely used because the baby only used them constantly for 6 months and then try to sell the item for only $10 less than Target sells it brand new? Have these people read the baby books to know that babies are only babies a very short period of time and six months of constant usage does not a practically new item make?). Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, pack n' play. We get to Target. Guess what IQ buys? Um hm. Then she gets home and finds out one side doesn't work. Does she take it back? No. She keeps it. Which means, by the time the kid can pull himself up, they won't be able to us it anymore. And, while we were at Target, she decided she needed a new charger for one of her game thingies. Why? Because she already has two of them but doesn't know where they are in the house. GO HOME AND CLEAN YOUR FREAKING HOUSE!!! Don't buy another one. Thus, why she always runs out of money and her house is a mess. Even if they wanted to buy furniture right now, there's no place to put it because THERE IS CRAP EVERYWHERE!!!

So, for now, as a pregnant lady, I can use the lack of places to sit as a decent excuse to not go over there. But once they get furniture, I might just have to straight up tell her her house is gross. And yes, I have gone over there and tried to help her organize, but after 10 minutes she's tired because it's hard and she'd rather play WOW. And yes, her house looked like this before she got pregnant. And I'm not picking her up and bringing her over here to have play dates. If she wants to come over here, she needs to get her driver's license. I'm think I'm ranted out. Wow, I feel much better now. Thank you for listening. And I promise, the next IQ story will be much funnier (actually I have at least two that are hilarious, but you kind of had to get this one first to REALLY appreciate them).

I hope everyone has a fun and safe July 4th!

1 down, 99 to go

Ok, I don't really expect to read 100 books before the baby is born. Do I own 100 books that I have never read. Yes, yes I do. I do hope to get through at least a book a week though, which would get me to 20 (in addition to mommy books and such).

I just finished The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy. When I was 15 I read Tess of the d'Urbervilles which I just thought was spectacular (I actually remember telling Camille's mom all about this book). I mean, Tess is wronged, sexually, by a noble and it costs her her reputation and later, her husband. In the end of the book, she stabs the guy to death. STABS HIM TO DEATH!!!! Then she flees to Stonehenge, where she dies. How is that not a great book for a 15 year old girl? After reading that, I bought every Hardy book I came across. However, I never read any of them. Yes, a little strange, but then I went to college for 12 years (and three degrees).

Anyway, back to The Mayor. Other than the older English and the English dialogue, this is another great book. Michael Henchard gets drunk one night and sells his wife and young daughter. Fast forward 19 years, when his wife, after realizing the sale wasn't legally binding (and finding out that her "new" husband has died) returns to find Michael. Michael, disgusted with himself for what he had done, swore off alcohol, and turned his life around. His wife finds him to be one of the richest men in town and he has become mayor. Yet, alas, this is but the beginning of the story.

Although Michael has sworn off drinking, his personality and temper have not changed, and the rest of the book tells of his downfall due to both. This downfall involves a Scotsman, who he convinces to stay in town and work with him, an old lover, and his daughter, who turns out not to be his, but husband number 2's. Every action of Michael's becomes painful, as the reader realizes the dire consequences for his behavior. Like a horror film when you wonder, Why are you going into that room! In the end, he is able to do what is right, but it takes every last bit of energy and life he has.

The Mayor doesn't have the feminist appeal of Tess but Hardy's understanding of human character is amazing. He is a great writer and his characters are consistent. While I'm going to read a book by someone else now, I will return to the stack of Hardy books that I own.

IQ makes me laugh

Although being friends with IQ is very stressful, she does at least provide comic relief.

IQ became pregnant because she couldn't remember to take her pills and the shot hurt too much. She claims her husband knew she wasn't on birth control, but I have to wonder. Anyway, she has decided to go with an IUD. I personally think this is an excellent choice. Right now, they're just waiting for the ok to put the thing in (I'll spare the details). IQ had a doctor's appointment and I guess she had one last question for the doctor.

IQ to the doctor: Is it ok for me to have sex with the IUD in?

I'm hoping they accidentally tie her tubes while they're putting the IUD in. However, my mom did point out that at least this gives the doctor a heads up as to her mental ability and then there's one more person on the look-out to make sure she doesn't forgot about her baby and accidentally kill him.

Half way there

I'm 20 weeks, so technically, half way there. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and she told me that my baby is very active. She said it would be in my best interest to enroll her in soccer the minute she's born. The doctor actually had to find her and hold her down to get her heartbeat. This morning, I awoke to someone kicking or punching me repeatedly in the same spot. But she's still so tiny that my tummy barely fluttered every time I felt it. It made me laugh out loud, which of course, made her stop. I hope we can find constructive things to put that energy into, rather than tantrums!!!

Since I'm half way there, I thought I should probably go register. I went to target and had a lot of fun. We're going with frogs. Lots and lots of cute frogs. My neighbor told me she has a crib, pack n' play and various other items she will give me. I love her! My parents are going to buy me that superwhamedime (as my husband would say) travel system. Then I went and looked at the baby's future room and my head exploded (it's been doing that a lot lately).

This is the clean part of the baby's room!

Do you see my dilemma?

All the junk in here, has to go into the garage.

This was my garage before my garage sale.

My garage is much more organized now, but it still has a ton of stuff in it. I'm going to have another garage sale, probably in Sep. So for now, I'm just packing up the future baby's room. And then I realized I have a ton of books in there I've never read, and my head exploded again. Now, I'm going to spend as much time as possible reading as many books as possible before the baby's born, because I hate packing away books I haven't read. At least there's plenty of my husband's junk in there too. He has waaaaaay more crap in that room than I do. I'll just pack up all his stuff, while I'm reading and leave my stuff for the last possible moment. Since he doesn't get back until Oct. anyway, I should be able to get through quite a few books. Especially if I always having someone keeping me awake at night!

Not for all times

This past week I read the Soviet novel Not by Bread Alone by Vladimir Dudintsev. The book was published in 1956, after the death and denouncement of Stalin's terror. The front cover claims, "The novel that rocked the Soviet Union." I certainly see why it rocked the Soviet Union. Let's start with a little history.

