Mish-mash

I realize I misspelled colposcopy my last post. Oh well. You all knew what I was talking about. I had my doctor's appointment last Friday. We heard the heartbeat (152) and I've gained a whopping 5 lbs total. Which is weird to me, because I feel huge, but I still weigh less than I did in January. I asked the doc about the whole colposcopy thing and she said that pregnancy hormones could increase the activity of abnormal cells and that yes, if I have cancer (still slim) it could hurt the baby. So I went ahead and scheduled one. They can't get me in until July 10th though, so I figure they must not be too worried. I also had the blood-serum test done, the one that checks for genetic markers. I'm not too worried about that, and besides, Wes and I asked for a baby and this is the baby God gave us, and even if it isn't "perfect" we're keeping this baby. Who are we to tell God he gave us the wrong baby? But if something is wrong, we want to be prepared and know what resources are available to give our baby the best possible life. Apparently the baby can now hear things outside the womb (otherwise known as my baby belly). I'm going to start reading to it this week. I'm currently reading History of the Modern World but Wes thinks that may be a bit disturbing. I guess I'll break out the box of children's books my mom gave us instead. And the big sonogram is scheduled for June 13th. We really want to find out what it is, so I will poke my tummy until this baby is in the right position! I think that's it on the baby front.

Let's talk about IQ! I saw her this week. I took her to church with me on Sunday. Now, IQ grew up Jewish but her husband is Christian, so she converted. I don't think it matters one way or another, as this story will demonstrate. Awhile back, I was talking to some other friends (not at church) who are Jewish and we were talking about Passover. I asked which type of synagogue they went to (reform, conservative, orthodox) and IQ chimed in that she was Jewish but had converted so now she was a reform Jew! Anyway, IQ likes our church, which is fine, but she's only been a few times and she wanted to become a member without her husband ever having visited. Um, that's really a family decision. Anyway, after church we went out to lunch and I found out some things, things that continue to disturb me. First, she's been drinking wine and then feeding the baby, and by feeding the baby, I mean breastfeeding. She didn't know that the alcohol could get into her milk. So I told her she could drink, but she needed to pump afterwards and then throw away the milk. Second, she dropped the baby, which actually, doesn't upset me. I mean, what new mother hasn't dropped the baby, bonked its head while putting it in the car, let it accidentally roll off the couch (I mean, one of these things, not all of them). Anyway, what disturbed me was the fact that she thought the baby had been hurt because she discovered this "soft spot" on the top of its head after she had dropped him. You mean, THE soft spot. How does someone not know about the soft spot? That's almost worst than the circumcision thing. Almost. But her husband gets back this week, so yay!!!

Now, I'm just cleaning, cleaning and sleeping. I found that if I get up, eat and then go back to bed for and hour or so, and don't take an afternoon nap, I sleep much better at night. But I am ready for school to be out (which is weird, because it's not like I work that much) so I can get into a routine. I like routine. I should enjoy one now, while I can!

Do you know where he is?

I have not been sleeping well. I am a stomach sleeper, and as the last post revealed, my stomach is growing to unsleepable size. Add to that the fact that I'm still having weird hormone induced dreams, and I'm pretty grouchy, cranky and tired. A couple of weeks ago, I dreamed we had a home invasion and I got shot. Try going back to sleep after that dream. Two nights ago I dreamed I went to pick up my baby boy (yes, that was apparently his name) at daycare and they had lost him. I guess I should start exercising and maybe I would sleep better. Maybe.

I have beautiful teeth, so says the dentist. That makes me happy since the pregnancy books all talk about how terrible pregnant women's mouths become. I'm not so excited about the doctor's appointment I have on Friday.

I received a phone call last week stating I needed to call my doctor about my pap results. I called the next day and talked to the most clueless person ever.

Me: I'm calling to get my pap results.
Her: You need to schedule a pap smear?
Me: No, I had one, I'm calling to get the results because the doctor told me to.
Her: So you don't need a pap smear.
Me: No, I already had one.
Her: Give me your information. (In the military, this takes forever, as it includes my husband's social security number, my social security number, both our names, and then me explaining that yes, we are indeed married even though our last names are different.)
Five minutes later,
Her: Are you still pregnant?
Me: Um, as far as I know?!?
Her: Your pap smear was abnormal.
Me: Duh!!!! Actually, I said, "yes, I know, I have HPV."
Her: Apparently you have HPV. (Duh!) The doctor wants you to have a coloposcopy.
Me: I had one in January. Do I really need another one?
Her: Let me put you on hold.
A minute later,
Her: Yes, you need to schedule another one.
Me: Do you have the number?
Her: No, just call the insurance company. Thank you, have a good day.

Um, ok. Now, I did a little internet searching. There's no way my cells went from normal in January, when I had the last coloposcopy, to cancer, now. And, we all know they couldn't treat it now, even if it was cancer. According to some of the stuff I read, it's really pretty normal to get abnormal cells during pregnancy, but the cells get flushed out during birth, along with everything else. So, is a coloposcopy really necessary, or even a good idea. I decided that no, not until I've talked to my doctor about my concerns. I mean, why should I go through a stressful, painful procedure just to find out I have abnormal cells that they aren't/can't going to do anything about. I mean, don't I know that already? I need a nap.

That makes me hungry!

I am now 16 weeks pregnant! This week, my baby is about 4 1/2 inches long and weighs about 3 1/2 ounces, or it's about the size of an avocado (avocado, yummy!). I've been reading my pregnancy books, and I'm starting to look into all the baby classes the navy offers (for free!!!!). I'm getting bigger, and this is the first week where I wore maternity clothes on a regular basis. They're still a little too big, but much more comfortable then the too small regular size clothes. I sent this picture to Wes and when I talked to him, he said "you look so funny!" Um, ok. I guess I won't be sending you a picture of the newly giant boobies. I'm excited and scared and tired. Probably how I'll feel for the rest of this child's life. I can't wait!

That's all baby, I promise!

Tragedy was never so funny

I told you I was reading as much as possible. On Sunday, I decided I needed to start a new book, but I wanted something light and funny. I chose Augusten Burroughs Dry, because sobriety is always light and funny. His name might sound familiar because his first book, Running with Scissors was turned into a rather good movie a couple of years ago. I read Running with Scissors, and it was hilarious and the most disturbing book I had ever read, all because these are true books. I will briefly fill you in on the story from Running with Scissors because it plays a very important part in Dry.

Augusten Burroughs' dad was an alcoholic and his mom was a, well, she was crazy. His parents eventually split up and at the age of 12 or so, his mom gives him to her shrink. The shrink believes that after the age of 13, people are adults and can make their own choices, so his kids are allowed to run wild. Augusten doesn't attend school, has access to medication and is raped, and then has a "relationship" with a pedophile who lives out back (Augusten is gay, but it's clear that this sexual relationship did not begin consensually, not to mention that he was 13 at the time and the guy was something like 30). Again, this is a true story. Needless to say, Augusten did not have a typical American childhood.

When he was 18 or 19, he set off for New York city and managed to get a job in advertising. This is where Dry picks up. Dry is about his alcoholism and his fight for sobriety. And after reading with Running with Scissors, I kept thinking, "this guy could be a psychopath, killing and raping, or doing super-duper hard core drugs, or something even worse." He really is quite normal for his upbringing. But it does haunt him. His choice of self-medication is alcohol, but we quickly find out that even though he is in his mid-twenties, he is already in the final stages of alcoholism. He is forced into a 30 day rehab by his job, and while he hates it at first, he eventually realizes it is what's best for him. This is the first part of the book.

The second part of the book begins with his return to New York and the difficulty of staying sober. Add to that the jerk at work who is jealous and leaves alcohol around his office, the incredibly hot crack addict at group therapy who is in love with him, and the fact that his best friend has HIV (and eventually dies).

