Six Hours

Driving home from Texas, we had hoped to be able to relax a bit and see more. Only, Wes grossly underestimated the amount of time it would take to drive home and he forgot about the time change (we lost an hour). By day two, we were tired and cranky (ok, I was tired and cranky, he was only tired). The second evening, we saw a billboard for the Natural Bridge. We had been talking about visiting, but who really knew when we would get there. We decided to stop. We got a great military discount on a hotel room (as we did on all the hotel rooms we stayed at). That first night, we ate and then slept. We got up nice and early and began exploring. The Natural Bridge is so cool. It's huge and George Washington surveyed it before the Revolution. Thomas Jefferson bought it from King George III for about $2.40. It's taller than Niagara Falls and it's still growing. It was very cool.

Me, looking geeky, because we were also bird watching. We saw five new birds during an hour.

Us, next to a waterfall.

I've seen wild turkeys before, but never this close. There was a whole flock of them. We saw them fly and they gobbled at me when I got too close.

We also visited the caverns. That was pretty cool too.

Only a few blocks from home, we were greeted with this.

I'm so glad we stopped. If we had gone straight home, we would have been exhausted and pretty much just stared at each other or the TV the next day. Although our vacation was nice, we never got any "us" time. And with deployment coming up, we've been spending a ton of time with friends, family, the kids. But no "us" time. I'm glad we made time for it. Those six hours, they have to last me six months. Good thing they were a wonderful six hours.

Where's my maid?

We've been on vacation. It was fun. Let me tell you about it. (I'm still tired from riding in the car, because, yes, we drove.) Anyway, we went to Texas (from Virginia, in a car). This allowed me to go through several states I don't think I've ever been in before, or don't remember very well. We started by driving to Jacksonville Texas to see Wes's grandparents. I had never met them before, and Wes hadn't seen them in a couple of years. They are so sweet. Just nice folks. We had a really good visit. And Jacksonville is very pretty. We identified one new bird while we were there (Cedar Waxwing). We only hung out there a couple of days before we head to Dallas for a wedding of an old high school friend.

I had not seen this friend in some years, but he and Wes have kept in touch (as well as the navy allows). One of the strange things about marrying someone from high school is going back to see your friends, especially when they don't know you're married. The only people we really knew there were all the groomsmen and the groom (pictured below, the groom is on the farthest left).

Notice that my husband is by far the shortest man in the group. They actually had some problems with the wedding pictures, finding a place for him that he could be seen. Don't tell him I told you that.

So this is us before the wedding. I had to go buy a dress, because I don't really own any.

The first dance. I have never seen Eric so happy. I hope they have a long and happy marriage. And I hope we see them again because the bride was very, very sweet.

This was the most expensive wedding I have ever been to. We estimate that it was $75,000. No, I did not but the comma in the wrong spot. At the wedding itself, the Texas boys choir sang, and they had a string quartet, and an organist. At the wedding, which was at the Adolphus (for those of you who live in Dallas), they had sea bass AND fillet of beef (not one or the other) and open bar, an 8 piece band, and the best wedding cake I've ever eaten. It was spectacular. I hear her parents live in University Park, so they probably just wrote a check. But it was wonderful and great to see everyone and again, I'm so glad that our friend Eric is happy.

But of course, you can't visit home without some drama. We saw Charley. He didn't actually show up for the wedding, but we saw him the next day. It was surreal. I love Wes and can't imagine my life without him, but seeing Charley was bizarre. It reminded me of all the reasons I love him and many of the reasons I'm not with him. When we left, he gave me a hug and told me he was glad I was happy. I hope he finds his happiness too. Wes hopes that seeing us helped Charley resolve some of his feelings. I honestly don't know if it helped resolve mine or not. I am happy though, that seeing him did not make me wonder what I had missed, but rather, made me very happy with what I had found.

I'll write about the rest of our trip tomorrow. Now, I need to finish cleaning as much as possible. It is good to be home.

Back to the 70's

When I was a kid, I loved to roller skate. I mean, I LOOOOOOOOOVED to skate. Apparently, so did my husband. I just found out he even took lessons (LESSONS!!!!). Anyway, Allison recently went ice skating, and now that is her favorite activity in the whole world, and she wanted us to take her. I've only been ice skating about three times in my entire life. So we compromised and went roller skating. YAY!!!! Victor did great, but Allison started out a little rough. Wes was worried that he wouldn't remember how to do it (even after all those lessons!) but I told him it was just like riding a bike. And it was. We had a great time and it didn't take long for Allison to work it out. I had a great time watching everyone too. There was one little four year old who was skating around like she was born with skates on her feet. And cutest of all, there was a little boy, probably about three, who looked like a jack-in-the-box. Up, down, up, down, up, down. But he didn't cry at all and just kept going. I cracked up though, when I realized his shirt said "I do all my own stunts." Yes you do, little man, yes you do. Overall, it was very fun, and I told Wes we should buy our own skates and then go skate on the boardwalk every weekend, because we're nerdy like that. And then I came home and took a two hour nap.

I want to address those of you who are concerned that Wes and I are wasting valuable baby making time. Um, my husband is leaving for 6 months. Whether or not we were trying to get pregnant, we would not be wasting that time. So now you can quit worrying about it (but you can keep crossing your fingers for us). Ok, now I need to go make dinner. I hope everyone has a great Easter weekend.

Crocheting a thank you

Last year, after my grandpa died, I stayed with my grandma for three weeks. During that time, I learned to crochet, something my grandma has been doing for about 35 years. The first year I crocheted, I made afghans for several friends, but then my grandma mentioned that she would really like a new afghan for her new living room furniture. I jumped at the chance. I wanted to show my thanks to grandma, for everything she's ever done for me. My grandma got the afghan last week. When I talked to her, she was so proud of me. She thought the afghan was so beautiful, both the pattern and the colors. She said she thought I was already better than her (I'm not). I was so happy that she loved my afghan. Then she said something that almost made me cry. My grandma has been making afghans for about 35 years. She has made hundreds of afghans. I probably have at least 10 in the house right now. I have always thought of my grandma as a very talented woman. But she doesn't. She said to me: In all the years I have been crocheting, and all the afghans I have made, no one has ever made me an afghan. It means so much to me that you wanted to learn something that I did and now you're sharing your gift with others. It's so nice to know that something that is such an important part of me will live on. I validated my grandma. It wasn't just that I made her something, but it was that I had thought something she did was important and beautiful and I wanted to learn it and then I gave it back to her as a gift. It hasn't mattered how many times I told her I love her or I told her I cherished her or I told her I thought she was talented, it mattered that I wanted to learn something from her and emulate her. I am the only person in the family who knows how to crochet, and we have a big family. I am so thankful I was able to give that to my grandma. And I hope every time she wraps herself in that afghan, she feels my arms around her and she hears me whisper "I love you."

Big sigh of relief

Guess where I typing this from? Guess, guess!!!! If you guessed my computer, you would be correct! My computer is finally up and running. The latest bit of problems stemmed from the fact that I was apparently missing a retrieval disk. My husband accused me of throwing it out, but after finding the retrieval disks for my last two computers, including the first one I ever had, which I got in 1995 (pre-real windows), he realized, I probably did not toss out any disks. We finally solved that problem. Right now, the only thing on my computer is windows software and one game. My computer is now super, super fast. I think I will put my bird software on it and that will be it! Now, I know that my husband actually being home is rare, and so I should enjoy that time rather than worrying about my computer, but he's leaving in 3 weeks and will be gone for 6 months. I kind of need a computer during that time. To keep me company. To keep up with finances and to play lots of games!!!

