Summertime randomness

Today I got up at 6:30am to get my car inspected. WI does not require car inspections so I did not realize I needed one here until I drove by 5 different gas stations with inspection signs. So I went in and got my car inspected this morning. Pretty early. If you will recall, I had the kids for 2 weeks and I'm also having a hard time falling asleep at night. I think that has something to do with Wes being in bed with me. Anyway, I was home before 8:00am and feeling really, really tired. Being tired and trying to write is not a good combination. Especially when it's something really important. So I decided to take a nap. Just a short one. No more than a half hour. And then I could get started. I woke up at 11:00am. I'm upset that I lost so much time, but also feel better because I obviously needed it. And it was early enough in the day that I shouldn't have a hard time falling asleep tonight.

It's summertime. One of the benefits of being a student is that you get your summers off. Yeah, we work on stuff, but we play alot too. My mom, who was a kindergarten teacher for 20 years is taking classes this summer (working on her MA) and she was complaining that she has no summer. It's hard to work during the summer when you know you're "supposed" to have it off. Thankfully, Wes is working on Saturday, so I'm sure I'll get something done this week. Actually, I'm pulling a classic graduate student stunt. I need to write a dissertation proposal. I've done research but I don't really remember what (thank God I type my notes). I'm printing my notes today and highlighting what I think I need. Tomorrow I will sit down and type until I have used every single one of those highlighted notes and if I'm lucky it will result in a dissertation proposal. I think this is how most graduate students write their seminar papers. Even if it's not perfect, it should be good enough (after a few read throughs and corrections) to send to my professors as a very rough draft. I'll update you later to let you know how that went.

Last night there was a deployment debriefing for the members of my husband's ship. Basically that just means they want to let you know what's going on between now and when they leave for 6 months and the best way to be prepared and how to keep in contact and all that other good stuff. The most surprising thing: many wives AND sailors (there are no married women on board the ship and sailors is gender neutral) are surprised to learn that they could be sent somewhere where they could be in danger. What? YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND IS IN THE MILITARY. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. THEY GO TO DANGEROUS PLACES. I understand that you only signed up because you wanted your college paid for, but that ain't free money. You have to earn it. I'm not thrilled with the prospect that my husband could be in danger, but after studying 20th century European history, there really isn't anything going on right now that compares. But I did figure out why my husband doesn't watch the news: he doesn't want to know. First, everytime he sees something, he sees it in terms of "are we going to send someone over there." Second, if you know you have to go, do you really want to know that the government kept information from you and sent you there on false pretextes? No, not really. I guess I can understand that. But, the ship's schedule keeps changing and once again it looks like we might have to change our "wedding" date or just cancel altogether.

I'm going to coffee with someone next week. I'm very excited about that.

Ok, that's it. Enough wasting time when I need to be working. I'm going to go play a game of AOE now.

Fireworks

We made our own!!!
I took the kids to their mom on Monday and we got to sleep in yesterday. I've been here a month, but the first week we were sore from moving furniture and boxes and then he went back to work (usually leaves at 6:00am and gets home around 7:30p) which means he was still tired. Then the kids for two weeks. We're newlyweds for heaven's sake. So, yesterday was good.

In addition to the fireworks, we also cleaned up a HUGE financial mess my husband had gotten himself into. We found a way to drop his creditcard payments by $500 a month. Which means we'll now have enough money to eat and fill up the cars with gas and still pay more than the minimum payment on the cards. That was a huge relief to me. And, he found out he had a $40 credit on his Linen n'Things card so we went and spent that. Although the people working there pissed me off, so I probably won't go back. The automatic door was not working and we had to force it open, something that probably wouldn't be easy for anyone with a cart and/or kids. There were two people working who were standing RIGHT THERE and talking. I just looked over and mentioned that the door wasn't working, you know, so they could FIX IT. The response: "yeah, probably" and they went back to talking.

This week: write a dissertation proposal. The Fulbright grant proposal is due on August 1st. I need to apply for it, so I really need to get a rough draft of my proposal (both the "real" thing and the grant) to my advisor. I hope it really is as easy as it sounds (it won't be) but I have got to get it done. I also need to get my car inspected, get signed up for health insurance (birth control pills run out in three weeks) and get clearance to get on the navy bases so I can get groceries. And if I could manage to unpack more and organize more, that would be great too.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hope you all had a great holiday.

Things that drive me crazy about kids

and that I totally don't understand.

Real life conversation, except about 15 minutes long instead of the 3 minutes it will take you to read this.

V: Daddy, can we go see your ship!?!
D: Yes, let's go see the ship where I work for the Navy.
As we're driving to the Naval base
V: Wow, there's a lot of Naval base signs. Why?
D: Because we're going to see Daddy's ship, on the navy base.
V: We're going to see your ship!?! You work on a naval base!?!
D: Yes, I work on the naval base on a ship.
As we pull up to enter the base
V: Are we on the naval base?
D: Yes, we're on the naval base, to go see daddy's ship.
V: Wow, look at all those ships with guns. Are we on a military base?
D: Yes, we're on the naval base to go see daddy's ship.
V: We're on the naval base!?!
D: Yes, to see the ship where daddy works.
V: You work in the navy!?!
D: Yes.
V: Wow, look there's more ships. Are we on a military base!?!
And continue for the next 10 minutes or more until we reach the ship.
On the ship:
V: Is this where you fight the bad guys?
D: We don't really fight anyone. We just sail around.
Next room
V: Is this where you fight the pirates?
D: We don't really fight anyone. We just sail around (I should add that the ship he is on actually does fight pirates and drug smugglers).
Next room
V: Is this where you fight the bad guys?
Continue until off the ship.
On the way home.
V: What happens if bad guys came and attacked your ship and used ropes to fly over the water to get on your ship?
D: That's not going to happen.
V: But what if it did?
D: It wouldn't.
V: What if aliens came down to your ship?
D: That wouldn't happen.
V: But what if it did?
Continue this line of questioning until we reach home.

On a more positive note, I have exchanged e-mail addresses and/or phone numbers with four different women. They are all navy wives, but I think I'll really get along with at least two of them (that's pretty good odds). This makes me happy. And, one of the women I met today and think I will really like is married to a real Russian whose hobby is Russian history. We all plan on getting together for dinner real soon.

I also burned my thighs at the beach yesterday. But, yesterday was a great day.

Come again?

I'm exhausted. How do moms get anything productive done? And by productive, I mean something that isn't going to have to be repeated again within 3 days. Laundry doesn't count, dishes really don't count, cooking, doesn't count, screaming at the kids, definitely doesn't count, banging my head on the wall, nope, that doesn't count either. They are good kids and for the most part, if I tell them something, they do it, if I tell them no, they don't complain (but they do ask again in 15 minutes). But, they talk constantly, can't be left alone (this one I can't figure out: as a child I would go in my room and read for hours), and love to emit high-pitched whining noises that will eventually make my head explode. However, they have quit screaming at each other in the morning. Wes told them if they didn't knock it off there would be hell to pay. They obviously believed him. But children are so weird. Like, if you tried to flip your breakfast spoon, with milk, over once to put it in your mouth and it didn't work, why would you try it again with cereal on it?

Things I miss about being childless:
being able to wake up in the morning at my own pace and deciding if I want to check my e-mail before breakfast.
Walking around naked and not having to check to make sure the door is locked.
Being able to read without being interrupted.
Listening to loud music with offensive and suggestive lyrics.
Having sex that lasts longer than 15 minutes.
Having enough energy to have sex that lasts longer than 15 minutes (there's something wrong when as newlyweds you argue over who has to be on top because neither one of you have enough energy to do it: I should add that I won because we all know that men will do anything for sex).
Being able to have a full conversation with my husband without being interrupted.
Being able to watch TV.
Being able to go to bed when I want.
Having a completely silent house.

I think that's it for now. I'm sure there are others, but this will do.

Zoo and other types of animals

My family looking at the elephants.

We went to the zoo this week. It was fun and it's a nice zoo, but it's small enough that if we went after lunch (instead of spending $20 there on lunch) we could still see everything and be home for dinner. Lesson learned.

See the x was worried about the children learning about God but instead they were learning how to cuss. Victor told me that one of the songs they were learning had the S word in it. I asked which song it was. He said you started out by yelling the S word and then it went "to the Lord." It took a lot not to fall down laughing. I calmly told him it was "Shout to the Lord" and that's why they screamed it. I've heard kids mess up a lot of church things, but that's the first time a cuss word was incorporated. VBS is over now, but the kids really enjoyed it.

The week went great, for the most part. However, I keep waking up to the sound of screaming children. I do not like this. It makes me wake up in a bad mood. Therefore, we are trying to solve this problem. I'll let you know how that goes. Allison also asked her daddy when I was going home to Wisconsin so they could spend some time together without me. He then explained, again, that we were married, I lived here and was now their step-mom. But she hasn't said anything bad to me, so that's good.

Alright, need to put the rugrats to bed. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did.

Huh???

Maybe these things make sense when you're a mom.
First scenerio: All three of us were playing a board game (kiddie scrabble). You have 7 tiles, you play 2 and then pick up 2 for a total of 7. We have played this game 3 times in the past three days. About 15 minutes into the third game, Allison looks at me when it's her turn and declares, "I don't remember how to play!"
Second scenerio: Victor and I were playing a game. I finished my turn. Victor looks at me and asks (very seriously), "Is it my turn?"

Survival of day one

Except the day isn't over yet and I got really badly sunburned at the park because I figured I would take the sunscreen to the pool instead. Bad move. I am now crispy.