Due to the totalitarianism of the Party of the Soviet Union (most people didn't realize that the Party ran everything, the government just fulfilled the Party's wishes), most people assumed that the State was the most important entity in the Soviet Union. However, this is totally against Party ideology. Society, the collective, the group, was the most important and it was the job if the Party to protect society, the collective, the group from bad stuff, most notably, the individualistic desires of the capitalistic bourgeoisie. Unfortunately, this "job" became institutionalized and bureaucratized to the point of detriment. This is the topic of Not by Bread Alone.

The main character, Lopatkin, starts as a school teacher, but he soon realizes that the local pipe factory is using a wasteful method of casting pipes. Yet, it is this same method that all pipe casting machines are using throughout the USSR. He quickly comes up with a better method, however, the local factory cannot attempt it without the approval of the Moscow Ministry of whoever casts pipes. However, this ministry is dominated by an older inventor, who is also looking for a better way, and thus, Lopatkin is silenced. He refuses to give up though, and over the next 8 years he continues improving his machine and continues writing letters and meets people and moves to Moscow. He also "steals" the wife of his chief bureaucrat who is holding him up, because this person too is working with a group making pipes from a similar design as Lopatkin. Actually, they stole it from him.

Why don't they want Lopatkin's pipe casting machine if it will save time and money? Quite simply, he is an individual who worked on his machine with maybe one or two people, while they are an organization, who had tens, if not hundreds, of people working on their machine (which still failed). In the end, Lopatkin succeeds and everyone else fails. Why? Because Lopatkin, although an individual, is working for the greater good of society, while all the bureaucrats are only working for the greater good of themselves and their retirement checks. So although he is not a collective, because he is the only one truly working for the collective, he wins.

I understand why this would have rocked the USSR. Here is a writer pointing out how the ideology had been turned on its head, how the Party had become the individual and how a non-party individual had wanted something for the collective. However, a wonderfully written novel for all times, it is not. It's too technical. Pages and pages of notes about pipe casting and iron quality and where to put valves and equations. Pages and pages of letter writing and complaining and inventing. And the Soviet Union has collapsed now. Why? Because we know that the Party did win, not the individual, and finally society realized the Party didn't have their best interest in mind, and got rid of it. Do I think this book should be disposed of as well? HELL NO!!!!

This book would make a great read in a graduate level course, perhaps as a companion piece to The Ghost of the Executed Engineer by Loren R. Graham. Graham's work is very short and a pretty easy read. The book discusses the fate of technology in the Soviet Union, starting with the Bolshevik Revolution and the difficulty of creating a new, industrially advanced society using engineers trained in a capitalistic society. Graham shows how the decisions of the first decade really affected the technology of the entire Soviet Union. I think these two books would work really well together and together give students a feel for the state of technology in the Soviet Union.

While I don't think Not by Bread Alone is a spectacular novel, written for any audience, I do think it is an amazing book. I applaud Vladimir Dudintsev's courage for writing such a book (it would have been published during the thaw, but even in the USSR, these things were short and one never knew when the current would turn). The book helped me more fully understand the process of bureaucratization in the Soviet Union and the struggles of those individuals who wanted what was best for society.

Missing husband found, with excellent excuse

My husband called me last night. He was very upset. Apparently, last week he was given 5 minutes to pack his stuff and head to a South American submarine, where he's been since then. No access to e-mail or phone. Since he was given very little time before he left, he was unable to let me know. He was hoping one of the guys would tell their wife who would tell me (which happened, but not until Wed, a week after he disappeared and a day before he called). So I decided to let him live, because really, there was nothing he could do about this situation.

Then we got on to the good stuff. He is very excited about having a little girl. And he wasn't that surprised. He said that he's been working around nukes so much, he doesn't know if he has any little guy swimmers left (for those of you who don't know, most of the navy is powered by nukes). But now we have to figure out a name. Unfortunately, my husband has dated a lot of women. So I tried going a more international route, which also backfired. My husband was stationed in Italy and Spain and has spent time in Germany so, there again, the good names are all gone. But I love Russia! Apparently, all Russian girl names are associated with whores (thanks James Bond!). But there are a few names we agree on, so I'll just keep working on him until he gets back, and if all else fails, I'll just fill out the birth certificate when he's not in the room.

Well, I'm off to the navy's budgeting for baby class. I can't wait to find out how much this is going to cost us (not the class, that's free, the baby). Good thing everyone I know plans on buying cute little girl clothes, otherwise this child might just go naked!

The unveiling

Blogspot is totally pissing me off because I've only added spaces in between my paragraphs FIVE times now and they keep erasing them. WTF!!!! I'm already having a pissy day!

I had my ultrasound on Friday. It was quick and painless. The baby is beautiful and healthy.

I can't wait to kiss that little foot!

Already practicing the wave!

This angle is much better than the frontal view!

And I'm very happy that we were indeed able to tell what it is. I would post those pictures, but it seems a little wrong to show your child's genitals off to the world! It's a little GIRL!!!! I cried. I probably would have cried if it had been a boy too. No, I would have definitely cried. Now it is real. I can start imagining what she's going to look like, what her personality is going to be like. Her fingers look decently long, maybe she'll be a great piano player. Hopefully she'll like to go bird watching. Maybe by the time she's one, she'll have hair (hair at birth doesn't really run in our family. And then, when it does come in, it's always super blond!). I hope she'll eventually have green eyes (mine turned green at puberty), but if not, they'll probably be blue (like everyone else in the family). We still don't have a name picked out, but everyone is throwing in their two cents (or what they think is worth two cents).

However, my husband doesn't know yet, and that brings me to the sad/angry portion of this blog. He was supposed to call me. I assumed, since I haven't heard from him, or gotten any responses to e-mail that their system was down. I found out yesterday, it's not. Well, I don't know about the phone system, but I do know about e-mail. So when I finally get to talk to my husband, I think we may have a go meet jesus conversation. I know that he's probably busy, but really, how long would it take to hit respond to an e-mail and type: We're really busy but I can't wait to talk to you about our baby. I'm so excited and I hope everything went ok. I love you, talk to you soon. Hey look, that took less than a minute for me to type! This was something that was supposed to be special and shared between us, where I could talk about my hopes and dreams and fears. Now, I just really don't care if he finds out or who he finds out from. I'm also going to be mean and point out that while someday his kids (the first ones) will judge their mom for what she did, they will also know how many times he e-mailed or called them when he was at sea and judge him for that as well. His job is difficult and time consuming, but we decided to have a baby and if he planned on only being a dad when it was easy for him, I might have made a different decision.