Despite the grim subject, Burroughs is an amazing writer. I often found myself laughing out loud, and sometimes, crying. I'm pretty sure he's written another book, about him and his dad, and I need to go find it. While I would recommend Dry I would really recommend reading Running with Scissors first. You will feel guilty for enjoying it so much, but Burroughs is such a talented writer that you can't help it.

So here's to Augusten Burroughs. May you find love and happiness. May you stay sober. My you write many more books and may you always remember that you are somebody!

Revenge. . . French style

I've been trying to read as much as possible, since everyone tells me I'll be too tired to read once I have this baby. I try to get a good mix of contemporary with classic, mostly so I can pack up only the books I have read and have room to leave the rest out. This last week, Balzac caught my eye. I had never read Balzac, and yet the book was claiming him as a genius (I'm pretty sure I had heard this somewhere else, as well). So I picked up Cousin Bette.

Cousin Bette is a poor, peasant relation, much uglier than her beautiful cousin who married a French nobleman (presumably, with money). However, Adeline's husband had a very bad habit that involved, much younger and prettier, and much more expensive, women. I have to admit, the plot seemed a bit thin to me. Bette is jealous because her cousin married up, then called her to Paris and gave her money to set up her own shop and tried to get her married. Um, yeah, I can see why she would be jealous. However, Adeline's young, and also beautiful, daughter, does steal the man Bette is in love with. This gives her justification to try to ruin this family. And she almost succeeds. She becomes best friends with Adeline's husband's current tart and they plot to destroy the family morally, financially, and reputationally (is that a word?). They do manage to bring the family down, but there is enough good in the family to overcome (except for the husband, who disappears). Bette dies bitter that she was unable to achieve her life goal. Ironically, the husband reappears and, while not finishing her work, does achieve to destroy his wife. So there you go, a simple tale of revenge.

However, upon closer reading (or just reading every line) one quickly realizes that this story is about the fall of the old French Empire and its nobility and the rise of the (classless) middle class (the book takes place in the 1840s). A little French history makes this story of revenge and its moral more clear. The newly rich little tarts are painted horribly, but not as bad as the old nobility who pay dearly for their youth, beauty, sex and their rich lifestyles. Cousin Bette does not succeed in revenge because she has aligned herself against the old nobility. Adeline's husband is destructive because he lacks the morals he should have as a noble.

The book is very readable, but I think it would make better reading for a French history class, rather than a literature class. The book really is more about a time period, than human nature, but is valuable as such. Next week, something more contemporary!

Belated congratulations

Growing up I thought I was my parent's most intelligent child. Since I was the oldest, this was pretty easy to think. And then there was my brother's high school behavior (drug rehab can cost as much as college) and that kind of proved my case. I also thought I was probably smarter than my mom. I mean, she was a kindergarten teacher. We would tease her about not being able to count above 20 and how everything had a song to go with it. But my mom always wanted to get her Master's degree, and this weekend, she did. With a 4.0. A FOUR POINT O PEOPLE!!!! My mom is smart. And I'm so proud of her.

Who looks like her mom?

Doesn't she look smokin' hot in that dress?

This cake tasted as good as it looks.

My sister also graduated from with her bachelor's this past weekend. Now, I forgot about my sister when I figured the smart factor, mostly because she was 5 when I moved out of the house. She didn't graduate with a 4.0, no, she only graduated with a 3.94. And she starts her PT graduate studies in less than a week. She got the smart gene too!

You can't find me!

And it turns out you also can't count my brother out. He is also a full time undergraduate, now a junior. He also has a 4.0. He also works full time and is a full time single dad to the little rug-rat above. I guess it turns out my intelligence was just the tip of the iceberg. Lucky for me!

This is a vacation?

I arrived in Texas late last Thursday night. Friday was spent helping my sister pack up her apartment. Then we went and saw "Baby Mama" which was good. However, as most comedies do, this one had a sad spot, and I can tell I'm pregnant because I started crying and could not stop. I think my sister was a little freaked out. But it was all good. Saturday, I saw various family members and played various games and just generally had a great time, although I didn't get a nap, nor did I get to bed early. Sunday was spent helping my sister move into her third floor apartment, and yes, I did make several trips. Nine, to be exact. It was all light stuff, but I probably should have taken it a little easier. I was in bed by 8:30p. Monday, I got to see Camille!!!! We went to Babies r us, where my head exploded with all the stuff I apparently need to raise a healthy, well-developed child. Then we just hung out, and I got to see her kids. Her youngest, who is three, wanted to know, since I have a baby in my belly, if so did she. But, again, no nap and I was exhausted. Back to bed by 8:30p.

Tuesday, I felt much better and Phoenix came over! I got to take a nap with him, and got many, many hugs. But funniest of all, he wanted to know where I was sleeping. More specifically, he wanted to know if I was sleeping with Nana and Grandpa. I guess when he spends the night, he doesn't get to sleep with him, and he really wants to. So he was very concerned about whether or not I was getting to sleep with them. He also wanted to know if I was moving in with them, but I'm not. Today, Phoenix came over again. We made banana muffins, as you can see.

Cute aprons!

Yummy!

The funniest thing today, Phoenix wanted to know, if I had a baby in my tummy, how it was going to get out!?! He's four, and he thinks girls don't pee because we only have butts, so I certainly wasn't going to explain it to him, but he really did look rather concerned. Maybe I'll just show him the video after the fact!

Tough choices

First, I just want to say that I had a conversation with IQ about what a circumcision was. Apparently, she just didn't remember. Secondly, she did have several pregnancy/baby books, she just didn't read any of them. And still, wouldn't you ask the doctor what is was before you let them do it to your baby?

You know how you have the problem that you think you took care of, or took care of itself, but then it pops up again? You know how it's usually a person. Yeah, mine too. Her name is Andrea, and you might remember her as the woman who said, when, I told her that Wes was interested in me, "he's only interested in you because I'm not available." Yeah, that great friend. Well, we quit talking to one another, but about a year ago, she e-mailed saying she missed me and wanted to be friends again. I gave it another shot because we had been friends for so long. Needless to say, we haven't exactly been best buddies since all this happened. But we have talked and even seen each other. The last time I talked to her was for her birthday, in mid-Feb. At that time I told her we were trying to get pregnant. I haven't heard from her since. This week (amid all the crap going on with IQ), I received a notice that I will receive honey from a bee hive that Andrea leased for me. It's a birthday present. My birthday is March 1st. We've only been friends since we were 15. I have a hard time thinking she seriously forgot when my birthday was. You'll also notice that I haven't received a call or an e-mail. This really got me thinking.

Since I hadn't heard from Andrea since Feb. I really thought I wouldn't hear from her again, and honestly, I wasn't that upset about it. She's always been a fickle friend, showing up when she needed a friend and disappearing other times. If you're really following things, you'll also realize that this timeline means that Andrea does not know I'm having a baby. I thought I wouldn't hear from her again, so why make a point of telling her. But now, I don't know. After thinking about it for a couple of days though, I realized, I don't want her to know. Why? Well, quite frankly, because I don't want to hear her negativity (when I told her Wes and I got married, her reply was, "what did you do that for?"). And if I don't want to tell her, why do I want to be friends with her? And I realized, I don't. So I am going to send her a thank you note, but I'm not going to tell her I'm pregnant. If she calls, I'm not going to answer. If she e-mails, I'm not going to respond. Maybe I'll send her a Christmas letter, with a picture of the family (and the baby), but I don't know. I don't think I owe her an explanation after everything she's done. I think I'm just going to let this relationship die. My life is moving in happy, positive directions, and I don't need any negative people bringing me down. I've got too much going for me to listen to those people. I'm having a baby!!!!

Where is it?