We do indeed have only 3 weeks left, and they are going to be a hectic three weeks. We had the kids last weekend and will get them Easter weekend too. We're still not sure what to do, besides go to church. Do we dye eggs? If we do, do we hide them in our tiny house? Do we buy lots of candy for the child who has had 4 cavities her last 2 dentist appointments? (and I don't mean a total of 4, I mean 4 each time.) After the kids leave, we also leave. We'll visit family in East Texas and then on to Dallas for a wedding of an old high school friend. Pretty much EVERYONE we hung out with in high school will be there, even, perhaps, a certain ex-boyfriend of mine. Some of these people know we're married, most don't. It will be a very interesting wedding. Then, back home, do laundry, pack up and bye, bye. Then a very long 6 months. The next three weeks will fly by. And then, nothing. Thank God I have Dungeon Lords to keep me company.

My husband is a genius

and the geeky cheerleaders are idiots. They could not retrieve the information from my computer. When I dropped it off, I had a list of things my husband had done that did not work. They were not interested. When I picked it up, they said there was nothing anyone could do. I even asked if we could send it somewhere (I don't know, the computer gods or something), but was told no. Then my husband came home, used tools he had down-loaded from an open source site and retrieved my stuff (let's not go into why my stuff had not been backed up). We went back to the geeky cheerleaders the next day, because they had charged us $30.00 to tell us my computer was unfixable. The first guy told us that obviously my husband had been able to retrieve my stuff because of the services they had provided. Huh? You didn't provide any service! The manager told us that they would have had to send it somewhere (apparently the computer gods live in Kansas) to fix it. Then I retold the entire story of how 1) if his person had taken the information I had brought, they would have known that and 2) I had specifically asked if there was somewhere we could send it. We got our money back. However, my computer is still out of commission. He retrieved my information, but then, the entire hard drive is corrupted and unfixable. So we got a new hard drive (from someone on the ship who had an extra one). That hard drive works fine. But we don't have a windows xp disk that works with my key so now Wes is asking around the ship and hopefully he'll get one (the disk we have is actually the developmental disk, not the actual software). After we get that done, everything should be fine. Cross your fingers. Until then, I'm stuck using the old, slow computer.

Stupid technology

My computer didn't just crash, it had a heart attack and a stroke, and is now in a coma. My husband can fix my computer, but only by erasing everything on it. Since I never really saved anything to anywhere else, including all my pictures, that's not an option. Right now, my computer is being serviced by a group of people who are geeky. Hopefully they can save my stuff. Then my husband will fix my computer. In the meantime, I'm using the crappy computer in the office. Isn't life grand?

But, the good news is, my husband is home. I'm not going to think about all the stuff we have to get done in less than a month or the fact that he is leaving in less than a month. I'm just going to enjoy him being here right now. Well, actually, he's at work right now. But you know what I mean.

I finally finished the afghan for my grandma. I would show it to you, but see above paragraph about stupid computers. Now I'm going to start on an afghan for IQ's baby. She wants navy colors. I hope it turns out good. And I'm already planning an afghan for my parents too. Crocheting is addictive.

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and not having the issues I am.

It's my party

Yesterday was my birthday, and after a horrible week, I was considering having a party. A pity party. Why was my week so bad? Well, it was just one thing after another, accumulating in very un-pregnant like behavior by my body. But, I decided that I wasn't going to wallow. I went to the Norfolk botanical gardens instead, and they had a ton of flowers out for me. (I'd show them to you, but MY computer crashed and burned yesterday, and now refuses to give me anything but the blue screen of death. So I'm using the crappy old computer in the office.) And, I identified three new birds. One of them is only supposed to summer here, so I guess he came home early. One of them does winter here, but not very often. And the last one is supposed to be on the west coast, but occasionally gets lost (according to the bird guide). One tiny little bird kept following me and dancing for me. I guess I smelled good, and I enjoyed the show, but it was a bit weird. After that, I went to my favorite Thai place for lunch. Then home, where my computer crashed and burned. Overall, a very good day, except for the crashing and burning. While I was unable to talk to my husband yesterday, he did call on Thurs. and should be able to call today. He also sent me a lovely e-mail. A number of other people also called, e-mailed, or sent cards. Phoenix decorated the card from my parents, so when my brother called, he wanted to talk to see if I had like it. Too cute. So no more pity parties. It is a new month and my husband comes home on Friday.

Misfortune

I realize that I really like most of the books I read. The problem with this is that after giving glowing reviews to good, and even great work, I have a hard time convincing people when I've read something truly magnificent. I have just read something truly magnificent. Amazingly magnificent. Unbelievably magnificent. Enchantingly magnificent.

I have just read Misfortune by Wesley Stace. Not only is this novel magnificent, it was also Stace's debut novel. He now has a life-long devoted fan. Misfortune takes place in England in the 1800's. A baby, taken from a dying mother during a botched abortion, is left on a trash heap to die. She is picked up by a very rich lord and adopted as the next heir and named Rose. Only, she is a he. Her father, terribly missing his sister, who died at age 5, ignores the baby's genitalia. Her mother, the librarian her father married in order to make her look legitimate (and not adopted) is a fan of an early feminisia poet, named Mary Day, and looks upon this as an experiment to show that gender is a social construct. In the wings, a horrible family, who needs the family fortune which will one day belong to Rose. Only her true identity is discovered, by both herself and her family and things become terribly complicated.

When I picked up this book I thought it would be an adventure book, the story of someone figuring out who they are. However, I was unprepared for the dignity, respect and insight Stace gives the character of Rose. Stace does not acknowledge reading Foucault's The History of Sexuality, but Rose's internal struggle often mirrored that story (The History of Sexuality revolves around the diary of a hermaphrodite in 19th century (maybe 18th) France who eventually kills him/herself because he/she feels alienated, not only from society, but from him/herself). Rose's self-discovery, self-hatred and eventually, self-acceptance are lovingly told. Rose is not someone who should be shunned, but someone who should be admired for the way in which she learns to love and accept who she truly is.

The story itself is remarkable. Once it is discovered that Rose is a he, it is also discovered that she is a bastard, and therefore, not the legitimate heir of the family fortune. At this point, I became a tad bit disappointed because I felt a Tom Jones (the book, not the singer) ending coming. However, Stace threw in such a delightful twist, that I did not mind at all. Although this book is 500 pages, it flew by and I can't wait to pick up Stace's latest book.

Misfortune should be a must read for anyone who has felt like they didn't fit in their own skin. I figure that all of us have felt like that at one time or another. I definitely think this book should be required reading for gender study courses. Stace is an incredibly talented man and I look forward to reading him for years to come.

Snarl for me!

So I'm not great at looking fierce. I tried a snarl in one picture, but it looked ridiculous. Good thing my husband won't really notice anyway.

I awoke to a phone call at 6:30 this morning offering me a 5 hour job. Well, I guess for 5 hours I'd get up. Only, it turned out to only be an hour job. Totally wasted my entire morning though. I hate crap like that. I did manage to go to the gym this afternoon, and, surprise surprise, I've lost more weight. Since I hadn't been in about a month, I figured I would have gained back at least a pound. Nope, I've lost three more pounds. I figure the more I lose now, the less I'll have to lose if I ever get pregnant. Which is another reason why I like to work. I don't spend a lot of time wondering if I'm pregnant when I'm busy trying to control 30 kids. I guess there's the rest of the week.

Who has more fun?

I miss my husband. And while cleaning my bedroom, I realized that I STILL haven't worn my halloween costume for him yet. So I thought I'd try it on and make sure it looked good. What do you think? With or without the mask?

I've never had black hair, or long hair, for that matter. I've had ever other color, but never black. It doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. And now, I kind of want long hair, only my hair is so thin, it would never look this good. I guess a girl can dream.