The kids have been great. They are at VBS right now, learning all about, gasp, God. Heaven forbid. And I should add, I don't have a problem with people meeting on-line. I have a problem with people who cheat and then take the kids to live with someone they've never actually met. Ironically, one reason she left was because Wes didn't make enough. Now, Wes got a great pay increase and her man is out of a job. Evidently he never owned furniture, as every piece in the house once belonged to Wes (including the bed they sleep in) and they're down to one car: guess who paid for that one too!!! Anyway, the kids were great. They ate good, they played good and minimum fighting. This afternoon we went to the park (see above) and then played board games. When they get home we'll have snacks (fruit and yogurt) and then baths and then bed (with story, of course). Victor had three plates of food for dinner (a relief because you never know what kids will eat) and Allison asked why I don't hug them more because she would like that (Victor said he wouldn't, but he's shy). So far, so good. I'll keep you posted.

Insta-mommy

We picked up the kids yesterday. Apparently the x decided that even though my husband won't be here, I will. And this woman has only met me twice and I've only met the kids twice and she didn't even know we were married (she does now), but she decided that it would be great for the kids to stay with us for at least two weeks. Now, I'm not a mom, so I really can't judge, but under these circumstances, would you let your kids stay for two weeks or longer? Then, she called and ripped Wes a new one because we took them to church and enrolled them in vacation bible school. Yes, that's right, we intentionally TOOK THE CHILDREN TO CHURCH!!!! I mean really, what kind of evil, twisted, wicked people are we that we would TAKE CHILDREN TO CHURCH. Maybe she's just scared that we're going to tell the children that she's a ho for moving ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO LIVE WITH A MAN SHE MET OVER THE INTERNET EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS STILL MARRIED AND SHE TOOK THE KIDS TO LIVE WITH A MAN SHE MET OVER THE INTERNET. Right now, her mommy skills aren't looking all that great to me. We would never tell the kids that anyway. One day they'll figure that out on their own. "Oh, one morning we said good-bye to daddy, got on an airplane, and when we got off, we went and lived with this guy and mommy slept in his bed." Yeah, they won't figure THAT out on their own.

Anyway, I'm freaking out because I really haven't had all that much kid contact since I babysat in highschool. And I really, really have to work on my dissertation proposal and I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do. But I have a few things planned and Wes will be back on Thursday night, so it shouldn't be that bad. The kids are really well behaved, but even well behaved kids are still kids. And they go to bed later than I do, so that may be a problem. I'll let you know how it goes, and please, if you're a mom, send me suggestions.

Other than that, I hope everyone had a great weekend.

The neighbors

I thought you might like some pictures of the neighbors.

This is the view from our master bathroom. This is directly behind us.

Just in case you weren't sure what that is, here is the frontal view. And they're busy. I guess Virginia has some sort of ordinance against burying dead pets in your backyard. Creepy.

Two steps forward, trip over a box

This is Chicago. The traffic was really, really slow. Which was actually good because I'm not used to driving in traffic anymore.

This was my view (the truck) for most of the drive. I'm pretty sure this picture was taken in Pennsylvania

Ok, I know that nothing is in focus, but look how brightly colored those flowers are!!! This is Maryland.

This will be a killer week. Wes will be at sea all week. I will not see him again until Saturday, and when he gets home, we go pick up the kids. Welcome to my new life!

Yesterday I spent hours getting the master bedroom into shape. My desk is in here, and I need to unpack my dissertation stuff so I can start working on it. So I cleaned and put away and vacuumed and stuff. I even cleaned the masterbath. It look really good. And then I brought up two boxes labeled "desk". Can someone please explain to me how two small boxes need a desk the size of my entire master bedroom? Although, I am glad I organized and cleaned before I brought them up here. Today, that's all I'm doing: getting my desk in shape. Oh, and going to the store to pick up cards for father's day. And laundry. And I really should wash the kitchen floor. And I need to e-mail about 10 people. And I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed.

I was having a freak out morning. I've moved half-way across the country to be with someone I have not spent all that much "real" time with. I don't have a job and don't have qualifications (yet) to get a good paying job. I don't know the area. I don't have any friends. I was starting to feel really, really scared. What if things don't work out and fall apart quickly? What do I do? What if Wes starts making outrageous demands, like my ex-husband, and I can't do them and he throws me out? Irrational fears, I know. We've gotten along great. We get along great. It will be fine. Then I got a phone call. From one of the other navy wives. She just wanted to welcome me to the area and knew that I was a new navy wife and if I needed anything, to just give her a call. She was very friendly. And I felt much better when I got off the phone. I also went to church yesterday. Wes was at work, so I went by myself. I didn't meet anyone, but they have women's groups, so I can meet people there too. I do have a lot to do (unpack, clean, write a dissertation proposal, buy a wedding dress, get invitations, get a photographer, you know, little stuff like that), but it's going to be ok. I even took stuff up to the attic all by myself (I'm afraid of ladders). It will be ok.

Sorry I don't have any pictures of here yet. We haven't left the house all that much yet. I hope everyone is doing well and not having irrational fears like me!
(Every time I type in masterbath as one word the spell check always wants to replace it with masterbate. I just thought that was funny.)

I'm here!!!

Well, the guys who came over to help Wes packed up the truck managed to pack everything in my apartment in less than 2 hours. I think it's because I had packed and organized everything so well. We left Sunday morning and drove until we reached the Ohio-Pennsylvania border. Once we got out of Illinois, I had never been in any of these states, until we reached Maryland. Indiana and Ohio look like Minnesota and Wisconsin, except with more trees and fewer cows. I even saw a few live deer. Pennsylvania is beautiful. Absolutely amazing. I do have a few pictures taken along the way, but I'm not sure where my camera is right now. We got here about 6:15p on Monday. Tuesday we did a lot of running around for errands and we unloaded the entire truck except for the piano. We put all the furniture where we wanted it (most of it upstairs) and everything else in the garage. Yesterday, we started unpacking. At one point, Wes looked at me and stated that he had just realized that I had more stuff than him. Duh!!! I unpacked almost all of my books yesterday, the masterbath and some of the kitchen stuff. Wes hadn't finished unpacking from when he moved, so he did that. We will have a lot of stuff we still need to go through and organize, but right now, we just want everything to go somewhere. And, I don't remember where I put the bolts for my bed, which is now going to be the kids bed. Hope I find those soon. Last night, a friend of ours (and Charley's) came over and helped unload the piano. Today we're going to take the truck back, go see a movie, run a few more errands, and go out to eat. You need a break every now and then. Well, just wanted to let you know the move went well, and things are going really, really good. Hope you are all well.

Wes is coming tomorrow!!!

This is what my apartment looks like right now.
Wes is coming tomorrow. I'm not exactly stressed, but I'm a little overwhelmed. First, I have to finish packing stuff and cleaning today and changing addresses etc. I have a ton of stuff I had wanted to sell but haven't. I've decided to take it all to goodwill because I really don't want to pack it all and then just have it sit at the new place. After seeing my grandparents, I don't want that experience in my own place any time soon. Besides, I'm out of boxes.

Wes is getting here tomorrow. I knew this day would come, where I would move and we would really be "married" but I didn't expect it to happen this quickly. And, I realized I married someone who since 1999 I have seen, in person, a total of 2 months. Since we've been married, I've seen him 10 days. Now, I don't regret my decision and I am happy with the direction my life it taking, but it will definitely be filed under, "yes, your father and I did something stupid, but we're not going to let you do that!" Kind of like my parents. My mom was 21, divorced, with a three year old (me) and my dad was a 19 year old freshman in college who wanted to be a professional drummer. They eloped after dating less than 6 months and moving across the country together. His best friend gave them, at most, 10 years. Next year will be their thirtieth wedding anniversary. So, why do we consider stuff like this stupid? We all know at least one person who dated someone for 5 years, got married and quickly divorced. I guess it all depends on your commitment and the circumstances.

But, I now am confronted by the fact that not only am I now a wife, I am a "military" wife. I'm also a step-mom. Marriage alone is a big step. Add those other two facts and my life is about to completely change. Let the adventures begin.

So I had all this funny stuff I was going to post, but apparently my brain is only funny in the car, so I can't really remember anything. I hope everyone has a great weekend. The next time I post, I will be living in Virginia Beach!!!

And the packing continues

While most of you are enjoying your day off, I'm going to be packing up the rest of the kitchen, and then, heading to the library to check out a ton of books, most of them in Russian, so I can work on my dissertation proposal. I'm also having coffee with a friend (ok, not coffee, probably tea: I hate coffee). I've also already cleaned the bathroom this morning and translated a Russian book for an hour (it takes me about an hour to directly translate a page: I need to use several Russian language books and articles for my dissertation proposal, which is due in Aug. Does anyone else see the problem here?). Friday I carried as much stuff as I could from my basement storage unit to my apartment. Saturday, I know I did stuff, I just don't remember what. And I met a friend for drinks and a little window shopping. I'm sure going to miss her. Yesterday, I packed up more than half the kitchen. Today I want to finish it and start wiping out the cabinets. I also had tea and desserts with some friends yesterday. That was a blast. We're all in the history department, so we dished the dirt. I'm going to miss those girls too. Good-byes are so sad.

