Before I write about Russia today, I have a few things about the present I need to write about. First, it's my sister's birthday today. Happy 19th birthday sis!!!! Second, I don't remember if I told you, but I had 2 dozen red roses delivered to my house Wed. morning with a little "I love you" balloon. Yes, they're from Wes. And finally, I'm looking to buy a notebook and I really don't know anything about computers, except that I type papers on them, surf/blog, and play computer games. I think the Dell Inspiron 600m would be good enough for me. Does anyone have any opinions about this? I could use some help here.
Ok, now to week 7 of my summer in Russia. The cruise from Moscow to St. Pete's down the Volga River. Please feel free to be envious.
Sat. July 23rd. Did homework. Changed money, bought vodka and snacks, packed. Head to the metro where we all met at 5:00p. Went to the boat. The boat is beautiful. Most of the people on this boat have been saving for this vacation for most of their lives (between $3000 and $5000 per person). Our resident director (henceforth, RD), knows someone: we got on the boat for $500 a person (we're not supposed to tell anyone that, so please keep it to yourselves). There were approximately 350 people on the boat, and 121 crew members. That night, we had a great dinner. Oh, and I'm rooming with Kari (see previous blog). After dinner, we all go out to deck and have a little something to drink. Since we are all staying with different families in Moscow, this is actually the first time we have all drank together. Sasha (who's 18), has too much to drink. We have video of him peeing off the side of the boat, and throwing up off the side of the boat. I don't think he'll ever go into politics. Since we're up drinking late, we see some strange things. Like a group of about 10 people completely naked, waving and screaming at us. I think they were about to go swimming. Unfortunately, it was pitch dark, and we were moving really fast, so we have no photos of this (I think they were all guys, with one girl).
Day 2: The volga river is beautiful today: by the end of the week it gets boring. But, we stop at Uglich today. We see a monastery (these also get boring by the end of the week). This one is associated with Ivan the Terrible. If I remember correctly, this monastery has blue onion domes, with gold stars on it. I also buy tons of souvenirs.
Day 3: Today we visit Kostroma: and another monastery. And I get pictures of the Lenin statue in town (by the end of the trip, everyone was teasing me that Lenin was my boyfriend). The towns are blending together, so I really don't remember much else about this town. I'll have to go back and look at my pictures.
Day 4: Uaraslav: another monastery. Actually, this monastery was pretty cool. Didn't get a picture of Lenin, well, at least not a good one. Also went to a book store and bought several books. I think we went dancing that night in the bar. The music was very, very lame.
Day 5: Gorits': the most beautiful monastery we went to the entire time. It was huge and right on the river front. It was very peaceful and just wonderful. It only had 2 monks living there. This was by far the smallest village we had been to (less than 10,000 people). You could tell, by the amount of wood already stacked outside of most of the houses, that they didn't have central heat, and had to use the wood. But the houses were pretty large. In Russian cities, everyone lives in apartments (there are no, and I do mean no, houses, at all, in any of the cities). Here, the statue of Lenin was silver and it wasn't on a base, so I got a picture with me and Lenin!!! (how much more exciting can life get?). We also bought a watermelon. It was really good! At the monastery, there was a place where you could dress up in traditional Russian costume and get your picture taken, and our RD's girlfriend convinced him to dress up in traditional women's clothing. Guess who has the only picture?
I think we went dancing again this night. We took in an I-pod and the DJ let us play our own music.
Day 6: Kizhi. This is a tiny little island and I don't know that anyone really lives here. But it has a very old, huge monastery, built entirely out of wood (I think they said it was built in the 1640s). Due to the water and age of the wood, the onion domes look like they've been painted silver, but they haven't. This place was really, really beautiful, and it is on the world's heritage list (I'm sure it's on a web page somewhere). Everything was also really, really expensive. But we bought two bottles of vodka. Guess who got drunk that night!!!! Apparently I'm a very happy drunk who calls everyone baby.
Day 7: For some reason, that morning we pulled over to a timber elevator thing. This place was huge and really cool. This is an area that few people live in and is thick forest area, so they harvest the wood. But they have this huge system to get the lumber to the boats: again, when I figure out how to the use the camera, I'll post pictures. But we weren't supposed to stop here. Turns out, one of the old Dutch guys (hardly anyone on this trip was Russian: they were all European) had had heart surgery, and he wasn't doing so well. So, they had an ambulance waiting for him and he and his wife left the cruise. And this really (and I mean really) hot Russian on the shore winked at me! Anyway, later that day we stopped at Mandroga. This is a town that was built to be a tourist attraction. I guess they just needed another place for the cruises to stop. The handicrafts were definitely the best I had ever seen, but the prices were really, really high. We did, however, have some of the best shashl"k (kebobs) I've ever had. Today was also Sasha's birthday. So he got really, really drunk. As did one other member of our group. We tried to go dancing, but the DJ was being a total dick (which one of the drunk guys kept pointing out). So, we sat in the hall and talked for a really long time.
Day 8: arrive in St. Petersburg. Danny and I go to the Political History Museum instead of the Hermitage. I've been to the Hermitage. I get a beautiful picture of a Lenin stained glass window. Then, we meet the others for lunch, and we go to a Blockade museum. Leningrad (St. Pete's) was blockaded by the Germans in WWII for 900 days. About 1/3 of the population starved to death: people ate their furniture and sometimes other people. The rations for children was 125grams of bread a day. And during this time, the factories in Leningrad were still producing for the war. So the museum was beautiful, but very haunting. That night, a few of us just sat around talking. Danny bought this drink called Red Devil, made by Happyland. Well, it tastes like ASS, and does not take you to happyland. Danny took a very unflattering picture of me, right after I tried this crap. If you ever see this stuff, don't do it.
Day 9: Today is Sailor Day in St. Pete's. Yes, that meant tons of sailors, from all around the world, congregating in St. Pete's. I kind of ditched the group, and walked (literally) all over St. Pete's, taking pictures of sailors and monuments and other things. I also went to the Chagall exhibit. It's the largest Chagall exhibit ever shown (and I'm probably spelling his name wrong). I didn't really know anything about him, but this was amazing. It was a good morning. Then, that afternoon, we went to the Dostoevsky museum. It was wonderful!!!! For those of you who don't know, Dostoevsky is my favorite author, ever. I bought a map of St. Pete's that showed all the places Dostoevsky lived when he was there. Then, we went to the best Indian restaurant, ever. It's called Tandori Nights, and if you're ever in St. Pete's, you have to go. Be careful though, because it's right next to a really bad Indian restaurant, called Tandora.
Day 10: Bus tour of St. Pete's. We also took all our stuff from the boat, to the dorm, because we were leaving that night. Funny story: we all were getting our own stuff off the bus and into the dorm. In comes Sasha, with just his backpack. He looks around and says "where is my stuff?" We all just look at him, and ask him where he's been for the last 5 minutes. We all brought in our own stuff. Well, he has to run after the bus, which has started leaving, and he has to hit the side of the bus to get the driver to stop, so he can get his stuff. I never get a picture of the Lenin statue. Oh well. Went to Peterhoff in the afternoon. It was so cool. We had a great time. Except, when we came back, all we wanted to do was eat at McDonald's. Only, we couldn't find McDonald's. And we walked and walked. Finally, we just ate at KFC. It was very good, but no biscuits. Then we all head to the train station. I'm exhausted, so the second I get my compartment, I fall asleep and don't get up until the next morning, to use the bathroom before they close it (the toilets on the old trains (meaning, the majority of them) flush right on the tracks, so they close the bathrooms before you get into any towns).
That is it for the cruise and week 7. Stayed tuned for Week 6 in the exciting adventures of Stacia in Russia.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Working backwards
I guess I will work my trip backwards. I was in Russia for a total of 8 weeks. Here is week 8.
We had just returned by overnight train from St. Petersburg, and we had to go to class that morning (it was Tuesday). We were all exhausted. I had gone home, and when I walked into the flat, I was informed that for some reason, there was no water at all (all Russians lose their hot water for at least 2 weeks during the summer, but not usually all their water). Since I hadn't taken a shower and felt gross and was tired, this was not good news. However, they had heated up water for me (the neighbors had water) and I took a cat-bath. Classes actually went better than I thought they would. It was my last day of video class, a class I really enjoyed.
That evening, we had a party at Swathi's flat. She was a student who had been in Moscow for a full year, and so she was leaving early. I really like Swathi and I hope that we will stay in touch. We had watermelon and brownies. They were very good. Also, Swathi's housemom had entirely remodeled the flat. Most Russian flats pretty much look like they were built in the 1950s (which they were) and most hadn't really had anything done to them since. Swathi's flat looked like it could have been featured in an American condo magazine. It was beautiful. With heated tiles in the bathroom and kitchen. Just amazing.
Wednesday. My last day of conversation class. That was very sad. When I got to Russia, I could barely speak Russian. Now, in Russian, I can tell you that I am adopted by my dad, about my entire family, where they live, what they do, how old they are, about my brother's drug addiction, his tattoos and body piercings, how he got cleaned up, the fact that he is now a single dad (no one in Russia understands this concept: how can a man take care of child all by himself. They all assumed he lived with my parents and that my mom took care of my nephew, and I still don't think they believed me that he didn't), about my bad marriage, about Wes's life story, and about my studies, among other things.
That evening, we had a party with the teacher's. We went to Pancho villas, where most of the food was actually Mexican (except the fajitas) and the strawberry margaritas were excellent. The program paid for the food, and it just kept coming and coming and coming. It was great. We also gave our professors gifts from all the students. We had split up the professors, and we were supposed to spend about $10 each. Ok, so side story: there was this one girl, let's call her Kari. Kari lived in a dorm, not with a family, because she's "really independent." And she was also in another program from us, so we really didn't see her that much. We had split up the gifts in St. Pete's and told her at Peterhoff that she was buying a gift for Galina. We talked about it for at least 5 minutes. Then, on the train, Danny told Kari twice that she was buying for Galina. Then, on Wed. at lunch, we were discussing all the presents and asked Kari what she had gotten for Galina (the head of the entire program), and she was like, "what, why didn't anyone tell me?" So, she went and bought a $50 coffee table book, and then asked us all (repeatedly) to give her money for it. Needless to say, when she threw herself a birthday party on Friday, no one went.
Thursday. Last day of class. Very sad. I think everyone went home and slept.
Friday. We went to a chocolate factory. It was great!!! We got to see how everything worked and we got a ton of chocolate. If I was more computer knowledgeable, I would show the pictures of me in my lab coat and lunch lady hairnet they made us wear. I will figure out how to do that and post the pictures later. Friday night, Elena, Illona and I went to dinner. They are my Russian friends, and they wouldn't let me pay. It was really, really expensive, but very good. I tried the Ukrainian dish of pig fat (it tastes like cold bacon fat without the meat), which is a really good vodka chaser, which we also drank.
Saturday. Didn't do much of anything. Went to market in the evening and bought some gifts.
Sunday. Went to the VDNKh park. It's like a giant state fair, with rides and exhibitions. It was beautiful and I took a ton of pictures. It was built to exhibit the greatness of the various peoples of the USSR. Now, the exhibits are a bunch of stores. Makes you kind of feel sorry for them. Then I met my friends and we went to the market again, and I finished up buying presents. Packed for the first time. Went out for Japanese food with Elena and her boyfriend Denis. The food was great. I'm really going to miss them. That was the last time I saw them, and it was very emotional.
Monday: went to the VDNKh with Nina (Elena's mom, who I was living with). We had a great time. Went home, packed again. Monday night, all the students moved into the dorms. Some students went out, but most of us stayed in and watched Russian movies.
Tuesday: got up at 3:30a. Got on the bus for the airport by 4:00am. I think I already wrote about the rest of this.
So, that was the last week of my life in Russia. I soon as I figure out how, I'll post some pictures.
Stacia
We had just returned by overnight train from St. Petersburg, and we had to go to class that morning (it was Tuesday). We were all exhausted. I had gone home, and when I walked into the flat, I was informed that for some reason, there was no water at all (all Russians lose their hot water for at least 2 weeks during the summer, but not usually all their water). Since I hadn't taken a shower and felt gross and was tired, this was not good news. However, they had heated up water for me (the neighbors had water) and I took a cat-bath. Classes actually went better than I thought they would. It was my last day of video class, a class I really enjoyed.
That evening, we had a party at Swathi's flat. She was a student who had been in Moscow for a full year, and so she was leaving early. I really like Swathi and I hope that we will stay in touch. We had watermelon and brownies. They were very good. Also, Swathi's housemom had entirely remodeled the flat. Most Russian flats pretty much look like they were built in the 1950s (which they were) and most hadn't really had anything done to them since. Swathi's flat looked like it could have been featured in an American condo magazine. It was beautiful. With heated tiles in the bathroom and kitchen. Just amazing.
Wednesday. My last day of conversation class. That was very sad. When I got to Russia, I could barely speak Russian. Now, in Russian, I can tell you that I am adopted by my dad, about my entire family, where they live, what they do, how old they are, about my brother's drug addiction, his tattoos and body piercings, how he got cleaned up, the fact that he is now a single dad (no one in Russia understands this concept: how can a man take care of child all by himself. They all assumed he lived with my parents and that my mom took care of my nephew, and I still don't think they believed me that he didn't), about my bad marriage, about Wes's life story, and about my studies, among other things.
That evening, we had a party with the teacher's. We went to Pancho villas, where most of the food was actually Mexican (except the fajitas) and the strawberry margaritas were excellent. The program paid for the food, and it just kept coming and coming and coming. It was great. We also gave our professors gifts from all the students. We had split up the professors, and we were supposed to spend about $10 each. Ok, so side story: there was this one girl, let's call her Kari. Kari lived in a dorm, not with a family, because she's "really independent." And she was also in another program from us, so we really didn't see her that much. We had split up the gifts in St. Pete's and told her at Peterhoff that she was buying a gift for Galina. We talked about it for at least 5 minutes. Then, on the train, Danny told Kari twice that she was buying for Galina. Then, on Wed. at lunch, we were discussing all the presents and asked Kari what she had gotten for Galina (the head of the entire program), and she was like, "what, why didn't anyone tell me?" So, she went and bought a $50 coffee table book, and then asked us all (repeatedly) to give her money for it. Needless to say, when she threw herself a birthday party on Friday, no one went.
Thursday. Last day of class. Very sad. I think everyone went home and slept.
Friday. We went to a chocolate factory. It was great!!! We got to see how everything worked and we got a ton of chocolate. If I was more computer knowledgeable, I would show the pictures of me in my lab coat and lunch lady hairnet they made us wear. I will figure out how to do that and post the pictures later. Friday night, Elena, Illona and I went to dinner. They are my Russian friends, and they wouldn't let me pay. It was really, really expensive, but very good. I tried the Ukrainian dish of pig fat (it tastes like cold bacon fat without the meat), which is a really good vodka chaser, which we also drank.
Saturday. Didn't do much of anything. Went to market in the evening and bought some gifts.
Sunday. Went to the VDNKh park. It's like a giant state fair, with rides and exhibitions. It was beautiful and I took a ton of pictures. It was built to exhibit the greatness of the various peoples of the USSR. Now, the exhibits are a bunch of stores. Makes you kind of feel sorry for them. Then I met my friends and we went to the market again, and I finished up buying presents. Packed for the first time. Went out for Japanese food with Elena and her boyfriend Denis. The food was great. I'm really going to miss them. That was the last time I saw them, and it was very emotional.
Monday: went to the VDNKh with Nina (Elena's mom, who I was living with). We had a great time. Went home, packed again. Monday night, all the students moved into the dorms. Some students went out, but most of us stayed in and watched Russian movies.
Tuesday: got up at 3:30a. Got on the bus for the airport by 4:00am. I think I already wrote about the rest of this.
So, that was the last week of my life in Russia. I soon as I figure out how, I'll post some pictures.
Stacia
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I have my luggage!!!!
Today has been a very productive day. First, I went to the grocery store to get wonderful, american food. Now, I love Russian food, but I gained a ton of weight in Russia. At this point, my butt has turned into an excellent shelf on which to rest my backpack. The Russian salad is a tomato and cucumber, cut up, with a cup of sour cream or mayonnaise on top. And everything is fried in a cup of oil. I figure that just switching to my normal American diet will help me drop some of this weight.