I can't wait for my husband to get home.

Directionless

I usually sign up for my subbing positions on-line. They have a nice little page that shows all the jobs available, which schools, which subjects, which hours, which days and you just pick what you want. This usually works out very well, but every now and then a school will move you around to a different job. This usually (what's another word for usually?) is no big deal. Today, it was a big deal. They put me in special ed.

I don't take special ed jobs for a reason. They're really, really hard, and I don't mean work wise. They're hard emotionally. You spend time with some of the nicest, friendliest, funniest, and huggiest kids ever, but you know that this is it for them. Out of the 8 kids in the class, maybe 4 of them would ever be able to work ANY type of job, and this was the highest level of special ed. The other four, not a chance. One of the students, a girl with autism, broke my heart. They said she had been able speak, interact, read a little and now, nothing. She spent the day wandering in circles, grabbing things and putting them in her mouth. She had totally regressed. It was so sad, like she was looking for something, but she didn't know what, or how to communicate with even herself. The whole situation made me think of IQ.

IQ had the flu a couple weeks ago. I took her to the doctor and one of the things they told her was to not use Q-tips to clean out her ears. We all know that, we just all ignore it. I mean, it says not to clean you ears with them right on the box. Anyway, I told her that I used them anyways. Her reply: if the ob/gyn told me not to use them, then I won't use them because it must hurt the baby. How is this woman going to raise a baby? I finally realized today, for the first time, that I may, someday, have to call CPS on her. That would upset me so much, because of IQ's history (she grew up in foster care) but if she can't take care of the baby, what choice do I have? I guess right now the only thing I can do is hope and pray.

Back to reality

After the kidnapping, robbery, marriage, bombs, beatings, drug addiction and blackmailing of the last book I read, I decided I needed something more realistic. I read The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I missed out on reading Tolkien when I was a kid. I read the Chronicles of Narnia but that was the extent of my fantasy reading. My husband loves Tolkien, so I thought I'd give it a spin. Boy, did I miss out! I loved this book! While I felt like the book would be a great kid's book, I didn't feel like I was reading a kid's book. I would recommend this book to anyone.

The story itself is rather simple. A stay-at-home type of hobbit decides it's time for an adventure and joins thirteen dwarves in trying to reclaim their gold from a dragon. While the story is simple, the writing is amazing. Tolkien's writing is clear and simple itself, but it is also interesting. When a character mentions other stories or adventures, as a reader, I just went, yes, yes, tell me about that, I want to know! I could have read this story forever, instead, it was so well written, it took about three days. I now declare myself a Tolkien fan and will read the rest of his work. I also look forward to getting Wes's kids to read them and hopefully, someday, my own kids.

During the time when I couldn't hide in middle earth, Wes's dad was here all week and I worked quite a bit. There's nothing romantic about having a valentine's dinner with your father-in-law and your husband. Now, everyone is gone, the house is a mess, and I'm still working a lot. Again, it will be a miracle if a baby was conceived this month (ok, I mean in this house, not in the general public). If you think having your father-in-law at your valentine's dinner isn't romantic, think about having sex with him sleeping directly underneath your bedroom. Oh yeah, let the sexy times roll.

The Russian Concubine

A friend sent me this book, The Russian Concubine by Kate Furnivall, because it kind of reminded her of our trip to Russia. She did mention that it was not "serious" literature, but a good, easy read. Since I had just finished reading a book, I thought, why not?

In this book, a family of Russians flee the Bolshevik revolution. They travel to China, but along the way, they are stopped by Bolsheviks and the husband is killed. The mom, Valentina and her daughter, Lydia, make it to China, but have no money, no passport and no way to provide for themselves. Lydia, a beautiful, willful red-head, becomes a thief to help support them, and during one of her "bussiness trips" into the Chinese portion of the town (as opposed to the part practically owned by the British) she almost gets kidnapped and sold into prostitution, only to be saved by a Chinese communist, Chang An Lo. Eventually, they fall in love and as you can imagine, chaos rules.

I love the character of Lydia. She is beautifully and lovingly drawn. She has fire and depth. She alone makes this novel worth reading. The other characters are also done rather well, but I felt like the author had a checklist:

Corrupt British bureaucrat who beats and cheats on his wife. Check.
Well-meaning British school teacher who has a Chinese lover, has gone native and eventually succumbs to the drug, opium, that destroyed his family. Check.
Russian mom who has to whore herself out, albeit in a upper-class fashion, to survive and marries the first rich, nice British guy who asks. Check.
Powerful Chinese warlord who controlls the opium trade and is very rich, ruthless and violent. Check.

You get the picture. In addition, the last half of the book could easily be a script for a soap opera, and that's not a compliment. Yes, I know this is a novel, meaning, it is not real, but please, this crossed the border from incredulous to how stupid do you think I am. The author might of well have put a cape on Lydia and Chang An Lo and declared them superheroes, for all they went through.

Overall, I would not recommend this book. While the characters are written beautifully, the story itself defies logic. The best thing about this book: it gave me a great idea for a research project. What did happen to the Russians who had to flee to China? But other than that, this book was not worth the time.

When is blogger going to fix spell-check?

Little lost bird

I was not subbing for sexual education when I uttered the words "oral activity." I was subbing for Spanish. There was a question about why they had to write an activity that was supposed to be oral. My answer, "you need to write it down even though it is an oral activity."

Today I saw the most beautiful bird I have ever seen (well, maybe. I've seen a lot of beautiful birds). I've linked to it above. It must have been lost though, because it's not really supposed to be here, and it was all by itself. But it posed for me and let me watch for quite some time.

It's my anniversary today. The kids are here, as is Wes's dad. I made a HUGE meal, but forgot the wine. It has been a good day.

I forgot where I was

If you ever substitute for middle school, never, EVER, utter the words "oral activity."

Mary, I'm not

So, no miracle occurred in January. I was really bummed about this, so my husband took me birdwatching. We had a great time and identified two new birds. I was also able to point out two birds I had previously identified, but Wes had never seen. Then, to top the afternoon off, we saw a Bald Eagle. That was pretty cool. Saturday night we celebrated our two year anniversary a week early. His dad and kids will be here on the actual date, and since I wasn't pregnant I could drink. We had a great time, the food was delicious and then we came home and fell asleep. Because, gee whiz, we've been married for two whole years and how else would we celebrate (but we really did just go to sleep: Wes has been sick for a week).

This week, I'm actually working a couple of days. And today I'm frantically cleaning the house, since I'm working the rest of the week and the house is filthy and his dad is going to visit for a whole week. The only week my husband will be home in the month of February. I have a feeling we may not get pregnant this month either. At least Wes will be home for the month of March.

Gather 'round!

I love reading "modern" novels, but let's face it, they don't always make one think. Although I love Dostoyevsky (yes, there are about a dozen ways to spell that), and I have read all his major work, I haven't really delved into his minor work. This week, I took on some of the minor work, and once again, Dostoyevsky proves to be brilliant (and better than Tolstoy).

I started with The Gambler. The title should be self-explanatory. However, the novella is more than half over before you are completely confidant that you know exactly to whom the title refers. Every character is this story is a gambler, some, in the casino, all in life. The story itself leaves many questions: who are these people, what is their problem and why do they think money will solve it, and do people really act like that? Yes, yes, desparate people act like that. One of the best scenes in the book occurs when the invalid 75 year old aunt becomes addicted to the roulette wheel, betting her fortune on winning everything back. If you want to know how a gambler feels, this book is for you. Time slows down, senses are heightened and you feel completely high and in control and yet you know you aren't in control. It is an amazing and quick read.