I had my doctor's appointment Wed. and everything went very well. I got to see the baby, and there is just one there. Since I'm 11 weeks, I doubt another one will show up. Which is a little sad, because I thought if I had twin boys, Sandi, David and I could make some sort of marriage arrangement! Anyways, everything was good and it had a huge, alien head, stubby arms and legs and moved easily when poked. I feel much better and have pictures, so I know it was all in my head.

IQ had her baby. It took less than 6 hours, so all in all, it went rather well. Although, she ended up with level 4 lacerations. The baby is adorable, just cute. He has her hair, which is thick and brown with red highlights. And he's tiny. So all that went well. I have to go pick her up and take her home now. But, I couldn't leave you without a great IQ story (and I am not making this up, because really, who could make something like this up).

A couple months ago, I asked IQ if she was going to get the baby circumcised. She said she would have to ask Mr. IQ about that. I asked if Mr. IQ was circumcised. She didn't know. Now, ok, I guess if you've never been with someone who wasn't, you might not really know. Apparently, though, Mr. IQ wants IQ Jr. circumcised. Yesterday, when I got to the hospital, IQ tells me that they had just circumcised IQ Jr. A little later, she was going to change the diaper, and said she was nervous because of the circumcision. That is very understandable. She was looking at the baby, who was still lying in his crib, with his diaper on, and says to me "Where is it?" Startled, and not sure what she is talking about, I ask "Where is what?" She answered, "The circumcision." Me: "Um, it's on his penis." Her: "Oh, that's why I can't see it, it's covered by the diaper."

Besides the disturbing fact that she let them do something to her baby without understanding what it was, everyone wants to know, "Why didn't you ask her where she thought it was?" Quite simply, I was too afraid to ask.

Too early!!!

So thanks to everyone for the congratulations. I was going to type up something witty and cute, but pregnancy has sucked all the life out of me and left me tired and scatterbrained. We are very excited and it is starting to seem real now that everyone knows. My appointment is this afternoon, and I was going to try to wait until after that to post, but. . . .

IQ's water broke and she is in labor. She is not due until May 19th, and we expected her to be early, but not this early. She hasn't even ordered the video camera yet (her husband is on a ship and won't be back until June). And my video camera is with my husband (which is ok, because to be honest, I did not want to have to video that). She has another friend with her right now, and then I will go to the hospital after my appointment. Hopefully (please, please God), her labor will be short. And thankfully, I'm going to Texas next week for 12 days, so I'll get a break from helping her taking care of her baby. Oh boy, this is going to be an adventure. And our children are never, ever going to play with one another (if I get my way).

My wireless is fixed!!! YAY!!!! And I got to talk to my husband. And I'll get to talk to him again tonight. That makes me happy.

I wrote a great book review about Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses but blogger ate it. So, go read anything by Rushdie (except The Ground Beneath her Feet, which I didn't like).

Ok, I suppose I should clean a little and shower and pack a bag to go to the hospital. Pray that everything is ok. IQ is kind of a wimp (she doesn't even have her ears pierced).

I think I forgot something

So I haven't written in a while because the second Wes left, my computer mysteriously kicked itself off of the wireless router. I still have connection, but it's with this really old computer with a horrible, horrible keyboard that drives me crazy. And, I haven't really done anything anyway, so there wasn't a huge point in blogging. But I don't want anyone to think I've died, so I figured I should write something.

I finished IQ's afghan and would love to show you a picture, but the pictures are on my computer. And I think I'll probably end up doing several blogs about IQ soon.

I read a great book. But I'm still thinking about it, so I'll do my book review later.

And I'm having a baby. I'm due in Nov. I'm already 10 weeks, 5 days along, but I still haven't seen an OB/GYN (my doctor screwed up my referral). I saw a nurse today and they took 8 (EIGHT) tubes of blood and I had to pee in a cup. Next week I will see the doctor and we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. So that's my news. And yes, I'm doing fine by myself. I haven't had any morning sickness. I'm just really, really, really tired. Matter of fact, I think I need a nap right now.

The long haul

Well, he's gone. The ship left this afternoon. Yesterday afternoon and last night Wes tore around the place, packing, ironing, freaking out. I took him to the ship last night. It took four trips from the car to the ship. It's always windy by the water, and it happened to be misting last night. And cold. The ramp is always dangerous, but wet, it was treacherous. Add armfuls of stuff, and it became suicidal. But we did it, and I didn't fall once (I slipped a couple of times though). I told Wes I would take him tomorrow, but he had to drive the ship out today (well, actually he just told everyone what to do, the guy who drove the ship is probably 18 and right out of high school. Doesn't that make you feel good?), so he wanted to make sure he was there early. I also asked if he wanted me to come for the farewell this morning, but he said no, because everyone would just be crying anyway (last night when I dropped him off, there was another sailor there saying good-bye to his kids, and his kids were sobbing, "please don't go daddy." It was horrible). He called me a couple of times this morning to say good-bye. And then I decided to clean the house.

The house is a mess. Like disgusting. I feel dirty being here. I figured that it would give me something to do after he left. I started washing dishes this morning and discovered I didn't have any SOS pads. This made me cry, because it was very sad. To cheer myself up, I decided to watch the video Wes made for me last night. But there was something wrong with it, and I couldn't watch it. That made me cry even harder, because that was WAY worse than not having a SOS pad. Then Wes called. The ship had been delayed, and the portable DVD player he had bought didn't work. Could I pick up another one and drop it off (and pick up the other one)? Sure. I flew to the ship because they could leave at any minute. I made it just as they were making the announcement that they were ready to leave. All the sailors were boarding. Wes couldn't come to greet me (he was getting ready to drive the ship), but he waved and told me he loved me. He looked so handsome in his dress blues (they dress up to leave). And he honked the ship's horn at me as I left (ok, I'm sure it wasn't at me, but he did honk it, and boy, was it loud).

The rest of the day, I cleaned and slept and talked on the phone. I also got a job for tomorrow, which is nice. I'm putting together a mental list of stuff to do while he's gone: read more, spring cleaning, play piano, stuff like that. Who knows if I'll really do any of it, but I'll try. And then, after diner, I decided to try one more time to figure out what was wrong with the video and, low and behold, I got them to work. It's a short video. He basically just tells me he misses me and loves, but that's enough. It's going to be a long six months.

Six Hours

Driving home from Texas, we had hoped to be able to relax a bit and see more. Only, Wes grossly underestimated the amount of time it would take to drive home and he forgot about the time change (we lost an hour). By day two, we were tired and cranky (ok, I was tired and cranky, he was only tired). The second evening, we saw a billboard for the Natural Bridge. We had been talking about visiting, but who really knew when we would get there. We decided to stop. We got a great military discount on a hotel room (as we did on all the hotel rooms we stayed at). That first night, we ate and then slept. We got up nice and early and began exploring. The Natural Bridge is so cool. It's huge and George Washington surveyed it before the Revolution. Thomas Jefferson bought it from King George III for about $2.40. It's taller than Niagara Falls and it's still growing. It was very cool.

Me, looking geeky, because we were also bird watching. We saw five new birds during an hour.

Us, next to a waterfall.

I've seen wild turkeys before, but never this close. There was a whole flock of them. We saw them fly and they gobbled at me when I got too close.

We also visited the caverns. That was pretty cool too.

Only a few blocks from home, we were greeted with this.

I'm so glad we stopped. If we had gone straight home, we would have been exhausted and pretty much just stared at each other or the TV the next day. Although our vacation was nice, we never got any "us" time. And with deployment coming up, we've been spending a ton of time with friends, family, the kids. But no "us" time. I'm glad we made time for it. Those six hours, they have to last me six months. Good thing they were a wonderful six hours.

Where's my maid?