So, I bought groceries. Then I went to the airport and my luggage was there!!!! And there was much rejoicing!!!! And nothing broke!!!! Although my sister's suitcase now looks like it's been to hell and back. Sorry sis.
When I got home from the airport, there were 2 dozen red roses waiting for me and a little balloon that says I love you. Those were from Wes, in case anyone didn't know. I'll write about that later.
I've talked to my mom and Wes on the phone. I can't get ahold of Camille though. Camille, call me!! I miss you and can't wait to talk to you.
I made a hair appointment, a dr. appointment and went through all my mail. I also took a 3 hour nap. I'm hoping to get on a regular schedule asap. I hope that works. I've kind of unpacked my suitcase. But now I have stuff sitting everywhere. And I really need to do laundry. I'll do that tomorrow.
For the rest of the day, I plan on taking it easy. Looking up a few things on the internet, maybe dying my hair. Oh, I need some serious feet work. Russia just kills the feet. I need some advise on how to get my feet presentable again. After they're presentable, I plan on getting a pedicure. Yes, they are so gross that I think I'm going to have to wait a while. HELP!!!! Think dry and scaly. What's the easiest way to take care of this?
ok, that's it for now. I think I might try to load my camera software on my computer so that I can post a few pictures. But my computer keeps dying, so you might have to be patient about the pictures. It's good to be back home.
Stacia
So, I bought groceries. Then I went to the airport and my luggage was there!!!! And there was much rejoicing!!!! And nothing broke!!!! Although my sister's suitcase now looks like it's been to hell and back. Sorry sis.
When I got home from the airport, there were 2 dozen red roses waiting for me and a little balloon that says I love you. Those were from Wes, in case anyone didn't know. I'll write about that later.
I've talked to my mom and Wes on the phone. I can't get ahold of Camille though. Camille, call me!! I miss you and can't wait to talk to you.
I made a hair appointment, a dr. appointment and went through all my mail. I also took a 3 hour nap. I'm hoping to get on a regular schedule asap. I hope that works. I've kind of unpacked my suitcase. But now I have stuff sitting everywhere. And I really need to do laundry. I'll do that tomorrow.
For the rest of the day, I plan on taking it easy. Looking up a few things on the internet, maybe dying my hair. Oh, I need some serious feet work. Russia just kills the feet. I need some advise on how to get my feet presentable again. After they're presentable, I plan on getting a pedicure. Yes, they are so gross that I think I'm going to have to wait a while. HELP!!!! Think dry and scaly. What's the easiest way to take care of this?
ok, that's it for now. I think I might try to load my camera software on my computer so that I can post a few pictures. But my computer keeps dying, so you might have to be patient about the pictures. It's good to be back home.
Stacia
Where's my luggage?
I'm back. Thank God!!!!! It was quite an ordeal. I guess I'll start with the trip home and then work the blogs backwards.
So, Tuesday morning, 4:00am Moscow time (9 hours ahead of Central Standard Time) all the students (except the two drunk ones) move all their luggage outside and load the bus. 4:20am, drunk students show up and load their crap.
Around 5:30p we get to the Moscow airport. Our resident director has told us to check our luggage all the way through to our final destination. Unfortunately, none of the airline staff speaks English (no, we did not learn how to check our luggage), and almost all of the luggage gets screwed up. Sit around until boarding, which was at 7:00a.
Get to Frankfurt and have a 5 hour layover. Even though I have about 2 pounds of Russian candy in my bag, I realize I'm in Germany and I HAVE to get some gummy bears. I mean, I'm in Germany! Also eat at McDonald's. They do not have a Euro menu in Germany.
Finally get on a plane and fly to Washington DC, Dulles airport. This takes about 8 1/2 hours. I am the dispenser of dramamina (Russian version) so that we can sleep. By the time we land, we've been traveling for around 16 hours. We make it through customs (well, actually, this is when the group started to fall apart: we didn't even actually get to officially say goodbye to everyone). Megan has the same flight as me to Detroit, and she gets a message that the flight has been cancelled. But our bags have been checked all the way through (although, not correctly), and they're really, really heavy. I recheck my bags: Megan grabs hers.
We go to Northwest airlines and explain that we've just gotten off international flights and really want to get home today. They're very nice and schedule us for flights from Regan and give us taxi vouchures. Megan takes off (her flight was directly to Minneapolis) and I go try to find my luggage. Unsuccessfully. The person at the baggage claim is most unuseful and tells me to write down my name and information, but doesn't enter anything in the computer.
I get to Reagan and the first person I see is Megan. Her new flight has been delayed. Both our flights are now leaving at 8:10p EST. I go to the NW counter and get my luggage thing straightened out. I'm picking it up today, on the flight they had originally scheduled me to be on. I hope nothing is broken. Leave for Detroit at 8:10p.
Get to Detroit at 9:30pm. Haul ass to other side of airport, only to discover that their are some problems with my scheduled flight: there are no pilots. At this point, I had been traveling for 26 hours. I'm not exactly happy and I'm sure I don't smell all that good either. Also, since it's late, the Taco Bell in the airport is closed, as are all the other places. I'm going to Taco Bell today. Finally, we get pilots at 1:30am and take up for Madison. Due to the time change, we get into Madison at 1:30am. Beth and Ryo are waiting for me (I did call them and let them know about the delay), and they drive me home.
2:00am. Finally, I crash into bed. Wake up at 5:30am, which is actually ok. It will help me get used to the new time. Being home is weird. I have to re-orient myself to everything. And today, I have to drive to get groceries, which kind of scares me. But I'm starving now, so I will leave you.
It's good to be home, although I already miss it there. Can't wait to share my adventures with you. Missed you all much.
Stacia
So, Tuesday morning, 4:00am Moscow time (9 hours ahead of Central Standard Time) all the students (except the two drunk ones) move all their luggage outside and load the bus. 4:20am, drunk students show up and load their crap.
Around 5:30p we get to the Moscow airport. Our resident director has told us to check our luggage all the way through to our final destination. Unfortunately, none of the airline staff speaks English (no, we did not learn how to check our luggage), and almost all of the luggage gets screwed up. Sit around until boarding, which was at 7:00a.
Get to Frankfurt and have a 5 hour layover. Even though I have about 2 pounds of Russian candy in my bag, I realize I'm in Germany and I HAVE to get some gummy bears. I mean, I'm in Germany! Also eat at McDonald's. They do not have a Euro menu in Germany.
Finally get on a plane and fly to Washington DC, Dulles airport. This takes about 8 1/2 hours. I am the dispenser of dramamina (Russian version) so that we can sleep. By the time we land, we've been traveling for around 16 hours. We make it through customs (well, actually, this is when the group started to fall apart: we didn't even actually get to officially say goodbye to everyone). Megan has the same flight as me to Detroit, and she gets a message that the flight has been cancelled. But our bags have been checked all the way through (although, not correctly), and they're really, really heavy. I recheck my bags: Megan grabs hers.
We go to Northwest airlines and explain that we've just gotten off international flights and really want to get home today. They're very nice and schedule us for flights from Regan and give us taxi vouchures. Megan takes off (her flight was directly to Minneapolis) and I go try to find my luggage. Unsuccessfully. The person at the baggage claim is most unuseful and tells me to write down my name and information, but doesn't enter anything in the computer.
I get to Reagan and the first person I see is Megan. Her new flight has been delayed. Both our flights are now leaving at 8:10p EST. I go to the NW counter and get my luggage thing straightened out. I'm picking it up today, on the flight they had originally scheduled me to be on. I hope nothing is broken. Leave for Detroit at 8:10p.
Get to Detroit at 9:30pm. Haul ass to other side of airport, only to discover that their are some problems with my scheduled flight: there are no pilots. At this point, I had been traveling for 26 hours. I'm not exactly happy and I'm sure I don't smell all that good either. Also, since it's late, the Taco Bell in the airport is closed, as are all the other places. I'm going to Taco Bell today. Finally, we get pilots at 1:30am and take up for Madison. Due to the time change, we get into Madison at 1:30am. Beth and Ryo are waiting for me (I did call them and let them know about the delay), and they drive me home.
2:00am. Finally, I crash into bed. Wake up at 5:30am, which is actually ok. It will help me get used to the new time. Being home is weird. I have to re-orient myself to everything. And today, I have to drive to get groceries, which kind of scares me. But I'm starving now, so I will leave you.
It's good to be home, although I already miss it there. Can't wait to share my adventures with you. Missed you all much.
Stacia
Monday, August 01, 2005
Last News from Russia
Stacia will be home in a couple of days, and thank God for that. I miss that girl something awful and she does a much better job at maintaining her blog than I do. But I wanted to give a little more detail before she comes back. That way she can just fill in holes in the tale and not have so much blogging to do. So, here is my last guest blog entry:
July 13, 2005
I had to give a presentation in history class this morning and the presentation had to be in Russian. The teacher had no idea what any of our language levels were. I wrote my essay and have been trying to practice it. Everyone knew I was really nervous, and that it has more to do with the fact that I hate looking stupid than anything. Hardly any of the students have ever heard me speak. So, I get up to give my presentation, the first page was pretty bad, but then it goes more smoothly. I was a little nervous too, because I put my own opinion in it. I finished it, and the entire class clapped for me. Several of them later told me that I had done good and that even though it started rough that I finished strong. So, even though it still didn't go great, I still feel really, really good. Now, I'm going to go get 2 margaritas for the price of one. I earned it!!!!
July 22, 2005
Tomorrow we leave for our cruise down the Volga river to St. Pete's. It'll take us about 6 days to get there, and then we'll be there for 3 days. We'll stop at little towns along the way for sight-seeing and shopping. In St. Pete's, we're doing the Hermitage and the Dostoevsky museum, which I am really excited about, because I've never been there before. We're taking a night train back to Moscow next monday night and then we have classes on Tues. We'll only have 3 days of classes and then we're through with them. Then the weekend and then we leave the next Tuesday. It's flying by. I really don't know if I want to come home yet, becuase I'm finally making a lot of progress and I don't want to lose everything I've learned. Guess I'll just have to practice a lot when I get home.
July 30, 2005
The cruise has been good, although it started getting a little long about two days ago. We only get to go to land, at the most, 4 hours a day, sometimes less. So I'm feeling lack of movement. But the area is beautiful, and the little towns we've stopped at have been great. I'm getting a ton of pictures, and I can't wait to show them to you. There's been a lot of partying going on too, and I think only a couple people in our group haven't gotten sick. Thankfully, I've been one of the lucky few (of course, I haven't really drank that much either). The bad thing about the cruise is that we're hardly using our Russian at all, and I already feel it slipping away. I'm going to have to work really hard to make sure this summer isn't a total waste (ok, I'm in Russia, so it could never be a total waste). I can't believe how fast the time has flown by.
Today, most of the group is going to the Hermitage. I love the Hermitage, but I've already been there twice, and there's so much in St. Pete's I haven't seen. So, those of us who have been here before are doing our own thing today. It'll be nice to see what I've missed. I think we're doing the Museum of Russian history and the WWII museum (Leningrad was blockaded by the Germans in WWII for almost 3 years and almost 1/2 of the population starved to death). Tomorrow we're going to the Dostoevsky musuem (he's my favorite writer) but I'm not sure what else we're going to do.
July 13, 2005
I had to give a presentation in history class this morning and the presentation had to be in Russian. The teacher had no idea what any of our language levels were. I wrote my essay and have been trying to practice it. Everyone knew I was really nervous, and that it has more to do with the fact that I hate looking stupid than anything. Hardly any of the students have ever heard me speak. So, I get up to give my presentation, the first page was pretty bad, but then it goes more smoothly. I was a little nervous too, because I put my own opinion in it. I finished it, and the entire class clapped for me. Several of them later told me that I had done good and that even though it started rough that I finished strong. So, even though it still didn't go great, I still feel really, really good. Now, I'm going to go get 2 margaritas for the price of one. I earned it!!!!
July 22, 2005
Tomorrow we leave for our cruise down the Volga river to St. Pete's. It'll take us about 6 days to get there, and then we'll be there for 3 days. We'll stop at little towns along the way for sight-seeing and shopping. In St. Pete's, we're doing the Hermitage and the Dostoevsky museum, which I am really excited about, because I've never been there before. We're taking a night train back to Moscow next monday night and then we have classes on Tues. We'll only have 3 days of classes and then we're through with them. Then the weekend and then we leave the next Tuesday. It's flying by. I really don't know if I want to come home yet, becuase I'm finally making a lot of progress and I don't want to lose everything I've learned. Guess I'll just have to practice a lot when I get home.
July 30, 2005
The cruise has been good, although it started getting a little long about two days ago. We only get to go to land, at the most, 4 hours a day, sometimes less. So I'm feeling lack of movement. But the area is beautiful, and the little towns we've stopped at have been great. I'm getting a ton of pictures, and I can't wait to show them to you. There's been a lot of partying going on too, and I think only a couple people in our group haven't gotten sick. Thankfully, I've been one of the lucky few (of course, I haven't really drank that much either). The bad thing about the cruise is that we're hardly using our Russian at all, and I already feel it slipping away. I'm going to have to work really hard to make sure this summer isn't a total waste (ok, I'm in Russia, so it could never be a total waste). I can't believe how fast the time has flown by.
Today, most of the group is going to the Hermitage. I love the Hermitage, but I've already been there twice, and there's so much in St. Pete's I haven't seen. So, those of us who have been here before are doing our own thing today. It'll be nice to see what I've missed. I think we're doing the Museum of Russian history and the WWII museum (Leningrad was blockaded by the Germans in WWII for almost 3 years and almost 1/2 of the population starved to death). Tomorrow we're going to the Dostoevsky musuem (he's my favorite writer) but I'm not sure what else we're going to do.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
News from the "front"
June 27, 2005
Things are going well. The classes are getting better. Easier and harder at the same time. Which is good. I feel like I'm doing much better in classes, although outside of classes I'm still too shy to talk. Although, I talk to my housemom all the time. I just need to get over it.
Saturday I finally found time to go to a museum. It's the museum that only has Russian artists. It was very nice, but I wish I had more time to browse. The girl I went with really didn't seem to have a huge appreciation for art. It was like she was only going because everyone had recommended it.
The weather has been beautiful the last couple of days, which was really nice yesterday. We went to Tolstoy's estate, which is 3 hours, by train, outside of Moscow. Considering he was a noble, the house wasn't as big as you would expect, but the grounds were beautiful. There were at 3 least ponds and lost of forest to walk through. Very peaceful. Tolstoy's grave was also there, but he didn't want a huge monument, so it's just a bump of earth with grass growing on it. I'm taking ton of pictures.
The rest of the week is classes. But Friday we're going to the Duma. That should be very exciting. Maybe I'll get a glimpse of President Putin!
June 30, 2005
Things are going well here, but busy. The weather is rainy and cold again. This week, my friend Illona came to visit, I hadn't seen her since last time I was in Russia, so it was a nice visit. Last time I was here, she was still a student, but now she actually has a real job. Tuesday, I went with my tutor and got a library card to the state library (previously the lenin library). My tutor showed me around and we tried to figure everything out. My advisor wants me to do some research for my dissertation while I'm here, but I don't know how much time I'll really have. My tutor graduated from university today (which he told me about), but he forgot to mention that he was valedictorian of his class, so he got to give a speech (which I didn't understand because the acoustics were really, really bad).
School is going better. Several of my professors have told me that my Russian is improving, but that I need to totally forget English and do everything in Russian. I wish it were that simple. But I keep at it, and hopefully when I get back to the states I'll have the desire to continue using it, otherwise, this trip will be a waste of time (ok, not really, I mean, I am in Russia). But, I have managed to have conversations with three different people, in Russian, about government, democracy, dictators, communism, ect. . . .I think that shows definite improvement.
This will be a busy weekend. Tomorrow we're going to the state Duma, which I'm very excited about. Saturday we're going to the largest 4th of July celebration outside of America. Although, it's supposed to rain (I hope not). Sunday, Monica (another student) and I are going to visit the Kremlin, its museums, see Lenin (he's basically a candle by now) and Red Square. I'm excited about that. Oh, and lots of homework.