Next up was the very short story Bobok. A journalist, who fears he is going crazy, keeps repeating the nonsense word, bobok. The surprising thing is not what this means, how he found out what it means, but rather, the fact that the meaning does not disturb him. A very short, but interesting story.

Finally, I read A Nasty Story. This story is very reminiscant of Gogol. A Russian general (not in the army, but in rank of the civil service: it's a long story) gets drunk, wanders through the streets of St. Petersburg and ends up inviting himself to the wedding of an insubordinate. He does this to prove how much he loves 'humanity'. At this time, Russia was very divided into classes, and those 'forward thinking' wanting to prove that they accepted everybody as equal, but only if shown the correct amount of respect. The general gets disgustingly drunk (he's not normally a drinker) and disgraces himself and ruins the wedding. This story, while amusing, is also an excellent social commentary that still applies today. I'm thinking of those rich people who very loudly voice their support of equality and then get mad when the poverty stricken don't praise them for their generosity (you know who I'm talking about). This story clearly reveals what asses these people really are.

Thus, Dostoyevsky is still my hero and I love him. Read anything by him today.

Tonight my husband returns home, for six whole hours, before he leaves again and returns on Saturday morning. What? you ask, I though he was supposed to be home all this week. Why yes, yes he was, but after seeing him for 9 whole days over the last month, I was so sick of him, that I sent him away again. Ok, really. The ship is here, but there was some stupid conference in Florida that my husband wasn't even supposed to go to, but they needed a competant and responsible guy to go. They chose my husband. Stupid competant and responsible husband. So I haven't seen him since Sunday (when he was really sick, he's better now, thank God). I will pick him up at the airport tonight at 11:00pm. He will go to work at 6:00am. I won't see him again until Saturday. The ship leaves again on Monday morning. If I end up having a baby, it will be a miracle.

Raise an IQ

Saturday I took IQ to Target so she could finish registering for her baby boy. That was one of the hardest thing I've ever done, as I really, really want a baby now. Have you seen all the cute stuff they have? Anyway, I had to remind IQ several times that a newborn is usually only newborn size for a couple of weeks (at the most) and that she should probably register for the 0 to 3 month stuff too. When I asked her if she had registered for sheets yet, she responded that she already had a set. Yes, one set. That would be enough for a baby. A baby that throws up and pees and poops and is just generally a baby. One set of sheets. Dream on. When I told her she would need more than that, she honestly didn't understand why. But she registered for one more set, so score one for me! Since her husband is in the navy, she wants to do a nautical theme and we found some really cute stuff with sail boats and pirates.

While shopping, I asked IQ, again, when she is getting her driver's license. She said she thought she would wait until the baby was 2 or 3 years old!!! I asked her how she is going to get to all the doctor appointments. She responded that her husband will be home soon, so she doesn't have to worry about it. Hmmmm. Yes, because he will be able to get off all that time from work. And if there is an emergency? Well, she has a friend that is a taxi driver. I put my foot down then. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that she needed her driver's license asap. I think she understood because she said she will talk to her husband about it. How can you have a kid and no license?

I do have to compliment IQ though. She told me she had been really cleaning her house and I was, naturally, skeptical. Her place was the cleanest I have ever seen it and I mean, it was clean. She took initiative too, and asked at the leasing office if they knew anyone who would help with her litter box (they did) and to help her clean (maybe). I'm proud that she actually did that on her own and hope she keeps it up. Maybe this baby will actually help her feel like she's competent. We can only hope.

Any speaking of babies, my friend Beth called me last night and she finally (10 days late) had her baby boy. He is very beautiful and I am so excited for her and Ryo.

I could kick myself!

I finished the baby afghan for my friends and mailed it off today. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of it. My first baby afghan and I have no proof! At least the baby is a week late, so the blanket isn't going to be that late.

Yesterday, I finally exchanged my WI driver's license for a VA one. I took along proof of residency (a gas bill), and two forms of ID, just like the web page said I needed. Well, tell me if this is the stupidest thing you've ever heard. They would accept my military spouse's ID in place of my social security card, but they wouldn't accept it as a second form of ID, even though it has my picture on it. I had to go home and get my passport, with a 9 year old picture on it (I don't even slightly look like that anymore). At least there was no line, and I also registered to vote. I plan on writing myself in, even though I'm not old enough.

My husband comes home today. I am very happy about that. That's pretty much the excitement that is my life.

Happy test results

I requested that my mail be held while I traveled to Texas. Apparently, they only held half of it, as I found the other half shoved into my tiny little mail box today. While going through said mail, I came across my colposcopy test results (colposcopy, otherwise known as, when they scrape off large bits of your girly parts. Not a fun time). The test results: completely normal! Not even any HPV cells to worry about! Woohoo!!!! I don't have cancer!!!! I can't tell you how relieved I am. I was so afraid that even though the doctor said we should still try to get pregnant that the tests would come back positive and I still wouldn't be pregnant ('cus you know my husband has been here so much it would just be weird if I didn't get pregnant). I feel great. Just wish my husband was here so I could tell him (and no, I can't e-mail him because the e-mail is down on the state of the art ship he is on). Hope everyone else's day is going this well.

Pretty picture

My brother and Phoenix

(isn't he cute? I mean my brother; he's single)

Phoenix, making funny faces.

Camille and I

Party like you have nipples!

The party was last night and who says you have to drink to have fun!?! During a game of guestures (which is like charades) I ended up with the word nipple. Everyone at the party was either a relative or from my parent's church. What is a girl to do? Why, rub your brother's nipples! He felt violated, but I got a lot of laughs and my mom didn't have a heart attack, which would have been awkward since she was the hostess. The food was great, the games were fun and the party was a success!

I am home now and Wes will be here tomorrow. I'm trying to clean up the house but I am exhausted. I have to get lots of sleep because tomorrow will be a long day of (hopefully) baby-making.

Not enough time

My trip is flying by. Thursday I got to hang out with Camille. It was wonderful, but we are getting old. Instead of talking about clothes, guys, and sex, we talked about our children, home repairs, our fat asses, our husbands, the economy, and politics. You know, the interesting stuff. Her kids are adorable and we had a great time. I just wish she lived closer to me!

Yesterday morning was spent getting stuff for the party. Yesterday afternoon I went to my sister's to hang out with her and her wild puppy. She's cute, but wild (the dog, not my sister, although my sister is cute too!). Last night, pizza and cards with the family. My brother finally ended his relationship with his bitch, I mean, girlfriend. Of all the girls my brother has dated, this one was by far the worst. She was rude, mean and rude. My brother is very happy it is over. I hope next time he does better. He certainly deserves better.

My mom and I went walking yesterday and I saw two new birds! One was a bufflehead, which is beautiful. Go look it up! Today, she's going to take me to the duck pond. Hopefully I'll see new birds there too. We've already cut up the veggies, and we're getting the house clean. This is going to be a great party!

My grandma had her quadruple bypass yesterday. Everything went very well and there was no damage to her heart. My mom is going to go up next week to help her out. I wish I could go, but with my husband's schedule, I just don't know when he'll be here and when he won't. Since he's leaving in April for 6 months, I don't want to miss spending time with him.

That's about it for now. Now I have to go do something for the party that my mom forgot about until now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Happy Birthday Old Man!

Even though I love my nephew Phoenix, the real reason I am in Texas is because it's my dad's 50th birthday (yes, he is 50, I am 33. It's a long story). Anyway, here's my family, celebrating my dad's birthday. Starting from the left: my brother-in-law, my sister, my nephew, my mom, my dad, me, and my brother (Phoenix's dad). Aren't we beautiful?