We've been on vacation. It was fun. Let me tell you about it. (I'm still tired from riding in the car, because, yes, we drove.) Anyway, we went to Texas (from Virginia, in a car). This allowed me to go through several states I don't think I've ever been in before, or don't remember very well. We started by driving to Jacksonville Texas to see Wes's grandparents. I had never met them before, and Wes hadn't seen them in a couple of years. They are so sweet. Just nice folks. We had a really good visit. And Jacksonville is very pretty. We identified one new bird while we were there (Cedar Waxwing). We only hung out there a couple of days before we head to Dallas for a wedding of an old high school friend.

I had not seen this friend in some years, but he and Wes have kept in touch (as well as the navy allows). One of the strange things about marrying someone from high school is going back to see your friends, especially when they don't know you're married. The only people we really knew there were all the groomsmen and the groom (pictured below, the groom is on the farthest left).

Notice that my husband is by far the shortest man in the group. They actually had some problems with the wedding pictures, finding a place for him that he could be seen. Don't tell him I told you that.

So this is us before the wedding. I had to go buy a dress, because I don't really own any.

The first dance. I have never seen Eric so happy. I hope they have a long and happy marriage. And I hope we see them again because the bride was very, very sweet.

This was the most expensive wedding I have ever been to. We estimate that it was $75,000. No, I did not but the comma in the wrong spot. At the wedding itself, the Texas boys choir sang, and they had a string quartet, and an organist. At the wedding, which was at the Adolphus (for those of you who live in Dallas), they had sea bass AND fillet of beef (not one or the other) and open bar, an 8 piece band, and the best wedding cake I've ever eaten. It was spectacular. I hear her parents live in University Park, so they probably just wrote a check. But it was wonderful and great to see everyone and again, I'm so glad that our friend Eric is happy.

But of course, you can't visit home without some drama. We saw Charley. He didn't actually show up for the wedding, but we saw him the next day. It was surreal. I love Wes and can't imagine my life without him, but seeing Charley was bizarre. It reminded me of all the reasons I love him and many of the reasons I'm not with him. When we left, he gave me a hug and told me he was glad I was happy. I hope he finds his happiness too. Wes hopes that seeing us helped Charley resolve some of his feelings. I honestly don't know if it helped resolve mine or not. I am happy though, that seeing him did not make me wonder what I had missed, but rather, made me very happy with what I had found.

I'll write about the rest of our trip tomorrow. Now, I need to finish cleaning as much as possible. It is good to be home.

Back to the 70's

When I was a kid, I loved to roller skate. I mean, I LOOOOOOOOOVED to skate. Apparently, so did my husband. I just found out he even took lessons (LESSONS!!!!). Anyway, Allison recently went ice skating, and now that is her favorite activity in the whole world, and she wanted us to take her. I've only been ice skating about three times in my entire life. So we compromised and went roller skating. YAY!!!! Victor did great, but Allison started out a little rough. Wes was worried that he wouldn't remember how to do it (even after all those lessons!) but I told him it was just like riding a bike. And it was. We had a great time and it didn't take long for Allison to work it out. I had a great time watching everyone too. There was one little four year old who was skating around like she was born with skates on her feet. And cutest of all, there was a little boy, probably about three, who looked like a jack-in-the-box. Up, down, up, down, up, down. But he didn't cry at all and just kept going. I cracked up though, when I realized his shirt said "I do all my own stunts." Yes you do, little man, yes you do. Overall, it was very fun, and I told Wes we should buy our own skates and then go skate on the boardwalk every weekend, because we're nerdy like that. And then I came home and took a two hour nap.

I want to address those of you who are concerned that Wes and I are wasting valuable baby making time. Um, my husband is leaving for 6 months. Whether or not we were trying to get pregnant, we would not be wasting that time. So now you can quit worrying about it (but you can keep crossing your fingers for us). Ok, now I need to go make dinner. I hope everyone has a great Easter weekend.

Crocheting a thank you

Last year, after my grandpa died, I stayed with my grandma for three weeks. During that time, I learned to crochet, something my grandma has been doing for about 35 years. The first year I crocheted, I made afghans for several friends, but then my grandma mentioned that she would really like a new afghan for her new living room furniture. I jumped at the chance. I wanted to show my thanks to grandma, for everything she's ever done for me. My grandma got the afghan last week. When I talked to her, she was so proud of me. She thought the afghan was so beautiful, both the pattern and the colors. She said she thought I was already better than her (I'm not). I was so happy that she loved my afghan. Then she said something that almost made me cry. My grandma has been making afghans for about 35 years. She has made hundreds of afghans. I probably have at least 10 in the house right now. I have always thought of my grandma as a very talented woman. But she doesn't. She said to me: In all the years I have been crocheting, and all the afghans I have made, no one has ever made me an afghan. It means so much to me that you wanted to learn something that I did and now you're sharing your gift with others. It's so nice to know that something that is such an important part of me will live on. I validated my grandma. It wasn't just that I made her something, but it was that I had thought something she did was important and beautiful and I wanted to learn it and then I gave it back to her as a gift. It hasn't mattered how many times I told her I love her or I told her I cherished her or I told her I thought she was talented, it mattered that I wanted to learn something from her and emulate her. I am the only person in the family who knows how to crochet, and we have a big family. I am so thankful I was able to give that to my grandma. And I hope every time she wraps herself in that afghan, she feels my arms around her and she hears me whisper "I love you."

Big sigh of relief

Guess where I typing this from? Guess, guess!!!! If you guessed my computer, you would be correct! My computer is finally up and running. The latest bit of problems stemmed from the fact that I was apparently missing a retrieval disk. My husband accused me of throwing it out, but after finding the retrieval disks for my last two computers, including the first one I ever had, which I got in 1995 (pre-real windows), he realized, I probably did not toss out any disks. We finally solved that problem. Right now, the only thing on my computer is windows software and one game. My computer is now super, super fast. I think I will put my bird software on it and that will be it! Now, I know that my husband actually being home is rare, and so I should enjoy that time rather than worrying about my computer, but he's leaving in 3 weeks and will be gone for 6 months. I kind of need a computer during that time. To keep me company. To keep up with finances and to play lots of games!!!

We do indeed have only 3 weeks left, and they are going to be a hectic three weeks. We had the kids last weekend and will get them Easter weekend too. We're still not sure what to do, besides go to church. Do we dye eggs? If we do, do we hide them in our tiny house? Do we buy lots of candy for the child who has had 4 cavities her last 2 dentist appointments? (and I don't mean a total of 4, I mean 4 each time.) After the kids leave, we also leave. We'll visit family in East Texas and then on to Dallas for a wedding of an old high school friend. Pretty much EVERYONE we hung out with in high school will be there, even, perhaps, a certain ex-boyfriend of mine. Some of these people know we're married, most don't. It will be a very interesting wedding. Then, back home, do laundry, pack up and bye, bye. Then a very long 6 months. The next three weeks will fly by. And then, nothing. Thank God I have Dungeon Lords to keep me company.

My husband is a genius

and the geeky cheerleaders are idiots. They could not retrieve the information from my computer. When I dropped it off, I had a list of things my husband had done that did not work. They were not interested. When I picked it up, they said there was nothing anyone could do. I even asked if we could send it somewhere (I don't know, the computer gods or something), but was told no. Then my husband came home, used tools he had down-loaded from an open source site and retrieved my stuff (let's not go into why my stuff had not been backed up). We went back to the geeky cheerleaders the next day, because they had charged us $30.00 to tell us my computer was unfixable. The first guy told us that obviously my husband had been able to retrieve my stuff because of the services they had provided. Huh? You didn't provide any service! The manager told us that they would have had to send it somewhere (apparently the computer gods live in Kansas) to fix it. Then I retold the entire story of how 1) if his person had taken the information I had brought, they would have known that and 2) I had specifically asked if there was somewhere we could send it. We got our money back. However, my computer is still out of commission. He retrieved my information, but then, the entire hard drive is corrupted and unfixable. So we got a new hard drive (from someone on the ship who had an extra one). That hard drive works fine. But we don't have a windows xp disk that works with my key so now Wes is asking around the ship and hopefully he'll get one (the disk we have is actually the developmental disk, not the actual software). After we get that done, everything should be fine. Cross your fingers. Until then, I'm stuck using the old, slow computer.