While everything about the baby was perfect (except the part where they show you the face. They should never do that to a new parent. It still looks like an alien), they did find something that could be bad. I have more than one placenta. And no, there is no twin who didn't make it. I just have a small piece of placenta (about 1/3 of the size of a normal one) that is thinly connected to the real placenta. Apparently she plans on staying extra long. But, if they hadn't have found this (I had to go back in yesterday for more pictures) the doctor could have left that extra piece of placenta in me after birth, which could have led to infection, and all the bad stuff that goes with that. So while that was slightly scary, at least they found it. And they verified that it is still a girl!

That's about it here. Now I really need to clean out the garage so I can move all the stuff in the office into the garage to make a baby's room. I'll post pictures of that later!

Hey! I felt that!

Last night, I felt a very definite kick, like a thwamp. There was no question about it. I had gotten up in the middle of night to go to the bathroom, and then I couldn't get back to sleep, so I was basically rolling from side to side, trying to get comfortable. I guess the little navy bean was getting motion sick or something, and it wanted me to just lie still already! And yesterday, I had someone rub my belly. But, at least it was someone I knew (another teacher at a school I sub at often). It was still weird. She thought I was only 3 months along, so that made me feel good too, because I do feel huge (18 weeks, 5 lbs gained).

This past week, two things happened that have really made me think about being a parent. One, I found myself standing in a completely empty room, three days in a row, with my hand over my heart, pledging allegiance to the American flag, outloud. This had always bothered me, the what to do when it's time for the pledge, but you're completely alone. I feel silly doing it, but I feel bad not doing it. But I realized that soon, I will not be alone and someone else will be watching my every action. I would rather feel silly, but display integrity, than brush it off and teach my kid disrespect.

Two, I had a friend stay with me a couple of days who has two kids of her own. Her kids are not bad, but the oldest is 3 1/2 years old, and my friend sees no point in disciplining her because she's just 3 1/2 years old. Um, because soon she's going to be 4 and then 5 and someday 10, 11 then the teenage years. She will tell her daughter to do/not do something, but not back it up. By doing that, she's teaching her daughter that she doesn't have to obey her. Which got me thinking about discipline. At one point, I even told my friend that I would have given her daughter a little (not painful, just shocking) smack on the leg. She then turned to her daughter and said, "See, you're lucky I'm your mommy because Stacia is mean." Ok then. Maybe I just want children that obey. And maybe I want to have friends who invite me to their houses because they know my children are well behaved and won't leave a disaster zone behind them (they won't). Maybe I just want children who respect me, others and themselves. Maybe I just want good kids.

Mish-mash

I realize I misspelled colposcopy my last post. Oh well. You all knew what I was talking about. I had my doctor's appointment last Friday. We heard the heartbeat (152) and I've gained a whopping 5 lbs total. Which is weird to me, because I feel huge, but I still weigh less than I did in January. I asked the doc about the whole colposcopy thing and she said that pregnancy hormones could increase the activity of abnormal cells and that yes, if I have cancer (still slim) it could hurt the baby. So I went ahead and scheduled one. They can't get me in until July 10th though, so I figure they must not be too worried. I also had the blood-serum test done, the one that checks for genetic markers. I'm not too worried about that, and besides, Wes and I asked for a baby and this is the baby God gave us, and even if it isn't "perfect" we're keeping this baby. Who are we to tell God he gave us the wrong baby? But if something is wrong, we want to be prepared and know what resources are available to give our baby the best possible life. Apparently the baby can now hear things outside the womb (otherwise known as my baby belly). I'm going to start reading to it this week. I'm currently reading History of the Modern World but Wes thinks that may be a bit disturbing. I guess I'll break out the box of children's books my mom gave us instead. And the big sonogram is scheduled for June 13th. We really want to find out what it is, so I will poke my tummy until this baby is in the right position! I think that's it on the baby front.

Let's talk about IQ! I saw her this week. I took her to church with me on Sunday. Now, IQ grew up Jewish but her husband is Christian, so she converted. I don't think it matters one way or another, as this story will demonstrate. Awhile back, I was talking to some other friends (not at church) who are Jewish and we were talking about Passover. I asked which type of synagogue they went to (reform, conservative, orthodox) and IQ chimed in that she was Jewish but had converted so now she was a reform Jew! Anyway, IQ likes our church, which is fine, but she's only been a few times and she wanted to become a member without her husband ever having visited. Um, that's really a family decision. Anyway, after church we went out to lunch and I found out some things, things that continue to disturb me. First, she's been drinking wine and then feeding the baby, and by feeding the baby, I mean breastfeeding. She didn't know that the alcohol could get into her milk. So I told her she could drink, but she needed to pump afterwards and then throw away the milk. Second, she dropped the baby, which actually, doesn't upset me. I mean, what new mother hasn't dropped the baby, bonked its head while putting it in the car, let it accidentally roll off the couch (I mean, one of these things, not all of them). Anyway, what disturbed me was the fact that she thought the baby had been hurt because she discovered this "soft spot" on the top of its head after she had dropped him. You mean, THE soft spot. How does someone not know about the soft spot? That's almost worst than the circumcision thing. Almost. But her husband gets back this week, so yay!!!

Now, I'm just cleaning, cleaning and sleeping. I found that if I get up, eat and then go back to bed for and hour or so, and don't take an afternoon nap, I sleep much better at night. But I am ready for school to be out (which is weird, because it's not like I work that much) so I can get into a routine. I like routine. I should enjoy one now, while I can!

Do you know where he is?