In other breaking Navy news: the Navy already hates me. How do I know this? Well, Wes called me on Friday to let me know that due to a schedule change he may not be able to make it next weekend. He is currently begging and pleading with everyone who likes him (which is apparently everyone in the Navy: it must be me they don't like). We're going to pretend that everything will be fine. EXCEPT: he also has the flu and pink eye in both eyes, which is highly contagious. Why would this affect anything? Well, if you took off sick for a week and then requested a week of vacation, do you think your boss would give it to you? I guess we'll find out. Or else there may be a boat where everyone has pink eye. How much fun would that be?

Well, I need to get to packing. I hope everyone enjoys their day off and please take a moment to remember those who have died for us and our country.

Tidalwave Tour

Every since I got back from my grandparents I've been seeing someone everyday. I'm leaving sooner than I expected, so I have a lot of goodbyes to say more quickly than I anticipated. It has also been raining. Alot and often. Wednesday night I was going to go out with Venus. It had been cloudy all day, but nice. At 6:15p I took a shower (I'd been packing boxes all day) and when I got out, I noticed it had gotten pretty dark outside. At 6:30p the wind started to pick up. At 6:35 God declared his anger and opened up the heavens. The radio interrupted whatever song it was playing to tell everyone we had a severe thunderstorm watch and to stay inside. At 6:45p Venus called: from outside my apartment. I live in a low-lying area. My skirt is supposed to be all one color. You see the dark grey at the bottom? That's because in the 10 minutes it had been raining, the water was already several inches above the gutter. It was mid-calf. When I got into the car, I was soaked. And we just laughed and laughed. By the time we got to the restaurant, it wasn't raining as hard. Within ten minutes, the sun was back out. That's ok. We had margaritas and ate and talked (we stayed so long they started turning the lights off) then came back here and kept talking. Out of all my friends here, I think I'm going to miss Venus the most (well, and my other friend Tiffany too). But I know our friendship will continue with e-mail and things like that.

Last night I went out with my other friend Meegan. Today I have lunch plans. Tomorrow night I'm going out for drinks. Sunday I'm having tea with a couple of people. Monday it's coffee. Tuesday night dinner with a group of friends and I still have 3 people I'm waiting to hear back from. At least I don't have to worry about buying groceries and not finishing them! I hate good-byes though. I'm not really that good at them. I have loved my time here, but it's time to move on to a somewhat different phase of my life. School will still be a big part of it, always will, but now I have a husband and step-kids too. It's about time.

Never let me go

That's the title of the book I just finished. It was written by Kazuo Ishiguro. I don't know what I think about it. I think I'll have to think about it for several days. Then I'll have to put it aside for a time, maybe even years and then reread it. Then I'll be able to tell you what I think about it. It's definitely thought provoking. And well written (although the beginning style drove me crazy with all the "first I guess I should tell you about this, but to tell you that I really need to tell you this" passages). When I read Waiting (and I feel bad, I can't remember who wrote it, but he also wrote Crazed, an excellent book), I hated it. Just hated it. I thought it was awful. And I sold it. Now, I want to reread it. I took a class on the PRC (People's Republic of China: I hope that's right) and realized I needed to reread it, that it would make more sense. I don't hate Never let me go the way I hated Waiting, but I do feel I will better understand it with time. Towards the end I started feeling the same way I did when I read The Time Traveler's Wife. When you want things to work out, but you know they won't. Although I kept thinking, just don't go back. Anyway, I would recommend it. It was a good, easy read and I couldn't put it down. I guess in the end, that's the best compliment you can give a book.

I spent today at the library. I got stuff done. Enough said about that. I had lunch with Sean and we talked about dissertation stuff. I'm having dinner with Tiffany tomorrow night. I'm going to miss her so much. Why can't I just take all my friends with me? This isn't as hard as leaving behind Camille when I moved to WI, but it's still hard. I guess that's it for now. Everyone go to your local bookstore and buy that book, read it and let me know what you think.

A is for. . .

Have you ever really looked at a dictionary? That thing is filled with utterly useless and archaic words. However, I did manage, in the first two pages, to find 7 words I thought were useful and/or interesting. It never hurt anyone to know more. But at 2 pages a day, I'm never going to get through the dictionary.

This weekend I packed. Almost all my books, except the ones I need right now, are packed. I think it ended up being 37 boxes. Less than I thought, but I did pack them pretty heavy. Now I'm trying to get rid of some of my furniture. If a friend told me three weeks ago she wanted some of my furniture and asked me to hold it for her but has not contacted me yet to tell me when she would pick it up and has not returned any of my attempts to ask her, can I sell the stuff to someone else? I need the money and I want to get rid of this stuff. I need to get rid of this stuff so I have more places to put more boxes. I figure if I do a little each day, especially after packing so much this weekend, I should be done when Wes gets here. At least I better be.

I'm starting to work on my dissertation proposal today too. I'm excited about it, but also a little stressed out. I've never done this before so it's all new and exciting and scary. But I want to get as much done as possible before I leave so I can turn some of these library books back in. Actually, that's what I should be doing now.

I had to force myself to e-mail Andrea yesterday. I e-mailed her my new address and that I've just been gone and too busy to call. It's not that I'm still mad at her, it's just that I don't care. I'm not interested in her as a friend or a person. I guess I'll just send her the thank-you note for the wedding gift and then let that be the end of it. When I e-mailed her, I told her I didn't know my new phone number yet. That's a lie, but I really don't want to talk to her. Time to make new friends and appreciate the old ones.

Well, I guess that's about it. I should be reading and/or packing and cleaning my apartment. Hope everyone has a great week.

Start packing

I meant to post before I left, but then it took longer to grade the finals than I expected, and I lost one and had to tear through several bags looking for it. I also needed new windshield wipers because it was raining and mine were shredded. That was a wise move and made the driving much more pleasurable. But anyway, I just didn't get around to posting. So, here goes.

I met with my advisor before I went to my grandparents. She told me the reason she had asked me those questions during the orals was because my written work was so good she had to find something else to ask me about. And, I could tell she was not happy with the questions the other woman asked me. So I feel much better about that. She also said that I can take my short research trip in November instead of July, which makes my life much easier. She wants me to enjoy being married and wants me to have plenty of time to work on my dissertation proposal. I am getting very excited about my dissertation. So is she, which is nice. Right now, the academic aspect of life is looking good.

However, I realized my vocabulary has actually shrunk and my grammar has gotten worse, so these are two things I will be working on for at least the rest of the year. Therefore, you might visit this page to see interesting words defined or an little unknown grammar fact. Well, it will probably only be unknown to me. I'm sure the rest of you will already know it!

The student's finals. HA!!!! They had to identify a map. The map had Italy on it and then the countries to Italy's east (the former Yugoslavia). I had someone identify Bulgaria as Italy. How do you do that? Doesn't everyone know that Italy looks like a boot!?! This same person also put Germany and France in the former Yugoslavia. But this has also made me aware that I don't know enough geography, so I will also be working on that. Also, some good tidbits from the finals: Stalin inherited Lenin; because the Russians lost WWI they renamed themselves Communists; revolution in Russia was so easy because communist ideas were floating all over it (like balloons?); and my favorite: tampons are feminist products. Apparently only feminist have periods. They had to talk about feminine hygiene products because they were not consistently produced under communism, and how valued can women be if their governments don't even make tampons (or tampoons as one man spelled them) and pads. I had several male students who also said that cotton batting was used to make tampons, instead of being used as pads. I gave them the benefit of the doubt (as I did the feminist guy). Most of them are freshman and probably really don't know.

Then, I drove 8 hours to visit my grandparents. My parents were also there, as was my aunt. My uncle Steve lives there. My grandparents moved from their two story with basement and two car garage house, where they've lived for 25 years, into a two bedroom, one car garage, no basement, but only one floor and entirely wheel-chair accessible, apartment. I'm sure that all of you with grandparents know immediately what the dilemma was. Stuff, stuff and more stuff. But wait, it gets worse. My grandma loves her rummage sales. And for most people, this stuff could just be put back out on sale, but nooooooo, not grandma, because even though every single family member has been there several times and picked through everything, there still might be some unknown family member who decides they want it. And furniture. Since when does furniture that was bought either at rummage sales or at stores, 20 years ago, count as sentimental items? Add to that, my grandpa is exhibiting signs of some sort of early dementia. So sometimes he couldn't figure out what was going on and he's meaner than usual and he doesn't want to get rid of radio and TV equipment from 50 years ago (he owned his own repair shop until color TV became popular: do you guys remember how long ago that was? Yeah, me either). We all actually managed to clean the house up quite a bit. We all took completely full cars back to wherever it was we were going. But the garage is still a mess. I stayed an additional three days after everyone else left, so I managed to straighten out the house and vacuum and clean the bathrooms. It looks so much better, but there's still a ton of stuff in it. I guess my uncle will just have to deal with it.

My grandparents have been married almost 60 years. My grandpa is a disabled WWII vet. He got hit by shrapnel in Okinawa and is partially paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors gave him 5 years to live and said he would never walk (he has a hole the size of a fist in his lower back). Well, he's still here, and he still walks, but he's in a ton of pain. But, this means my grandma has been a caregiver for almost 60 years. Now he can't take care of the bills anymore. My grandma has never done any of that stuff. And like I said, he's exhibiting signs of dementia and is getting meaner. My grandma feels like he doesn't love her and just needs someone to take care of him. This isn't true. I know my grandpa loves her, but I don't envy her position. She is deeply depressed and kept saying, when do I get to retire? When do I get my own life? She wants new furniture, but they live out in the middle of nowhere and he doesn't like to drive places (he doesn't drive anymore) and she doesn't like to leave him alone too long. Stuff like that. I finally talked to her about it, about talking to her doctor about maybe getting medication. She didn't like the idea, but she did admit she was depressed and I think that alone helped. The new place they're in doesn't have stairs, so she can leave him alone more often and take walks. And talk to neighbors and maybe start going to church again. Things that get her out and about. That make her feel like she has a life of her own. And now I'm moving farther away. I feel like a bad granddaughter.