July 6, 2005
The 4th of July celebration on Saturday kind of sucked. The weather was really bad, and we got out there at 2:30p, so within a couple of hours, we were ready to leave, even though the main band didn't start until 8:30p and then fireworks after that. We should have gone later in the day. There wasn't really anything to do besides eat food that was pretending to be american. Sunday, one of the other girls and I went to see Lenin. We waited in line for an hour, and we were next in line, and the guards told us they were closed. So, we're going to go back again next week. Instead, we just walked along the Kremlin wall, which has the tomb of the unknown soldier and several WWII memorials. We also went into St. Basil's Cathedral, which they've restored since last time I was here. It was really nice.
Sunday night Wes called and we talked for about 20 minutes. That was really nice. I really miss him. Monday, I got sick and didn't go to school. Apparently, in Russia, when you're sick, you only get dry toast and tea. I had to beg for soup and she thought I was crazy. I'm feeling much better now though. Elena and her boyfriend got in another huge fight last night, and she was asking my opinion about it, but the male/female dynamics are so different in Russia than they are in the US, that I really didn't want to give my opinion. Here, things are much more traditional (think, the Cleavers) and while domestic violence is frowned upon, it's still common. I told one of the Russian woman, who helps run this program, that I was divorced, and why, and she asked me if I provoked it. This is from a very well educated woman who has been to America several times, so just imagine what the common Russian thinks.
Things are going well. The classes are getting better. Easier and harder at the same time. Which is good. I feel like I'm doing much better in classes, although outside of classes I'm still too shy to talk. Although, I talk to my housemom all the time. I just need to get over it.
Saturday I finally found time to go to a museum. It's the museum that only has Russian artists. It was very nice, but I wish I had more time to browse. The girl I went with really didn't seem to have a huge appreciation for art. It was like she was only going because everyone had recommended it.
The weather has been beautiful the last couple of days, which was really nice yesterday. We went to Tolstoy's estate, which is 3 hours, by train, outside of Moscow. Considering he was a noble, the house wasn't as big as you would expect, but the grounds were beautiful. There were at 3 least ponds and lost of forest to walk through. Very peaceful. Tolstoy's grave was also there, but he didn't want a huge monument, so it's just a bump of earth with grass growing on it. I'm taking ton of pictures.
The rest of the week is classes. But Friday we're going to the Duma. That should be very exciting. Maybe I'll get a glimpse of President Putin!
June 30, 2005
Things are going well here, but busy. The weather is rainy and cold again. This week, my friend Illona came to visit, I hadn't seen her since last time I was in Russia, so it was a nice visit. Last time I was here, she was still a student, but now she actually has a real job. Tuesday, I went with my tutor and got a library card to the state library (previously the lenin library). My tutor showed me around and we tried to figure everything out. My advisor wants me to do some research for my dissertation while I'm here, but I don't know how much time I'll really have. My tutor graduated from university today (which he told me about), but he forgot to mention that he was valedictorian of his class, so he got to give a speech (which I didn't understand because the acoustics were really, really bad).
School is going better. Several of my professors have told me that my Russian is improving, but that I need to totally forget English and do everything in Russian. I wish it were that simple. But I keep at it, and hopefully when I get back to the states I'll have the desire to continue using it, otherwise, this trip will be a waste of time (ok, not really, I mean, I am in Russia). But, I have managed to have conversations with three different people, in Russian, about government, democracy, dictators, communism, ect. . . .I think that shows definite improvement.
This will be a busy weekend. Tomorrow we're going to the state Duma, which I'm very excited about. Saturday we're going to the largest 4th of July celebration outside of America. Although, it's supposed to rain (I hope not). Sunday, Monica (another student) and I are going to visit the Kremlin, its museums, see Lenin (he's basically a candle by now) and Red Square. I'm excited about that. Oh, and lots of homework.
July 6, 2005
The 4th of July celebration on Saturday kind of sucked. The weather was really bad, and we got out there at 2:30p, so within a couple of hours, we were ready to leave, even though the main band didn't start until 8:30p and then fireworks after that. We should have gone later in the day. There wasn't really anything to do besides eat food that was pretending to be american. Sunday, one of the other girls and I went to see Lenin. We waited in line for an hour, and we were next in line, and the guards told us they were closed. So, we're going to go back again next week. Instead, we just walked along the Kremlin wall, which has the tomb of the unknown soldier and several WWII memorials. We also went into St. Basil's Cathedral, which they've restored since last time I was here. It was really nice.
Sunday night Wes called and we talked for about 20 minutes. That was really nice. I really miss him. Monday, I got sick and didn't go to school. Apparently, in Russia, when you're sick, you only get dry toast and tea. I had to beg for soup and she thought I was crazy. I'm feeling much better now though. Elena and her boyfriend got in another huge fight last night, and she was asking my opinion about it, but the male/female dynamics are so different in Russia than they are in the US, that I really didn't want to give my opinion. Here, things are much more traditional (think, the Cleavers) and while domestic violence is frowned upon, it's still common. I told one of the Russian woman, who helps run this program, that I was divorced, and why, and she asked me if I provoked it. This is from a very well educated woman who has been to America several times, so just imagine what the common Russian thinks.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Update from Moscow
Hi folks, this is Camille again. I received an email from Stacia this morning. She is okay but seems a bit stressed. She was worried about her Russian language skills prior to this trip and it seems that since they are umm.... rather rudimentary, she has to take several classes... ALONE. Sounds like not so much fun. She has enjoyed seeing Elena and her boyfriend but hasn't been able to have any one on one time with Elena yet. She is looking forward to some excursions this weekend, sounds like she needs a little fun.
She did happen to see Pres. Putin's motorcade but did NOT happen to have her camera with her. I suggested she just keep it on her. Well, that was all from the Russian front today.
On the home front there was good news as it seems that her brother will not be contested by his ex for primary custody of little Phoenix. They are just trying to iron out some details.
Well, reporting for Stacia, Camille is over and out...
She did happen to see Pres. Putin's motorcade but did NOT happen to have her camera with her. I suggested she just keep it on her. Well, that was all from the Russian front today.
On the home front there was good news as it seems that her brother will not be contested by his ex for primary custody of little Phoenix. They are just trying to iron out some details.
Well, reporting for Stacia, Camille is over and out...
Friday, June 10, 2005
The package arrived safely...
This is Camille, posting for Stacia. I received an email from her today saying she is safely in Moscow. She is exhausted and starving to death and said she still feels like she is moving (don't you hate that?). Stacia said 11 other people are in the group that she will be with in Moscow and that she is ancient, oops, I mean, she is the oldest there. They all seemed like nice people and it looks like she has a fun summer ahead! I'll update here as often as she emails me. Or maybe we can just whisper about her until she comes back - she loves that.
That's all for today.
Camille
That's all for today.
Camille
Monday, June 06, 2005
This is it.
Well, I leave tomorrow. All the bills are paid, everyone has been e-mailed, keys have been distributed, the suitcase is packed. So I guess I am technically ready to leave. But I am a bundle of nerves. Tomorrow I leave for Washington DC for two days of orientation. Then on Thursday we leave for Russia and arrive there Friday. I'll see my friend Elena on Sunday. I don't perceive any huge problems, but you never know.
In October 1999 I boarded a plane to Moscow Russia. I was 25 and had never left the USA. I didn't know anyone in Russia. A friend of a friend of a friend knew someone in Russia who took in American boarders. I got off the plane not knowing if that person was actually going to be there to get me and if we would get along for the whole month I was there. She was, and we did and we're still friends (I'm staying with her again). But after my disastrous marriage, I needed the confidence that traveling to Russia, alone, as a woman, gave me. If I could do that, I could do anything. So I know that no matter what happens on this trip, I will be able to handle it. I am scared that I will be the worse Russian speaker in the group, that I will be the oldest. But you know what, it doesn't really matter. I'm going there to learn Russian, something I've wanted to do since I was 15 years old. I have a good foundation, and I want to learn. Even if I'm the oldest one there, I guess that means I'll probably be the one who is most sure of myself (not the most confident, just the one who knows myself the best), and I'll have wisdom to dispense (ha!). It's just one more thing to learn from. And I know I can do it.
I will miss everyone so much, especially since I wish I could take everyone with me. Wes is sorta freaking out. He's just going to miss me a lot. But I know we'll be able to do this. Camille is going to periodically update my blog, because I don't know how much internet access I'll have. On an unhappy note, Corinne (my brother's ex-fiance, the baby's mama), is pregnant. Now we definitely think she got pregnant on purpose with Phoenix (my brother was about to leave her) and we wonder if she got pregnant on purpose this time too. It looks like she was pregnant less than 4 months after her and my brother broke up. We hope this won't affect the custody thing.
Other than that, all I have left is to clean out the fridge, because I really don't want to come home to 2 month old pork and beans.
have a great summer,
Stacia
In October 1999 I boarded a plane to Moscow Russia. I was 25 and had never left the USA. I didn't know anyone in Russia. A friend of a friend of a friend knew someone in Russia who took in American boarders. I got off the plane not knowing if that person was actually going to be there to get me and if we would get along for the whole month I was there. She was, and we did and we're still friends (I'm staying with her again). But after my disastrous marriage, I needed the confidence that traveling to Russia, alone, as a woman, gave me. If I could do that, I could do anything. So I know that no matter what happens on this trip, I will be able to handle it. I am scared that I will be the worse Russian speaker in the group, that I will be the oldest. But you know what, it doesn't really matter. I'm going there to learn Russian, something I've wanted to do since I was 15 years old. I have a good foundation, and I want to learn. Even if I'm the oldest one there, I guess that means I'll probably be the one who is most sure of myself (not the most confident, just the one who knows myself the best), and I'll have wisdom to dispense (ha!). It's just one more thing to learn from. And I know I can do it.
I will miss everyone so much, especially since I wish I could take everyone with me. Wes is sorta freaking out. He's just going to miss me a lot. But I know we'll be able to do this. Camille is going to periodically update my blog, because I don't know how much internet access I'll have. On an unhappy note, Corinne (my brother's ex-fiance, the baby's mama), is pregnant. Now we definitely think she got pregnant on purpose with Phoenix (my brother was about to leave her) and we wonder if she got pregnant on purpose this time too. It looks like she was pregnant less than 4 months after her and my brother broke up. We hope this won't affect the custody thing.
Other than that, all I have left is to clean out the fridge, because I really don't want to come home to 2 month old pork and beans.
have a great summer,
Stacia
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Brick Lane
I just finished Brick Lane by Monica Ali. It is brilliant. It is about an immigrant, Muslim woman's life in England, before and after 9/11. I have read other Muslim literature before, especially Salman Rushdie, but this book took a very different perspective of culture clash and difficulty of not exactly fitting into your "new" society while not being able to go back to you old one. The book was beautifully written, and I couldn't put it down. It also ended on a sad but hopeful note. I would highly recommend it to anyone.
I told Wes I want to make us work. I do care about him very much, maybe a bit afraid to admit I love him. But it does feel right. I don't know what that means, but it feels natural, and safe and like it's meant to be. So, we'll see what the future holds. Just telling him that, most of the fear went away. I feel good.
I need to pack. I think half my suitcase is going to be filled with stuff for Elena and her family. I don't know what I'm going to fill it with on the way back. I've been there twice and don't really need anymore souvenirs. And I'm not buying that many gifts. Oh well. I think it's starting to hit home that I'm leaving for Russia for the whole summer. This will be the longest I will have ever been there. I hope I still like it when I get home.
My life is filled with hope and excitement!
Stacia
I told Wes I want to make us work. I do care about him very much, maybe a bit afraid to admit I love him. But it does feel right. I don't know what that means, but it feels natural, and safe and like it's meant to be. So, we'll see what the future holds. Just telling him that, most of the fear went away. I feel good.
I need to pack. I think half my suitcase is going to be filled with stuff for Elena and her family. I don't know what I'm going to fill it with on the way back. I've been there twice and don't really need anymore souvenirs. And I'm not buying that many gifts. Oh well. I think it's starting to hit home that I'm leaving for Russia for the whole summer. This will be the longest I will have ever been there. I hope I still like it when I get home.
My life is filled with hope and excitement!
Stacia
Friday, June 03, 2005
Not stating the obvious. . . for obvious reasons
Last night I checked out Camille's blog and she had a link to another blog, which I also checked out. Since I have no idea how computer's work (there's a hamster on a wheel in there, right?), I don't know how to add the link, but you can click on her link on my page and go about it the long way (yes, I know several of my links don't work and I don't know why). Anyway, this page is about secrets. It made me cry and it made me want to hug every single person I meet from here on out and tell them that someone loves them. Only, I don't have enough energy to love everyone. Sometimes, I don't have enough energy to love myself. But it made me think about my secrets. Only I don't really have any. Everyone knows that during the last months of my marriage I prayed my (ex)husband would die. But, sometimes we keep secrets from ourselves too. So, I guess this is my secret. I'm afraid to be loved by a man. I'm afraid I'm not worth it and that any man who thinks he loves me will someday realize the truth about who I am and leave me. And I know this is a large part of my problem with Wes. Because if I let him love me, and then he leaves, not only would I lose a great man, I would lose a really good long-term friend. And if I do let him love me, I would cry and cry and cry and cry. Probably for hours. Snotty nose crying. Hyperventilating crying. Just letting out all the pain, shame, and fear until all I felt was hope. I think I'll wait until I get back from Russia, because I really don't have time before then.
I'm a dirty, rotten whore. And you're just jealous because either, a) I won't sleep with you, or b) you don't have men lining up to do you. I went out to dinner with two guy friends last night. One of them, I really, really like. Which is weird because he is not physically attractive in any way, shape or form. Just something about his personality. And I could never picture anything with him long term. So, this is the issue: he has a long-distance girlfriend. And there's Wes. And this other guy is moving out of the state while I'm in Russia. And we both really want each other bad. He's never stated it, but last night his words and actions were so obvious, that even my poor, totally out of it friend, Sean, was rolling his eyes. This other guy offered to help watch over my place while I'm in Russia. I told him I could bring him my key and e-mail him information. But he thought it would make more sense if he came over, ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, so I could show him around. I live in a one-bedroom apartment. What the hell am I supposed to show him? I don't know yet. I guess I'll just figure that out later. Like when I get back from Russia, because I really don't have time before then.
I'm a dirty, rotten whore. And you're just jealous because either, a) I won't sleep with you, or b) you don't have men lining up to do you. I went out to dinner with two guy friends last night. One of them, I really, really like. Which is weird because he is not physically attractive in any way, shape or form. Just something about his personality. And I could never picture anything with him long term. So, this is the issue: he has a long-distance girlfriend. And there's Wes. And this other guy is moving out of the state while I'm in Russia. And we both really want each other bad. He's never stated it, but last night his words and actions were so obvious, that even my poor, totally out of it friend, Sean, was rolling his eyes. This other guy offered to help watch over my place while I'm in Russia. I told him I could bring him my key and e-mail him information. But he thought it would make more sense if he came over, ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, so I could show him around. I live in a one-bedroom apartment. What the hell am I supposed to show him? I don't know yet. I guess I'll just figure that out later. Like when I get back from Russia, because I really don't have time before then.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
August vacation
I had a pretty good day yesterday. Went swimming again, and that felt good. I'm excited that I'll be able to swim in Russia. That sounds like such a minor thing, but I find that these are the places where you get to know "real" Russians. Besides, I want to see the condition of their pools. Besides the flowers, I also got the books I ordered for my Russian trip. A smaller, not falling apart, dictionary, a phrase book, a grammar book and a tourist guide. I've never bought one of those before (the tourist guide) and I've been to Russia twice, Germany once and Mexico once. So, that's kind of a new experience, to read about everything I've missed by only going to places suggested by my Russian friends. It's a nice one too. Cover price was $25 but I got it for $16 on Amazon.com (gotta love it). I've been getting almost daily e-mails from the program (actr.org) about itinerary, directions, stuff to bring, ect. I'm starting to get really, really excited. I can't wait. I still have more gifts to buy, but other than that, I feel pretty prepared (ok, I still have to pay all the bills before I leave, but other than that).