I have not been sleeping well. I am a stomach sleeper, and as the last post revealed, my stomach is growing to unsleepable size. Add to that the fact that I'm still having weird hormone induced dreams, and I'm pretty grouchy, cranky and tired. A couple of weeks ago, I dreamed we had a home invasion and I got shot. Try going back to sleep after that dream. Two nights ago I dreamed I went to pick up my baby boy (yes, that was apparently his name) at daycare and they had lost him. I guess I should start exercising and maybe I would sleep better. Maybe.

I have beautiful teeth, so says the dentist. That makes me happy since the pregnancy books all talk about how terrible pregnant women's mouths become. I'm not so excited about the doctor's appointment I have on Friday.

I received a phone call last week stating I needed to call my doctor about my pap results. I called the next day and talked to the most clueless person ever.

Me: I'm calling to get my pap results.
Her: You need to schedule a pap smear?
Me: No, I had one, I'm calling to get the results because the doctor told me to.
Her: So you don't need a pap smear.
Me: No, I already had one.
Her: Give me your information. (In the military, this takes forever, as it includes my husband's social security number, my social security number, both our names, and then me explaining that yes, we are indeed married even though our last names are different.)
Five minutes later,
Her: Are you still pregnant?
Me: Um, as far as I know?!?
Her: Your pap smear was abnormal.
Me: Duh!!!! Actually, I said, "yes, I know, I have HPV."
Her: Apparently you have HPV. (Duh!) The doctor wants you to have a coloposcopy.
Me: I had one in January. Do I really need another one?
Her: Let me put you on hold.
A minute later,
Her: Yes, you need to schedule another one.
Me: Do you have the number?
Her: No, just call the insurance company. Thank you, have a good day.

Um, ok. Now, I did a little internet searching. There's no way my cells went from normal in January, when I had the last coloposcopy, to cancer, now. And, we all know they couldn't treat it now, even if it was cancer. According to some of the stuff I read, it's really pretty normal to get abnormal cells during pregnancy, but the cells get flushed out during birth, along with everything else. So, is a coloposcopy really necessary, or even a good idea. I decided that no, not until I've talked to my doctor about my concerns. I mean, why should I go through a stressful, painful procedure just to find out I have abnormal cells that they aren't/can't going to do anything about. I mean, don't I know that already? I need a nap.

That makes me hungry!

I am now 16 weeks pregnant! This week, my baby is about 4 1/2 inches long and weighs about 3 1/2 ounces, or it's about the size of an avocado (avocado, yummy!). I've been reading my pregnancy books, and I'm starting to look into all the baby classes the navy offers (for free!!!!). I'm getting bigger, and this is the first week where I wore maternity clothes on a regular basis. They're still a little too big, but much more comfortable then the too small regular size clothes. I sent this picture to Wes and when I talked to him, he said "you look so funny!" Um, ok. I guess I won't be sending you a picture of the newly giant boobies. I'm excited and scared and tired. Probably how I'll feel for the rest of this child's life. I can't wait!

That's all baby, I promise!

Tragedy was never so funny

I told you I was reading as much as possible. On Sunday, I decided I needed to start a new book, but I wanted something light and funny. I chose Augusten Burroughs Dry, because sobriety is always light and funny. His name might sound familiar because his first book, Running with Scissors was turned into a rather good movie a couple of years ago. I read Running with Scissors, and it was hilarious and the most disturbing book I had ever read, all because these are true books. I will briefly fill you in on the story from Running with Scissors because it plays a very important part in Dry.

Augusten Burroughs' dad was an alcoholic and his mom was a, well, she was crazy. His parents eventually split up and at the age of 12 or so, his mom gives him to her shrink. The shrink believes that after the age of 13, people are adults and can make their own choices, so his kids are allowed to run wild. Augusten doesn't attend school, has access to medication and is raped, and then has a "relationship" with a pedophile who lives out back (Augusten is gay, but it's clear that this sexual relationship did not begin consensually, not to mention that he was 13 at the time and the guy was something like 30). Again, this is a true story. Needless to say, Augusten did not have a typical American childhood.

When he was 18 or 19, he set off for New York city and managed to get a job in advertising. This is where Dry picks up. Dry is about his alcoholism and his fight for sobriety. And after reading with Running with Scissors, I kept thinking, "this guy could be a psychopath, killing and raping, or doing super-duper hard core drugs, or something even worse." He really is quite normal for his upbringing. But it does haunt him. His choice of self-medication is alcohol, but we quickly find out that even though he is in his mid-twenties, he is already in the final stages of alcoholism. He is forced into a 30 day rehab by his job, and while he hates it at first, he eventually realizes it is what's best for him. This is the first part of the book.

The second part of the book begins with his return to New York and the difficulty of staying sober. Add to that the jerk at work who is jealous and leaves alcohol around his office, the incredibly hot crack addict at group therapy who is in love with him, and the fact that his best friend has HIV (and eventually dies).

Despite the grim subject, Burroughs is an amazing writer. I often found myself laughing out loud, and sometimes, crying. I'm pretty sure he's written another book, about him and his dad, and I need to go find it. While I would recommend Dry I would really recommend reading Running with Scissors first. You will feel guilty for enjoying it so much, but Burroughs is such a talented writer that you can't help it.

So here's to Augusten Burroughs. May you find love and happiness. May you stay sober. My you write many more books and may you always remember that you are somebody!

Revenge. . . French style

I've been trying to read as much as possible, since everyone tells me I'll be too tired to read once I have this baby. I try to get a good mix of contemporary with classic, mostly so I can pack up only the books I have read and have room to leave the rest out. This last week, Balzac caught my eye. I had never read Balzac, and yet the book was claiming him as a genius (I'm pretty sure I had heard this somewhere else, as well). So I picked up Cousin Bette.

Cousin Bette is a poor, peasant relation, much uglier than her beautiful cousin who married a French nobleman (presumably, with money). However, Adeline's husband had a very bad habit that involved, much younger and prettier, and much more expensive, women. I have to admit, the plot seemed a bit thin to me. Bette is jealous because her cousin married up, then called her to Paris and gave her money to set up her own shop and tried to get her married. Um, yeah, I can see why she would be jealous. However, Adeline's young, and also beautiful, daughter, does steal the man Bette is in love with. This gives her justification to try to ruin this family. And she almost succeeds. She becomes best friends with Adeline's husband's current tart and they plot to destroy the family morally, financially, and reputationally (is that a word?). They do manage to bring the family down, but there is enough good in the family to overcome (except for the husband, who disappears). Bette dies bitter that she was unable to achieve her life goal. Ironically, the husband reappears and, while not finishing her work, does achieve to destroy his wife. So there you go, a simple tale of revenge.