I'm moving in two weeks. I'm terrified. I'm excited to be living with my husband, but scared of making new friends and of trying to find an academic circle of friends. This will be state number six for me. And only the second state on the east side of the Mississippi. I'm excited about all the history in the area. I just hate making friends. I'm not good at it. Wes laughs about how uncomfortable I am in new situations because he is so outgoing and such a people person. He promised to help without pushing. I have a ton of stuff to do in that two weeks. And we are so broke right now. It'll be better come fall, but right now, things are really tight.

Anyway, I hope everyone is good.

I passed

and I'm pissed. Two of my committee members asked good questions and prompted me when I needed it. They even helped me out when the questions from the other members flustered me. Two of committee members asked me questions beyond the scope of my pre-lim lists. That really pissed me off. But I passed and I'm over it. Time to move on. I'm meeting with my advisor tomorrow to discuss dissertation stuff. I've got to get that out of the way. I hope she doesn't yell at me about my orals. But, the graduate advisor for the department said that the professors told him my written exams were very strong. So that's probably what saved me. And it's over. Moving on.

The navy won't move me. We have never lived together to therefore, this is not his stuff and they won't move it. If we had lived together before we got married they would move it, because then it would be his stuff too, but not just because we're married. Makes total sense. So if you see me at the side of the road with a piano and 100 boxes of books, please have mercy and pick me up.

The students are taking their final today. I will then grade like mad because I'm leaving on Saturday for my grandparents house, where my parents will be also. That will be nice.

Ok, I need to get stuff ready, like, myself. Hope everyone is feeling just a little bit better than I am.

I feel. . . random

First, I'd like to point out that I added new friends so go read their blogs!!! These are people I've been reading for a while, but haven't gotten around to adding them, mostly because I was afraid I would have forgotten how. Thank God for copy/paste!!! Also, I changed Clarity's link, so now it takes you to her photoblog, and you don't need a password. So check her out too. Wes promised me that he would help me create a new template this summer. I'm thinking of a picture of all our bookshelves with me in front. He's a computer guy, so he can do just about everything. I have problems adding links. What's really nice about his offer: I still refuse to let him read my blog. He knows I have one, but doesn't know where it is. (At least he claims that.) It's my blog. It's where I blow off steam and talk about my feelings. And if I'm mad at him, I'd like to be able to vent my frustration without making the situation worse, by actually calling him all those things. He seems cool about it, especially since when I write good things about him, I read it to him. He's such a great husband.

Today. Today I am going to buy a mother's day present. I will actually see my mom next Sunday, so I should have something. I am also going to try to look up a few book reviews about the current state of historiography for USSR history. I hope I can find enough that I don't look like a complete idiot. Also, checked ticket prices yesterday and I think I will be going to Russia this summer. Exciting, yes. Stressful, yes. I also have to call the navy today to find out if they will move me to VA for free since I'm married to Wes. Cross your fingers that the answer is yes. Otherwise, I will be hitchhiking across the country with a piano, a bed, 4 bookshelves and 100 boxes of books.

I'd also like to point out that I have finished reading A BOOK FOR FUN!!!! Yes, it was The Historian which makes it a bit ironic, but it was a great book. A great book about researching in libraries, archives and different foreign countries. How could a book get more exciting than that!?! I should add, they were looking for Dracula. It was a really good book and she left it open for a sequel. First, I look forward to that. Secondly, this book would make a great movie. And I never say that about books. I usually hate movies based on books, but this one, it would be good.

Ok, off to the library webpage. You have to love the convenience of the www. You can do research in the comfort of your own home, dressed in sweats, without having brushed your teeth yet. That's progress.

Why do they hate me so?

The phone in my TA office rang today. It never rings and it's almost never for anyone in my office (all the TA offices share one line), but for some reason I answered it. I wish I hadn't. One of my committee members forgot he is going to be out of town tomorrow which makes an oral defense really difficult. Thus, it's been rescheduled for Wednesday. It's just a pain in the ass. I wanted to feel like that part was done and move on. The professor did, however, promise me a beer to make up for it. My advisor is finally back in town. She said my pre-lim essays were strong and mentioned a few things about what she would ask me about during my orals. Of course, I don't know any of it, but I guess I now have an extra day to figure it out (does anyone know about Russian historians: I mean the ones who live in Russia, not just study Russia). Anywho. She also asked me how my summer plans (ie, trip to Russia) were going. Um. . . . kind of on hold. But, I just checked expedia a minute ago, and the prices are still cheap, so maybe I'll still make it. Boy, this is going to be a busy summer.

Anyway, I was going to post picture of the hot-pink wig, but now I'm in a foul mood, so you'll just have to wait!

Do you think I'm sexy?

My husband does!

Good news, bad weather, and procrastination

The weather's been beautiful all week. Sunny, warm, the type of spring weather that just makes you want to spend all your time outside. Today is Saturday. Today is the day I could spend all day outside. Guess what the weather looks like today? Crappy. Cold, cloudy and drizzly. Stupid weather.

So, the good news. My professor e-mailed me about my syllabus (he wants me to make a few changes: I guess I'll think about it). And he also mentioned that my pre-lim answer was really good with an exclamation point. I was very excited about this, because I haven't gotten feedback from anyone yet. Then, I was talking to the professor I TA for and told him one of my professor's had let me know I had done a good job. And he said, was it _____ because he told me you did a great job. Yes, I did so good, he's telling other people. He's seeking them out in the hallways to say, "did you hear about how great Stacia's pre-lim answer was?" Ok, he's not doing that, but it's still cool to know that he is talking about it. Makes me feel good.

Thank you for all the wonderful comments about my red couch. Sometimes I feel funny putting up stuff like that, but when I get so many encouraging comments it makes me feel better. Maybe my blog has become my new red couch. Wes promised me that when we get room, I can get another red couch and I can pick it out myself. He really is a great guy.

Let me tell you what a great guy he is. He's a little cash strapped right now. He's moving, I'm moving, he has some credit card debt and we're planning a wedding. Now, he is receiving a huge bonus in September for being in the navy for 15 years, but until then, it's tight. I have received some money from my grandparents for school and I've managed to save most of it but the plan was to use it for dissertation research trips, if I couldn't get other funding. I told Wes I would send him a check. It wouldn't wipe me out and I know that the money situation is just temporary until September. Yesterday, my husband sold one of his stamps instead. He collects stamps, so it's not like he got a couple hundred dollars. It was a little more than that. For one stamp. He told me he just felt funny about taking my school money, even though we're married. See, the first time I got married, my husband had a bit of debt and I used ALL my school money to pay off his bills. And then when it was gone, he told me we didn't have any money for me to go to school. I know that now, Wes will make sure I finish no matter what, but I thought it was sweet that he would sacrifice his beloved stamps to make sure I had my safety account for school. Because he doesn't want me to ever feel like I'm in a position of dependence on him either. He's a great guy. I love him.

Paper grading update: Did you know that reading is an excellent way to gain historical knowledge? Now that I know that, I'm going to quit banging my head on the wall and start reading instead. I think some of these papers were written by obviousman. And one student quoted the back cover of the book: THE BACK COVER OF THE BOOK. And stated he was quoting the back of the book, instead of finding the quote in the actual book. Lazy MF.

I guess I should finish procrastinating and start working on that pesky dissertation proposal. It's not going to write itself. I wonder if I read something that would help?

Red couch=New woman

This is what part of my livingroom looks like. Because I'm moving, my furniture is for sale, and I sold my couch and lavished yesterday. The thought of losing my beautiful red couch makes me sick. Why? Well, let me tell you a story.

In the summer of 2000 I found myself professionally successful. I had an MA and I had been accepted into a Ph.D program. I was also a supervisor at the company I worked for and I was making pretty good money. However, I felt like a failure as a woman.

I married a man nine years older than me when I was 21 years old. This man was emotionally, verbally, sexually and physically abusive. I left him 2 days after Christmas in 1997. I was 23 years old. When the divorce was finalized, I had been 24 for 3 months. When I left, I took the bedroom suite I had had as a child and teenager. I also took two bookshelves and two armchairs. I left him with everything else. I dated for a while and then ended up in a relationship with a depressed drug addict. I sold the armchairs and stored my other furniture and moved in with him. It was over by July 2000. I was 26 years old, with no furniture and a string of very bad relationships behind me. I felt like a failure. I felt like worse than a failure. Obviously there was something so wrong with me that everyone I had a relationship with rejected me or had to do mind altering subsistences to "deal" with me. Love was apparently not enough, and perhaps, didn't really exist.

I needed furniture. I bought a double bed and then went hunting for a red couch. It had to be red. Everyone thought I was weird. Why red? One of my guy friends told me that men would walk into my apartment, see the red couch and think I was into power, that I was aggressive, angry and was a bitch. Well, I was powerful, if I was a guy, I would have been called ambitious, I was angry at myself for allowing men to treat me the way I had been treated and again, if I were a man, they would say I had large balls rather than being a bitch. I wanted my red couch, and I searched for months before I found it. The perfect red couch with a matching loveseat. I've had them since August 2000. Since then, no matter how bad my day has been, when I come home, I smile. When I sit on them, I feel like they are embracing me and reminding me that as a woman I am powerful, ambitious, in control of my own fate and I HAVE BIGGER BALLS THAN ANY MAN OUT THERE!!!! I love my couch and loveseat.