Talked to Wes last night. He said everyone knew how well the vacation went without asking. He said he can't stop smiling. He also told me he's not going to date anyone, mostly because he has no desire to. I told him I appreciated that, and while I haven't dated in almost 4 years, I just didn't feel like I could make that promise yet. He was cool with that. He also wants to take me on a cruise at the end of August. It sounds nice, but sounds too much like a honeymoon. He's moving to the East coast and I've never really spent any time there, so I'm going to suggest I just come for a visit instead. I do want to spend time with him, I just think a cruise would put too much pressure on me. Besides, I want to get married on a cruise.
Anyway, I have to run around today with a few more errands (picking up enough birth control for 2 months: I plan on skipping my period while I'm there, because who really wants to use Russian tampons? Did you know that tampons is not part of the blog spellcheck?), buy more gifts and I think I'm having dinner tonight with a couple of my friends. I also want to finish the new book I started, but I don't think I'll be able to.
Stacia
Talked to Wes last night. He said everyone knew how well the vacation went without asking. He said he can't stop smiling. He also told me he's not going to date anyone, mostly because he has no desire to. I told him I appreciated that, and while I haven't dated in almost 4 years, I just didn't feel like I could make that promise yet. He was cool with that. He also wants to take me on a cruise at the end of August. It sounds nice, but sounds too much like a honeymoon. He's moving to the East coast and I've never really spent any time there, so I'm going to suggest I just come for a visit instead. I do want to spend time with him, I just think a cruise would put too much pressure on me. Besides, I want to get married on a cruise.
Anyway, I have to run around today with a few more errands (picking up enough birth control for 2 months: I plan on skipping my period while I'm there, because who really wants to use Russian tampons? Did you know that tampons is not part of the blog spellcheck?), buy more gifts and I think I'm having dinner tonight with a couple of my friends. I also want to finish the new book I started, but I don't think I'll be able to.
Stacia
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The Bluest Eye
This is one of the most depressing books I have ever read. This poor little black girl wants blue eyes because she thinks she's ugly and that blue eyes would make her beautiful to herself and society. I just want to hug her and tell her she is beautiful just the way she is. From this point forward, I promise that no matter what, I will always find at least one physical attribute to compliment on every little girl I ever meet. I hope Toni Morrison realizes what a great job she did of writing this girl's story. I would recommend it to everyone. This book will also make you look around to all the fashion magazines to see how mainstream beauty is portrayed. Not just the skinny girls, but the lack of color. Beauty still isn't colorblind and it should be.
ok, I'm going to read another book, and hopefully not one as depressing,
Stacia
ps. brownine and PJ party this weekend at my place.
ok, I'm going to read another book, and hopefully not one as depressing,
Stacia
ps. brownine and PJ party this weekend at my place.
Ahhhhhhh!
This morning, at a quarter to 9, I hadn't showered, or brushed my teeth, or hair, hadn't washed my face, wearing nasty clothes, and the doorbell rings. It's fed-ex with a package. I open it and it's a dozen pink tulips (my favorite) with this note. "I know you won't have long to enjoy these but I wanted to say what a wonderful time I had being with you last week. I would wait a lifetime to be with you forever. With love, Wes." What can one say to that? I mean, really?
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Water
I went swimming, for the first time in more than two weeks, today. I also got my second Hep B shot today, so my arm was a bit sore. I wanted to do at least 8 laps (1/2 mile), but some jerk, who should have been in the fast lane instead of the slow lane, butt in. Since I swim to reduce stress, I refuse to swim after someone has pissed me off: it defeats the purpose. But I did manage to do 7 laps, and it felt really good. I think I may have pushed my arm too far though. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.
Yesterday I cleaned my entire apartment. It looks really nice. I also read Like Water for Chocolate. The book was really good, but I really didn't like the ending. In the end, Tita has to choose between intense, burning, life-threatening passion, or a stable, loving man who makes her happy but doesn't necessarily set her on fire. Well (spoiler ahead), she chooses passion and in the end of the book, literally burns to death with her lover (that must have been some orgasm). I have felt that type of passion, and it is life-threatening. People make dumb-ass choices and decisions for this type of love. And in the end, all it does is burn you. At this point in my life, I would prefer the stability, the safety and the comfort of a less passionate relationship. Maybe that's why I'm considering Wes. If a computer dating service saw our profiles, it would hook us up. We work well together, laugh together, and feel safe together. I think he feels much more passion for me than I do for him. But I don't want to give the impression that I don't feel any passion or desire for Wes, because that's not true either. I don't know how to explain it. When I was in a passionate relationship I felt like I would die if it ended and I was constantly worried that it would. With Wes, I know I wouldn't die and I know he will always be there for me. If it ended, I would miss him terribly, but I could go on. With the other relationships, the passion was so great that it couldn't have possibly gotten any stronger. With Wes, I expect it to get stronger for years and years. So, I'm not madly, passionately in love with Wes, but I think what I feel is probably better, stronger, and safer than anything that is based on passion. Now, if I didn't think I could fall in love with Wes, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him. I am perfectly happy alone, and the thought of being alone forever doesn't bother me (especially since I'm not really alone: I have friends and family). I will wait and see what happens.
Camille, sorry it took me this long, but here are your 5 questions:
1. What is your most favorite memory of us together?
2. What do you consider your best physical feature?
3. If you were given $5000 and couldn't spend it on anyone but yourself (and not on bills) what would you do with it?
4. Where's the one place you want to visit with just you and Bart? The whole family? Just you?
5. Do you still want to be an astronaut? If not, what is the non-realistic job you would like?
Alright, I got a ton of stuff done today for my trip, but I need to study my Russian.
Stacia
Yesterday I cleaned my entire apartment. It looks really nice. I also read Like Water for Chocolate. The book was really good, but I really didn't like the ending. In the end, Tita has to choose between intense, burning, life-threatening passion, or a stable, loving man who makes her happy but doesn't necessarily set her on fire. Well (spoiler ahead), she chooses passion and in the end of the book, literally burns to death with her lover (that must have been some orgasm). I have felt that type of passion, and it is life-threatening. People make dumb-ass choices and decisions for this type of love. And in the end, all it does is burn you. At this point in my life, I would prefer the stability, the safety and the comfort of a less passionate relationship. Maybe that's why I'm considering Wes. If a computer dating service saw our profiles, it would hook us up. We work well together, laugh together, and feel safe together. I think he feels much more passion for me than I do for him. But I don't want to give the impression that I don't feel any passion or desire for Wes, because that's not true either. I don't know how to explain it. When I was in a passionate relationship I felt like I would die if it ended and I was constantly worried that it would. With Wes, I know I wouldn't die and I know he will always be there for me. If it ended, I would miss him terribly, but I could go on. With the other relationships, the passion was so great that it couldn't have possibly gotten any stronger. With Wes, I expect it to get stronger for years and years. So, I'm not madly, passionately in love with Wes, but I think what I feel is probably better, stronger, and safer than anything that is based on passion. Now, if I didn't think I could fall in love with Wes, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him. I am perfectly happy alone, and the thought of being alone forever doesn't bother me (especially since I'm not really alone: I have friends and family). I will wait and see what happens.
Camille, sorry it took me this long, but here are your 5 questions:
1. What is your most favorite memory of us together?
2. What do you consider your best physical feature?
3. If you were given $5000 and couldn't spend it on anyone but yourself (and not on bills) what would you do with it?
4. Where's the one place you want to visit with just you and Bart? The whole family? Just you?
5. Do you still want to be an astronaut? If not, what is the non-realistic job you would like?
Alright, I got a ton of stuff done today for my trip, but I need to study my Russian.
Stacia
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Big sigh of relief
Well, Wes left today. And the big sigh of relief is NOT because he is gone. I'm actually going to miss him. We ended up having a great week, lot's of long talks and I think we may even have a future. We talked about family, growing up, school, church, religion, personal beliefs, relationships, stability, travel, food, sex, kids, adoption, money, marriage and feelings. Feelings: not a topic I enjoy discussing. Wes has them, strong. At this point, I have them, but they're not that strong. I think we would be very happy if we were together. And I've never really thought that about anyone. I also know I could fall in love with him. So I guess it just comes down to the timing and distance thing. He thinks it's possible. I just don't know yet. I will just sit back and see. Besides, I leave for Russia in 10 days and have a ton of stuff to do before then.
So, the big sigh is because it went well. Better than I thought. At this point, he appears willing to be very patient about everything. We will see what happens.
Did I mention that at the zoo, the cow licked my arm? It was weird. Also, my nephew looks so old in the pictures I just got back. I already miss him too.
Stacia
So, the big sigh is because it went well. Better than I thought. At this point, he appears willing to be very patient about everything. We will see what happens.
Did I mention that at the zoo, the cow licked my arm? It was weird. Also, my nephew looks so old in the pictures I just got back. I already miss him too.
Stacia
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Farmer's Market Day
I'm so excited it's Saturday!!!!! I love the Farmer's Market. It is my absolutely favorite thing about living in Madison. Today, Wes and I are going to go. And it's sunny out. It will be a good day today.
This week is actually turning out really well. There was that rocky start, but it has smoothed out considerably since then. Wes and I are having a really good time together and we are comfortable with each other. We've done almost everything there is to do around town, and we've gone shopping a couple of times. Yesterday he bought me a new outfit and a digital camera. He said I really needed one for my trip to Russia. We kind of argued about that one for a while. My mama taught me never to accept expensive gifts from men you weren't really in a relationship with, but Wes argued that it was just my Christmas present, for the last 15 years. I was teasing him about being my sugar daddy, but he said that really wasn't the position he wanted. At least permanently. We've had some really good conversations, but I'll write about those later. Camille, I think this is going to be ok. I'll call you next week.
ok, I need to get ready for the Farmer's Market. I've also noticed a lot of people are beautifying their blogs. I don't have time for that now, but maybe when I get back. I'd like to put some links on here.
Everyone have a great Memorial Day weekend, and please take at least a moment to acknowledge and thank those men and women who bravely and dutifully died defending our rights and freedoms. And if you know someone who is still in the service, let them know how much you appreciate them.
Stacia
This week is actually turning out really well. There was that rocky start, but it has smoothed out considerably since then. Wes and I are having a really good time together and we are comfortable with each other. We've done almost everything there is to do around town, and we've gone shopping a couple of times. Yesterday he bought me a new outfit and a digital camera. He said I really needed one for my trip to Russia. We kind of argued about that one for a while. My mama taught me never to accept expensive gifts from men you weren't really in a relationship with, but Wes argued that it was just my Christmas present, for the last 15 years. I was teasing him about being my sugar daddy, but he said that really wasn't the position he wanted. At least permanently. We've had some really good conversations, but I'll write about those later. Camille, I think this is going to be ok. I'll call you next week.
ok, I need to get ready for the Farmer's Market. I've also noticed a lot of people are beautifying their blogs. I don't have time for that now, but maybe when I get back. I'd like to put some links on here.
Everyone have a great Memorial Day weekend, and please take at least a moment to acknowledge and thank those men and women who bravely and dutifully died defending our rights and freedoms. And if you know someone who is still in the service, let them know how much you appreciate them.
Stacia
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Vacation saga #2
Wes is here this week. I went and picked him up in my red dress. I looked absolutely fantastic. The reception went well. Wes definitely enjoys people in a way I don't. But it went well. Sunday we went to campus and walked up the shopping district. He bought me a very pretty sundress. We also got icecream, and generally just enjoyed the day. I made him watch Napoleon Dynamite and he now thinks I have a very strange sense of humor (I do). We also watched Sean of the Dead. Hilarious.
Monday, we went to a bookstore and the mall. Then, he decided we should go out and drink. So, I called a few of my friends and we went out. In hindsight, not the best idea. We both got hammered and things went a little bit too far. He didn't even remember what happened the next day (it took a full day for both of us to recuperate). All of a sudden his eyes got real big and he looked at me. And apologized profusely. He also said his punishment was the fact that he didn't really remember what had happened, but just knew something had. I was a little pissed at that point, but he really did make up for it. He told me he hadn't expected that at all. That before he got here he would have been happy with just cuddling and some kissing. And he didn't suggest we do it again, and he hasn't tried. We've also had some really good conversations. And we do get along rather well. Today we're going to go to the zoo, and tonight we're going to see episode 3. Tomorrow, the capital building and the museum. Friday, the biggest brat fest in the world. Saturday, the farmer's market and an organ concert and Sunday he goes home.
So, that's about it for now. I'll update again when he leaves.
Monday, we went to a bookstore and the mall. Then, he decided we should go out and drink. So, I called a few of my friends and we went out. In hindsight, not the best idea. We both got hammered and things went a little bit too far. He didn't even remember what happened the next day (it took a full day for both of us to recuperate). All of a sudden his eyes got real big and he looked at me. And apologized profusely. He also said his punishment was the fact that he didn't really remember what had happened, but just knew something had. I was a little pissed at that point, but he really did make up for it. He told me he hadn't expected that at all. That before he got here he would have been happy with just cuddling and some kissing. And he didn't suggest we do it again, and he hasn't tried. We've also had some really good conversations. And we do get along rather well. Today we're going to go to the zoo, and tonight we're going to see episode 3. Tomorrow, the capital building and the museum. Friday, the biggest brat fest in the world. Saturday, the farmer's market and an organ concert and Sunday he goes home.
So, that's about it for now. I'll update again when he leaves.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Stacia says "moo"
I just got back from my "vacation" and now I need to sleep for a week. Only Wes is coming tomorrow. My vacation was really great, but there were so many people there, and I feel like I spent all my time taking care of my nephew (which was fun) or helping Grandma keep the house clean (which was not fun because I think I was the only one (out of 10) doing this). Phoenix and I went for at least 2 walks a day. I would kill for half of his energy and half of his nap time! He can say many words, but not my name. He did know who I was though, and if you asked him where I was, he would come pat me. He also knows all his animal sounds and Grandma was asking him all of them, and then asked "what sound does Stacia make," hence the title of this blog. He is sooooo cute! My brother looks great too! He finally shaved his head (he had long hair and is definitely going bald). I have a huge headache right now, but I should be cleaning the house.
Wes is coming tomorrow and I guess I already did all the freaking out. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and then picking him up from the airport and then going to the reception. I'm wearing a very sexy red dress. I just tried it on, and it is even sexier than I remembered. I guess we'll find out right away if Wes is a gentleman. If he's not, he can turn around and get back on the plane!
ok, I'm exhausted and I think I'm going to relax a bit before trying to get some sleep (in a bed where my sister isn't sleeping and waking me up because she can't sleep).
Wes is coming tomorrow and I guess I already did all the freaking out. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and then picking him up from the airport and then going to the reception. I'm wearing a very sexy red dress. I just tried it on, and it is even sexier than I remembered. I guess we'll find out right away if Wes is a gentleman. If he's not, he can turn around and get back on the plane!
ok, I'm exhausted and I think I'm going to relax a bit before trying to get some sleep (in a bed where my sister isn't sleeping and waking me up because she can't sleep).
Friday, May 13, 2005
And the winner is. . . .
It is finished. My papers are turned in. The finals are graded. Semester grades have been tallied. I am currently getting ready for the lovely (and long) 8 hour drive to my grandparents, thrilled beyond belief that it is raining and cold all the way there. Such perfect driving weather. But it is my vacation, and I am going to enjoy it. I won't be updating for a week though, so don't miss me too much.
So, the absolute winner for the dumbest things written on the final exams:
Tolstoy and Gogol were "realist" because they were able to accurately describe the negative aspects of Soviet society.
closely followed by:
Orthodoxy played a much more important role in Russia than in any other European country.
And no, I'm not going to explain why these are hilarious. If you want to know, you can look it up. That is your assignment for the next week.
Stacia
So, the absolute winner for the dumbest things written on the final exams:
Tolstoy and Gogol were "realist" because they were able to accurately describe the negative aspects of Soviet society.
closely followed by:
Orthodoxy played a much more important role in Russia than in any other European country.
And no, I'm not going to explain why these are hilarious. If you want to know, you can look it up. That is your assignment for the next week.
Stacia
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Questions from you
The deal:1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So here are Beth's questions for me.
1) Is there any person, people, or cause that you would not hesitate to give your life for? What is it and why?
The first person I thought of was Camille. Camille has been my best friend since we were 13 and we've been through some really hard times together. And of course, my family too.