However, upon closer reading (or just reading every line) one quickly realizes that this story is about the fall of the old French Empire and its nobility and the rise of the (classless) middle class (the book takes place in the 1840s). A little French history makes this story of revenge and its moral more clear. The newly rich little tarts are painted horribly, but not as bad as the old nobility who pay dearly for their youth, beauty, sex and their rich lifestyles. Cousin Bette does not succeed in revenge because she has aligned herself against the old nobility. Adeline's husband is destructive because he lacks the morals he should have as a noble.

The book is very readable, but I think it would make better reading for a French history class, rather than a literature class. The book really is more about a time period, than human nature, but is valuable as such. Next week, something more contemporary!

Belated congratulations

Growing up I thought I was my parent's most intelligent child. Since I was the oldest, this was pretty easy to think. And then there was my brother's high school behavior (drug rehab can cost as much as college) and that kind of proved my case. I also thought I was probably smarter than my mom. I mean, she was a kindergarten teacher. We would tease her about not being able to count above 20 and how everything had a song to go with it. But my mom always wanted to get her Master's degree, and this weekend, she did. With a 4.0. A FOUR POINT O PEOPLE!!!! My mom is smart. And I'm so proud of her.

Who looks like her mom?

Doesn't she look smokin' hot in that dress?

This cake tasted as good as it looks.

My sister also graduated from with her bachelor's this past weekend. Now, I forgot about my sister when I figured the smart factor, mostly because she was 5 when I moved out of the house. She didn't graduate with a 4.0, no, she only graduated with a 3.94. And she starts her PT graduate studies in less than a week. She got the smart gene too!

You can't find me!

And it turns out you also can't count my brother out. He is also a full time undergraduate, now a junior. He also has a 4.0. He also works full time and is a full time single dad to the little rug-rat above. I guess it turns out my intelligence was just the tip of the iceberg. Lucky for me!

This is a vacation?

I arrived in Texas late last Thursday night. Friday was spent helping my sister pack up her apartment. Then we went and saw "Baby Mama" which was good. However, as most comedies do, this one had a sad spot, and I can tell I'm pregnant because I started crying and could not stop. I think my sister was a little freaked out. But it was all good. Saturday, I saw various family members and played various games and just generally had a great time, although I didn't get a nap, nor did I get to bed early. Sunday was spent helping my sister move into her third floor apartment, and yes, I did make several trips. Nine, to be exact. It was all light stuff, but I probably should have taken it a little easier. I was in bed by 8:30p. Monday, I got to see Camille!!!! We went to Babies r us, where my head exploded with all the stuff I apparently need to raise a healthy, well-developed child. Then we just hung out, and I got to see her kids. Her youngest, who is three, wanted to know, since I have a baby in my belly, if so did she. But, again, no nap and I was exhausted. Back to bed by 8:30p.

Tuesday, I felt much better and Phoenix came over! I got to take a nap with him, and got many, many hugs. But funniest of all, he wanted to know where I was sleeping. More specifically, he wanted to know if I was sleeping with Nana and Grandpa. I guess when he spends the night, he doesn't get to sleep with him, and he really wants to. So he was very concerned about whether or not I was getting to sleep with them. He also wanted to know if I was moving in with them, but I'm not. Today, Phoenix came over again. We made banana muffins, as you can see.

Cute aprons!

Yummy!

The funniest thing today, Phoenix wanted to know, if I had a baby in my tummy, how it was going to get out!?! He's four, and he thinks girls don't pee because we only have butts, so I certainly wasn't going to explain it to him, but he really did look rather concerned. Maybe I'll just show him the video after the fact!

Tough choices

First, I just want to say that I had a conversation with IQ about what a circumcision was. Apparently, she just didn't remember. Secondly, she did have several pregnancy/baby books, she just didn't read any of them. And still, wouldn't you ask the doctor what is was before you let them do it to your baby?

You know how you have the problem that you think you took care of, or took care of itself, but then it pops up again? You know how it's usually a person. Yeah, mine too. Her name is Andrea, and you might remember her as the woman who said, when, I told her that Wes was interested in me, "he's only interested in you because I'm not available." Yeah, that great friend. Well, we quit talking to one another, but about a year ago, she e-mailed saying she missed me and wanted to be friends again. I gave it another shot because we had been friends for so long. Needless to say, we haven't exactly been best buddies since all this happened. But we have talked and even seen each other. The last time I talked to her was for her birthday, in mid-Feb. At that time I told her we were trying to get pregnant. I haven't heard from her since. This week (amid all the crap going on with IQ), I received a notice that I will receive honey from a bee hive that Andrea leased for me. It's a birthday present. My birthday is March 1st. We've only been friends since we were 15. I have a hard time thinking she seriously forgot when my birthday was. You'll also notice that I haven't received a call or an e-mail. This really got me thinking.

Since I hadn't heard from Andrea since Feb. I really thought I wouldn't hear from her again, and honestly, I wasn't that upset about it. She's always been a fickle friend, showing up when she needed a friend and disappearing other times. If you're really following things, you'll also realize that this timeline means that Andrea does not know I'm having a baby. I thought I wouldn't hear from her again, so why make a point of telling her. But now, I don't know. After thinking about it for a couple of days though, I realized, I don't want her to know. Why? Well, quite frankly, because I don't want to hear her negativity (when I told her Wes and I got married, her reply was, "what did you do that for?"). And if I don't want to tell her, why do I want to be friends with her? And I realized, I don't. So I am going to send her a thank you note, but I'm not going to tell her I'm pregnant. If she calls, I'm not going to answer. If she e-mails, I'm not going to respond. Maybe I'll send her a Christmas letter, with a picture of the family (and the baby), but I don't know. I don't think I owe her an explanation after everything she's done. I think I'm just going to let this relationship die. My life is moving in happy, positive directions, and I don't need any negative people bringing me down. I've got too much going for me to listen to those people. I'm having a baby!!!!