Today, we went shopping for my dad and Phoenix was so funny. When we went to Party City for stuff (for the party Saturday), Phoenix said, "Spread out, everyone." I guess he thought we were hunting. Then he demanded that we get grandpa a birthday present. At first he said he wanted to get grandpa a new toy, but then he decided we had to get him Sponge Bob Squarepants underpants, just like the ones he got for Christmas. Well, we couldn't find any boxers, but we did find pajama pants! Then, he insisted that we get a cake. He decided we should get the carrot cake. We wanted the chocolate cake. Me: I don't know if grandpa likes carrot cake. Him: Yes he does! He eats carrots all the time (how do you argue with logic like that?). Then, after a few minutes of arguing, he stated, "We get the carrot cake, or we get no cake!" We got the carrot cake. It was a great dinner.

I guess since it's my dad's birthday, I should say something about him. He's a great guy and I hope he lives another 50 years. Now I have to go watch the last 20 years of home videos that my sister burned onto CDs for my dad.

How I love to travel to Phoenix.

I'm in Dallas now. I'm surprised I managed to get here. My plane left at 6:15 in the morning, so I had to get up at 4:00am. My husband may be used to getting up at that time, but not me. I had a scare yesterday. I had two different jobs set up and stopped home in between the two. When I went to leave for the second one, my car wouldn't start. I had to cancel the job and get a new battery. Just think how horrible it would have been if it hadn't started this morning, when I was trying to get to the airport!

My favorite reason to visit Dallas.

As you see, Phoenix is still amazingly cute. He's still really short too. I asked if I could eat his ear, and he said no, because it's glued on. Oh, and he needs it to hear, but mostly because it's glued on.

On a sad note, my grandma is having quadruple bypass surgery within the next couple of days. She didn't do so well on her stress test, and when they did further tests, they discovered she has 95% blockage. My grandpa died just a year ago. I know she really misses him and thinks she's not worth anything anymore, but we all love her so much! And she has become quite the social butterfly since she was no longer a caretaker. Please pray that the surgery goes well. Just thinking about life without her makes me ill.

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

While visiting my family over Christmas, I noticed my aunt was reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. The book looked familiar, but I couldn't place it. She said the book was good. When I returned home, I needed to pick out a new book to read. Imagine my surprise when I found The Memory Keeper's Daughter on one of my bookshelves. No wonder it looked familiar. I considered it a sign, and read the book.

The book was amazing, the story original, and heartbreaking. In 1964, a doctor is forced by a blizzard to deliver his own baby. Only, it was two babies. The first baby was a perfect baby boy. The second, a girl, with Downs syndrome. Due to factors in his past, the doctor, David, believes it is in his wife's best interest to immediately take the girl, Phoebe, to an institution. He asks the only other person there, the nurse, Caroline, to do this for him. Only, when she gets to the institution, she realizes she can't leave the girl there. Upon her return to town, she discovers that David has told his wife, Norah, that Phoebe was stillborn. Caroline leaves the area and raises Phoebe on her own, eventually marrying. David's decision haunts all their lives, and his son's, Paul.

The book is written from the perspective of the main characters, David, Norah and Caroline, and once he is older, Paul. This is what makes the book so wonderful. From the description of the book, as a woman, all I could think is, "how could he?" but after hearing his story, in his words, you understand why David did what he did, and you hurt for him. He wants to do the right thing. He thought he was doing the right thing. But this, this he did wrong, and he spends the rest of his life trying to find a way to fix it. Norah quickly falls into a depression after the birth. While you feel for her, I think Norah is probably the weakest character in the book. I never understood where she was coming from, in regards to her personality before the babies, and when she finally reaches for "independence" it felt forced. Caroline grew the most as a person. Her life moves in unexpected directions because of Phoebe, and I liked her more than Norah. Paul was drawn so well that I just wanted to hug him.

The book is wonderful and readable and sad and happy and hopeful and hopeless. My main complaint is a rather strange one. Every single main character's parents died while they were all young. Now, I know people lose their parents at a young age: my husband was 24 when his mom died. However, what are the chances that three people, who meet by chance, would all have lost their parents at a young age. I know this was important to the plot, to a certain extent, since they were all formed by these early deaths, but still, there are other plot devices that could have achieved the same end without all the drama.

I would highly recommend this book. Believe it or not, but it actually had a happy ending. Well, at least the happiest ending possible. Go get it today, or just check your bookshelves.

Baby making until your penis falls off!

My husband is home! All weekend too! Guess what we've been doing? Go on, guess? The good news is, that since he's been gone for a week, a whole weekend of sex is wonderful! The bad news is, that since he's been gone for a week, a whole weekend of sex is also painful, after a while. And I'm probably not even ovulating. It's been less than two weeks since I went off the pill. Or, I could be releasing an egg every 20 minutes. Who knows? But when he leaves again on Monday, I won't see him for 2 weeks, so we need to make the most of this weekend.

I went to the doctor's with IQ yesterday. She is having a boy. It yawned at us. Very cute. So far, things look normal. And she's really wanting to get stuff in order before the baby gets here. Hopefully that will all go well. I'll write more about why I'm her friend later. Right now, I have to go make a baby.

Sing with me!

Today, I looked at the blog I wrote last night and thought, "I'm not going back there again." So today, I was productive. I went to the gym, where I died. The end. No, really, I didn't die, I just started seeing things. I ran errands. I listened to NIN, Ground Zero while organizing the office (more on NIN in a minute). I put together a bookcase. I put books on the bookcase. I organized my yarn. I crocheted. I'm reading an extraordinary book that I can't put down. I e-mailed the new performing arts center and offered to volunteer as an usher, because heaven knows that's the only way I'll see any of those performances. I e-mailed my church and volunteered for the shut-in/homeless/AIDS ministry. I was productive. And in an a couple of hours, I pick IQ up from the airport. Today, I feel good about myself. I like days like today.

Now, more about the NIN CD. It was a gift from my husband for Christmas. My husband originally introduced me to NIN in high school, with Pretty Hate Machine. I've been a somewhat faithful follower since then. And as much as I love NIN, I have to say that Pretty Hate Machine always remained the best. Until now. Ground Zero is amazing. Trent is back to a more industrial sound. He's still angry, but it sounds like a more productive anger. If you even slightly liked Pretty Hate Machine you have to get Ground Zero. It will be the best thing you ever do for your sex life. Whether you have a partner or not!

Where are the directions?

Do you feel like you're waiting for your "real" life to begin? I know a lot of people feel like this. There are countless books, songs, poems, and blogs about this. I know I feel like this. As a graduate student for, well, for forever, I always thought my life would start after I graduated. Only, I never graduated with my Ph.D. I got married. Some probably think their life starts when they get married. Only, this was my second marriage. And my husband is in the navy. Which means he's gone all the time. So now, I'm waiting for my life and my marriage to really start. I realized I'm going to turn 34 years old this year. That used to be mid-life. Now, I plan on living to 120, but still, the fact that still have no idea what is going on this late in the game, it is sobering. I want to do something, but I honestly have no idea what. I can't even manage to get a decent job (stupid, healthy teachers). When I was very young, I wanted to be a writer. But this blog has proven, pretty clearly, that this was just a mis-guided dream. So what now? Thoughts? Suggestions? Maps? Anyone?

What do I do?

I'm not sure what to do about my friend (I think I'll refer to her as IQ from now on). A month ago I looked up all the different programs offered by the navy. I found several that applied to IQ. I called them, explained the situation and found out what was available. One of the men I talked to burst out, "what the hell? Why would a naval officer marry someone who can't drive, can't take care of themselves, and then get her pregnant?" My reply, "you're preaching to the choir." But I can't actually do anything for her though. I gave her the numbers and when I pick her up from the airport this week, I'm going to remind her to call them. Wes told me that I would need to clean her place up before she called, because they do home visits. I told him that it would be better if I didn't clean up the place first, because maybe she would listen to someone professional who could take her baby away. But either way, I'm not cleaning her place for her. I'm not going to clean the litter box once she's home. I'll try to help her get organized, but I can't do it if she doesn't want to bother. It really bothers me, but I'm going to try not to get stressed out about the situation. Any suggestions?