2) Where were you when you first heard about 9-11? In what ways were you affected?
I had just recently moved to Madison and I was in training for my new job. They came in a announced it before anyone really knew what was going on. I called home and found out that both my dad and brother had been sent home from work because they worked in downtown Dallas. I don't know anyone who was killed or injured, but my uncle is a minister in the reserves and he had to formally contact several families of those killed in the Pentagon. I just remember thinking how hard that had to have been.
3) What literary character do you most identify with and why?
That would have to be Dolgoruky in Dostoevsky's The Adolescent. The book is about this young man who thinks he is an adult, mature, intelligent and better than everyone else. The book goes through a period of time when he finds out he's not really an adult, he's not mature, he doesn't know anything and that he isn't better, morally or intellectually, than anyone else. And only once he realizes this can be become an adult. I just really related to the character and the process of "becoming an adult" and confident in who I am.
4) When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt and you could hardly breathe? Who were you with, and what were you laughing about?
It was probably Camille and it was probably Christmas time and it was probably about something stupid. Although, I've laughed pretty hard lately with my friend Sarah. We've been laughing about school (she's another graduate student), students (she also TA's) and sex (we both need it).
5) What is love? What is hate?
To me love is not a romantic feeling. It has nothing to do with flowers or cards, or warm fuzzies. And it really doesn't have anything to do with sex. For me love is what my grandparents have. My grandfather was hit by shrapnel in WWII and is pretty much in constant pain. (The doctors actually only gave him 5 years to live, said he would never walk again and never have kids: boy, they were wrong on all counts). But my grandma takes such good care of him. He is grumpy and can be mean (he's in pain!), but she loves him and takes care of ALL his needs, and they aren't all exactly pleasant. To me, that is love.
Hate, wow, that's a hard one. There's two types for me. The type where you feel so passionately about something that it can turn into hate (think ex-boyfriend type of passion where you're mad at yourself because you can't get him out of your head or heart) and then there's the situation where someone has done something so bad to someone you love that you want to take a baseball bat to their head (think of the man who molested my brother when he was 16).
ok, I have a hair appointment, but this was fun! Made me think about myself in new ways.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So here are Beth's questions for me.
1) Is there any person, people, or cause that you would not hesitate to give your life for? What is it and why?
The first person I thought of was Camille. Camille has been my best friend since we were 13 and we've been through some really hard times together. And of course, my family too.
2) Where were you when you first heard about 9-11? In what ways were you affected?
I had just recently moved to Madison and I was in training for my new job. They came in a announced it before anyone really knew what was going on. I called home and found out that both my dad and brother had been sent home from work because they worked in downtown Dallas. I don't know anyone who was killed or injured, but my uncle is a minister in the reserves and he had to formally contact several families of those killed in the Pentagon. I just remember thinking how hard that had to have been.
3) What literary character do you most identify with and why?
That would have to be Dolgoruky in Dostoevsky's The Adolescent. The book is about this young man who thinks he is an adult, mature, intelligent and better than everyone else. The book goes through a period of time when he finds out he's not really an adult, he's not mature, he doesn't know anything and that he isn't better, morally or intellectually, than anyone else. And only once he realizes this can be become an adult. I just really related to the character and the process of "becoming an adult" and confident in who I am.
4) When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt and you could hardly breathe? Who were you with, and what were you laughing about?
It was probably Camille and it was probably Christmas time and it was probably about something stupid. Although, I've laughed pretty hard lately with my friend Sarah. We've been laughing about school (she's another graduate student), students (she also TA's) and sex (we both need it).
5) What is love? What is hate?
To me love is not a romantic feeling. It has nothing to do with flowers or cards, or warm fuzzies. And it really doesn't have anything to do with sex. For me love is what my grandparents have. My grandfather was hit by shrapnel in WWII and is pretty much in constant pain. (The doctors actually only gave him 5 years to live, said he would never walk again and never have kids: boy, they were wrong on all counts). But my grandma takes such good care of him. He is grumpy and can be mean (he's in pain!), but she loves him and takes care of ALL his needs, and they aren't all exactly pleasant. To me, that is love.
Hate, wow, that's a hard one. There's two types for me. The type where you feel so passionately about something that it can turn into hate (think ex-boyfriend type of passion where you're mad at yourself because you can't get him out of your head or heart) and then there's the situation where someone has done something so bad to someone you love that you want to take a baseball bat to their head (think of the man who molested my brother when he was 16).
ok, I have a hair appointment, but this was fun! Made me think about myself in new ways.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Papers, papers, sex
If I spend all this time writing these papers, I think I deserve a good reward afterwards, like sex! So I've thought about the whole situation and talked to my best friend Camille, because she knows me better than anyone and I've decided, I'm just going to see what happens with all the situations and enjoy the ride. I'm still slightly irritated with Wes. Why did he have to bring up the possibility of us having a committed relationship together about 4 years before that's actually a possibility? Did he really expect me to just sit around and wait while he went out and did his thing? So, since we don't have a commitment and we've both made it very clear that we don't have a commitment, I refuse to feel guilty for any of my thoughts or actions with other men. And, Wes is not getting any when he is here next week. I just don't feel comfortable with that.
So, what's the best way to ask an acquaintance if he'd like to get it on?
The next week is going to be very hectic, and then I leave Friday to visit family. Before then, I have to finish writing 2 twenty page papers. At this point, I have 17 crappy pages for one, and 12 pretty good pages for the other. Tomorrow morning, at 7:45am my students take their final exams, and then I have 3 days to grade about 40 finals, while I'm trying to finish my papers. Then I drive 8 hours to visit family. I come back on the 20th, Wes flies in on the 21st and leaves on the 29th and I leave for Russia on June 7th. Ok, the next month is going to be hectic. Please send lot's of energy vibes my way!
So, what's the best way to ask an acquaintance if he'd like to get it on?
The next week is going to be very hectic, and then I leave Friday to visit family. Before then, I have to finish writing 2 twenty page papers. At this point, I have 17 crappy pages for one, and 12 pretty good pages for the other. Tomorrow morning, at 7:45am my students take their final exams, and then I have 3 days to grade about 40 finals, while I'm trying to finish my papers. Then I drive 8 hours to visit family. I come back on the 20th, Wes flies in on the 21st and leaves on the 29th and I leave for Russia on June 7th. Ok, the next month is going to be hectic. Please send lot's of energy vibes my way!
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Am I evil?
Ok, so the last post was about the beautiful flowers Wes sent me and how sweet and great that was. This post is about this guy I know here in Madison I want to nail. Does that make me evil? I actually wrote about him back in March, but the situation seemed hopeless at the time. Things have changed. Although, it wouldn't be a relationship, at least not the type Wes wants with me. This other guy is a colleague, but due to situations is leaving at the end of the summer. There's definately an attraction there but it would be a totally casual thing. I'm not going to have sex with Wes, because it's a long distance thing, and I know he's still having sex with other people. It would be too difficult for me to be in an open "committed relationship." So, what do I do? This other guy knows about Wes. Wes doesn't know about anything. Like I told a friend last night, "If Wes can't keep his dick in his pants, why should I keep other people's dicks out of mine?"
A little help here!
A little help here!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Roses
Today, when I came home from school, there were a dozen yellow roses waiting for me with a card. "Thought you might like something pretty (other than you) around the house while you study. See you soon, Wes." They are so beautiful. Now, I'm not a highly romantic person, and I'm not the type of girl who expects flowers, and Wes knows that. So I guess that makes them even more special, because, not only is it not my birthday or Valentines day, but I would have been perfectly happy with Wes even if he hadn't sent flowers. Now I really can't wait to see him!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
It's not a dream
Wes called at 11:00p last night, apologizing because he knows I'm in bed asleep, but he needs to confirm his flight times with me before he buys. So after I confirm, he buys the plane tickets while we're on the phone. And he e-mails me the itinerary. HE'S REALLY COMING! I'm so excited and nervous and scared and excited and, and, and. And so is he! He's very nervous and scared and excited too. Which I think is a good thing, because I know he doesn't think he's just showing up to get some (which he isn't getting anyway). He didn't want to tell me how he felt about the situation because he was afraid it would freak me out and change the way I acted towards him, but he said we would talk about it while he is here. You know, feelings. But beyond the serious stuff, we are going to have so much fun. This gives me some incentive to keep the house clean and get my papers written.
Yesterday started out pretty good. I found five dollars at the gym. And as a poor student I felt bad, but how are you going to figure out which poor student lost five dollars? So I'm five dollars richer.
But then, last night, I got hit with one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I got those little spangly things in front of my eyes, so I took Tylenol immediately, and that usually heads off the worst of it. Not last night. Last night, I couldn't even see anything for more than 2 hours. During and for many hours after that, intense pain. Which means, I didn't get any homework done, because how are you going to read and write in that condition? Which sucks. So, I will be busy, busy, busy until next Thursday, when I would like to be done. I guess I should go get started.
Yesterday started out pretty good. I found five dollars at the gym. And as a poor student I felt bad, but how are you going to figure out which poor student lost five dollars? So I'm five dollars richer.
But then, last night, I got hit with one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I got those little spangly things in front of my eyes, so I took Tylenol immediately, and that usually heads off the worst of it. Not last night. Last night, I couldn't even see anything for more than 2 hours. During and for many hours after that, intense pain. Which means, I didn't get any homework done, because how are you going to read and write in that condition? Which sucks. So, I will be busy, busy, busy until next Thursday, when I would like to be done. I guess I should go get started.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
What I'm missing
I just got off the phone with my mom. I guess they celebrated Mom's day yesterday since someone is going to be out of town for the next 3 weeks. So there were my parents, my sister and her boyfriend, my grandmere, my aunt and uncle and of course, my brother and nephew. Everyone was playing with Phoenix, because he is cute. When my mom went to put him to bed, he had his little stuffed bunny with him. She said he was a little wound up, because everyone had been playing with him, and he was just talking away to his bunny (ok, he is not even 2 yet, so while he can say certain words, he isn't exactly coherent). When he was through "telling" the bunny about his day, mom said he gave a big sigh, hugged the bunny, rolled over and went immediately to sleep. She said it was so cute. And I'm missing it. I get to see them in 2 weeks. For a whole 5 days. That's it, five days to hold me over until Christmas. And then it probably won't be until summer again. And then Christmas. This sucks. Of course, when he's three, maybe it'll be a good thing I won't see him that much. I just hate being so far away from my family sometimes. Other times, it's the greatest thing in the world!
I got so much done yesterday. A ton of homework. And I cleaned the house. It was a great day. But I didn't manage to hold until the momentum today. oh well, you have to take a break sometimes. I'm getting the important but small stuff off my to do list today. One of which, is taking my vaccination pills for typhoid. Now, this is a live vaccination and some of the side effects are quite unpleasant (along the lines of what typhoid does). So far, so good. Let's hope it stays that way.
ok, I guess I should get some homework done. This was a great weekend. Hope I feel that way about the rest of the week. Only two more weeks in the semester. That's very scary. Gotta get started/finished with those papers.
I got so much done yesterday. A ton of homework. And I cleaned the house. It was a great day. But I didn't manage to hold until the momentum today. oh well, you have to take a break sometimes. I'm getting the important but small stuff off my to do list today. One of which, is taking my vaccination pills for typhoid. Now, this is a live vaccination and some of the side effects are quite unpleasant (along the lines of what typhoid does). So far, so good. Let's hope it stays that way.
ok, I guess I should get some homework done. This was a great weekend. Hope I feel that way about the rest of the week. Only two more weeks in the semester. That's very scary. Gotta get started/finished with those papers.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Federal money
Let's hear it for the Feds!!!!! Even with all these tax cuts, they still have enough money to give me $6500 for a Russian language program this summer, and now, they're offering to pay for my flight too (up to $1000). Now, I'm sure this will piss some people off, I mean really, why should the government care if anyone in the USA knows anything at all about any other language, culture, country, government, religion, ect. than "our" own. (Just for those of you who don't know me, that was a highly sarcastic remark) Of course, I'm sure that somewhere in the fine print it states that I have to listen to a recruitment lecture for the State department, CIA and FBI. But I think it would be worth it. My dad actually wants me to work for the government, but he doesn't want me to do field word (or kill anybody), and if I can't kill anybody, I don't think working for the government would be worth it! (That actually isn't a sarcastic remark: if I'm going to sell my soul, I want to be able to get away with murder).
So, today, I'm actually in a good mood, even though I'm tired, my apartment is a disaster area (I'm hoping the mayor will officially declare it so I can get some more fed money to clean it up), I have two papers to write this weekend, and laundry to do. But in two weeks, it will all be over. At least for this semester.
So, today, I'm actually in a good mood, even though I'm tired, my apartment is a disaster area (I'm hoping the mayor will officially declare it so I can get some more fed money to clean it up), I have two papers to write this weekend, and laundry to do. But in two weeks, it will all be over. At least for this semester.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Some students are morons!
Now, not all of them, mind you. Just the one who copied full paragraphs from the internet for his paper and didn't footnote. And worse yet, left in the footnote numbers in the paragraph, which led to . . . nothing, because he didn't footnote. And he wants to know how we caught that? Yeah, after 10 years of college I'm not intelligent enough to figure that one out. I may be 31, but I know how to google. I tried doing a drag net and told the entire class that more than one person had cheated and they should contact the professor asap to avoid expulsion, but no one else bit. Oh well, I guess one is good enough.
My paper update: I e-mailed everyone 11 pages of paper and 2 pages of bibliography for my presentation on Thurs. It's a 15-20 page paper, so technically, I'm already done with half of it. That actually makes me feel really, really good. For the other paper, I'll be through reading for that this weekend, and then have 2 weeks to write that 20 page paper. I actually feel like everything is under control. For once. We'll see how long that lasts.
I finally managed to get my HIV test done yesterday. I'm picking up my results tomorrow and then fed-exing everything to DC. They have to have it by the 2nd. I still haven't found anyone to sublet my place yet. Any takers?
have a great day, and if you're in the upper midwest like I am, stay warm!
My paper update: I e-mailed everyone 11 pages of paper and 2 pages of bibliography for my presentation on Thurs. It's a 15-20 page paper, so technically, I'm already done with half of it. That actually makes me feel really, really good. For the other paper, I'll be through reading for that this weekend, and then have 2 weeks to write that 20 page paper. I actually feel like everything is under control. For once. We'll see how long that lasts.
I finally managed to get my HIV test done yesterday. I'm picking up my results tomorrow and then fed-exing everything to DC. They have to have it by the 2nd. I still haven't found anyone to sublet my place yet. Any takers?
have a great day, and if you're in the upper midwest like I am, stay warm!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!!!
I dreamt about my ex-husband last night. Which is weird, because I normally only dream about him when I'm in a relationship that I shouldn't be. The situation is almost always the same: we're back together, even though I don't really want to be, and then I realize I just can't do it and I leave. This dream was very different. First, he was wearing a hideous black toupee (yes, my ex was bald). Then, in the dream, he wanted to be with me, but failed to mention the fact to his mom and his girlfriend. So, at least in this dream, I didn't feeling guilty about ending the relationship. Is it a warning against Wes? What does it mean?
I finally finished grading those crappy papers. I ended up with such a bad allergy headache last night that it kind of went like this: this is a B paper but I really don't have the energy to explain why to the student: AB. So, it kind of worked out for the students. I still only have 7 unorganized pages for my presentation this week. I guess I know what I'll be doing tonight. Also, I have got to clean my apartment. It's disgusting and I'm sure it's adding to my allergies. Therefore, I will clean a room everyday this week until I don't feel dirty being here.
hope everyone has a great week,
Stacia
I finally finished grading those crappy papers. I ended up with such a bad allergy headache last night that it kind of went like this: this is a B paper but I really don't have the energy to explain why to the student: AB. So, it kind of worked out for the students. I still only have 7 unorganized pages for my presentation this week. I guess I know what I'll be doing tonight. Also, I have got to clean my apartment. It's disgusting and I'm sure it's adding to my allergies. Therefore, I will clean a room everyday this week until I don't feel dirty being here.
hope everyone has a great week,
Stacia
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Take them away!