Where is it?

I had my doctor's appointment Wed. and everything went very well. I got to see the baby, and there is just one there. Since I'm 11 weeks, I doubt another one will show up. Which is a little sad, because I thought if I had twin boys, Sandi, David and I could make some sort of marriage arrangement! Anyways, everything was good and it had a huge, alien head, stubby arms and legs and moved easily when poked. I feel much better and have pictures, so I know it was all in my head.

IQ had her baby. It took less than 6 hours, so all in all, it went rather well. Although, she ended up with level 4 lacerations. The baby is adorable, just cute. He has her hair, which is thick and brown with red highlights. And he's tiny. So all that went well. I have to go pick her up and take her home now. But, I couldn't leave you without a great IQ story (and I am not making this up, because really, who could make something like this up).

A couple months ago, I asked IQ if she was going to get the baby circumcised. She said she would have to ask Mr. IQ about that. I asked if Mr. IQ was circumcised. She didn't know. Now, ok, I guess if you've never been with someone who wasn't, you might not really know. Apparently, though, Mr. IQ wants IQ Jr. circumcised. Yesterday, when I got to the hospital, IQ tells me that they had just circumcised IQ Jr. A little later, she was going to change the diaper, and said she was nervous because of the circumcision. That is very understandable. She was looking at the baby, who was still lying in his crib, with his diaper on, and says to me "Where is it?" Startled, and not sure what she is talking about, I ask "Where is what?" She answered, "The circumcision." Me: "Um, it's on his penis." Her: "Oh, that's why I can't see it, it's covered by the diaper."

Besides the disturbing fact that she let them do something to her baby without understanding what it was, everyone wants to know, "Why didn't you ask her where she thought it was?" Quite simply, I was too afraid to ask.

Too early!!!

So thanks to everyone for the congratulations. I was going to type up something witty and cute, but pregnancy has sucked all the life out of me and left me tired and scatterbrained. We are very excited and it is starting to seem real now that everyone knows. My appointment is this afternoon, and I was going to try to wait until after that to post, but. . . .

IQ's water broke and she is in labor. She is not due until May 19th, and we expected her to be early, but not this early. She hasn't even ordered the video camera yet (her husband is on a ship and won't be back until June). And my video camera is with my husband (which is ok, because to be honest, I did not want to have to video that). She has another friend with her right now, and then I will go to the hospital after my appointment. Hopefully (please, please God), her labor will be short. And thankfully, I'm going to Texas next week for 12 days, so I'll get a break from helping her taking care of her baby. Oh boy, this is going to be an adventure. And our children are never, ever going to play with one another (if I get my way).

My wireless is fixed!!! YAY!!!! And I got to talk to my husband. And I'll get to talk to him again tonight. That makes me happy.

I wrote a great book review about Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses but blogger ate it. So, go read anything by Rushdie (except The Ground Beneath her Feet, which I didn't like).

Ok, I suppose I should clean a little and shower and pack a bag to go to the hospital. Pray that everything is ok. IQ is kind of a wimp (she doesn't even have her ears pierced).

I think I forgot something

So I haven't written in a while because the second Wes left, my computer mysteriously kicked itself off of the wireless router. I still have connection, but it's with this really old computer with a horrible, horrible keyboard that drives me crazy. And, I haven't really done anything anyway, so there wasn't a huge point in blogging. But I don't want anyone to think I've died, so I figured I should write something.

I finished IQ's afghan and would love to show you a picture, but the pictures are on my computer. And I think I'll probably end up doing several blogs about IQ soon.

I read a great book. But I'm still thinking about it, so I'll do my book review later.

And I'm having a baby. I'm due in Nov. I'm already 10 weeks, 5 days along, but I still haven't seen an OB/GYN (my doctor screwed up my referral). I saw a nurse today and they took 8 (EIGHT) tubes of blood and I had to pee in a cup. Next week I will see the doctor and we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. So that's my news. And yes, I'm doing fine by myself. I haven't had any morning sickness. I'm just really, really, really tired. Matter of fact, I think I need a nap right now.

The long haul

Well, he's gone. The ship left this afternoon. Yesterday afternoon and last night Wes tore around the place, packing, ironing, freaking out. I took him to the ship last night. It took four trips from the car to the ship. It's always windy by the water, and it happened to be misting last night. And cold. The ramp is always dangerous, but wet, it was treacherous. Add armfuls of stuff, and it became suicidal. But we did it, and I didn't fall once (I slipped a couple of times though). I told Wes I would take him tomorrow, but he had to drive the ship out today (well, actually he just told everyone what to do, the guy who drove the ship is probably 18 and right out of high school. Doesn't that make you feel good?), so he wanted to make sure he was there early. I also asked if he wanted me to come for the farewell this morning, but he said no, because everyone would just be crying anyway (last night when I dropped him off, there was another sailor there saying good-bye to his kids, and his kids were sobbing, "please don't go daddy." It was horrible). He called me a couple of times this morning to say good-bye. And then I decided to clean the house.

The house is a mess. Like disgusting. I feel dirty being here. I figured that it would give me something to do after he left. I started washing dishes this morning and discovered I didn't have any SOS pads. This made me cry, because it was very sad. To cheer myself up, I decided to watch the video Wes made for me last night. But there was something wrong with it, and I couldn't watch it. That made me cry even harder, because that was WAY worse than not having a SOS pad. Then Wes called. The ship had been delayed, and the portable DVD player he had bought didn't work. Could I pick up another one and drop it off (and pick up the other one)? Sure. I flew to the ship because they could leave at any minute. I made it just as they were making the announcement that they were ready to leave. All the sailors were boarding. Wes couldn't come to greet me (he was getting ready to drive the ship), but he waved and told me he loved me. He looked so handsome in his dress blues (they dress up to leave). And he honked the ship's horn at me as I left (ok, I'm sure it wasn't at me, but he did honk it, and boy, was it loud).