Sadly, it's true

I know some of you may think that I made up the last post. I did not. And, sadly, it does get worse. Her house is filthy. She doesn't work and when she complains that she is bored, and I suggest she cleans house, she laughs, and says she already loaded the dishwasher. She has two cats and they moved into their new place at the beginning of June. She vacuumed for the first time in August. Did I mention she has two cats? Her husband doesn't help. She is currently in another state visiting family. He was here for a week after she left, before he left for his ship. I don't know what your man would do, but my husband would have the house spotless for me if I were pregnant (even if I weren't). Him, he left the house disgustingly filthy. Dirty dishes. Trash bags. Didn't vacuum (did I mention they have TWO cats?). And, I was dealing with all of this while finding out I may not have the opportunity to have kids. I just kept thinking, "dear God, this must be a cruel, ironic joke."

But, she is the nicest, most well-meaning person ever. Here is an example, that occurred before I was really friends with her. While the ship was away for six months, her husband left the car keys with her, even though she doesn't know how to drive. One day, while walking in the area she lived, she ran into a man who had been a waiter at a place where she occasionally ate. She asked him why she hadn't seen him in awhile. He said he lost his job and was having a hard time looking for a new one without a car. So she gave him her husband's car. With only his first name and his mother's phone number. After about a month of not hearing anything she called his mom, only to hear that the mom didn't know where he was. Finally, my friend called the captain's wife, who called the mom and threatened grand theft auto. The man called back within 20 minutes and told them where the car had been towed. It cost $1500 to get it back and there was damage from the tow truck. This time, my friend's husband took the car keys with him.

And these people are adding to the genetic cesspool.

Serious, funny, serious

Wes talked to his x. According to him, it was a very good conversation. She adamantly denied that she told the kids that she left because Wes didn't love Victor. I'm very proud of Wes, because he didn't just go, "oh, it must be an understanding" but rather pointed out that both kids thought this and she better do something to correct it. Apparently there are some issues with the other two kids in the house. My husband pointed out that he doesn't give a crap about those kids when their behavior is negatively effecting his kids. He also let her know we would be happy to take Victor in the future to get him away from those bad influences. Since Allison is the only girl over there, she is not having the same problems as Victor, but we'd be happy to take her too. He said it was a great conversation and he feels much better about the situation. There is still a problem though: if Victor thinks it's his fault that they divorced (and apparently he does), denial, without telling the truth really won't change his mind. And she's not going to tell the truth because then her children would lose all respect for her. It really makes me wonder, what was she thinking? Did she really think they would never ask why she left Wes? Did she really think they would be the brady bunch? Did she really think the kids wouldn't want them to get back together again? I just don't understand it. I hope everything does get better, because the kids are great and they don't deserve to live like this.

Now something funny, because we can't have too much serious. I have a pregnant friend, and, to put it nicely, she has a border-line IQ. Here are a few examples:

When she called to tell me she was pregnant, I asked her if she had any idea how long she had been pregnant. This was her response, "I'm pretty sure I was pregnant before the day I took the test."

She and her husband were both shocked that she was pregnant, even though they were not using any form of birth control. Me: Well, you haven't been on birth control for 6 months, you can't be that shocked. Her: But we weren't expecting it. I mean, we didn't want a kid right now, so how did it happen?

After the sonogram, the doctor moved her due date up. Me: So, you've been pregnant longer than they originally thought? Her: No, they just got the due date wrong.

The doctor gave her a coupon for the drink Expecta. Her: I need to ask the doctor if I can drink this while I'm pregnant.

Discussing the possible sex of the baby. Her: It just doesn't seem right that I'm the mother and I don't know what sex the baby is. I guess it's just because this is the first one and I'll know next time.

Last phone conversation. Me: You sound sick? Are you ok? Her: I don't understand how I could have gotten sick. I mean, I'm supposed to be immune. Me: Um, actually, you can still get sick. Her: I guess the immunity just doesn't work at my parents house.

These are indeed actual conversations and I have not made any of them up. The sad part is that she grew up in foster care because her parents could not take care of her and she's terrified that she will not be able to take care of the baby and it will be taken away. The sadder part is, I'm afraid she may be right. She doesn't work and yet, her house is disgusting. I want to help her, but I can't do all this by myself. And her husband, he's in denial about the entire situation. And he's gone to sea. Her solution is to just hire someone to do it all. I think she needs to do it herself. I'm not sure how to go about the entire thing, but I'll figure it out.

Have a great weekend.

To prove I'm alive

Heroscape is a waaaaaay cool game. And I always win. That makes it fun.

Allison wet her bed yesterday. She sleeps on the top bunk. Do you have any idea how long it took to clean up? (and on a brand new mattress.)

If you have someone scrape pieces out of your girly bits, and then you go off your birth control pills, you will cramp for about five days. It is miserable.

According to medicine, I need a man to conceive. My husband leaves on Jan. 7th and returns on Feb. 1st. Bring in the pool boys!!!

I can write a pretty kick-ass letter of recommendation for a student I don't even remember.

I need a nap.

new year, old crap

I was going to blog about Christmas and such, but now, since it was ages ago, I can't really remember it. What I do remember is that Wes and I went to visit some of my family. We had 12 adults and it took us 7 hours to open the presents. You read that right: SEVEN FREAKING HOURS TO OPEN PRESENTS. That is not fun. Not even remotely. With the kids, it only took us two hours to open presents. And it was a lot more fun. You can tell we're a gaming family, because between the 4 of us, we got 10 board games. We still haven't opened them all yet.

My favorite part of Christmas was my present to Camille. When I learned to crochet, the first afghan I made was for her. But that was waaaaaay back in March. Ever since I learned to crochet, every time I talked to her, she would be all, "so who are you making an afghan for now?" I could tell she really wanted one, and was maybe a little hurt I hadn't made her one yet. It was so hard not to tell her I had already made her one. So when I mailed her present, I put a note in there; "did you really think I had forgotten you? yours was the first one." She loved it, which makes me sooooo happy. I knew she would like it, but it's nice to know how much she liked it.

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. We won't know the test results for a month, but she told me to go ahead with our trying to get pregnant plans. She said that the probability of my having cancer was slim, and even if I did, they would take care of it after the fact. Today I did not take my birth control pill.

Finally, I hate blogging about this, but I need a record. Yesterday, the kids broke down. They told Wes (both of them did, not just one) that their mom had told them that she left Wes because he didn't love Victor. Victor said he didn't believe her, and we know kids don't always correctly understand what they're being told, but both kids believed this is what their mom said (she left because she was having an affair with the man she is now married to). And, they are miserable at their mom's. They say it is chaotic and loud and unorganized and their step-brothers (they have two who live there) bully them. My husband was devastated and angry. He rarely talks to his x about things because he's afraid of rocking the boat but I told him that if he doesn't say something, then he is not protecting his kids. It is not possible for us to have custody right now, and she wouldn't give it anyway, but I'm willing to bet money that in a couple of years, when we could have custody, she would let us have Victor. I feel so bad for the kids and I really want to punch his x in the face. That probably wouldn't help the future custody battle though.