Stupid technology

My computer didn't just crash, it had a heart attack and a stroke, and is now in a coma. My husband can fix my computer, but only by erasing everything on it. Since I never really saved anything to anywhere else, including all my pictures, that's not an option. Right now, my computer is being serviced by a group of people who are geeky. Hopefully they can save my stuff. Then my husband will fix my computer. In the meantime, I'm using the crappy computer in the office. Isn't life grand?

But, the good news is, my husband is home. I'm not going to think about all the stuff we have to get done in less than a month or the fact that he is leaving in less than a month. I'm just going to enjoy him being here right now. Well, actually, he's at work right now. But you know what I mean.

I finally finished the afghan for my grandma. I would show it to you, but see above paragraph about stupid computers. Now I'm going to start on an afghan for IQ's baby. She wants navy colors. I hope it turns out good. And I'm already planning an afghan for my parents too. Crocheting is addictive.

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and not having the issues I am.

It's my party

Yesterday was my birthday, and after a horrible week, I was considering having a party. A pity party. Why was my week so bad? Well, it was just one thing after another, accumulating in very un-pregnant like behavior by my body. But, I decided that I wasn't going to wallow. I went to the Norfolk botanical gardens instead, and they had a ton of flowers out for me. (I'd show them to you, but MY computer crashed and burned yesterday, and now refuses to give me anything but the blue screen of death. So I'm using the crappy old computer in the office.) And, I identified three new birds. One of them is only supposed to summer here, so I guess he came home early. One of them does winter here, but not very often. And the last one is supposed to be on the west coast, but occasionally gets lost (according to the bird guide). One tiny little bird kept following me and dancing for me. I guess I smelled good, and I enjoyed the show, but it was a bit weird. After that, I went to my favorite Thai place for lunch. Then home, where my computer crashed and burned. Overall, a very good day, except for the crashing and burning. While I was unable to talk to my husband yesterday, he did call on Thurs. and should be able to call today. He also sent me a lovely e-mail. A number of other people also called, e-mailed, or sent cards. Phoenix decorated the card from my parents, so when my brother called, he wanted to talk to see if I had like it. Too cute. So no more pity parties. It is a new month and my husband comes home on Friday.

Misfortune

I realize that I really like most of the books I read. The problem with this is that after giving glowing reviews to good, and even great work, I have a hard time convincing people when I've read something truly magnificent. I have just read something truly magnificent. Amazingly magnificent. Unbelievably magnificent. Enchantingly magnificent.

I have just read Misfortune by Wesley Stace. Not only is this novel magnificent, it was also Stace's debut novel. He now has a life-long devoted fan. Misfortune takes place in England in the 1800's. A baby, taken from a dying mother during a botched abortion, is left on a trash heap to die. She is picked up by a very rich lord and adopted as the next heir and named Rose. Only, she is a he. Her father, terribly missing his sister, who died at age 5, ignores the baby's genitalia. Her mother, the librarian her father married in order to make her look legitimate (and not adopted) is a fan of an early feminisia poet, named Mary Day, and looks upon this as an experiment to show that gender is a social construct. In the wings, a horrible family, who needs the family fortune which will one day belong to Rose. Only her true identity is discovered, by both herself and her family and things become terribly complicated.

When I picked up this book I thought it would be an adventure book, the story of someone figuring out who they are. However, I was unprepared for the dignity, respect and insight Stace gives the character of Rose. Stace does not acknowledge reading Foucault's The History of Sexuality, but Rose's internal struggle often mirrored that story (The History of Sexuality revolves around the diary of a hermaphrodite in 19th century (maybe 18th) France who eventually kills him/herself because he/she feels alienated, not only from society, but from him/herself). Rose's self-discovery, self-hatred and eventually, self-acceptance are lovingly told. Rose is not someone who should be shunned, but someone who should be admired for the way in which she learns to love and accept who she truly is.

The story itself is remarkable. Once it is discovered that Rose is a he, it is also discovered that she is a bastard, and therefore, not the legitimate heir of the family fortune. At this point, I became a tad bit disappointed because I felt a Tom Jones (the book, not the singer) ending coming. However, Stace threw in such a delightful twist, that I did not mind at all. Although this book is 500 pages, it flew by and I can't wait to pick up Stace's latest book.

Misfortune should be a must read for anyone who has felt like they didn't fit in their own skin. I figure that all of us have felt like that at one time or another. I definitely think this book should be required reading for gender study courses. Stace is an incredibly talented man and I look forward to reading him for years to come.

Snarl for me!

So I'm not great at looking fierce. I tried a snarl in one picture, but it looked ridiculous. Good thing my husband won't really notice anyway.

I awoke to a phone call at 6:30 this morning offering me a 5 hour job. Well, I guess for 5 hours I'd get up. Only, it turned out to only be an hour job. Totally wasted my entire morning though. I hate crap like that. I did manage to go to the gym this afternoon, and, surprise surprise, I've lost more weight. Since I hadn't been in about a month, I figured I would have gained back at least a pound. Nope, I've lost three more pounds. I figure the more I lose now, the less I'll have to lose if I ever get pregnant. Which is another reason why I like to work. I don't spend a lot of time wondering if I'm pregnant when I'm busy trying to control 30 kids. I guess there's the rest of the week.

Who has more fun?

I miss my husband. And while cleaning my bedroom, I realized that I STILL haven't worn my halloween costume for him yet. So I thought I'd try it on and make sure it looked good. What do you think? With or without the mask?

I've never had black hair, or long hair, for that matter. I've had ever other color, but never black. It doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. And now, I kind of want long hair, only my hair is so thin, it would never look this good. I guess a girl can dream.

I can't wait for my husband to get home.

Directionless

I usually sign up for my subbing positions on-line. They have a nice little page that shows all the jobs available, which schools, which subjects, which hours, which days and you just pick what you want. This usually works out very well, but every now and then a school will move you around to a different job. This usually (what's another word for usually?) is no big deal. Today, it was a big deal. They put me in special ed.

I don't take special ed jobs for a reason. They're really, really hard, and I don't mean work wise. They're hard emotionally. You spend time with some of the nicest, friendliest, funniest, and huggiest kids ever, but you know that this is it for them. Out of the 8 kids in the class, maybe 4 of them would ever be able to work ANY type of job, and this was the highest level of special ed. The other four, not a chance. One of the students, a girl with autism, broke my heart. They said she had been able speak, interact, read a little and now, nothing. She spent the day wandering in circles, grabbing things and putting them in her mouth. She had totally regressed. It was so sad, like she was looking for something, but she didn't know what, or how to communicate with even herself. The whole situation made me think of IQ.

IQ had the flu a couple weeks ago. I took her to the doctor and one of the things they told her was to not use Q-tips to clean out her ears. We all know that, we just all ignore it. I mean, it says not to clean you ears with them right on the box. Anyway, I told her that I used them anyways. Her reply: if the ob/gyn told me not to use them, then I won't use them because it must hurt the baby. How is this woman going to raise a baby? I finally realized today, for the first time, that I may, someday, have to call CPS on her. That would upset me so much, because of IQ's history (she grew up in foster care) but if she can't take care of the baby, what choice do I have? I guess right now the only thing I can do is hope and pray.