My allergies are killing me. I can't breathe and my head feels like it weighs 20lbs, and it hurts. It makes it very hard to focus my eyes, and thus, to read. That would be fine, except it's the end of the semester and I have to write two papers and grade 40 papers. (ok, I already graded 30 of them). Still, all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep until I feel better.
And I want banana pudding. If you take a regular yellow cake mix, and replace one of the eggs with a banana, and increase the water by 1/4 c. It tastes so good. Crumble half the cake on the bottom of the cake pan. Cover with cut up bananas, and then spread banana pudding over that (2 boxes worth), then crumble the rest of the cake over the pudding. . . . I'm now drooling like Homer Simpson. I'm going to have to go to the store.
I figured out what I want with Wes. Ok, maybe not Wes specifically, but what I want in a relationship. I want intimacy. Now don't laugh. Yes, I'm 31 years old, but closeness was never something I wanted with a guy before. I guess it was that whole, I'm self-sufficient and I don't really need anyone type of thing. And I'm still self-sufficient, I've just realized you can be self-sufficient and still be intimate with someone. Who knew? So with Wes. I want hand-holding and cuddling and maybe some kissing, but no sex. I want to actually enjoy all the in between stages, and get to know him and let us happen slowly. I don't know exactly what he wants. I'm just going to wait and see. He is a gentleman though, so I do know he's not coming to visit me because he expects us to have sex. Which is good, because then he would be sleeping outside!
anyway, I'm going to go take some allergy medicine, go to the store, and then work on my papers. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Stacia
And I want banana pudding. If you take a regular yellow cake mix, and replace one of the eggs with a banana, and increase the water by 1/4 c. It tastes so good. Crumble half the cake on the bottom of the cake pan. Cover with cut up bananas, and then spread banana pudding over that (2 boxes worth), then crumble the rest of the cake over the pudding. . . . I'm now drooling like Homer Simpson. I'm going to have to go to the store.
I figured out what I want with Wes. Ok, maybe not Wes specifically, but what I want in a relationship. I want intimacy. Now don't laugh. Yes, I'm 31 years old, but closeness was never something I wanted with a guy before. I guess it was that whole, I'm self-sufficient and I don't really need anyone type of thing. And I'm still self-sufficient, I've just realized you can be self-sufficient and still be intimate with someone. Who knew? So with Wes. I want hand-holding and cuddling and maybe some kissing, but no sex. I want to actually enjoy all the in between stages, and get to know him and let us happen slowly. I don't know exactly what he wants. I'm just going to wait and see. He is a gentleman though, so I do know he's not coming to visit me because he expects us to have sex. Which is good, because then he would be sleeping outside!
anyway, I'm going to go take some allergy medicine, go to the store, and then work on my papers. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Stacia
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Modern something or other
Blah. . . . It's just been one of those weeks. Frustrating, long, short, confusing. You name it, I think I felt it this week. Except a huge amount of rage. I don't have enough energy for that.
Three more weeks of school. Two papers to write. And 30 more papers to grade this weekend. They're short papers, but boy are they bad. Now I know why an essay section was added to the SAT. Should you really have to tell college students that the United States is always capitalized? Should you have to tell them that thesis sentences are an essential part of the paper? Should you have to tell them that if it's a 4 page paper, they should only write about 1 point, not 4? Should you have to tell them that a book report is not an analytical essay? Should you have to tell them that lead (pronounced led) is a noun, not a verb? What fun and joy.
and then I have two papers I need to write. I have to present a very rough draft/outline of my one paper next week, so that's what I've been working on this weekend. The total paper needs to be between 15 and 25 pages. I typed up 3 pages yesterday and hope for another 3 today. Hopefully by Tuesday, when I have to e-mail it to everyone, I'll have 10 pretty good pages. Then I'll have 2 weeks to finish the paper, which includes translating about 600 pages of Russian history, written in the Russian language. Who wants to join me?
And finally, Wes. I'm excited and nervous and can't wait to see him and don't want to see him. I'm afraid that this is a turning point and that some hard decisions will have to be made. And I'm just not good at relationship decisions, especially hard ones. I'm just going to try to focus on how much fun it will be to see an old friend and hang out with him and show him this beautiful town. I'll let everything else happen naturally.
back to the papers,
Stacia
Three more weeks of school. Two papers to write. And 30 more papers to grade this weekend. They're short papers, but boy are they bad. Now I know why an essay section was added to the SAT. Should you really have to tell college students that the United States is always capitalized? Should you have to tell them that thesis sentences are an essential part of the paper? Should you have to tell them that if it's a 4 page paper, they should only write about 1 point, not 4? Should you have to tell them that a book report is not an analytical essay? Should you have to tell them that lead (pronounced led) is a noun, not a verb? What fun and joy.
and then I have two papers I need to write. I have to present a very rough draft/outline of my one paper next week, so that's what I've been working on this weekend. The total paper needs to be between 15 and 25 pages. I typed up 3 pages yesterday and hope for another 3 today. Hopefully by Tuesday, when I have to e-mail it to everyone, I'll have 10 pretty good pages. Then I'll have 2 weeks to finish the paper, which includes translating about 600 pages of Russian history, written in the Russian language. Who wants to join me?
And finally, Wes. I'm excited and nervous and can't wait to see him and don't want to see him. I'm afraid that this is a turning point and that some hard decisions will have to be made. And I'm just not good at relationship decisions, especially hard ones. I'm just going to try to focus on how much fun it will be to see an old friend and hang out with him and show him this beautiful town. I'll let everything else happen naturally.
back to the papers,
Stacia
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Voodoo doll
That's what I feel like. I went to get my HIV test and immunization shots done today. Unfortunately, they had me scheduled for two TB tests and not one TB test and a HIV test (who didn't catch that?). So, I got the TB test (shot one), a Tetanus vaccination (shot two), a hepatitis A vaccination (shot three) and a hepatitis B vaccination (shot four) and then because my immunization records weren't up to date, they weren't sure if I needed a measles shot. Instead of just giving it to me, they took two vials of blood to test it. A total of five stabs with a needle and no beautiful jewelry to make up for it! And I still have to get my HIV test. It was a stressful way to start the day.
However, because I was a little upset about the HIV thing (if I don't get the results to DC before May 2nd it may delay my trip), I e-mailed Wes and he called me as soon as he got off from work to cheer me up. And he's coming to see me. I'm excited and nervous and excited and scared and terrified. This visit will tell us if we are right together or if we should stay just friends. That makes me nervous. If it's a good visit, it will make it that much harder because it is a long distance thing and will be for a long time. If it sucks (which I don't think it will), then at least I know we'll still be friends.
It was a beautiful day today. I took a little break and walked around campus taking pictures of all the beautiful flowers. I also got a few pictures of ducks, because apparently, my nephew loves ducks. I hope the pictures hold me over until the end of the semester. I have to write two papers (15-20 pages each) and grade about 40 papers (4 pages each). I should start freaking out at any time, but maybe I'll just have another beer.
ok, I'm going to relax tonight and curl up on the couch and have a beer and eat cookies.
Stacia
However, because I was a little upset about the HIV thing (if I don't get the results to DC before May 2nd it may delay my trip), I e-mailed Wes and he called me as soon as he got off from work to cheer me up. And he's coming to see me. I'm excited and nervous and excited and scared and terrified. This visit will tell us if we are right together or if we should stay just friends. That makes me nervous. If it's a good visit, it will make it that much harder because it is a long distance thing and will be for a long time. If it sucks (which I don't think it will), then at least I know we'll still be friends.
It was a beautiful day today. I took a little break and walked around campus taking pictures of all the beautiful flowers. I also got a few pictures of ducks, because apparently, my nephew loves ducks. I hope the pictures hold me over until the end of the semester. I have to write two papers (15-20 pages each) and grade about 40 papers (4 pages each). I should start freaking out at any time, but maybe I'll just have another beer.
ok, I'm going to relax tonight and curl up on the couch and have a beer and eat cookies.
Stacia
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Sunday stroll
It is a beautiful day. The type of day that is wasted indoors, working on homework. However, I don't really have a choice, so instead of goofing off the whole day, or wasting the whole day indoors, I took a walk. It is spring here in Madison and everything is sprouting green and colorful flowers and the birds are back in full force. The kind of day you wish you had a hand to hold and laugh with, but even if you don't, it's so beautiful that you're just happy to be here. And now, I suppose, back to the homework.
I've been trying to get all my stuff ready for my trip to Russia. It's a little frustrating. I have to have black and white, matte passport photos. Nobody does these. Even if I could get black and white, no photographer does matte. So I'm waiting for a reply from the program to see if my friend can take a picture of me with his digital camera and crop it in photoshop. I don't know why not, but hey, those Russians can be weird. Then I have to figure out this funding thing. And just getting applications in where they need to be when they need to be there. I'm getting my vaccinations on Tuesday, along with my AIDS/HIV test (yes, Russia requires that). Since I haven't had sex for a year and a half and have had a HIV test since then, I'm not too worried about that. It's just the vaccinations. I'm not afraid of needles (15 total piercings), but I'm afraid of the hepatitis B vaccination (no, I've never gotten it). It's a really big needle and its a series of three. Who thought of that?
Well, Wes is coming to see me in May. I'm excited and terrified. Much of the same emotions I had about spending the summer in Russia. He'll be here almost a week. I know we'll find plenty of stuff to do (and I don't mean that!). I'm just kind of scared to see where this leads the "relationship." Although, it could be very good for me.
alright, back to that pesky homework,
too bad I can't translate Russian stuff on the back porch,
I guess that's why I'm going to Russia this summer,
Stacia
I've been trying to get all my stuff ready for my trip to Russia. It's a little frustrating. I have to have black and white, matte passport photos. Nobody does these. Even if I could get black and white, no photographer does matte. So I'm waiting for a reply from the program to see if my friend can take a picture of me with his digital camera and crop it in photoshop. I don't know why not, but hey, those Russians can be weird. Then I have to figure out this funding thing. And just getting applications in where they need to be when they need to be there. I'm getting my vaccinations on Tuesday, along with my AIDS/HIV test (yes, Russia requires that). Since I haven't had sex for a year and a half and have had a HIV test since then, I'm not too worried about that. It's just the vaccinations. I'm not afraid of needles (15 total piercings), but I'm afraid of the hepatitis B vaccination (no, I've never gotten it). It's a really big needle and its a series of three. Who thought of that?
Well, Wes is coming to see me in May. I'm excited and terrified. Much of the same emotions I had about spending the summer in Russia. He'll be here almost a week. I know we'll find plenty of stuff to do (and I don't mean that!). I'm just kind of scared to see where this leads the "relationship." Although, it could be very good for me.
alright, back to that pesky homework,
too bad I can't translate Russian stuff on the back porch,
I guess that's why I'm going to Russia this summer,
Stacia
Monday, April 11, 2005
Happiness is a house sparrow
I love birds. And I have three giant bushes outside my livingroom window. Right now there's a house sparrow that comes and sings to me every morning. They aren't really all that pretty, as far as birds go, but they sure sing pretty. And loud. I always get excited when I hear him, and I tend to leave my homework just to watch this small, non-descript bird sing. It makes me happy. Last year, a cardinal nested in the bushes and laid two eggs. She would let me get really close, as long as I didn't try to touch. I went on vacation before the eggs hatched, and when I came back, they were gone. All of them, the eggs and bird. And the nest had been damaged. That really upset me. But I hope they come back this year, fix the next and try again. Of course, I won't be here for most of the summer, but still, it would be nice. For the birds. The crows look different in Russia. They have light colored chests. I don't recall seeing any other birds, except pigeons: those things are everywhere. I'll have to look this summer to see what the other Russian birds look like.
I got my funding. And I'm hoping I can actually stay with my friend in Moscow. I'm getting very excited about this trip, which makes it very hard to concentrate on the two papers I have to write this semester. The ones I should be working on now. I'll get to them sometime. Probably this weekend.
I saw my advisor today and gave her a very brief outline of my dissertation proposal and what I wanted to study/prove. She thought it was great! That made me very happy. And it's an area that hasn't really been studied much. That makes it good (original) but also more difficult to study, because I literally have to start from scratch. She wants me to try to make it to the library in Moscow a couple times a week to do some preliminary research. And maybe even swing by a couple of state archives and introduce myself to the archivists and stuff. All that crap helps when I apply for research funding, which I will start to do the second I get back from Moscow. But now I have to take my 1 page outline and figure out how to expand it to a 15 page proposal. That's a lot of fluff.
Well, I suppose I should work on my papers a bit before bed.
Stacia
I got my funding. And I'm hoping I can actually stay with my friend in Moscow. I'm getting very excited about this trip, which makes it very hard to concentrate on the two papers I have to write this semester. The ones I should be working on now. I'll get to them sometime. Probably this weekend.
I saw my advisor today and gave her a very brief outline of my dissertation proposal and what I wanted to study/prove. She thought it was great! That made me very happy. And it's an area that hasn't really been studied much. That makes it good (original) but also more difficult to study, because I literally have to start from scratch. She wants me to try to make it to the library in Moscow a couple times a week to do some preliminary research. And maybe even swing by a couple of state archives and introduce myself to the archivists and stuff. All that crap helps when I apply for research funding, which I will start to do the second I get back from Moscow. But now I have to take my 1 page outline and figure out how to expand it to a 15 page proposal. That's a lot of fluff.
Well, I suppose I should work on my papers a bit before bed.
Stacia
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Peter Pan, Neverland, and Charlie
I just saw Finding Neverland. It was incredible. And it had Johnny Depp, so really, even if it wasn't good (and let me reiterate, it was a great movie) who would complain. So, since the movie was about Peter Pan, it made me think of someone who tried his best not to grow up.
Charlie: probably the most emotional, passionate, incredible and ultimately disappointing, love of my life. Amazing how things look the older one gets. I haven't dated in 5 years because I've had such a hard time getting over him. And what does it take to get over him: time, him, popping up every now and then, and proving he hasn't changed, and, his former best friend. Real life is the best revenge. So, in highschool, I was massively in love with this guy, Wes. All the girls were. But we never dated, we were just really good friends. And then he enlisted. So, I spent as much time as possible with him. At the beginning, I kind of hoped we'd hook up. Then I met his best friend Charlie, and totally forgot about Wes. Charlie and I dated for a while, and he was always insecure about Wes. We eventually broke up and lost track of one another. But not Wes and I. We remained friends.
Fast forward a few years. I'm recently divorced and I look Charlie up. I have good reason. Wes is coming for a visit and we need a place for the party. Charlie and I hook up immediately. Beyond chemistry. And he's still insecure about Wes, even though Wes is now married with two kids. After about a year, things fall apart with Charlie. Apparently he is upset because I didn't give him a huge shout out at my MA graduation, and that really hurt his feelings. So he dumped me. Wes and I are still friends, but now Charlie refuses to talk to Wes because Wes reminds him of me. Oh, Charlie keeps trying to get me back, but after he dumped me, I realized I could do so much better.
Fast forward a few more years. Wes is now single, and he has decided we should be together. But, as I've mentioned before, he's a player and that concerns me. And since he was Charlie's best friend, I was concerned about their similarities. But every time I talk to Wes, he reminds me that he's not Peter Pan and he never wanted to be Peter Pan. And after I talk to him, I get that goofy grin on my face, and it stays there for hours. Last night, he kept telling me how he can't wait to call me Doctor Trapeznikova, and how impressed he is that I'm getting my PhD. When I was with Charlie, he kept talking about me being Doctor Jordan (his last name), because it made him look so good. I told Wes this, and he wanted to know what Charlie ever did to help me earn my degrees. Honestly, he sat on the couch, made love to Mary Jane, and wanted to know when dinner was going to be ready. Oh, and could he borrow some money to pay the bills. So, Charlie, put this in your pipe and smoke it: your worst fears are coming true. Wes appreciates me, and he realizes how hard I'VE worked to get where I am and how much harder I'M going to work to get even further. And he doesn't just say he's supportive, he really is. And he doesn't have to take credit for my achievements because he has his own.
I never, in a million years expected it to be Wes. After highschool, even when we were friends all those years, it never dawned on me that it might be him. And it will be at least 3 years before we will even be able to try to live in the same place and maybe have a real relationship, but that doesn't really worry me. I know Wes will be there: he's always been there. I just didn't realize it. It doesn't scare me to feel this way anymore. It feels real.