The rest of the day, I cleaned and slept and talked on the phone. I also got a job for tomorrow, which is nice. I'm putting together a mental list of stuff to do while he's gone: read more, spring cleaning, play piano, stuff like that. Who knows if I'll really do any of it, but I'll try. And then, after diner, I decided to try one more time to figure out what was wrong with the video and, low and behold, I got them to work. It's a short video. He basically just tells me he misses me and loves, but that's enough. It's going to be a long six months.

Six Hours

Driving home from Texas, we had hoped to be able to relax a bit and see more. Only, Wes grossly underestimated the amount of time it would take to drive home and he forgot about the time change (we lost an hour). By day two, we were tired and cranky (ok, I was tired and cranky, he was only tired). The second evening, we saw a billboard for the Natural Bridge. We had been talking about visiting, but who really knew when we would get there. We decided to stop. We got a great military discount on a hotel room (as we did on all the hotel rooms we stayed at). That first night, we ate and then slept. We got up nice and early and began exploring. The Natural Bridge is so cool. It's huge and George Washington surveyed it before the Revolution. Thomas Jefferson bought it from King George III for about $2.40. It's taller than Niagara Falls and it's still growing. It was very cool.

Me, looking geeky, because we were also bird watching. We saw five new birds during an hour.

Us, next to a waterfall.

I've seen wild turkeys before, but never this close. There was a whole flock of them. We saw them fly and they gobbled at me when I got too close.

We also visited the caverns. That was pretty cool too.

Only a few blocks from home, we were greeted with this.

I'm so glad we stopped. If we had gone straight home, we would have been exhausted and pretty much just stared at each other or the TV the next day. Although our vacation was nice, we never got any "us" time. And with deployment coming up, we've been spending a ton of time with friends, family, the kids. But no "us" time. I'm glad we made time for it. Those six hours, they have to last me six months. Good thing they were a wonderful six hours.

Where's my maid?

We've been on vacation. It was fun. Let me tell you about it. (I'm still tired from riding in the car, because, yes, we drove.) Anyway, we went to Texas (from Virginia, in a car). This allowed me to go through several states I don't think I've ever been in before, or don't remember very well. We started by driving to Jacksonville Texas to see Wes's grandparents. I had never met them before, and Wes hadn't seen them in a couple of years. They are so sweet. Just nice folks. We had a really good visit. And Jacksonville is very pretty. We identified one new bird while we were there (Cedar Waxwing). We only hung out there a couple of days before we head to Dallas for a wedding of an old high school friend.

I had not seen this friend in some years, but he and Wes have kept in touch (as well as the navy allows). One of the strange things about marrying someone from high school is going back to see your friends, especially when they don't know you're married. The only people we really knew there were all the groomsmen and the groom (pictured below, the groom is on the farthest left).

Notice that my husband is by far the shortest man in the group. They actually had some problems with the wedding pictures, finding a place for him that he could be seen. Don't tell him I told you that.

So this is us before the wedding. I had to go buy a dress, because I don't really own any.

The first dance. I have never seen Eric so happy. I hope they have a long and happy marriage. And I hope we see them again because the bride was very, very sweet.

This was the most expensive wedding I have ever been to. We estimate that it was $75,000. No, I did not but the comma in the wrong spot. At the wedding itself, the Texas boys choir sang, and they had a string quartet, and an organist. At the wedding, which was at the Adolphus (for those of you who live in Dallas), they had sea bass AND fillet of beef (not one or the other) and open bar, an 8 piece band, and the best wedding cake I've ever eaten. It was spectacular. I hear her parents live in University Park, so they probably just wrote a check. But it was wonderful and great to see everyone and again, I'm so glad that our friend Eric is happy.

But of course, you can't visit home without some drama. We saw Charley. He didn't actually show up for the wedding, but we saw him the next day. It was surreal. I love Wes and can't imagine my life without him, but seeing Charley was bizarre. It reminded me of all the reasons I love him and many of the reasons I'm not with him. When we left, he gave me a hug and told me he was glad I was happy. I hope he finds his happiness too. Wes hopes that seeing us helped Charley resolve some of his feelings. I honestly don't know if it helped resolve mine or not. I am happy though, that seeing him did not make me wonder what I had missed, but rather, made me very happy with what I had found.

I'll write about the rest of our trip tomorrow. Now, I need to finish cleaning as much as possible. It is good to be home.

Back to the 70's

When I was a kid, I loved to roller skate. I mean, I LOOOOOOOOOVED to skate. Apparently, so did my husband. I just found out he even took lessons (LESSONS!!!!). Anyway, Allison recently went ice skating, and now that is her favorite activity in the whole world, and she wanted us to take her. I've only been ice skating about three times in my entire life. So we compromised and went roller skating. YAY!!!! Victor did great, but Allison started out a little rough. Wes was worried that he wouldn't remember how to do it (even after all those lessons!) but I told him it was just like riding a bike. And it was. We had a great time and it didn't take long for Allison to work it out. I had a great time watching everyone too. There was one little four year old who was skating around like she was born with skates on her feet. And cutest of all, there was a little boy, probably about three, who looked like a jack-in-the-box. Up, down, up, down, up, down. But he didn't cry at all and just kept going. I cracked up though, when I realized his shirt said "I do all my own stunts." Yes you do, little man, yes you do. Overall, it was very fun, and I told Wes we should buy our own skates and then go skate on the boardwalk every weekend, because we're nerdy like that. And then I came home and took a two hour nap.

I want to address those of you who are concerned that Wes and I are wasting valuable baby making time. Um, my husband is leaving for 6 months. Whether or not we were trying to get pregnant, we would not be wasting that time. So now you can quit worrying about it (but you can keep crossing your fingers for us). Ok, now I need to go make dinner. I hope everyone has a great Easter weekend.