Back to reality

After the kidnapping, robbery, marriage, bombs, beatings, drug addiction and blackmailing of the last book I read, I decided I needed something more realistic. I read The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I missed out on reading Tolkien when I was a kid. I read the Chronicles of Narnia but that was the extent of my fantasy reading. My husband loves Tolkien, so I thought I'd give it a spin. Boy, did I miss out! I loved this book! While I felt like the book would be a great kid's book, I didn't feel like I was reading a kid's book. I would recommend this book to anyone.

The story itself is rather simple. A stay-at-home type of hobbit decides it's time for an adventure and joins thirteen dwarves in trying to reclaim their gold from a dragon. While the story is simple, the writing is amazing. Tolkien's writing is clear and simple itself, but it is also interesting. When a character mentions other stories or adventures, as a reader, I just went, yes, yes, tell me about that, I want to know! I could have read this story forever, instead, it was so well written, it took about three days. I now declare myself a Tolkien fan and will read the rest of his work. I also look forward to getting Wes's kids to read them and hopefully, someday, my own kids.

During the time when I couldn't hide in middle earth, Wes's dad was here all week and I worked quite a bit. There's nothing romantic about having a valentine's dinner with your father-in-law and your husband. Now, everyone is gone, the house is a mess, and I'm still working a lot. Again, it will be a miracle if a baby was conceived this month (ok, I mean in this house, not in the general public). If you think having your father-in-law at your valentine's dinner isn't romantic, think about having sex with him sleeping directly underneath your bedroom. Oh yeah, let the sexy times roll.

The Russian Concubine

A friend sent me this book, The Russian Concubine by Kate Furnivall, because it kind of reminded her of our trip to Russia. She did mention that it was not "serious" literature, but a good, easy read. Since I had just finished reading a book, I thought, why not?

In this book, a family of Russians flee the Bolshevik revolution. They travel to China, but along the way, they are stopped by Bolsheviks and the husband is killed. The mom, Valentina and her daughter, Lydia, make it to China, but have no money, no passport and no way to provide for themselves. Lydia, a beautiful, willful red-head, becomes a thief to help support them, and during one of her "bussiness trips" into the Chinese portion of the town (as opposed to the part practically owned by the British) she almost gets kidnapped and sold into prostitution, only to be saved by a Chinese communist, Chang An Lo. Eventually, they fall in love and as you can imagine, chaos rules.

I love the character of Lydia. She is beautifully and lovingly drawn. She has fire and depth. She alone makes this novel worth reading. The other characters are also done rather well, but I felt like the author had a checklist:

Corrupt British bureaucrat who beats and cheats on his wife. Check.
Well-meaning British school teacher who has a Chinese lover, has gone native and eventually succumbs to the drug, opium, that destroyed his family. Check.
Russian mom who has to whore herself out, albeit in a upper-class fashion, to survive and marries the first rich, nice British guy who asks. Check.
Powerful Chinese warlord who controlls the opium trade and is very rich, ruthless and violent. Check.

You get the picture. In addition, the last half of the book could easily be a script for a soap opera, and that's not a compliment. Yes, I know this is a novel, meaning, it is not real, but please, this crossed the border from incredulous to how stupid do you think I am. The author might of well have put a cape on Lydia and Chang An Lo and declared them superheroes, for all they went through.

Overall, I would not recommend this book. While the characters are written beautifully, the story itself defies logic. The best thing about this book: it gave me a great idea for a research project. What did happen to the Russians who had to flee to China? But other than that, this book was not worth the time.

When is blogger going to fix spell-check?

Little lost bird

I was not subbing for sexual education when I uttered the words "oral activity." I was subbing for Spanish. There was a question about why they had to write an activity that was supposed to be oral. My answer, "you need to write it down even though it is an oral activity."

Today I saw the most beautiful bird I have ever seen (well, maybe. I've seen a lot of beautiful birds). I've linked to it above. It must have been lost though, because it's not really supposed to be here, and it was all by itself. But it posed for me and let me watch for quite some time.

It's my anniversary today. The kids are here, as is Wes's dad. I made a HUGE meal, but forgot the wine. It has been a good day.

I forgot where I was

If you ever substitute for middle school, never, EVER, utter the words "oral activity."

Mary, I'm not

So, no miracle occurred in January. I was really bummed about this, so my husband took me birdwatching. We had a great time and identified two new birds. I was also able to point out two birds I had previously identified, but Wes had never seen. Then, to top the afternoon off, we saw a Bald Eagle. That was pretty cool. Saturday night we celebrated our two year anniversary a week early. His dad and kids will be here on the actual date, and since I wasn't pregnant I could drink. We had a great time, the food was delicious and then we came home and fell asleep. Because, gee whiz, we've been married for two whole years and how else would we celebrate (but we really did just go to sleep: Wes has been sick for a week).

This week, I'm actually working a couple of days. And today I'm frantically cleaning the house, since I'm working the rest of the week and the house is filthy and his dad is going to visit for a whole week. The only week my husband will be home in the month of February. I have a feeling we may not get pregnant this month either. At least Wes will be home for the month of March.

Gather 'round!

I love reading "modern" novels, but let's face it, they don't always make one think. Although I love Dostoyevsky (yes, there are about a dozen ways to spell that), and I have read all his major work, I haven't really delved into his minor work. This week, I took on some of the minor work, and once again, Dostoyevsky proves to be brilliant (and better than Tolstoy).

I started with The Gambler. The title should be self-explanatory. However, the novella is more than half over before you are completely confidant that you know exactly to whom the title refers. Every character is this story is a gambler, some, in the casino, all in life. The story itself leaves many questions: who are these people, what is their problem and why do they think money will solve it, and do people really act like that? Yes, yes, desparate people act like that. One of the best scenes in the book occurs when the invalid 75 year old aunt becomes addicted to the roulette wheel, betting her fortune on winning everything back. If you want to know how a gambler feels, this book is for you. Time slows down, senses are heightened and you feel completely high and in control and yet you know you aren't in control. It is an amazing and quick read.

Next up was the very short story Bobok. A journalist, who fears he is going crazy, keeps repeating the nonsense word, bobok. The surprising thing is not what this means, how he found out what it means, but rather, the fact that the meaning does not disturb him. A very short, but interesting story.

Finally, I read A Nasty Story. This story is very reminiscant of Gogol. A Russian general (not in the army, but in rank of the civil service: it's a long story) gets drunk, wanders through the streets of St. Petersburg and ends up inviting himself to the wedding of an insubordinate. He does this to prove how much he loves 'humanity'. At this time, Russia was very divided into classes, and those 'forward thinking' wanting to prove that they accepted everybody as equal, but only if shown the correct amount of respect. The general gets disgustingly drunk (he's not normally a drinker) and disgraces himself and ruins the wedding. This story, while amusing, is also an excellent social commentary that still applies today. I'm thinking of those rich people who very loudly voice their support of equality and then get mad when the poverty stricken don't praise them for their generosity (you know who I'm talking about). This story clearly reveals what asses these people really are.

Thus, Dostoyevsky is still my hero and I love him. Read anything by him today.

Tonight my husband returns home, for six whole hours, before he leaves again and returns on Saturday morning. What? you ask, I though he was supposed to be home all this week. Why yes, yes he was, but after seeing him for 9 whole days over the last month, I was so sick of him, that I sent him away again. Ok, really. The ship is here, but there was some stupid conference in Florida that my husband wasn't even supposed to go to, but they needed a competant and responsible guy to go. They chose my husband. Stupid competant and responsible husband. So I haven't seen him since Sunday (when he was really sick, he's better now, thank God). I will pick him up at the airport tonight at 11:00pm. He will go to work at 6:00am. I won't see him again until Saturday. The ship leaves again on Monday morning. If I end up having a baby, it will be a miracle.