And now I have sold them. And my friend who bought them will sit on them and like that they're comfortable and in good condition, but he will not love them like I did. He will not understand why I will cry when he comes to pick them up. To him, they will be pieces of furniture. To me, they represent my decision to be me. They helped me figure out who I was and how I wanted to define myself in the future. I told Wes that at soon as we have room, I will buy another red couch. For my office. My own red couch that I don't have to share with anyone else. I will always have a red couch. Because no matter how good life is, it never hurts to remember how far you've come. And when life gets bad, it's always nice to know that something familiar is there for you, to remind you that you can keep going. I think everyone should have their own red couch.

And since no blog is complete without complaining about how stupid the students are: I'm grading 10 page papers. They are way worse than the first batch of papers. The worst, a student compared the Nazi camps to the Nationalist Socialist camps. If you don't know what's wrong with that, that's ok. You're not in my class. So I'll tell you. Nazi is the abbreviated version of National Socialist. They are the same thing. THE SAME THING!!! They were supposed to be comparing the STALINIST camps to the NAZI camps. Not the NAZI camps to the NAZI camps. That's just one of the many issues with these papers. They are lovely. I hate my students.

School update

Hi everyone,

it's taking me forever to figure out what my schedule is now that I'm not doing pre-lims. Except that I'm supposed to orally defend them, and anything else my committee wants to ask, but even though it should be next week, isn't for three more weeks. Just enough time to forget everything. Right now, I'm working on a syllabus. I'll post it for feedback when I'm through with it. It's hard to come up with something different to teach.

Anyway, the department let Sean turn in his pre-lims a day late. He seems to think that it'll all be fine in the end. I'm not sure about that, but, who knows. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter because I'll still hit the job market before him and I will interview better than he will. My business was done, done right and that's all I should worry about. Can't bother with his crap. Although, it does bother me. But, I just need to get over it.

Today, I went to lunch with some women I used to work with and we periodically get together. They got me gifts for getting married. Now isn't that just the sweetest thing ever. I really don't expect anyone to get us anything. They know I love to cook, so they got me a recipe box and they each contributed a couple of recipes and they got me a gift card. It was just so nice to see them all again. And, they got me something that was personal and useful. Why do I say it that way? Well, Andrea sent us a vase. It's beautiful, but that's really a gift you would expect from someone who doesn't know you that well. Like your husband's boss, who also bought us a larger beautiful vase. I guess he'll just have to get me flowers a lot!

I guess that's about it. I need to clean and do laundry. I'm going to start selling my stuff, and that makes me a little sad. Especially the thought of selling my couch and loveseat. But, I'll write about that later. Now, I want to read. For fun!!!

Big News!!!

My baby sister got engaged last weekend.

I am very happy for her,

but,

this is what she still looks like to me.

Wasn't she just the most beautiful little girl ever?

But, I forget, she's not a little girl anymore.

She is a young woman now.

Congratulations to her and J.

He is a wonderful man and he loves my sister very much.

It'll be almost two years before they get married.

I wish them all the best and the most happiness ever.

I love you my little beast.

Shout Out!!!

Do I look old?

I e-mailed in my pre-lims at 1:53p today. Thank God that part is over. Before I start to fill you in on all the pre-lim drama (I'll fill you in on everything else later), I need to give a shout out to everyone who helped me the past two weeks:

Nadia and Sarah for TAing my classes this last week.
Nadia for making me food!!! And it was good.
Holly for sending me an encouraging e-card.
Venus for bringing me back gummy bears from Germany.
Sarah W. for the German chocolate.
Mom, Camille and Dad for reading some of my essays.
And everyone who sent me encouraging comments and e-mails.

So, here's the pre-lim drama. I was pre-limming at the same time as my friend Sean. Sean is a fifth year graduate student who just finished his thesis. This is very rare, and on the verge of getting kicked out of the program (handbook says thesis should be finished in the second year, but about half the department does it in their third year). Well, I ran into Sean last night at the library. I was there to finish up one of my essays and I still had another one to finish. I felt like I was a little bit behind, but it was still doable. Sean looked really stressed out. He kept talking about how he felt like a real asshole for not starting sooner. He too had 7 questions to answer in 14 days. But, one of his professors gave him his questions a week early (we have 2 of the same professors and 2 different). I asked him how far he had gotten, and he answered . . . . he was almost finished with the first 1. one. ONE. This was at seven at night. The pre-lims were due today at four. That is less than 24 hours. And he had only typed up ONE question. I asked him if he had at least started typing any of the other answers yet. He answer NO. And, he acted like he didn't even know what questions he was going to answer. I don't know if he turned anything in. If he didn't, he will probably get kicked out. Even if he did, they're probably crap, so he will probably fail and then get kicked out. I don't understand. And I don't look forward to talking to him again because I don't know what to say. He is my friend, but I worked hard to get my answers in on time and I would be a little bit pissed off he got an extension. But, I doubt they'll do that.

Anyway, that's not my business. My business is done and turned in. Now, I wanted to start reading a book, but I have a huge headache and a ton of stuff to do. I have to write a syllabi, grade papers and start my dissertation proposal. I also have to start exercising again, because I feel crappy, and I need to figure out how to get rid of this headache which has been a constant pretty much the entire semester. I also need to cut back on caffeine, because I've been having a lot of stomach issues. But, I got my hair cut last week. I feel cute!!! Well, I think I'm just going to veg out for the rest of the night. I'll fill you in on everything else later.

good to be back in the land of the living,
Stacia

Why does she hate me so?

I woke up yesterday and realized why I didn't like my answer to paper #5. So I fixed most of it yesterday, which means I'm a day behind my scheduled answers. However, since I was scheduled to finish on Friday, but the answers aren't due until Monday, it's ok if I'm running a little behind. But here's my problem (besides the fact that I'm finding this process incredibly futile), this is the second question I have to answer for my advisor.

Most classic works of Soviet history focus on events in Moscow and Leningrad. During the past two decades, however, historians have done more and more local studies, shifting their attention to other cities, provinces, and republics. Write an essay discussing how such studies have or have not changed our vision of the Soviet past. What are the strengths of such studies? What are the weaknesses? Be sure to discuss at least two works, which focus on different spheres of Soviet history (social, culture, intellectual currents, politics, and so on). Be sure to compare them with works that (explicitly or implicitly) focus on Moscow and Leningrad. (Be sure to discuss works that you do not discuss in Part A).

It's that last part that's killing me. Why? Because, people are doing local studies because the archives are open. I think she did that to see how creative I can be. It's making it a bit difficult. And, it's 4:30p and I really want to finish this question today. I haven't started typing it yet. Once I do, it shouldn't take that long. It's just finding the motivation to do it.

Finally, I have new readers. Hi new readers!!! Glad to have you. Ironically, I'd like to think this blog is usually more interesting than it has been lately (it's probably not though).

Ok, back to the localities.

Mush

My brain in turning into mush. Mush, mush, mush. Hehehehehehehehe!!!!! Let me out!!!

So, I am almost finished with paper number five. I will write paper number six tomorrow. Paper number seven will be Wed. thru Friday. I gets more time because it is 15 pages. Then, Sat. and Sun. I read them all again, realize they're crap and that I'm going to fail and cry for the rest of the weekend. After that, I slip into an angry despondency and wonder if I can sue the university for mental cruelty. After I send the papers in, I get really, really drunk. And then I don't care anymore. There you have it, my to do list for the rest of the week.

I was going to wait until the end of the semester before I read anything for fun, but I think that after this experience, I'm going to read a novel immediately. For fun. I'm going to read a fictional book for fun. You know which book I'm going to start with. . . . (wait for it) The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. Oh the irony. (And I'm serious. I bought the book over Christmas break and haven't had a chance to read it yet).

Back to the mush makers. Today, this is the question that is destroying my life:
Some historians of the Soviet Union regard the past 15 years (1991-present) as an era of an "archival revolution." Other historians of the Soviet Union caution against "archival fetishism," and maintain that the "opening of the archives" has not fundamentally altered our understanding of the Soviet past. In your opinion has there been an archival revolution? Have new archival materials changed our understanding of the Soviet Party/State and society or reaffirmed our understanding of the Soviet Party/State and society? Have other factors affected the development of the post-1991 historiography of the USSR? In answering this essay question, be sure to discuss at least two post-1991 works that deal with different aspects of Soviet history. Be sure to compare these works with earlier works on the same or similar topics.

Hope you all have a more normal life than I do, or at least less "intellectual".
Stacia

Simplicity

The building I work in also houses the music and art department. Last week when I came to work, the stairwell was decorated with various chalk drawings. I took some pictures. Not only are the pictures beautiful and cool, but I played clarinet in highschool, so, kind of a neat tie-in. Anyway, the pictures made me happy, so I thought I'd share them. Especially since my blog has been such a bummer for the last week.

Speaking of prelims. I finished question #3 yesterday. It was: Neil MacMaster charts the rise of newly virulent forms of racism, including anti-Semitism and anti-black racism, in the last three decades of the nineteenth century. In this way, he links the reinvigoration of European racism with the rise of a new militant nationalism. How can you explain this link between race and nationalism? How is it connected to the rigid gender hierarchies that predominated in the late nineteenth-early twentieth century?
I finished the question on page eight (they're officially only supposed to be 5 pages) and I only answered the half about anti-Semitism, but not anti-black. I guess that's what the oral exam is for. Sigh.