Stacia
Charlie: probably the most emotional, passionate, incredible and ultimately disappointing, love of my life. Amazing how things look the older one gets. I haven't dated in 5 years because I've had such a hard time getting over him. And what does it take to get over him: time, him, popping up every now and then, and proving he hasn't changed, and, his former best friend. Real life is the best revenge. So, in highschool, I was massively in love with this guy, Wes. All the girls were. But we never dated, we were just really good friends. And then he enlisted. So, I spent as much time as possible with him. At the beginning, I kind of hoped we'd hook up. Then I met his best friend Charlie, and totally forgot about Wes. Charlie and I dated for a while, and he was always insecure about Wes. We eventually broke up and lost track of one another. But not Wes and I. We remained friends.
Fast forward a few years. I'm recently divorced and I look Charlie up. I have good reason. Wes is coming for a visit and we need a place for the party. Charlie and I hook up immediately. Beyond chemistry. And he's still insecure about Wes, even though Wes is now married with two kids. After about a year, things fall apart with Charlie. Apparently he is upset because I didn't give him a huge shout out at my MA graduation, and that really hurt his feelings. So he dumped me. Wes and I are still friends, but now Charlie refuses to talk to Wes because Wes reminds him of me. Oh, Charlie keeps trying to get me back, but after he dumped me, I realized I could do so much better.
Fast forward a few more years. Wes is now single, and he has decided we should be together. But, as I've mentioned before, he's a player and that concerns me. And since he was Charlie's best friend, I was concerned about their similarities. But every time I talk to Wes, he reminds me that he's not Peter Pan and he never wanted to be Peter Pan. And after I talk to him, I get that goofy grin on my face, and it stays there for hours. Last night, he kept telling me how he can't wait to call me Doctor Trapeznikova, and how impressed he is that I'm getting my PhD. When I was with Charlie, he kept talking about me being Doctor Jordan (his last name), because it made him look so good. I told Wes this, and he wanted to know what Charlie ever did to help me earn my degrees. Honestly, he sat on the couch, made love to Mary Jane, and wanted to know when dinner was going to be ready. Oh, and could he borrow some money to pay the bills. So, Charlie, put this in your pipe and smoke it: your worst fears are coming true. Wes appreciates me, and he realizes how hard I'VE worked to get where I am and how much harder I'M going to work to get even further. And he doesn't just say he's supportive, he really is. And he doesn't have to take credit for my achievements because he has his own.
I never, in a million years expected it to be Wes. After highschool, even when we were friends all those years, it never dawned on me that it might be him. And it will be at least 3 years before we will even be able to try to live in the same place and maybe have a real relationship, but that doesn't really worry me. I know Wes will be there: he's always been there. I just didn't realize it. It doesn't scare me to feel this way anymore. It feels real.
Stacia
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
ochen kracivyi den'
Most beautiful day. Yesterday, the weather was beyond beautiful. It was sunny and warm, a little windy, but gorgeous. I sat on a warm bench and ate a green apple and just people watched. For almost five minutes. It was amazing! No homework, no reading, no thinking: just the sun.
Then, I came home and had a huge envelope in my mailbox. I'm going to Russia this summer! Ok, I still haven't found out if I got funding, but I'm pretty sure I did. I'm so excited and scared and excited! I had a hard time sleeping last night. All I can think of is going over there, seeing my friends, making new friends, seeing new places, having new experiences, doing new things, trying new food, learning new things, traveling in trains and the metro (love them both), shopping, eating, laughing. It's going to be wonderful. I can't wait!
So, does anyone want to summer in Madison, in a nice, furnished one bedroom apartment?
Stacia
Then, I came home and had a huge envelope in my mailbox. I'm going to Russia this summer! Ok, I still haven't found out if I got funding, but I'm pretty sure I did. I'm so excited and scared and excited! I had a hard time sleeping last night. All I can think of is going over there, seeing my friends, making new friends, seeing new places, having new experiences, doing new things, trying new food, learning new things, traveling in trains and the metro (love them both), shopping, eating, laughing. It's going to be wonderful. I can't wait!
So, does anyone want to summer in Madison, in a nice, furnished one bedroom apartment?
Stacia
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Baseball bat to the head
I had a great aunt who was in a very sever car wreck. It was during a blizzard and the paramedic were on the scene for two hours before they even realized she was in the backseat. The two people in the front seat died. But my aunt lived. She had extensive brain damage. Due to the fact that they lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere, she didn't really get the treatment she should have. She was placed in a nursing home in the nearest town (the town they lived in was too small to have a nursing home), and my uncle visited her everyday for 8 years, until she died of pneumonia. Some days she recognized people and had clear, coherent conversations with them, asking them questions and responding to theirs. Other days, she was in a vegetative state. (Leads all of us to believe if they'd moved her to a much larger area with better treatment she would have largely recovered: she was not hooked up to anything). The day my grandma and I visited, she was vegetative. When we left, my grandma asked me to promise her that if she ended up in a vegetative state I would take a baseball bat to her head and put her out of her misery.
I love my grandma more than my own life. I don't care that she's 76 years old (she's had several relatives live to be older than 100 and they were completely physically and mentally healthy), if I had to, I would give my life so that she could live. If I had to choose between my mom and my grandma, I don't even know if I could do that. But, what I'm trying to say, is that I could never hit my grandma in the head with a baseball bat. My grandma's mom died of Alzheimer's and she's said repeatedly that she wouldn't want to live like that. My grandma won't get Alzheimer's: for some reason in our family it skips every other generation: which means my mom might get it. But, if my grandma ever ended up vegetative, hooked up to stuff somewhere, would the rest of the family listen to me? Steve would have to know her opinion: he lives in the same town and sees them all the time. Janice visits a lot, so I'm sure she's heard it too. I told my mom what grandma said. But when it's your loved one. . . . I had a friend whose dad died of cancer. She said that the last couple of months, the family fought over treatment and what would happen. They decided to give him medication to make him live longer, even though he was in pain, largely unconscious, and going to die anyway. She said looking back on it, she wishes they had just let him go.
If I end up brain dead I don't want to be hooked up to some machine to keep me alive. Disclose to the doctors that I once had ITP and let them decide if I can still be an organ donor and then let me go. I'm a Christian and I believe I will end up in a better place, so why hold me here. No matter what, I've had a good life and in the grand scheme of things, these couple of years on earth don't mean much anyway. Pull the plug, and then read to me: read me Psalms 100, 150 and 24. Read me John 14 (the verses mom want me to read at her funeral). Read me Daniel 3. And sing Christmas carols. And tell stories. Tell the story about how I embarrassed you in AZ and called myself a bozo head. Tell the story of teaching me to ride bike, when I ran into you. Tell the story about when Craig was sleepwalking and screaming: Stacia, quit hitting me! Elise, remind me of all the museums we've been to. And laugh. Lot's of laughter. It's a celebration of what was once real and alive: not a mourning of what has occurred. And remember, you'll see me again. Wrap me in the quilt grandma made for my birth, put me in a simple pine box, and bury in Lake Benton, next to grandma and grandpa. And let me rest in peace.
Stacia
I love my grandma more than my own life. I don't care that she's 76 years old (she's had several relatives live to be older than 100 and they were completely physically and mentally healthy), if I had to, I would give my life so that she could live. If I had to choose between my mom and my grandma, I don't even know if I could do that. But, what I'm trying to say, is that I could never hit my grandma in the head with a baseball bat. My grandma's mom died of Alzheimer's and she's said repeatedly that she wouldn't want to live like that. My grandma won't get Alzheimer's: for some reason in our family it skips every other generation: which means my mom might get it. But, if my grandma ever ended up vegetative, hooked up to stuff somewhere, would the rest of the family listen to me? Steve would have to know her opinion: he lives in the same town and sees them all the time. Janice visits a lot, so I'm sure she's heard it too. I told my mom what grandma said. But when it's your loved one. . . . I had a friend whose dad died of cancer. She said that the last couple of months, the family fought over treatment and what would happen. They decided to give him medication to make him live longer, even though he was in pain, largely unconscious, and going to die anyway. She said looking back on it, she wishes they had just let him go.
If I end up brain dead I don't want to be hooked up to some machine to keep me alive. Disclose to the doctors that I once had ITP and let them decide if I can still be an organ donor and then let me go. I'm a Christian and I believe I will end up in a better place, so why hold me here. No matter what, I've had a good life and in the grand scheme of things, these couple of years on earth don't mean much anyway. Pull the plug, and then read to me: read me Psalms 100, 150 and 24. Read me John 14 (the verses mom want me to read at her funeral). Read me Daniel 3. And sing Christmas carols. And tell stories. Tell the story about how I embarrassed you in AZ and called myself a bozo head. Tell the story of teaching me to ride bike, when I ran into you. Tell the story about when Craig was sleepwalking and screaming: Stacia, quit hitting me! Elise, remind me of all the museums we've been to. And laugh. Lot's of laughter. It's a celebration of what was once real and alive: not a mourning of what has occurred. And remember, you'll see me again. Wrap me in the quilt grandma made for my birth, put me in a simple pine box, and bury in Lake Benton, next to grandma and grandpa. And let me rest in peace.
Stacia
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Whistling Dixie
It's coming towards the end of the semester. Stuff to read, papers to write, papers to grade, leading classes. Stressful. And also the time of semester where I'm just tired. Physically, emotionally, intellectually tired. And yet, have a ton of pent up aggression. I just don't want to use it to do homework. It doesn't help that the weather is starting to get nice. When it's pretty, and warm, no one has any desire to hang out in the library. Pre-lims start on Monday for several of my friends. That means they'll be really, really stressed out. And next year, I lose my good friend, because she'll be doing research in Germany. And I take my pre-lims next year. That's going to be hard. I have to make more friends so I don't feel like I'm doing it alone.
I ran into my former student again. She seemed very happy to see me and suggested we go out again. Now, she's said several things that lead me to believe that she may be interested in me, but she knows that I prefer men. I did go through an experimental phase in college, but who didn't. But she is cute. My friend mentioned that this was a more confusing situation because when it's a guy, they do all the asking. But, I've always been the one who asked the guy out, so that doesn't apply here. I'm just going to sit back and see what happens. I'm honestly not sure what I want to happen.
Stacia
I ran into my former student again. She seemed very happy to see me and suggested we go out again. Now, she's said several things that lead me to believe that she may be interested in me, but she knows that I prefer men. I did go through an experimental phase in college, but who didn't. But she is cute. My friend mentioned that this was a more confusing situation because when it's a guy, they do all the asking. But, I've always been the one who asked the guy out, so that doesn't apply here. I'm just going to sit back and see what happens. I'm honestly not sure what I want to happen.
Stacia
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Not in my league!
I should probably start this blog by stating that if you struggle with your weight, you might not want to read this! I just realized the other day I have to get into shape and look really, really hot by May 21st. What's on May 21st, you ask. Well, some people I know are getting married. No, I don't particularly like them. Matter of fact, I think she's a bitch and he's a prick. So, why in the world am I going to the wedding. Well, for one thing, if all of us who didn't like them didn't go, no one would be there, but also because I have to show up looking better than the bride. Now my friend Marie informs me I could roll out of bed and show up and look better than the bride, but I want to look really good. Now, this may seem petty and make me look like a total bitch, but I DON'T CARE! Why? Because she thinks we're in the same league and we aren't even close. She thinks she's as good looking as me (she looks like a fraggle, or the scientist on the muppets), she's thinks she as intelligent as me (very few people actually fall into that category!), and she thinks her personality is as delightful as mine (whatever, bitch!). This irritates me to no end, because none of it is true. Even remotely. I just saw her and it looked like she took a weed-whacker to her hair, and then dumped easter egg dye on it. And, to top it all off, they spelled my name wrong on the invitation. I worked at the same place as them for a year and a half, and I still volunteer there. They could have easily gotten the correct spelling. Or, they could have just looked at the e-mail I sent them with my address. How hard would that have been? So, anyway, I have to look good, and I've realized that my body weight is shifting. I am heavier than I've ever been (117 lbs) but still, I don't know where all this extra skin around my middle is coming from. But that would explain why my boobs are getting smaller. And no, they aren't sagging. (I still don't wear a bra half the time; I think you need "real" boobs to do that). And I have been swimming, but I think I need to add a few sit-ups and some arm exercises (it's a sleaveless dress). I want to look so good that she cries. Yes, I am petty. Get over it!
Meanwhile, the running joke is that I only fall for a guy if he 1) lives out of this state/country, 2) has a girlfriend, 3) is gay, or any combination of the three. Yes, I have once again developed a crush on someone who is not available, if only because he doesn't live in this country, and has a girlfriend back home. At least this one is intelligent though. So, in one way, my taste is getting better.
Finally, I would really recommend the new Tori Amos CD. It is beautiful. I also saw the movie Ghost World last night, and if you haven't seen it, you should.
Alright, it's the end of spring break and I should finish up that last bit of homework. (who am I kidding: I'm going to go color my hair).
Stacia
Meanwhile, the running joke is that I only fall for a guy if he 1) lives out of this state/country, 2) has a girlfriend, 3) is gay, or any combination of the three. Yes, I have once again developed a crush on someone who is not available, if only because he doesn't live in this country, and has a girlfriend back home. At least this one is intelligent though. So, in one way, my taste is getting better.
Finally, I would really recommend the new Tori Amos CD. It is beautiful. I also saw the movie Ghost World last night, and if you haven't seen it, you should.
Alright, it's the end of spring break and I should finish up that last bit of homework. (who am I kidding: I'm going to go color my hair).
Stacia
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
The birds are back!
I saw a whole flock of robins yesterday. And today, when walking through campus, I realized the bushes were singing again. Ok, I know it's really the birds in the bushes, but you can't always see the birds. I love birds. I love hearing them sing. And it's nice to know they're back. Now if it would only get warm!
Spring break has been less than exciting. I've spent lots of time at the library and I decided today that I can't do it tomorrow. I should: I have a ton of stuff to do, but I just can't do it. Instead, I'll finish cleaning my apartment and I do have a ton of reading I must do. Yes, it's still not fun, but at least I won't have to get dressed.
That is about it,
Stacia
Spring break has been less than exciting. I've spent lots of time at the library and I decided today that I can't do it tomorrow. I should: I have a ton of stuff to do, but I just can't do it. Instead, I'll finish cleaning my apartment and I do have a ton of reading I must do. Yes, it's still not fun, but at least I won't have to get dressed.
That is about it,
Stacia
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Warning: Parental Discretion Strongly Advised
And I don't mean because this is going to be a fun XXX blog. I mean because this blog is going to be disturbing in a Bastard out of Carolina way. It's going to be about the nature of people, love, God and forgiveness. And it's about a parent's worse nightmare.
Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl, who didn't know she was beautiful. She was funny, smart, and she was my best friend. Although we were in highschool she didn't live with her parents, because her mom had died of cancer many years earlier, and due to sexual abuse, the state had taken her away from her father. After highschool, her past caught up to her, and she experimented with drugs, sex and everything in between, and we lost track of one another. She had a beautiful daughter, but her lifestyle did not change that much. She felt lost, alone and like her life was out of her control. One day, she looked up my parents and got my phone number, here in Wisconsin, and gave me a call.
Earlier, before I had become friends with the girl, I was friends with a boy. He was smart, funny and he too had suffered from sexual abuse, although he didn't talk about it. After highschool, he quickly married and produced several offspring. After almost 10 years, his wife decided to leave him, and the boy, feeling lonely, decided to look up his old friend, me. Well, I was already in Wisconsin, and he gave me a call, the same week the girl called me.
Now, the boy and girl had been friends in highschool also, so I gave them each other's phone numbers and they contacted each other. They quickly fell in love, had a baby, and got married (yes, in that order). The girl finally felt like her life was in her control and that she had met the man of her dreams. They were very much in love, and they made an excellent couple.
Then, the girl discovered the boy had done inappropriate things with her beautiful daughter. Her world collapsed. Since she had gone through this as a child, she knew how devastating this was. She was very brave and she called the police and had the boy arrested and charged. The boy realized what he had done and he confessed to everything and started to go to counseling. He knew what he had done was wrong, but he asked for forgiveness, and he wanted to change and he still loved the girl. He begged her to stay with him, to help him and to still love him.