Raise an IQ

Saturday I took IQ to Target so she could finish registering for her baby boy. That was one of the hardest thing I've ever done, as I really, really want a baby now. Have you seen all the cute stuff they have? Anyway, I had to remind IQ several times that a newborn is usually only newborn size for a couple of weeks (at the most) and that she should probably register for the 0 to 3 month stuff too. When I asked her if she had registered for sheets yet, she responded that she already had a set. Yes, one set. That would be enough for a baby. A baby that throws up and pees and poops and is just generally a baby. One set of sheets. Dream on. When I told her she would need more than that, she honestly didn't understand why. But she registered for one more set, so score one for me! Since her husband is in the navy, she wants to do a nautical theme and we found some really cute stuff with sail boats and pirates.

While shopping, I asked IQ, again, when she is getting her driver's license. She said she thought she would wait until the baby was 2 or 3 years old!!! I asked her how she is going to get to all the doctor appointments. She responded that her husband will be home soon, so she doesn't have to worry about it. Hmmmm. Yes, because he will be able to get off all that time from work. And if there is an emergency? Well, she has a friend that is a taxi driver. I put my foot down then. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that she needed her driver's license asap. I think she understood because she said she will talk to her husband about it. How can you have a kid and no license?

I do have to compliment IQ though. She told me she had been really cleaning her house and I was, naturally, skeptical. Her place was the cleanest I have ever seen it and I mean, it was clean. She took initiative too, and asked at the leasing office if they knew anyone who would help with her litter box (they did) and to help her clean (maybe). I'm proud that she actually did that on her own and hope she keeps it up. Maybe this baby will actually help her feel like she's competent. We can only hope.

Any speaking of babies, my friend Beth called me last night and she finally (10 days late) had her baby boy. He is very beautiful and I am so excited for her and Ryo.

I could kick myself!

I finished the baby afghan for my friends and mailed it off today. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of it. My first baby afghan and I have no proof! At least the baby is a week late, so the blanket isn't going to be that late.

Yesterday, I finally exchanged my WI driver's license for a VA one. I took along proof of residency (a gas bill), and two forms of ID, just like the web page said I needed. Well, tell me if this is the stupidest thing you've ever heard. They would accept my military spouse's ID in place of my social security card, but they wouldn't accept it as a second form of ID, even though it has my picture on it. I had to go home and get my passport, with a 9 year old picture on it (I don't even slightly look like that anymore). At least there was no line, and I also registered to vote. I plan on writing myself in, even though I'm not old enough.

My husband comes home today. I am very happy about that. That's pretty much the excitement that is my life.

Happy test results

I requested that my mail be held while I traveled to Texas. Apparently, they only held half of it, as I found the other half shoved into my tiny little mail box today. While going through said mail, I came across my colposcopy test results (colposcopy, otherwise known as, when they scrape off large bits of your girly parts. Not a fun time). The test results: completely normal! Not even any HPV cells to worry about! Woohoo!!!! I don't have cancer!!!! I can't tell you how relieved I am. I was so afraid that even though the doctor said we should still try to get pregnant that the tests would come back positive and I still wouldn't be pregnant ('cus you know my husband has been here so much it would just be weird if I didn't get pregnant). I feel great. Just wish my husband was here so I could tell him (and no, I can't e-mail him because the e-mail is down on the state of the art ship he is on). Hope everyone else's day is going this well.

Pretty picture

My brother and Phoenix

(isn't he cute? I mean my brother; he's single)

Phoenix, making funny faces.

Camille and I

Party like you have nipples!

The party was last night and who says you have to drink to have fun!?! During a game of guestures (which is like charades) I ended up with the word nipple. Everyone at the party was either a relative or from my parent's church. What is a girl to do? Why, rub your brother's nipples! He felt violated, but I got a lot of laughs and my mom didn't have a heart attack, which would have been awkward since she was the hostess. The food was great, the games were fun and the party was a success!

I am home now and Wes will be here tomorrow. I'm trying to clean up the house but I am exhausted. I have to get lots of sleep because tomorrow will be a long day of (hopefully) baby-making.

Not enough time

My trip is flying by. Thursday I got to hang out with Camille. It was wonderful, but we are getting old. Instead of talking about clothes, guys, and sex, we talked about our children, home repairs, our fat asses, our husbands, the economy, and politics. You know, the interesting stuff. Her kids are adorable and we had a great time. I just wish she lived closer to me!

Yesterday morning was spent getting stuff for the party. Yesterday afternoon I went to my sister's to hang out with her and her wild puppy. She's cute, but wild (the dog, not my sister, although my sister is cute too!). Last night, pizza and cards with the family. My brother finally ended his relationship with his bitch, I mean, girlfriend. Of all the girls my brother has dated, this one was by far the worst. She was rude, mean and rude. My brother is very happy it is over. I hope next time he does better. He certainly deserves better.

My mom and I went walking yesterday and I saw two new birds! One was a bufflehead, which is beautiful. Go look it up! Today, she's going to take me to the duck pond. Hopefully I'll see new birds there too. We've already cut up the veggies, and we're getting the house clean. This is going to be a great party!

My grandma had her quadruple bypass yesterday. Everything went very well and there was no damage to her heart. My mom is going to go up next week to help her out. I wish I could go, but with my husband's schedule, I just don't know when he'll be here and when he won't. Since he's leaving in April for 6 months, I don't want to miss spending time with him.

That's about it for now. Now I have to go do something for the party that my mom forgot about until now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Happy Birthday Old Man!

Even though I love my nephew Phoenix, the real reason I am in Texas is because it's my dad's 50th birthday (yes, he is 50, I am 33. It's a long story). Anyway, here's my family, celebrating my dad's birthday. Starting from the left: my brother-in-law, my sister, my nephew, my mom, my dad, me, and my brother (Phoenix's dad). Aren't we beautiful?

Today, we went shopping for my dad and Phoenix was so funny. When we went to Party City for stuff (for the party Saturday), Phoenix said, "Spread out, everyone." I guess he thought we were hunting. Then he demanded that we get grandpa a birthday present. At first he said he wanted to get grandpa a new toy, but then he decided we had to get him Sponge Bob Squarepants underpants, just like the ones he got for Christmas. Well, we couldn't find any boxers, but we did find pajama pants! Then, he insisted that we get a cake. He decided we should get the carrot cake. We wanted the chocolate cake. Me: I don't know if grandpa likes carrot cake. Him: Yes he does! He eats carrots all the time (how do you argue with logic like that?). Then, after a few minutes of arguing, he stated, "We get the carrot cake, or we get no cake!" We got the carrot cake. It was a great dinner.

I guess since it's my dad's birthday, I should say something about him. He's a great guy and I hope he lives another 50 years. Now I have to go watch the last 20 years of home videos that my sister burned onto CDs for my dad.

How I love to travel to Phoenix.

I'm in Dallas now. I'm surprised I managed to get here. My plane left at 6:15 in the morning, so I had to get up at 4:00am. My husband may be used to getting up at that time, but not me. I had a scare yesterday. I had two different jobs set up and stopped home in between the two. When I went to leave for the second one, my car wouldn't start. I had to cancel the job and get a new battery. Just think how horrible it would have been if it hadn't started this morning, when I was trying to get to the airport!

My favorite reason to visit Dallas.

As you see, Phoenix is still amazingly cute. He's still really short too. I asked if I could eat his ear, and he said no, because it's glued on. Oh, and he needs it to hear, but mostly because it's glued on.

On a sad note, my grandma is having quadruple bypass surgery within the next couple of days. She didn't do so well on her stress test, and when they did further tests, they discovered she has 95% blockage. My grandpa died just a year ago. I know she really misses him and thinks she's not worth anything anymore, but we all love her so much! And she has become quite the social butterfly since she was no longer a caretaker. Please pray that the surgery goes well. Just thinking about life without her makes me ill.