Today, I'm going to answer this question: In the period 1880-1914 the nature of Jewish politics in Europe underwent a fundamental transformation. By choosing the examples of at least two political movements, identify the nature of the transformation, explain how and why new political movements arose and analyze their significance.

I already know what I want to write, now I just have to find my notes and write it. I'm hoping to be done early this evening so I can start on the next question.

Hope everyone has a much more relaxing weekend than I will.

Difficulties

I've just finished question #2 (Please see previous post for the question). I wanted to finish it last night, but ended up with some sort of stomach bug (I'll spare you the details) and thus, didn't work on it last night. It's also a difficult question. Why? Well, because many historians view the Holocaust as a result of Jewish emancipation. I don't want to go there. I avoided answering the Holocaust question for a reason (Was the holocaust the consummation of European antisemitism and post-liberal politics? Or was it an aberration? Was the mass murder of European Jewry predictable from the perspective of 1870, 1914, 1933?) Why don't I want to answer that question? Because, how do you answer it? I don't believe that: yes, all Germans are rapid anti-semites and thus the Holocaust was inevitable. Nor do I believe that: no, the Holocaust was unpredictable and thus an aberration. History is never that simple. It's never black/white, yes/no. It's always in between. And it can be depressing. Besides, does it matter if emancipation was bad for the Jews and Judaism? I mean, we can't go back and change history. It happened. So I guess that yes, it was bad, and I'll tell you why. Without going into the Holocaust. Was it avoidable. No, it wasn't. Obviously, I'm attracted to depressing topics. I study Jews, women and Russia/USSR. Not the happiest topics in the world. I wonder if I should see a shrink about that? Anyway, I want to start my other women's question tonight, which also has to do with anti-semitism (male Jews were feminized and thus unable to belong to the nation). Then another Jewish question (about politics). Ok, time for the Simpsons. I need something to make me laugh.

You want to know WHAT???

I picked up the questions. And I have not thrown up yet. I am very proud of myself, as this is my normal nervous/scared reaction. Thankfully, I am a worrier, so usually, by the time something scary comes up, I've already thought of every possible scenario, usually including, but not limited to, space aliens and/or vampires. Therefore, I don't really throw up much. (Actually, the last time I remember throwing up from stress and not alcohol or illness, was when I got divorced (eight years ago) and the church elder came over to tell me that even though my husband was abusive (actually, he said I was lying about that), I should stay married to him. I threw up on him. I don't feel bad about it either. Even my parents seemed pleased.) Anyway. There were no huge surprises on the questions. But, I wish I had read more (how can I say that? You all have seen what I've read). Anyway, I started writing at 8:30 this morning, answering this question:
Historians frequently refer to the "decline" of the domestic system in the early twentieth century. What does this notion of "decline" mean exactly, and what factors are seen as contributing to it? How did women resist the domestic imperative in this period, and how were they encouraged to do so by their social, economic and political milieu?

By 1:00p I had ten pages, some crappy, some not so crappy. I'm going to "fix" it tomorrow and get it down to 7 pages, because it's too long. These answers are only supposed to be 5 pages, but look at that question, how do you do that? I completely neglected the working class in my paper and still felt like I only brushed the surface for the middle class. Oh well, I only have 14 days.

I have started my second question. It is: "The emancipation of European Jewry (circa 1648-1919) was an unmitigated failure. At its best, it was good for the Jews but was bad for Judaism. At its worst, it undermined the basis of Jewish communal life without offering either material or spiritual advantage. Through its abolition of the autonomous community emancipation brought the end of coherent Jewish life in Europe." You may answer this question for all of Europe, or by focusing on a particular country or group of countries.

I'm focusing on a group of countries: mostly Germany, but also Poland/Lithuania, England and France. In five pages. (yeah, right) My other Jewish question focuses on Russia and we're not supposed to do overlapping answers, and besides, Russian Jews were not emancipated until 1917. I'm sure you all find this fascinating and are glued to your computer screens. But this is what I've studied for, for, well, it seems like forever. This is my eleventh year at some sort of university, my seventh as a graduate student. These questions and answer will determine my future. Whether all those student loans were in vain. Whether I will be able to achieve my life-long dream of being a professor. It all boils down to these seven little questions in fourteen days. Ok, now I have to throw up.

Ok, if that weren't stressful enough, Wes is at sea. And he doesn't have internet access. And he can't call me. So, I talked to him on Sunday, and I'll talk to him again, probably on Saturday, but maybe on Friday. I hope I'll be able to tell him I'm already working on question five. I sure do miss him. And, this is his schedule from now until June. The navy sucks.

Back to the emancipation of the Jews. Oh, that previously mentioned student. He has not picked up his paper yet, which means he skipped lecture. Again. I don't feel bad giving him that F.

Countdown

I get my pre-lim questions tomorrow. Last night, I dreamt that I forgot to pick them up. See, I have EXACTLY 14 days to write them. We (the students) get to decide when we want to pick them, therefore, we have to plan very carefully. You don't want to pick them up too early in the morning, because then you either pull an all-nighter to get them finished, or you wake up and panic. You don't want to pick them up too late, because then you've wasted the entire "first" day. There is a science to this thing. So in my dream, I'm discussing American Idol with some overly obese former TV star, and I realize that the time has changed, and therefore, Jim will no longer be on campus (it was almost 5:oop), which meant, I couldn't get my questions until Tuesday. That would shave a day off of my time. And then some bug kept attacking me as I was trying to run to Jim's office to see if he was still there. I woke up kind of freaked out. Then I came and checked my e-mail and my friend Sarah, whom I miss very much (she's in Germany doing research for her dissertation), had e-mailed me a pep talk. She did her pre-lims last year. She's also a genius. She doesn't think so though. But she is. She's kind of like a history department legend. (Have you heard about Sarah? Smart Sarah? I've heard about her but I've never met her. Is she really a student here, or something the professors made up? Oh, she's real. I used to go swimming with her and I still e-mail with her. Really! You really know Sarah!?! OMG!!! Is she really as smart as everyone says? Yes, even smarter.) AND, one of our department's other students was over there for a conference and she's sending him back with German chocolate for Sean and I. GERMAN CHOCOLATE. That alone makes pre-lims worth it.

Today, instead of spending the whole day trying not to throw up, I've got a plan. I will clean my apartment and organize all my notes, notebooks, and articles. I will finish the book I need for teaching this week (I'm teaching this week because it's Solzhenitsyn) I'm not teaching next week though. I will probably play a game of AOE with my husband. We are going to go over everything we have to do before Oct. It is a lot, and he is freaking out. (He needs to move all his stuff, but he's out to sea 3 weeks out of every month. Makes it difficult to pack and move.). I think I might even give myself a pedicure. And I need to do laundry. I'll probably read over some notes too. I've decided I'm going to pick up my questions between 2 and 3 on Monday. That'll give me enough time on Monday night to decide which questions I'm answering and maybe start to outline the first one. But, I don't want to talk about that right now, or I'll freak out, and this day is about not freaking out.

I talked to Andrea this week. It's been almost a month and a half since we talked, and we have e-mailed a bit, but nothing serious. When she called this week, I answer. At first, she seemed a bit nervous because we haven't talked for a while. She let me know they've mailed our wedding gift. Ok, thanks. Then, she let me know that with their tax return, they were able to pay off her husband's car payment, and therefore, they had no more debt and could really start saving for that house. Then, she tells me that she's traveling a lot for work, up to Boston, so she figures that plane tickets might be cheaper from Boston to VA than from TX (huh?), so she wanted to make sure they were still getting an invite. And also, since work is paying for her plane ticket and a rental car (in Boston), her husband will be going with her at least once a month, so they can do little weekend trips (because 6 plane tickets to Boston is WAY cheaper than two to VA). They were looking to go to Scotland, but it's a little too much. Finally, she let me know she was leaving this week for that destination wedding of her CO-WORKER'S in Hawaii. As both Camille and Wes said: what the hell is wrong with this woman? But, as my friend and officemate Venus says "I'm over it!" I really just feel like, whatever. That's her stuff not mine and those are her choices. I have too many friends and family that love me to really worry about one little girl.

Finally, once my pre-lims and dissertation proposal are over, I'm going to start reading again. For fun. Books that I don't have to highlight and underline and write papers about. Books I can suggest to other people without saying, "You know this book is going to show up on McDonald's pre-lim questions," or "This would be a great book for your dissertation." Fun books. So, give me your book suggestions. (Even though I already have hundreds of books I haven't read yet, I'm always willing to spend more money at a bookstore.) Movies too (although I like books more). And DON'T FORGET TO CHANGE YOUR CLOCKS!!!

Dear moron student,

Dear moron student,

I appreciate the fact that I obviously look like I'm six years old to you, otherwise why would you think you could play me, but I don't appreciate the fact that you tried to play me. These papers were due on the 22nd. Today is the 31st. These are not "highly suggested dates" these are "due dates." I e-mailed you to ask you where your paper was because I liked you (notice the past tense). When you e-mailed me back (three days later) giving me some slightly believable story, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt, mostly because you promised to bring the paper to me on the 27th. Then I didn't get the paper. And we had class twice. And I didn't get any e-mails. Finally, yesterday, you asked me if I had gotten the paper. You claimed you had e-mailed it to me on Monday. This is the second time you made this claim. You said you would go print it out immediately and bring it to my office. I told you I wouldn't accept e-mailed papers, so why didn't you have a hard copy to begin with? Yesterday, I left my office at 5:45p. I did not have a paper. Today, you stopped by my office and tried to give me your paper. I told you I couldn't take it, since today is the 31st and it was due on the 22nd. You acted shocked and horrified. Then you claimed you had e-mailed it to me on Wednesday. Why do you think I'm that stupid? I'm working on my Ph.D. I have 2 MAs and one BA. And, I worked as a bill collector for 7 years. I've heard every story there is to hear. I've made grown men cry. And you think I'm going to believe your pathetic ass story? Think again. I told you I would discuss it with the professor again. I'm not going to. And, I read the paper: you obviously didn't even have the paper topic when you wrote it late last night because it doesn't even address the correct issue. It is an F paper anyway. And, I'm going to let you know that. You better hope your next paper kicks ass, otherwise, I'm going to kick yours.