The girl, of course, refused. How could she stay with him when he had done this? But, the girl also believed in a very big God and she wondered if she was limiting God by claiming that the boy couldn't change. But, does forgiveness mean she has to stay with the boy? How could she trust him again? How could she allow him near her daughter again? Why did she still love him?
His actions and confession indicate that he wanted to be caught and wanted help. There were two incidents and there was no penetration of any kind. But, it is a child. It is a delicate situation. They are both my friends. I want the boy to get help. I want the girl to get her life back. I want them to figure out what is best for each of them. I want the daughter to magically forget what happened. I want it to be like it was when they fell in love. They made each other so happy. I want to beat him to death for hurting my friend and her daughter, but I also want to beat his stepdad to death for what he did to the boy. My friend wants and needs lots of prayer. She has difficult decisions she must make. I know she is not willing to sacrifice her daughter for love, for her husband. But, how will she know if he can indeed change? The boy needs prayer too. For forgiveness, for change, for a future.
you never think it would be someone you know,
Stacia
Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl, who didn't know she was beautiful. She was funny, smart, and she was my best friend. Although we were in highschool she didn't live with her parents, because her mom had died of cancer many years earlier, and due to sexual abuse, the state had taken her away from her father. After highschool, her past caught up to her, and she experimented with drugs, sex and everything in between, and we lost track of one another. She had a beautiful daughter, but her lifestyle did not change that much. She felt lost, alone and like her life was out of her control. One day, she looked up my parents and got my phone number, here in Wisconsin, and gave me a call.
Earlier, before I had become friends with the girl, I was friends with a boy. He was smart, funny and he too had suffered from sexual abuse, although he didn't talk about it. After highschool, he quickly married and produced several offspring. After almost 10 years, his wife decided to leave him, and the boy, feeling lonely, decided to look up his old friend, me. Well, I was already in Wisconsin, and he gave me a call, the same week the girl called me.
Now, the boy and girl had been friends in highschool also, so I gave them each other's phone numbers and they contacted each other. They quickly fell in love, had a baby, and got married (yes, in that order). The girl finally felt like her life was in her control and that she had met the man of her dreams. They were very much in love, and they made an excellent couple.
Then, the girl discovered the boy had done inappropriate things with her beautiful daughter. Her world collapsed. Since she had gone through this as a child, she knew how devastating this was. She was very brave and she called the police and had the boy arrested and charged. The boy realized what he had done and he confessed to everything and started to go to counseling. He knew what he had done was wrong, but he asked for forgiveness, and he wanted to change and he still loved the girl. He begged her to stay with him, to help him and to still love him.
The girl, of course, refused. How could she stay with him when he had done this? But, the girl also believed in a very big God and she wondered if she was limiting God by claiming that the boy couldn't change. But, does forgiveness mean she has to stay with the boy? How could she trust him again? How could she allow him near her daughter again? Why did she still love him?
His actions and confession indicate that he wanted to be caught and wanted help. There were two incidents and there was no penetration of any kind. But, it is a child. It is a delicate situation. They are both my friends. I want the boy to get help. I want the girl to get her life back. I want them to figure out what is best for each of them. I want the daughter to magically forget what happened. I want it to be like it was when they fell in love. They made each other so happy. I want to beat him to death for hurting my friend and her daughter, but I also want to beat his stepdad to death for what he did to the boy. My friend wants and needs lots of prayer. She has difficult decisions she must make. I know she is not willing to sacrifice her daughter for love, for her husband. But, how will she know if he can indeed change? The boy needs prayer too. For forgiveness, for change, for a future.
you never think it would be someone you know,
Stacia
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Spring break and snow
Tomorrow is the last day before spring break is officially here. And it has been snowing all afternoon and is supposed to snow some more tomorrow. Ahhh, life in Wisconsin.
Today I saw my advisor. Apparently she has several students in her class who are also in the class I TA. She said several students told her how well I had done during the lecture I gave. That was great to hear. She had missed the paper presentation I gave last week too, but said that one of the professors who was there told her how well I did. I almost got the impression he went to her just to tell her how well I had done. She seemed very impressed with what I did, and she wasn't even there! That really made me feel so good. Alot of my fellow graduate students are reconsidering working in academia. It is difficult and there are a lot of politics involved in getting through the graduate process. After that you have to find a job, get tenure, publish a book, serve on committees, be a great professor, present at conferences, and publish some more. But this is what I want to do, and that desire has not changed for me. I love to teach, and my advisor thinks I'm a natural at it. I'm also good at presenting my work. Unfortunately, my research and writing skills aren't as good as they should be, but I'm working on that.
Meanwhile, I'm dealing with students who are not so happy about their mid-term grades. Note to students, don't use "information" from a certain professor's class, because I've had three classes with him and his TA is one of my good friends. If you took better notes in class it would be a lot easier.
Stacia
Today I saw my advisor. Apparently she has several students in her class who are also in the class I TA. She said several students told her how well I had done during the lecture I gave. That was great to hear. She had missed the paper presentation I gave last week too, but said that one of the professors who was there told her how well I did. I almost got the impression he went to her just to tell her how well I had done. She seemed very impressed with what I did, and she wasn't even there! That really made me feel so good. Alot of my fellow graduate students are reconsidering working in academia. It is difficult and there are a lot of politics involved in getting through the graduate process. After that you have to find a job, get tenure, publish a book, serve on committees, be a great professor, present at conferences, and publish some more. But this is what I want to do, and that desire has not changed for me. I love to teach, and my advisor thinks I'm a natural at it. I'm also good at presenting my work. Unfortunately, my research and writing skills aren't as good as they should be, but I'm working on that.
Meanwhile, I'm dealing with students who are not so happy about their mid-term grades. Note to students, don't use "information" from a certain professor's class, because I've had three classes with him and his TA is one of my good friends. If you took better notes in class it would be a lot easier.
Stacia
Monday, March 14, 2005
Wonderful Weekend
This was a great weekend. My mom had hoped I would be there, so it wasn't a huge surprise, but she sure was glad I was there. In addition to me, my dad flew in my mom's two best friends. All three of them hadn't been together for about 10 years. They both have daughters my age, and it was great getting caught up with them. The party was huge! It seemed like everyone we knew showed up, but yet, alot of people didn't make it. There were about 90 people there throughout the evening. It was great. There were a ton of people there I hadn't seen in ages. So of course, I had to answer the question, "So, when are you going to be done in school?" about a million times. But the party was great and mom enjoyed herself.
The strange thing about my mom's friends from out of town. It was probably presumed, back in the day, that my parent's marriage was probably the shakiest of all three. Yet, my parents are the only couple still married. Not only are they still married, but they have a great marriage. My dad worships the ground my mom walks on, but he's not whipped, and my mom is super appreciative of everything my dad does for her and our family. I know the secret to my parents' marriage: my mom refused to give up. Now, my dad, he probably never even knew there was anything wrong. But my mom, for a while, a long while, was miserable. But she was already divorced and now had three kids, so instead of leaving, she stuck it out. And instead of being bitter about it, she focused on my dad's positive attributes. And as he got older, he mellowed, and as she got older, she got better about asking for what she wanted. And they both considered their marriage a priority. So was my mom surprised when she answered the door on Friday and me and her two friends were standing there. No, not really. She knew that dad wanted her to be happy and this would make her happy.
I also got to see Camille and family. The new addition is beautiful. And she has a ton of hair! Camille looks great and very happy and relaxed. Bart looks at Francesca like she's the most amazing thing on the planet. I am so very happy for them.
On the plane home, this little girl, probably almost three, sat in front of me. She was soooo cute. She was wearing a little pink outfit and had a pink cowboy hat on. She kept saying, "I'm a cowgirl." Her mom told her to say yee-haw and howdy, and she did. She was just adorable.
ok, I still have a ton of homework I need to do. I had a great weekend, but now I really need spring break!
Stacia
The strange thing about my mom's friends from out of town. It was probably presumed, back in the day, that my parent's marriage was probably the shakiest of all three. Yet, my parents are the only couple still married. Not only are they still married, but they have a great marriage. My dad worships the ground my mom walks on, but he's not whipped, and my mom is super appreciative of everything my dad does for her and our family. I know the secret to my parents' marriage: my mom refused to give up. Now, my dad, he probably never even knew there was anything wrong. But my mom, for a while, a long while, was miserable. But she was already divorced and now had three kids, so instead of leaving, she stuck it out. And instead of being bitter about it, she focused on my dad's positive attributes. And as he got older, he mellowed, and as she got older, she got better about asking for what she wanted. And they both considered their marriage a priority. So was my mom surprised when she answered the door on Friday and me and her two friends were standing there. No, not really. She knew that dad wanted her to be happy and this would make her happy.
I also got to see Camille and family. The new addition is beautiful. And she has a ton of hair! Camille looks great and very happy and relaxed. Bart looks at Francesca like she's the most amazing thing on the planet. I am so very happy for them.
On the plane home, this little girl, probably almost three, sat in front of me. She was soooo cute. She was wearing a little pink outfit and had a pink cowboy hat on. She kept saying, "I'm a cowgirl." Her mom told her to say yee-haw and howdy, and she did. She was just adorable.
ok, I still have a ton of homework I need to do. I had a great weekend, but now I really need spring break!
Stacia
Thursday, March 10, 2005
I Rock!
I gave my lecture on Monday. The Russian Revolutions of 1917. In 50 minutes. For that alone, I deserve a medal or a pay-raise, or something. I was extremely nervous and worked on it all weekend. Well, most of it is a blur, but everyone clapped at the end, the professor shook my hand, and several students stopped to tell me I did a great job. The next day, when I teach, several more students told me how good it was, that I was the best lecturer so far, and that they actually learned stuff. I am very flattered, but at the same time, I'm also still grading the mid-terms. But I do think they like me, and that I did at least a good job.
Today, I presented a paper for the first time ever. This, I didn't really prepare for. There were three of us, and the topic was: Jews in the eyes of others. I went last. My topic: the Bolshevik struggle against Zionism. One of the other presenters, whom I really, really respect, told me several times afterwards that I did a great job. So, that felt really good too.
Also ran into my former student again today. I am going to have to schedule something soon.
I have absolutely not prepared anything for class tomorrow. But that professor was at our presentation (all of us are in his class), so I'm hoping he'll be nice.
I can't wait to go home. I did laundry today. I sent my mom a flyer for today's presentation in her birthday card. She put it on the fridge. I hope she takes it down before her party.
I guess that's it.
Stacia
Today, I presented a paper for the first time ever. This, I didn't really prepare for. There were three of us, and the topic was: Jews in the eyes of others. I went last. My topic: the Bolshevik struggle against Zionism. One of the other presenters, whom I really, really respect, told me several times afterwards that I did a great job. So, that felt really good too.
Also ran into my former student again today. I am going to have to schedule something soon.
I have absolutely not prepared anything for class tomorrow. But that professor was at our presentation (all of us are in his class), so I'm hoping he'll be nice.
I can't wait to go home. I did laundry today. I sent my mom a flyer for today's presentation in her birthday card. She put it on the fridge. I hope she takes it down before her party.
I guess that's it.
Stacia
Monday, March 07, 2005
Total chaos. . . .in slow motion
Where to start? Well, how about here! I need spring break to be here NOW!!!! I am so tired that I think I am physically unable to do any more homework. And my apartment is a disaster area. And I have so much homework to do it's ridiculous. And I have mid-terms I need to grade. And I'm lecturing tomorrow for the first time ever. And I'm presenting a paper on Wed. for the first time ever. And I feel totally unprepared.
I really didn't think preparing a 50 minute lecture would be that hard. I mean, in the class I TA'd for last semester, the revolutions took two weeks, which is more than 4 hours. But then I realized, this isn't a history class, and they don't need to know every single name and every single detail. And hence, I'm 10 minutes short!!!! I've probably spent 8 hours preparing this lecture this weekend. I can't wait until it's over. Meanwhile, I'm so exhausted by the revolutions (two, there were two revolutions in Russia in 1917), that I really haven't done any other homework this weekend. And I think my brain probably exploded earlier today, I just haven't had the energy to go look. I haven't worked on the Wed. paper presentation at all. But at least I already have the 35 page paper written and just have to condense it into 12 pages. Shouldn't be that hard. (those will probably be my unfamous last words).
Mid-Terms: What can I say? Some of the answers to the essays are so banal and insipid that they aren't even worth the time to read. Some are just plain out wrong. Although, apparently Peter the Great was a Westernizer because he simplified Russia's tax system. (he didn't simplify it, but he did change it: I'm still trying to figure out what that has to do with Westernization). I'll let you know how those turn out. Other than that. . . .
Ok, can I let you in on a secret? I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't read this because she hasn't told me I'm going to hell yet. My mom turns 50 this week and my dad is throwing her a huge party next Saturday. My mom really wants me to come for this. We have her totally convinced that I'm not coming home because my spring break doesn't start until March 19th (why so late?). I even sent her a birthday card telling her I was sorry I wouldn't be there, and today on the phone I told her that I was doing some church thing next weekend. I am so excited and I can't wait to see the look on my mom's face when I get there. And after this week, I'll really need the break.
And, I e-mailed the former student I went out with this week and suggested we do it again. The answer was: let me know when and where and I'll be there. Hmmmmm!
Stacia
I really didn't think preparing a 50 minute lecture would be that hard. I mean, in the class I TA'd for last semester, the revolutions took two weeks, which is more than 4 hours. But then I realized, this isn't a history class, and they don't need to know every single name and every single detail. And hence, I'm 10 minutes short!!!! I've probably spent 8 hours preparing this lecture this weekend. I can't wait until it's over. Meanwhile, I'm so exhausted by the revolutions (two, there were two revolutions in Russia in 1917), that I really haven't done any other homework this weekend. And I think my brain probably exploded earlier today, I just haven't had the energy to go look. I haven't worked on the Wed. paper presentation at all. But at least I already have the 35 page paper written and just have to condense it into 12 pages. Shouldn't be that hard. (those will probably be my unfamous last words).
Mid-Terms: What can I say? Some of the answers to the essays are so banal and insipid that they aren't even worth the time to read. Some are just plain out wrong. Although, apparently Peter the Great was a Westernizer because he simplified Russia's tax system. (he didn't simplify it, but he did change it: I'm still trying to figure out what that has to do with Westernization). I'll let you know how those turn out. Other than that. . . .
Ok, can I let you in on a secret? I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't read this because she hasn't told me I'm going to hell yet. My mom turns 50 this week and my dad is throwing her a huge party next Saturday. My mom really wants me to come for this. We have her totally convinced that I'm not coming home because my spring break doesn't start until March 19th (why so late?). I even sent her a birthday card telling her I was sorry I wouldn't be there, and today on the phone I told her that I was doing some church thing next weekend. I am so excited and I can't wait to see the look on my mom's face when I get there. And after this week, I'll really need the break.
And, I e-mailed the former student I went out with this week and suggested we do it again. The answer was: let me know when and where and I'll be there. Hmmmmm!
Stacia
Thursday, March 03, 2005
That sucks!
Ok, so the birthday was ok, but not spectacular. Whatever. Today, I found out that this guy I know has put in his two weeks notice at work and is moving away. What sucks is that he hasn't contacted me to let me know this. Ok, so we're not great friends, but. . . .I fall asleep thinking about him a lot. I had asked him out and he told me he wasn't available, but he always made a point to talk to me whenever he saw me and told me he still considered me a friend. So, it's not like I ever expected him to really ever call me, but there was that little, itty bitty hope in the back of my brain that I might get at least one night of really hot sex. The dream is dead. No, he hasn't left yet, but really, what am I going to do, call him and offer one night of really hot sex? He knows I'm interested so, if that's what he wanted, wouldn't he call me? It just sucks, because he was pretty much the only really good looking guy my age in all of Madison.
On the other hand, a former student invited me out to drinks tonight, and we had a great time.
anyhow, I'm going to go pout and imagine all the great sex HE'S missing out on!
Stacia
On the other hand, a former student invited me out to drinks tonight, and we had a great time.
anyhow, I'm going to go pout and imagine all the great sex HE'S missing out on!
Stacia
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