Well, I suppose I should do New Year's resolutions.
1. Pray more. Learn to accept things. Don't get stressed out as much. Let go.
2. Exercise, because it makes me feel better.
3. Make more time for fun and relaxation.
4. Figure out a way to become a multi-millionaire without doing anything.
5. Get more organized. This one is funny because many people think I'm the most organized person they know, but I constantly feel like I'm on the brink of chaos.
6. Quit making unrealistic lists of things to do that only make me feel bad when I don't do them.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Spirit

Sometimes I hate blogspot. Did you notice that the copy and paste function no longer works and it's nearly impossible to actually move a picture once it's in your blog? As a result, this blog is going to be even shorter than it was going to be originally. Merry Christmas! I have to go do laundry now.

Substitution, but not lacking

Yesterday I substituted for a high school Spanish teacher. One of the students was a very earnest, mature junior. She was half Russian, spoke fluent Russian and had taken 5 years of Spanish. Oh, to have had that type of advantage at her age. We talked, extensively about her career options, what she liked to do, what she didn't like, what colleges she might go to, what she might major in, what her parents wanted. She was so well spoken, so put together that I forgot she was a high school student. I thoroughly enjoyed speaking to her and at the end of class, thanked her for humoring me by talking to me. I was surprised when she thanked me, sincerely, for talking to her. That she felt better about her future and her options. And she hoped she would see me again. I really hope I do see her again.

That's my problem!

I finally figured out what my problem is. I was raised to be an ambitious woman. I was raised to be a goal-oriented woman. I was raised to accomplish great things. And right now? I have lost all direction. Since I was 15 years old the goal was to get my Ph.D. Well, that went out the window last year. And while I miss certain aspects of school, I really do feel better off without the hassle. But then I fell into a deep dark depression because I had nothing to focus on. Cue the baby desire. I redirected all my goals and ambitions towards creating a family, with new children. Children can grow up to be great adults, adults who credit their moms (and sometimes their dads) with how great they are. Now, well, my cervix has rebelled (oh, my dr.'s appointment got moved to Dec. 31st). Now I have nothing to focus all my ambition and intelligence and, most importantly, my greatness, on. I am lost.

I have decided, when people ask me what I can do with two MA's in the same subject, instead of hanging my head in shame and softly whispering "nothing," I will look them in the eye and declare, "Lord it over people who don't have two MA degrees." When people ask what I do, instead of claiming to be a temporary substitute, until I figure out what I really want to do, I will look them in the eye and declare, "I am the best damn substitute in Virginia Beach, and I am also an awesome wife!" There is no shame in enjoying where life has placed me. I will read books because I enjoy reading them, not because I bought them and so I should read them. I will enjoy crocheting because because it ties me to my grandma, and because I want people to know that I thought about them while I worked, not because there's some arbitrary deadline, like the birth of a baby or Christmas. I will enjoy cooking because it is fun, it is creative and I'm really good at it, dammit, and I want my husband to have a wonderful experience at dinner, not just gain sustenance. I will enjoy sex because it was created to be enjoyed! Screw what I know about my husband's past. Screw my past. And screw my husband like he's going to die tomorrow! I will exercise because I enjoy it, I enjoy looking good and having energy, not just because I have high cholesterol and I'm paying for a gym membership.

I will enjoy being me! Because I am smart, funny, talented and creative! Because I deserve to get to know who I am without all the goals, ambitions, and stress of always getting it done, doing it right and always needing something to brag about. This will be my year of NO STRESS, NO DEPRESSION, and NO WORRIES. This is going to be MY YEAR! I am going to be proud of who I am and what I do, even if you don't think it amounts to jack. Because you know what, I don't care what you think. This is going to be MY YEAR! That's my new mantra. Maybe you should try it to.

Party like you're in the navy!

I no longer have chunks. Therefore, I was able to attend the Navy Christmas party. The food was really good, the dessert table vast, and the dancing ok. As you can see, I was incredibly over-dressed. And by over-dressed I mean I wasn't dressed like I was attending the high school prom. There were more loose boobies at this thing than you would believe. But I had been sick, so I didn't want to risk getting cold. Besides, my husband still thinks I'm the best looking wife.

Us, actually out of the house and having fun.

Don't ask, don't tell, my ass!
Getting down and dirty with those freaky navy girls.
The only real friend I have here.

We had a great time. We drank (only a little bit), we danced and we laughed a lot. We didn't win any prizes, but we still had a great time. Next year I'm going to buy a holiday dress!

Immune System??? Hello?!?

I am sick again. With something completely different. I'm starting to think I don't have an immune system. Or that it is addicted to drugs or Perez Hilton, or something that makes it unable to do its job. It may even be offering advise: "Oh, hey bacteria, you know, she hasn't had a respiratory infection yet. Why don't you head to her lungs!" I spent yesterday morning at the doctor's instead of church. He tested me for: strep throat, mono, flu, and x-rayed me for pneumonia. I had to tell both the nurse and the doctor that no, my tonsils are NOT swollen, that is their normal size. He let me see my x-rays too. I had never had any taken, much less seen them. I don't have pneumonia. I have a simple upper respiratory infection, with chunks. He gave me two different medicines, both that have four warning stickers on them, and not one of them the same. I am now sensitive to extreme light, unable to drink alcohol, unable to take multi-vitamins or minerals and both medicines could make me drowsy and/or dizzy. Oh, and my favorite, if I take too much cough medicine, it could cause "serious breathing problems." I love medicines that fix the problem by possibly making it worse first. The doctor also checked my blood work to make sure I have an immune system. Apparently I do, it is just lazy and hates me. In the last 5 weeks, being ill has cost me $1500. I am supposed to be at work today and the rest of the week. Guess where I'm not? I'm going to go take a nap.

Starting next year's To Do list

I guess because it's the end of the year, I started thinking about New Year resolutions. Since I don't have any vices (snicker), my resolutions are more of To Do lists. Exercise 3 times a week, identify 4 new birds a month, read a book a week. That sort of thing. And then I figured, why wait? I mean, if I want to improve myself, my life and my family, why wait until the beginning of the year to fail, I mean, to succeed. This week, work has been rather slow, so I've managed to accomplish quite a few things: I went to the dentist (for the appointment that was originally scheduled in May); I got my hair done; I cooked something new (one of those things on the list, because I have 5 boxes of cookbooks and I really need to start using them); I got Christmas shopping done; I found out my pap smear was really abnormal and my husband and I will not be starting a family next year.

This is what is called irony. See, I never wanted biological kids. I wanted to adopt. But my husband, for some odd reason, thinks I'm the best thing since vanilla ice-cream (for him, that's heaven), and he wanted to have babies with me. And because I love my husband (and he has green eyes), I agreed. It's also a lot cheaper to have biological babies than adopt, and I'm kind of cheap (we're also broke, thanks to his x). And I was getting excited about it. Thinking about having an alien growing in me. And alien I could talk to, read to, sing to (but only when no one else was around because my singing sucks). I was looking forward to rubbing my belly and feeling little kicks (but only little kicks). I was looking forward to seeing what part of me (hopefully the love of reading) and what part of him (hopefully his vast intelligence) the baby have. Would it have green eyes, like both of us? Would it have blond hair, like we both had as a child? Would it be smart? Would it be happy? Would it be worth it? And now, I may never know.

But I have discovered I have amazing friends and family. I've gotten e-mails and phone calls from all over. They've offered to pray, to listen to me bitch and cry, offered to come help, and one even offered to be a surrogate mother, which is really nice, but kind of creepy. And this comforts me, knowing that these people love me.