Sincerely, the best TA in the world,
Stacia

Working my way down that list

Well, I had hoped to have all the papers graded and turned back by Friday. That's not going to happen. But, I'll only have 20 to grade this weekend, if that, so, that's not too bad. I've given up on trying to read anything new for pre-lims, instead concentrating on organizing my notes and reading my notes from stuff I haven't looked at for 2 years. I met with my advisor today, and we talked about my dissertation and all that other fun stuff. She gave me a brief oral exam about the stuff I've been doing and she gave me an A. That was good! And she basically told me that my pre-lim question would be about the stuff we talked about today. So, besides the fact that I'm all PMSing right now, I'm in a good mood. (Actually, I'm just tired and delirious, but that's good enough). But, I agree with the Queen: when this is all over, I think a full spa week sounds like a great idea. Maybe I could convince my students that would be a nice present, especially since their mid-term grades were so bad! Finally, one of the other TAs had a student who wrote about the communist leaders Hitler and Stalin. (If you don't know why that's wrong, please don't ask me to explain it).

You don't say?

I'm so stressed out I'm numb. I just can't even process what I have to do. I'm kind of in denial. Right now I'm grading 67 papers (apparently, I translated Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto into English). Tomorrow, I have an oral exam with my advisor and we're going to discuss my dissertation proposal and my short research trip this summer. I'm meeting with a total of 7 students this week about their mid-terms. I get my pre-lim questions next Monday. I have 14 days for them. I'm teaching one week during that time, but not the other week (Thank you to the other wonderful TAs). My one professor just informed me that my pre-lim questions from her are going to be historiography questions. I hate historiography. I'm just not good at it, and, ever professor means something different by it. I turn in my pre-lims on April 17th. Three days later, I have to e-mail my committee a syllabus I wrote for a class I would teach. Five days after that, I orally defend my pre-lim answers and my syllabus. The students have another paper due on April 24th. Their final is May 11th. I'm going to go visit my grandparents for a week. Beginning of June, I'm moving to VA to be close to my husband. I'm supposed to defend my dissertation proposal in June. I'm going to Russia in June for a month. Grant proposals are due in Sept., Oct. and Nov. I'm getting married in Oct. Wes leaves for 6 months in Nov. I'm sure I've forgotten something. I'm just blocking it out right now. I think I need to go make a chocolate cake.

Guess who?

This is a picture of Wes and I in highschool. He's a senior and I'm a junior. Besides the fact that we've both gained weight, and my hair has changed often and in a multitude of ways, we still look the same. He hates this picture. He says he looks like he's trying to pimp me out. Yes, that's a fedora he's wearing and a gold chain. This is the only picture I could find of us from highschool. I thought you could all use a laugh!

Backlash

Let the backlash begin! The students have their mid-terms. If you were on campus today, you would have heard a collective groan of disappointment followed by a passionate war-cry to KILL THE TA! I told the students they had to wait 24 hrs before they could contact me to complain about their grade. I've already heard from 3 students. We'll see how many that is by tomorrow morning. The smart ones hung their heads in shame at their collective stupidity. The rest had utterly confused looks on their faces, wondering how they could have possibly gotten such bad grades, especially when they mentioned Russia three times on their mid-term. Nevermind that they didn't know actually anything about Russia, except that I study it and therefore, if they mentioned it that should get them brownie points. And I fully expect at least one student to come argue with me about whether or not there was a proletariat revolution in nineteenth century Europe. Oh, these poor young students. They're starting to make me excited about visiting the highly unorganized, non-catalogued, never open when they're supposed to be, no heat, no air-conditioner, no toilet-paper, no English, no nothing, Russian archives. I love being a TA.

Pre-lims start April third. I still have about 20 books I need to read. I'm hoping to get through those this weekend. I met with the history graduate advisor about the process today. It sounds ok. I'm ready. I'm not even close to being ready. I think the pre-lims will be stressful, but I shouldn't have a huge problem with them. The issue will be my dissertation proposal, which I haven't officially started yet. I need to get one that. Like, a month ago. And I really need to figure out when my research trip is going to be, because I need to buy my plane ticket and start my visa process. Because that only takes forever. I'm exhausted but feel like there's too much to do. I love being a graduate student.

And, I've had three sty's on my left eye since March 5th. I went to the doctor today, because I have never had any eye problems. They're so useful. Let's just say, I'm thankful that health insurance covered it, because it was a waste of time. Although, she did prescribe me an eye cream in case it swells up again. I hope I don't have to use it.

ok, I want to go to bed, but I have to finish this book first. I also have 67 papers I have to grade (not tonight, this weekend). I hope they're better than the mid-terms.

Stoopid freshmen

I have graded 49 out of 69 mid-term exams. I have 7 Fs already and no As. The other TAs thought they were being too easy (or that I was being too harsh), but after reading several of my exams, they came to the conclusion that my students are just stupid. Very stupid. Now, I do have a higher percentage of freshmen than the other TAs, so maybe that has something to do with it. Still, these are bad. I had one student claim that Germany is between Great Britain and France on the map, one claimed that after Italy united it became a superpower. Apparently the peasantry of Europe went to bed one night and woke up the next morning as proletariat. The freeing of the serfs in Russia caused servants in Europe to want more political freedom. And, obviously the majority if my students are firm Marxists because I've had several of them tell me about the successful European proletariat revolution of the 19thc. Although, I'm at a complete loss as to why none of them provided me with dates or countries for that. And finally, a direct quote. "The bourgeoisie filled their sails with the steel breeze of industrialization as it came to Europe."

Have a great day, and remember, the zemstvas were not created by Napoleon!

Disturbing dreams

I hate disturbing dreams. When I got back from Wes's, I was feeling so good and so happy. I was amazed at how Wes is just so perfect for me and how much he loves me. We're so comfortable together and can talk about anything. He thinks I'm the sexiest woman in the world, not just physically, but as a whole being, all of me. I was feeling happy and wonderful and not so stressed out about everything. And then I had that stupid dream last night.

I have vivid dreams all the time and I usually remember them. I once had a dream that continued in the same place it had left off the night before, for two whole weeks. And I dream about all sorts of stuff (yes, I still have the dream where I can't find where I'm supposed to turn in my papers at the end of the semester and if I don't get there I'm going to fail. No, I'm not naked). Last night, the dream was just weird. As are all my dream where I am in Las Vegas again. And all my Las Vegas dreams take place at the location of the school I went to. So, what was so disturbing? This dream had Charley AND Andrea in it. Will these two never go away? Will they always haunt Wes and I at some subconscious level? Suffice it to say, when the dream ended I didn't know where Wes was and couldn't get a hold of him. I knew he was with Charley, but that was it. And I called Andrea a bitch. That kind of felt good. I don't know why I had this dream. I hate waking up after stuff like that, because now I'm going to feel funny all day.

Although, Andrea did piss me off again. She sent me an e-mail asking me where she should send the wedding gift. (no, that part didn't piss me off). I told her to Wes's, but that we were moving into a different place in May, so she should wait until after that. I mean, we're not having the ceremony until the fall! She e-mailed back: I want his current address now. And I think that was the only line in the e-mail. She can send something, but he's at work for 12 to 14 hours a day almost 6 days a week, so he won't be signing for any packages. Maybe she's thinking she'll just send a gift and then be done with us, which wouldn't be a bad thing.

Today, I am finishing that stupid 20 page paper that has hung over my head for so long because I couldn't figure out what to do, and then did a crappy job at it so I had to do it all over again. I will finish grading some of the mid-terms. I will attempt to write a 7 page paper for one of my other professors, and I will study for the oral exam I am having tomorrow, over what, I'm not quite sure. I hope you all have a great day.

And then, if all that weren't enough, I just saw this story: http://apnews.excite.com/article/20060319/D8GEL0J00.html
Voikovskiia is the metro stop where my friend lives. The metro I took every day this past summer and will take again this summer (if it's fixed). I hope they're ok. I'm going to have to e-mail them.

October

Well, I have put a deposit down for Wes and I's "wedding" and reception. It will be in October. And if the Navy moves his deployment date one more time, so help me, I will personally have a discussion with Pres. Bush. Like he cares. But, even though this actually means spending more money when we're trying to pay our debt down, it's still a stress reliever because it means I don't have to worry about it anymore. Although now I have to worry about dresses and such, but that's not too bad. We're having the event as a country club and they do everything, so that helps.

Today I'm also putting down a deposit on a three-bedroom townhouse here in VA. No, we're not buying, just renting, but it will be a lot bigger, with a garage and small yard. Better for kids and all my stuff. And then when I live here I don't have to listen to the people upstairs talk to their miniature dog in a baby voice: "who's the cutest little dog ever? You're the cutest little dog ever!!! Yes you are. Yes you are." I'm going to kill both of them.

ok, we all know I don't have time to be typing anything, so I must go. Have a great day!