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

While visiting my family over Christmas, I noticed my aunt was reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. The book looked familiar, but I couldn't place it. She said the book was good. When I returned home, I needed to pick out a new book to read. Imagine my surprise when I found The Memory Keeper's Daughter on one of my bookshelves. No wonder it looked familiar. I considered it a sign, and read the book.

The book was amazing, the story original, and heartbreaking. In 1964, a doctor is forced by a blizzard to deliver his own baby. Only, it was two babies. The first baby was a perfect baby boy. The second, a girl, with Downs syndrome. Due to factors in his past, the doctor, David, believes it is in his wife's best interest to immediately take the girl, Phoebe, to an institution. He asks the only other person there, the nurse, Caroline, to do this for him. Only, when she gets to the institution, she realizes she can't leave the girl there. Upon her return to town, she discovers that David has told his wife, Norah, that Phoebe was stillborn. Caroline leaves the area and raises Phoebe on her own, eventually marrying. David's decision haunts all their lives, and his son's, Paul.

The book is written from the perspective of the main characters, David, Norah and Caroline, and once he is older, Paul. This is what makes the book so wonderful. From the description of the book, as a woman, all I could think is, "how could he?" but after hearing his story, in his words, you understand why David did what he did, and you hurt for him. He wants to do the right thing. He thought he was doing the right thing. But this, this he did wrong, and he spends the rest of his life trying to find a way to fix it. Norah quickly falls into a depression after the birth. While you feel for her, I think Norah is probably the weakest character in the book. I never understood where she was coming from, in regards to her personality before the babies, and when she finally reaches for "independence" it felt forced. Caroline grew the most as a person. Her life moves in unexpected directions because of Phoebe, and I liked her more than Norah. Paul was drawn so well that I just wanted to hug him.

The book is wonderful and readable and sad and happy and hopeful and hopeless. My main complaint is a rather strange one. Every single main character's parents died while they were all young. Now, I know people lose their parents at a young age: my husband was 24 when his mom died. However, what are the chances that three people, who meet by chance, would all have lost their parents at a young age. I know this was important to the plot, to a certain extent, since they were all formed by these early deaths, but still, there are other plot devices that could have achieved the same end without all the drama.

I would highly recommend this book. Believe it or not, but it actually had a happy ending. Well, at least the happiest ending possible. Go get it today, or just check your bookshelves.

Baby making until your penis falls off!

My husband is home! All weekend too! Guess what we've been doing? Go on, guess? The good news is, that since he's been gone for a week, a whole weekend of sex is wonderful! The bad news is, that since he's been gone for a week, a whole weekend of sex is also painful, after a while. And I'm probably not even ovulating. It's been less than two weeks since I went off the pill. Or, I could be releasing an egg every 20 minutes. Who knows? But when he leaves again on Monday, I won't see him for 2 weeks, so we need to make the most of this weekend.

I went to the doctor's with IQ yesterday. She is having a boy. It yawned at us. Very cute. So far, things look normal. And she's really wanting to get stuff in order before the baby gets here. Hopefully that will all go well. I'll write more about why I'm her friend later. Right now, I have to go make a baby.

Sing with me!

Today, I looked at the blog I wrote last night and thought, "I'm not going back there again." So today, I was productive. I went to the gym, where I died. The end. No, really, I didn't die, I just started seeing things. I ran errands. I listened to NIN, Ground Zero while organizing the office (more on NIN in a minute). I put together a bookcase. I put books on the bookcase. I organized my yarn. I crocheted. I'm reading an extraordinary book that I can't put down. I e-mailed the new performing arts center and offered to volunteer as an usher, because heaven knows that's the only way I'll see any of those performances. I e-mailed my church and volunteered for the shut-in/homeless/AIDS ministry. I was productive. And in an a couple of hours, I pick IQ up from the airport. Today, I feel good about myself. I like days like today.

Now, more about the NIN CD. It was a gift from my husband for Christmas. My husband originally introduced me to NIN in high school, with Pretty Hate Machine. I've been a somewhat faithful follower since then. And as much as I love NIN, I have to say that Pretty Hate Machine always remained the best. Until now. Ground Zero is amazing. Trent is back to a more industrial sound. He's still angry, but it sounds like a more productive anger. If you even slightly liked Pretty Hate Machine you have to get Ground Zero. It will be the best thing you ever do for your sex life. Whether you have a partner or not!

Where are the directions?

Do you feel like you're waiting for your "real" life to begin? I know a lot of people feel like this. There are countless books, songs, poems, and blogs about this. I know I feel like this. As a graduate student for, well, for forever, I always thought my life would start after I graduated. Only, I never graduated with my Ph.D. I got married. Some probably think their life starts when they get married. Only, this was my second marriage. And my husband is in the navy. Which means he's gone all the time. So now, I'm waiting for my life and my marriage to really start. I realized I'm going to turn 34 years old this year. That used to be mid-life. Now, I plan on living to 120, but still, the fact that still have no idea what is going on this late in the game, it is sobering. I want to do something, but I honestly have no idea what. I can't even manage to get a decent job (stupid, healthy teachers). When I was very young, I wanted to be a writer. But this blog has proven, pretty clearly, that this was just a mis-guided dream. So what now? Thoughts? Suggestions? Maps? Anyone?

What do I do?

I'm not sure what to do about my friend (I think I'll refer to her as IQ from now on). A month ago I looked up all the different programs offered by the navy. I found several that applied to IQ. I called them, explained the situation and found out what was available. One of the men I talked to burst out, "what the hell? Why would a naval officer marry someone who can't drive, can't take care of themselves, and then get her pregnant?" My reply, "you're preaching to the choir." But I can't actually do anything for her though. I gave her the numbers and when I pick her up from the airport this week, I'm going to remind her to call them. Wes told me that I would need to clean her place up before she called, because they do home visits. I told him that it would be better if I didn't clean up the place first, because maybe she would listen to someone professional who could take her baby away. But either way, I'm not cleaning her place for her. I'm not going to clean the litter box once she's home. I'll try to help her get organized, but I can't do it if she doesn't want to bother. It really bothers me, but I'm going to try not to get stressed out about the situation. Any suggestions?

Sadly, it's true

I know some of you may think that I made up the last post. I did not. And, sadly, it does get worse. Her house is filthy. She doesn't work and when she complains that she is bored, and I suggest she cleans house, she laughs, and says she already loaded the dishwasher. She has two cats and they moved into their new place at the beginning of June. She vacuumed for the first time in August. Did I mention she has two cats? Her husband doesn't help. She is currently in another state visiting family. He was here for a week after she left, before he left for his ship. I don't know what your man would do, but my husband would have the house spotless for me if I were pregnant (even if I weren't). Him, he left the house disgustingly filthy. Dirty dishes. Trash bags. Didn't vacuum (did I mention they have TWO cats?). And, I was dealing with all of this while finding out I may not have the opportunity to have kids. I just kept thinking, "dear God, this must be a cruel, ironic joke."

But, she is the nicest, most well-meaning person ever. Here is an example, that occurred before I was really friends with her. While the ship was away for six months, her husband left the car keys with her, even though she doesn't know how to drive. One day, while walking in the area she lived, she ran into a man who had been a waiter at a place where she occasionally ate. She asked him why she hadn't seen him in awhile. He said he lost his job and was having a hard time looking for a new one without a car. So she gave him her husband's car. With only his first name and his mother's phone number. After about a month of not hearing anything she called his mom, only to hear that the mom didn't know where he was. Finally, my friend called the captain's wife, who called the mom and threatened grand theft auto. The man called back within 20 minutes and told them where the car had been towed. It cost $1500 to get it back and there was damage from the tow truck. This time, my friend's husband took the car keys with him.

And these people are adding to the genetic cesspool.