Since we wanted to start a family, one of the things I wanted to do was strengthen my faith. I want my children to know that my belief in God lives beyond weekly church services. I want my children to know that I believe in a living, loving, awesome God. I had really been thinking about my favorite Old Testament story. It's in Daniel, chapter 3. The Hebrews had been exiled to Babylon, but many of the young men served as advisers for King Nebuchadnezzar. Nebuchadnezzar had this brilliant idea to build a huge gold statue of himself and then, when it was uncovered, everyone would have to bow down and worship it. Because he was so great. These three Hebrew men, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused, because they worshipped God alone. Nebuchadnezzar was furious, and threatened to kill them, by burning them to death. Remember, these were men he knew personally. The men reply, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18) But even if he does not. That is faith. Faith without glory, without praise, even, one might say, without purpose. That's the kind of faith I want. (If you want to know what happened to Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, you'll have to go read the story. At this point, the ending is not important to me.)

Dinner conversation

Over dinner, my husband and I discussed the end of the world, in relation to the Book of Revelations. I tend to be more of a literalist than my husband. He believes in alien life-forms and that even if the earth is destroyed, we will have colonized space first. I said that space is probably already filled with other, more intelligent life-forms. He replied that they were probably having this exact conversation right now. I replied that no, that they were probably tela-pathetic. Then I fell off my chair laughing so hard that I cried while my husband mocked me. We have great dinner conversations.

The Best Day Ever

Christmas is my favorite holiday. Growing up, it was the time of year when far flung relatives visited, when everybody behaved well, and it just seemed magical. There was the tree, the lights, and most importantly, the music. Christmas music still makes me cry (it also makes my husband cry when I sing to the Christmas music). The joy of giving and receiving gifts and knowledge that we were celebrating the birth of Jesus, all this just added to my happiness at this time of year. One of the many things I looked forward to, with my own family, was continuing some family traditions, and creating many more of our own. Now, I know that thanksgiving isn't even here yet, but with the step kids living three hours away, we'll probably only get them two or three more times before Christmas. Therefore, this weekend we set up and decorated our tree. I always wanted a blue and silver themed tree, so that's what we did.
I finally got to set up my Christmas village. I get a piece of this every year, but since I've always spent Christmas at "home" I've never set mine up. Yes, they're different sizes: that's because they're from different sets of grandmas and from different village sets. They're getting old and can't always remember what they've already given. Hence, Santa lives in a tract housing area; I have two of the same houses. I cut the duplicate out of the picture.
We also decided it would be a good idea to get the kids to get us, and each other, gifts. You know, trying to get them to think about the giving part of Christmas and not just the getting. So we did a little shopping, made easier by the fact that we also asked what they wanted (they have a list if you want to get them anything).

To top off this wonderful day, the Norfolk Botanical Gardens had a special preview of their Christmas lights for their members. It was amazing and the kids loved it (they wanted to go through it again, not the next time they're here, but right then).



The pumpkin pie I made from scratch didn't turn out (it didn't set), but I had also made brownies, which we enjoyed before we went to bed. And then, Praise the Lord! I realized that I could breathe and had been breathing all day. I was/am still blowing my nose every 15 minutes, but that's a huge improvement. Overall, I think it was probably the best day ever.

Snotfest 2007

Since my body has decided it is its purpose to create snot, I thought I might try to make some money off of it. You know, sell tickets and stuff. People can listen to my nose sing, watch it make enough snot in an hour to fill an elementary school for a week, and watch the amazing feat of me eating without dying from lack of oxygen (although this last part might really gross some people out). Yes, I am on antibiotics. No, they are not working. Neither are the prescription decongestants. I finally convinced my brain that I would not die in my sleep, and at least now I can sleep. But at this point, I really don't know what else to do. I'm tired of being sick, my house is a wreck, I haven't worked in two weeks, but I have lost some weight, so I guess there is a bright side. And if you want tickets to snotfest, just let me know, I'll teach my nose some more tricks.

Guess who's on antibiotics?

I'm on antibiotics. I thought I could make it through. I knew I had a virus and I wasn't going to waste time in the doctor's office to find that out. Only, sinus infections run in the family (no, I don't know how that works, but we all get them and we get them bad). Last Thursday and Friday I was feeling much better. And I was optimistic that I was stay better. I even told Camille I was finally planning on busting out the sexy halloween costume out that I had bought (and still haven't worn). But Saturday, things went downhill quickly on Saturday. And Sunday, when I woke up, I felt like I had a semi-truck parked on my face. Always a sign of a sinus infection. My doctor is open 7 days a week, so while my husband drove the kids back home (Victor was sick too), I went to the doctor's. It was confirmed I had a sinus infection and I got my antibiotics. And this weird little warning I've never seen before. "Be aware that this is a potentially serious problem. An infection in this location could spread to the brain." Um, ok. I've never been warned that I could potentially get a brain fever from a sinus infection before, but I guess that's good to know. While I was at the doctors, I had them redo my pap smear too. Last time I had that done, the doctor didn't get enough tissue. How nice. Because I love getting pap smears. So now, I'm back to bed. I'm tired of being sick, but hopefully, with the help of science and medicine, this really will be the last week I'm sick.

Tonsilwhatis?

Backstory: Wes's parents had health insurance when he was growing up, so he had his tonsils removed. My parents didn't and were told that wrapping dental floss around my oft infected tonsils, in an attempt to remove them, would be considered child abuse. I still have tonsils.

Him: Have you figured out what you have?
Me: Well, I have giant white patches on my tonsils and throat, so I think it's probably tonsillitis.
Him: What is that? Are you going to go to the doctor?
Me: It's an infection of the tonsils. I'm not going to go to the doctor because it's a virus, so they can't do anything anyway.
Him: I don't have tonsils.
Me: I know.
Him: So I can't get it, right?
Me: Well, since it is a virus, you could probably still get it. It would just settle in a different part of your body.
Pause
Him: Like my testicles?
Me (in all my sarcastic glory): Yes, it could settle in your testicles and then they would have to cut them off.
Him: I think I'll just kiss you on the cheek until you feel better.

This is the falling part of fall

I love work. I hate work. I love making money and feeling that I am contributing more than just my brains and beauty to my marriage (although, that it a considerable contribution). I love the fact that my husband finds my puny paycheck to be gigantic (thank you x for never, ever working). I love getting out of the house. I love, love, love the kids. I hate getting up at 5:30 in the morning because high school starts at 7:30am. I hate getting home tired and cranky. I hate getting home tired and cranky to a messy house, with no clean clothes and having to prepare dinner. I hate not having a set schedule. But I love having a flexible schedule and the ability to decide when I want to work. I took yesterday off.

I needed the sleep (I slept 10 hours, a hard 10 hours). I realized that substituting is probably not the healthiest job choice out there. This epiphany occurred as I examining my left tonsil, which is currently twice as big as the right one. I need to get a flu shot. When I finally woke up yesterday, I did my pilates (to help me fit back into my pants), cleaned the kitchen and living room, did laundry. Then I went shopping for pants that don't cut off my circulation when I sit down. I found two pair and a skirt. Now my comfortable wardrobe consists of a black pair of pants, a black skirt, a khaki pair of pants, a khaki skirt. Thankfully, I rarely substitute at the same school more than twice a week. I also finished my latest afghan. It is pretty. You will just have to take my word for it because I feel too lazy to get up and take a picture of it right now. Overall, yesterday was a good day. We didn't have very many trick-or-treaters, which means there's a ton of candy downstairs (I guess I should be doing pilates twice a day, or I may not fit into my new pants very long).

My loose leaf tea just arrived!!! I love loose leaf tea. It tastes better, it is waaaaaay cheaper and it's better for the environment. If it's any good, I'll put up the web page.

I realized yesterday I hadn't blogged about the fact that I haven't been on anti-depressants for about three week now. I didn't mention it because I don't feel any different. At all. I can't tell even the slightest difference. And that makes me very, very happy.