Crocheting a thank you

Last year, after my grandpa died, I stayed with my grandma for three weeks. During that time, I learned to crochet, something my grandma has been doing for about 35 years. The first year I crocheted, I made afghans for several friends, but then my grandma mentioned that she would really like a new afghan for her new living room furniture. I jumped at the chance. I wanted to show my thanks to grandma, for everything she's ever done for me. My grandma got the afghan last week. When I talked to her, she was so proud of me. She thought the afghan was so beautiful, both the pattern and the colors. She said she thought I was already better than her (I'm not). I was so happy that she loved my afghan. Then she said something that almost made me cry. My grandma has been making afghans for about 35 years. She has made hundreds of afghans. I probably have at least 10 in the house right now. I have always thought of my grandma as a very talented woman. But she doesn't. She said to me: In all the years I have been crocheting, and all the afghans I have made, no one has ever made me an afghan. It means so much to me that you wanted to learn something that I did and now you're sharing your gift with others. It's so nice to know that something that is such an important part of me will live on. I validated my grandma. It wasn't just that I made her something, but it was that I had thought something she did was important and beautiful and I wanted to learn it and then I gave it back to her as a gift. It hasn't mattered how many times I told her I love her or I told her I cherished her or I told her I thought she was talented, it mattered that I wanted to learn something from her and emulate her. I am the only person in the family who knows how to crochet, and we have a big family. I am so thankful I was able to give that to my grandma. And I hope every time she wraps herself in that afghan, she feels my arms around her and she hears me whisper "I love you."

Big sigh of relief

Guess where I typing this from? Guess, guess!!!! If you guessed my computer, you would be correct! My computer is finally up and running. The latest bit of problems stemmed from the fact that I was apparently missing a retrieval disk. My husband accused me of throwing it out, but after finding the retrieval disks for my last two computers, including the first one I ever had, which I got in 1995 (pre-real windows), he realized, I probably did not toss out any disks. We finally solved that problem. Right now, the only thing on my computer is windows software and one game. My computer is now super, super fast. I think I will put my bird software on it and that will be it! Now, I know that my husband actually being home is rare, and so I should enjoy that time rather than worrying about my computer, but he's leaving in 3 weeks and will be gone for 6 months. I kind of need a computer during that time. To keep me company. To keep up with finances and to play lots of games!!!

We do indeed have only 3 weeks left, and they are going to be a hectic three weeks. We had the kids last weekend and will get them Easter weekend too. We're still not sure what to do, besides go to church. Do we dye eggs? If we do, do we hide them in our tiny house? Do we buy lots of candy for the child who has had 4 cavities her last 2 dentist appointments? (and I don't mean a total of 4, I mean 4 each time.) After the kids leave, we also leave. We'll visit family in East Texas and then on to Dallas for a wedding of an old high school friend. Pretty much EVERYONE we hung out with in high school will be there, even, perhaps, a certain ex-boyfriend of mine. Some of these people know we're married, most don't. It will be a very interesting wedding. Then, back home, do laundry, pack up and bye, bye. Then a very long 6 months. The next three weeks will fly by. And then, nothing. Thank God I have Dungeon Lords to keep me company.

My husband is a genius

and the geeky cheerleaders are idiots. They could not retrieve the information from my computer. When I dropped it off, I had a list of things my husband had done that did not work. They were not interested. When I picked it up, they said there was nothing anyone could do. I even asked if we could send it somewhere (I don't know, the computer gods or something), but was told no. Then my husband came home, used tools he had down-loaded from an open source site and retrieved my stuff (let's not go into why my stuff had not been backed up). We went back to the geeky cheerleaders the next day, because they had charged us $30.00 to tell us my computer was unfixable. The first guy told us that obviously my husband had been able to retrieve my stuff because of the services they had provided. Huh? You didn't provide any service! The manager told us that they would have had to send it somewhere (apparently the computer gods live in Kansas) to fix it. Then I retold the entire story of how 1) if his person had taken the information I had brought, they would have known that and 2) I had specifically asked if there was somewhere we could send it. We got our money back. However, my computer is still out of commission. He retrieved my information, but then, the entire hard drive is corrupted and unfixable. So we got a new hard drive (from someone on the ship who had an extra one). That hard drive works fine. But we don't have a windows xp disk that works with my key so now Wes is asking around the ship and hopefully he'll get one (the disk we have is actually the developmental disk, not the actual software). After we get that done, everything should be fine. Cross your fingers. Until then, I'm stuck using the old, slow computer.

Stupid technology

My computer didn't just crash, it had a heart attack and a stroke, and is now in a coma. My husband can fix my computer, but only by erasing everything on it. Since I never really saved anything to anywhere else, including all my pictures, that's not an option. Right now, my computer is being serviced by a group of people who are geeky. Hopefully they can save my stuff. Then my husband will fix my computer. In the meantime, I'm using the crappy computer in the office. Isn't life grand?

But, the good news is, my husband is home. I'm not going to think about all the stuff we have to get done in less than a month or the fact that he is leaving in less than a month. I'm just going to enjoy him being here right now. Well, actually, he's at work right now. But you know what I mean.

I finally finished the afghan for my grandma. I would show it to you, but see above paragraph about stupid computers. Now I'm going to start on an afghan for IQ's baby. She wants navy colors. I hope it turns out good. And I'm already planning an afghan for my parents too. Crocheting is addictive.

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and not having the issues I am.

It's my party

Yesterday was my birthday, and after a horrible week, I was considering having a party. A pity party. Why was my week so bad? Well, it was just one thing after another, accumulating in very un-pregnant like behavior by my body. But, I decided that I wasn't going to wallow. I went to the Norfolk botanical gardens instead, and they had a ton of flowers out for me. (I'd show them to you, but MY computer crashed and burned yesterday, and now refuses to give me anything but the blue screen of death. So I'm using the crappy old computer in the office.) And, I identified three new birds. One of them is only supposed to summer here, so I guess he came home early. One of them does winter here, but not very often. And the last one is supposed to be on the west coast, but occasionally gets lost (according to the bird guide). One tiny little bird kept following me and dancing for me. I guess I smelled good, and I enjoyed the show, but it was a bit weird. After that, I went to my favorite Thai place for lunch. Then home, where my computer crashed and burned. Overall, a very good day, except for the crashing and burning. While I was unable to talk to my husband yesterday, he did call on Thurs. and should be able to call today. He also sent me a lovely e-mail. A number of other people also called, e-mailed, or sent cards. Phoenix decorated the card from my parents, so when my brother called, he wanted to talk to see if I had like it. Too cute. So no more pity parties. It is a new month and my husband comes home on Friday.