The list goes on. . .

I'm supposed to be getting a ton of homework done this week. My pre-lim exams start on April 3rd. Between now and then, I have 69 mid-terms and 69 papers to grade for my students. I also have a ton of reading to do. And I have to write a syllabus of a course I would like to teach. I have a 20 page paper I need to finish (and have graded) and I have an oral exam on Monday (to finish a different incomplete). Let's talk, for a brief moment, what the pre-lims consist of. On Monday, April 3rd, by 9:00am, I will receive approximately five questions from four different professors. I will have to answer two questions for each of the four professors. I will have fourteen days to type approximately eight page answers to these eight questions. Then, I e-mail my answers back in and wait. After about a week, I will have to orally defend my answers. This could take anywhere from a half hour to 4 hours. How bad your questions are usually determines how long your orals are. I will also have to talk about my syllabus. After this, I will be ABD (all but dissertator). Let's talk about that process.

I have to write a fifteen page dissertation proposal. There will probably be a fifteen page bibliography as well. I have to orally defend this. Then, this summer, since I did receive funding, I will travel to Russia for about a month. I will go to the archives in Moscow and in Samara. There, I will try to figure out what the archives have, and if they'll even let me in. When I return to the states, I will fill out several grant proposals, so I can receive funding for Fall 2007, to return to Russia for 9 months. After that research trip (in which I live in the archives and libraries), I write the dissertation: it has to be approximately 300 pages long. Now, doesn't that sound easy?!?

Meanwhile, I have to find time to visit my elderly grandparents, move to Virginia, and plan a wedding and a honeymoon. After all this, things will settle down considerably. Part of that is because Wes is being deployed in Nov. for six months. Just the way you want to start your marriage out: by not seeing one another. He'll be gone for the entire month of September as well.

So, this is why I'm slightly stressed out. And I should actually get back to my homework.

Normality?

I am currently in VA with my husband. I feels nice to be able to write that! But, the trip here, it's always an ordeal. First, my first flight was late. A hour and a half late. I only had a hour and a half layover. When our flight finally made it to the airport, the flight attendant announced that all people with no connecting flights should stay seated. Half the plane stood up. While we were still moving. It took them forever to get us in a spot and then to open the door (15 minutes). Thankfully, I was in row 6, aisle seat. But some college age girl started screaming: get out of my way, I have a flight I have to catch!!! We all responded: so do we. She kept screaming. Seriously. But, I'm pretty sure she missed her flight, since it was supposed to leave 15 minutes before we landed. I had to book it to my next flight. They scanned my ticket, told me to run to the plane and then shut the door right behind me. I pretty much slept the entire way, happy that I had made my flight. When we landed in VA, they asked that we stay seated for several extra minutes. Then an air marshal and two policemen got on board and arrested the man sitting across the row from me. The guy sitting next to me said this man had also been on his flight from Germany, and had caused problems. We forgot to watch the local news to see if it said anything about it. But, since I had barely made it to the plane in time, my luggage hadn't, so we had to go back to the airport at midnight to get my suitcase from the next flight. At least it was there.

Saturday, we drove to NC to visit his kids. Wes's son had a soccer game. He was really good. Then we took the kids out to eat. They (and his ex) don't know that we're married yet. Since we're still planning on having a ceremony in the fall, we'll just let them think that is it. The kids were great and we had a good time. When we drove them home they kept pointing out all the houses that were for sale, so they could just walk over to visit us every day. I only wish it were that easy.

Yesterday, we went to church. The church Wes goes to is right across the street, and the weather was beautiful, so we just walked. I liked it, although, I always have a hard time making friends, so the thought of meeting new people scares me. The rest of the day, we did some shopping, and just hung out, watched TV and eat. It was wonderful to just be able to hang out. And to have sex. I think it's going to be a good week.

I found out I passed my Russian reading exam. However, my advisor kept telling me I would receive funding through the department to go to Russia this summer. Lately she hasn't said anything about it. I need to e-mail her to find out, because if I'm not going to Russia, I would move here sooner. Wes is working this entire week, and you should see how much work I brought. I really need to get it all done too. It's going to be a busy week, but at least I get to spend it with my husband.

Congress of Vienna

I'm currently grading mid-terms. They are so much fun. I am so excited about this. I wish you could actually hear the unbridled joy in my voice. And for those who don't know, that is utter sarcasm. (A lot of people have a hard time with my sense of humor, because if you were here to hear my voice, you would detect absolutely no change in it: you just have to know me). Anyway, did you know the Congress of Vienna was held in France? You learn so much grading student stuff. That's ok. Last week, they had a map quiz, and more than 60% of them mid-identified Berlin Germany. I hope they never get lost in Europe (probably the States too).

Yesterday I had my Russian reading exam. I don't know how I did yet. She said she would e-mail me in a couple of days. Russian is tricky because it has no articles and it doesn't have the verb "is". Therefore, you usually translate and then go back and "clean up." I didn't have time to clean everything up, but I understood what was going on, so I hope I did ok. I forgot to ask her about funding for this summer though. If I'm not getting funding to go to Russia, then I'm going to move to be with my husband sooner. When she e-mails me about the exam I'll ask her then.

Half of my flowers haven't bloomed yet. I leave on Friday for a week. But, there are a total of 9 lilies and almost five are open. They're beautiful. I think I'm allergic to them. I can't breath. Don't tell my husband though. Also, this is a great country. Today, from the comfort on my own house, I requested to have my mail held. Isn't that great! I didn't even have to shower!

Ok, I have about 4 more hours of homework I want to get done tonight, and it's already 8:15p. Just ask Camille, I'm not a night person, and I'm usually in bed by 10:30p. But, since I'm leaving on Friday, I have to get all this crap done. Oh, I meant all this highly intellectual reading and writing. And, tomorrow is my mom's birthday and I forgot to send her a card, although she already found her birthday present that I left there at Christmas time. I hope she likes them.

Brighten your day

These are the beautiful flowers my wonderful husband sent me. It was wonderful to get home today, after 4 1/2 hours at the library, and see them. Everytime I finish reading something, I look at them again. It's now 9:30p. I was hoping to read three more articles tonight, but I don't think I'll manage to get to all three. Tomorrow I want to clean my apartment, get groceries, do the laundry, write a paper (I need the articles for that) and work on that long paper, the one that was originally due 2 1/2 years ago. I leave on Friday to see Wes for a full week. That will be wonderful. But I have so much stuff to do before then, and while I'm there. Pre-lims begin April 3rd. I don't think anyone can ever be well enough prepared. But I also want to do better than just good enough. I want to prove I know my stuff. I think I can do that.

On another note, Andrea and I have reverted to an e-mail only relationship. Well, she calls, I don't answer and then e-mail later instead of calling her back. We'll see how that goes.

Well, I need to get at least one more article read tonight. Hope everyone is having a slightly more exciting weekend than I am.

Where's Stacy?

I just took a test about where I should live. Here are the results.
Test Results
Extroversion

50%
Emotional Stability

43%
Orderliness

76%
Accommodation

56%
Inquisitiveness

50%Your sloan type is SLOANYour primary type is Organized
You are moderately social, moderately moody, organized, moderately accommodating, and moderately intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.
The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Charlotte, Harrisburg, Cleveland, Memphis, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Richmond, Philadelphia Area, Greenville/Spartanburg, Reno, Indianapolis and these international countries/regions Luxembourg, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Turkey, Taiwan, Iceland, Hong Kong, South Korea, Portugal, Philippines, India, Guam, Canada, England, Indonesia, Japan

The most ironic thing about this: Dallas /Fort Worth are listed. I hate Dallas. I lived there for 14 years. I should, however, add that I did take advantage of the museums, Shakespeare in the Park, zoos, Symphonies (on occasion) and other intellectual things. And as far as the International countries, as all Russian historians know, the Ukraine is technically part of Russia, so therefore, that would be my first choice.

So, the birthday went fine. Received lots of cards, phone calls, and e-mails. My father-in-law sent me a beautiful card about how happy he was that I was a part of the family and how he can't wait to get to know me better. My husband sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and said that I also have a gift waiting for me when I visit. He also said he'll make me a cake when I get there. Overall, the day went well.

Ok, ton of stuff to do before pre-lims. That's going to be my new mantra.

I feel old

Today is my 32nd birthday. And all I can think of is "I don't have time for this." I feel old. Not like ancient old, but in "wow, it seems like just last week I was in my early twenties" old. And then, when I teach, these kids keep getting younger and younger. And when I tell them how old I am, they look at me like "wow, that is old. But you look really good." I'm still young enough to believe that life has plenty of excitement and adventure for me, but old enough to know that it's going to be more and more difficult to fit it in. Young enough to still want to go dancing all night, but old enough to decide the consequences the next day aren't really worth it (at least not during the semester). Young enough to want to have sex with my husband until two in the morning, old enough to plan on going to "bed" at eight so I can still get some sleep. Yet, I'm still in school and don't have a career yet. This really makes life in ones thirties a little unreal. I'm definitely an adult, but I'm still a student. Anyway, it's my birthday.

Meanwhile, back at the batcave. I will be getting very little sleep over the next month. Preliminary exams start on April 3rd. I still have WAY too much to read before then. And I haven't even started typing my dissertation proposal. And I have to write a syllabus too. My Russian language exam is Monday. I'm worried and not worried. I kind of feel like there is nothing I can do but work on my Russian.

Ok, that's about it. I need to get started for the day. I hope everyone has a good one!